What's new

News from Crotobaltislavonia

Rheinbund

Established Nation
Joined
Oct 30, 2006
Messages
11,806
Location
Rotterdam, Netherlands
Capital
Fehrbellin
Aussenministerium
Trier, Eiffelland


We condemn the assassination of President Fyodorov. Our condolences to the Government, Parliament and People of Crotobaltislavonia, especially to the family and friends of the deceased.

Rüdiger Zimmermann, Demissionary Minister of Foreign Affairs and Demissionary Chancellor
 

Crotobaltislavonia

Establishing Nation
Joined
Aug 13, 2007
Messages
509
Today, Maria is dressed in a conservatively cut, black dress, and black heels. Her long dark hair is done up in a bun. She's back in the studio and is seated on her stool. Behind her, the wall of televisions show a detail of burly Slavonian soldiers in full dress carrying a casket.

"We return to CBS News' continuing coverage of President Fyodorov's funeral. We are only moments away from the arrival of the President's casket at the gravesite. Doctor Montepelier, we were talking during the break. You mentioned the President's assassination could be a turning point? What did you mean by that?"

Dr. Montepelier in VO: "Maria, there are rumors that President Fyodorov was already leaning towards some reconciliation with the Jews. And now your news agency is reporting that a coalition, including the Jewish party, has formed in the National Assembly. Plus, we know that Prime Minister Musayev is a career technocrat with no reputation as an ideologue. I think it's quite possible that President Fyodorov's assassination is having the same effect on Crotobaltislavonia that Prince Eugen's killing had on the country decades ago: horror and then a desire for peace. Maria."

"Interesting. We have arrived at the gravesite. Let's listen in."

The soldiers settle the casket next to the open grave. A wounded Metropolitan Davidovic is present. But a young prelate steps forward to preside. When he's finished, two soldiers collect the flag covering the casket and fold it up for their commander, a general no less. Fyodorov was unmarried and the general gives the flag to Melchol Tirzah, who is also heavily bandaged. As the general salutes, gunshots begin to crack the cold silence.
 

Crotobaltislavonia

Establishing Nation
Joined
Aug 13, 2007
Messages
509
Afternoon Edition
Biserka Lončar Missing
Banja Luka Police announced this morning that it is investigating the disappearance of Biserka Lončar, the leader of the League of Farragoists. Miss Lončar was reported missing late last night after she did not return home from a League gathering. Initial police inquiries have turned up Miss Lončar's aide and bodyguard who both report last seeing the party leader at the gathering speaking with an unidentified woman. The woman is described as approximately 5'4" and 140lbs, medium build and busty, brown hair and eyes. Banja Luka Police would like to talk to this woman. If you have any information regarding the disappearance of Biserka Lončar, call the State Political Administration's Hotline at 1-800-CBS-INFO. Remember, you can remain anonymous.

Blud Street Price On The Rise
In a joint statement, the Border Control, Organized Crime Control, and Drug Control Units of the State Political Administration announced that the street price of Blud has reached 100 dinars per gram for the first time this year. The SPA credits a stabilized political situtation, better policing, and the return of stringent border security for the price rise, which indicates the supply of Blud in Crotobaltislavonia is starting to dry up. However, a source within the Banja Luka Police has told CBS News that the drug trade is simply moving Blud supplies back over borders to markets in Elben, Bergenheim, and Lars.

Other Headlines
:exclaim: Aurarian Aid Worker Arrested
:exclaim: Tiburan Catholic Cardinal Gianluca Poggi To Address The National Assembly Tomorrow
:exclaim: CBS News Courting Malina Nikolić?
:exclaim: Orlitz-Slav Tank Plant Completed; Production To Commence Within Days
:exclaim: Reservior Killer Remains Unidentified: "We May Never Know"
 

Crotobaltislavonia

Establishing Nation
Joined
Aug 13, 2007
Messages
509
Afternoon Edition
First Licensed-Built Tank Rolls Off The Line
A Kadikistani-design tank, which the Crotobaltislavonian Army is calling the M-2018, rolled off the line yesterday evening at Tank Plant Number One outside of Beltizni, Orlitz-Slavonia. The armored machine was given a thorough inspection by a blue ribbon panel of Army and State officials and declared "Zero Defect". A spokesman explained that the tanks produced will go to the brigades of I and II Corps to replace tanks lost to normal attrition. The spokesman said the plant is hoping to eventually produce an indigenous-design, optimized for operations in Crotobaltislavonia.

Last Pochenko Family-Member Commits Suicide In Jail
Drago Pochenko, former chief of the ZAP intelligency service and son of ex-Premier Boris Pochenko, was found dead in his jail cell this morning, an apparent suicide by hanging. Drago Pochenko was convicted of charges of Crimes Against The State and Betrayal Of The Public Trust over eighteen months ago. Recently, Mr. Pochenko had expressed remorse for his father's corrupt regime and his own crimes, which he said included using state-funds to pay for sex tourism jaunts to Justosia.

Other Headlines
:exclaim: Biserka Lončar Is Still Missing
:exclaim: Tiburan Catholic Cardinal Gianluca Poggi Calls For National Healing
:exclaim: Aurarian Aid Worker Charged With Espionage
 

Crotobaltislavonia

Establishing Nation
Joined
Aug 13, 2007
Messages
509
The CBS News logo appears on screen while "The Mission" plays. As the theme music reaches its climax, the logo fades to show Maria Gavra standing in front of the television wall. This afternoon, Maria's long dark hair is in a pony tail. She's wearing a white and brown striped sweater, a decorative scarf tied around her neck, camel-colored fitted trousers, and her now trademark red sneakers. As the theme music concludes, Maria looks up and smiles. Behind Maria on the TV wall, a picture of a middle-aged blonde woman scowls out at the audience.

"Good afternoon. I'm Maria Gavra and this is a CBS News Update. Making news this afternoon, the search for Farragoist party leader Biserka Lončar has intensified. This morning, it was announced that the State Political Administration has taken control of the case from Banja Luka Police and the search is going nationwide. Authorities continue to look for this woman," the screen cuts to a very very very crude composite drawing, "who is now considered the prime suspect in Lončar's disappearance. If you have any information, call one eight hundred, CBS info. You can remain anonymous."

Back on Maria: "Our other top story this afternoon, CBS News is starting to hear more about the Aurarian man who was arrested and charged with espionage this week. The man's name has not been released. But he has been indentified as one of the hundreds of aide workers in the country. Apparently he was spotted by a goatherd trying to get a look at Tank Plant Number One with optical gear and was promptly arrested. It is still unclear if Aurarian authorities have been officially alerted that one of their citizens has been arrested and charged."

Maria turns and walks across the stage to where a subsection of the television wall shows a political map of Justosia. "Justosia, an emerging state or still the backwater of Europe? I'll ask our panel of experts. More news on the way."
 

Crotobaltislavonia

Establishing Nation
Joined
Aug 13, 2007
Messages
509
The CBS News logo appears on screen while "The Mission" plays. As the theme music reaches its climax, the logo fades to show Maria Gavra and Malina Nikolić standing in front of the television wall. Maria, looking cool and confident, wears a white blouse, black trousers, and heels. Her hair is braided rests over a shoulder. Standing next to Maria, Malina looks a little uneasy being in front of the camera. The freelancer is wearing an untucked feldgrau tunic, blue jeans, and boots. Her dark hair is tied in a simple ponytail. As the theme music concludes, Maria looks up and smiles. Malina glances at Maria and smiles a little as well.

"Good afternoon. This is a CBS News Update. I'm Maria Gavra. Joining me today is Malina Nikolić." Maria turns to Malina. "Welcome."

Malina smiles a little more.

Turning back to the camera, which is zooming in on her head and shoulders, Maria is all business now. "Our top story, Premier Yevheniy Musayev has named Free Jewish Coalition leader Melchol Tirzah First Deputy Prime Minister. Tirzah's new portfolio is national reconciliation and economic revitalization. When asked if her injuries from the Krasrilevke bombing were healed enough, Tirzah shrugged the question off, saying that she looked forward to working with all stakeholders. Premier Musayev expressed his confidence in his new Deputy PM. Malina?"

The image flips to Malina who hesitates for a moment and then begins speaking softly. "There is a new development in the disappearance of League of Farragoists leader Biserka Lončar. When asked about the search for Miss Lončar at this morning's press conference, the SPA's spokesman refused to answer any questions, saying only that the case is now a matter of State Security. CBS News reached out to Miss Lončar's daughter who told CBS News, quote the Yid crackdown on our people is happening unquote. (dead air) Oh, ah, Maria?"

The image flips back to Maria. "Also making news this midday, the still unidentified Aurarian aide worker accused of espionage will be tried beginning tomorrow morning. The Banja Luka District Procurator requested and was granted an immediate trial date on State Security grounds. Also on State Security grounds, there will no jury and the accused's fate will be decided by a panel of judges.

"Coming up after the break, Malina will discuss the erosion of spirituality in Crotobaltislavonia with Metropolitan Davidovic, Cardinal Poggi, and Bishop Dreschner. And more news on the way."
 

Crotobaltislavonia

Establishing Nation
Joined
Aug 13, 2007
Messages
509
Afternoon News Dump
:exclaim: Aurarian Aid Worker Convicted
:exclaim: Religious Leaders Call For Blud Addicts To Be Denied Heaven
:exclaim: Biserka Lončar's Daughter Arrested; Farragoists In Disarray
:exclaim: Oil Exploration Accelerates In Sokolov After First Gusher
:exclaim: DPM Melchol Tirzah Orders Open Border With Polesian
 

Crotobaltislavonia

Establishing Nation
Joined
Aug 13, 2007
Messages
509
A car is zooming towards a cliff. Cut to a shot inside where two men are in a fight to the death! One of them realizes the car is about to careen over the edge. He punches the other man and reaches for the door handle. Cut to a shot of the car reaching the cliff and ...

The CBS News breaking news graphic appears. After a moment, Nazario Capitani's head and shoulders appears on the screen in front of a bustling newsroom.

"Good afternoon. CBS News has just received word from the Ministry of Information that Premier Yevheniy Musayev will address the nation this evening at seven-oh-five. There is no word on what exactly the Premier will stay, but we are hearing from the Prime Minister's office that all citizens are encouraged to watch or listen as the Premier will be addressing a matter of national import. CBS News will have live coverage of this address beginning at six-fourty-five. You can also tune into the Information Ministry's radio channel, KKEZ 94.5, the Guiding Light, to listen to the address live and uninterrupted.

"We return to our previous programming."

The man from before appears on the screen, kissing a babe. They peer over the edge of the cliff, looking at where the car has crashed and is on fire. There is an explosion and the couple leans away from the rising heat and then straighten up.

The man says in badly dubbed Slavonian, "baby know what do they said, keep away the kitchen and you can't take the heat."

The woman laughs and tips her head back as the man leans in to give her a passionate kiss.

The credits roll: James Sticker Will Return In No Always Means Yes.
 

Crotobaltislavonia

Establishing Nation
Joined
Aug 13, 2007
Messages
509
The CBS News logo appears on screen while "The Mission" plays. As the theme music reaches its climax, the logo fades to show Maria Gavra and Nazario Capitani standing side-by-side in front of the television wall. Maria is wearing a red, knee-length dress with short sleeves. Her dark hair is down. And she has on black heels. Nazario, standing a head shorter than his female colleague, is wearing a dark grey suit and brown wingtips. His dark hair is cut conservatively and his upper lip sports a mustache. Behind them, a Crotobaltislavonian flag waves in the wind.

"Good afternoon. This a CBS News Update. I'm Maria Garva. And returning to CBS News is our friend and colleague Nazario Capitani. Welcome back."

"Thank you, Maria. It is good to be back."

Behind the pair, the CBS flag is replaced by a column of men goose stepping though Banja Luka's Red Square. Maria says, "reports out of the Novi Dvor are that the National Assembly is very close to approving Premier Musayev's national conscription proposal. In the last twenty-four hours, debate has turned towards deciding the details of who will be conscripted and for how long. Experts are now saying the conscription proposal will set the stage for a massive military build-up in the new year."

The troops are replaced by oil spewing from a derrick into the sky. Nazario begins speaking. "Another gusher in Sokolov. This makes three successful oil explorations near the village of Bublava. Officials are now saying Sokolov could have the largest oil reserve in Crotobaltislavonia, even surpassing the reserves suspected to sit under the Polesian Sea. The State Petroleum Corporation is expected to propose a massive land expropriation after Christmas."

The oil derrick is replaced by a man being perp walked out of a courthouse to a waiting van. The man's head is covered, he is chained, and he wears a bulletproof vest. Maria says, "the Aurarian aid worker convicted of espionage has raised questions about the status of thousands of foreign nationals who remain in Crotobaltislavonia, working for foreign NGOs. One National Assembly backbencher noted that there are quote Elbener monks, Bergenheimer peaceniks, and who the hell are the Aurarians anyway unquote. Another asked quote why are they all here; isn't Kadikistan giving us money and weapons unquote."

Maria turns her body in profile to the camera and steps away from Nazario as he shuffles his papers. She stops next to a subsection of the television wall. Each television screen is showing a black and white portrait. Biserka Lončar is on the top left screen. Next to Biserka is her daughter. Others are on other screens. Maria says, "several leaders of the League of Farragoists have gone missing recently. The League is saying these men and women have been disappeared by the State. The State is neither confirming nor denying. CBS News investigates. And more news on the way, after this."
 

Oneida

Established Nation
Joined
Aug 9, 2012
Messages
1,414
Location
Pennsylvania
Capital
Solis
Nick
Jurzidentia
You must be registered for see images

8 Glaciemes CXCIX | 23 December 2018​

The Honorable Yevheniy Musayev
Premier of Crotobaltislavonia
Banja Luka, Crotobaltislavonia

Dear Premier Musayev,

This letter is to demand the immediate release of all Aurarian nationals currently held in any penal system by the nation of Crotobaltislavonia. The Aurarian Republic demands the immediate extradition, upon no conditions, and a guarantee from the Crotobaltislavonian that this individual will be returned home safely.

The situation in Crotobaltislavonia, with the recent assassination of President Fyodorov, is certainly complicated and our Republic offers its sympathies and strength during this time. However, to suggest that any Aurarian national, let alone an aid worker with Humanos sin Fronteras, would be actively spying on the Slavonian State is pure ridiculousness. Any evidence on such an accusation should be immediately turned to the Aurarian State for evaluation by our own authorities.

We look forward to a prompt, favorable response.

Signed,

Rodrigo Ferreiro
Foreign Minister
 

Justosia

Established Nation
Joined
Sep 8, 2018
Messages
2,515
Location
A city rated more dangerous than Venezuela, MD
Capital
Avalon
Nick
Los
You must be registered for see images

Office of the Foreign Minister
The government of the Great Southern Kingdom of Justosia supports the Crotobaltislavonian enchantment of their national security. As is their sovereign right.

We wish to put the past ill advised tensions behind us. If it pleases your nation, we wish to resume the formal establishment of diplomatic relations immediately.

Fernando Torres
Foreign Minister
 

Crotobaltislavonia

Establishing Nation
Joined
Aug 13, 2007
Messages
509
Christmas News Dump
:exclaim: Aurarian Aid Worker Released Just In Time For Christmas
:exclaim: Warm Winter Drives Down Fuel Prices
:exclaim: National Assembly Finalizes Conscription Bill; Ready For Voting
:exclaim: Rumor: Customs Union With Yiddish-Polesian?
 

Crotobaltislavonia

Establishing Nation
Joined
Aug 13, 2007
Messages
509
Breaking News
Conscription Bill Becomes Law
Minutes ago, the National Assembly unanimously approved the Conscription Law. The new Law mandates two years of service from all citizens, male and female. Citizens must report for their service on the first Monday of January after their eighteenth birthday. Asked how men and women will serve together, Army commander General Gašper Križ said, "there is not enough time before the new soldiers must report for accomodations to be made. The pičkas will just have to make do right alongside the boys. Oh, I have issued a general order that pregnancy will be a court martial offense."
 

Crotobaltislavonia

Establishing Nation
Joined
Aug 13, 2007
Messages
509
The CBS News logo appears on screen while "The Mission" plays. As the theme music reaches its climax, the logo fades to show Maria Gavra standing in front of the television wall, as usual. Maria is wearing a sleeveless, royal blue, knee-length bandage dress with matching heels. Her dark hair is brushed to one side and rests over her shoulder. Behind Maria, the bank of televisions is showing a group of young women standing around in their underwear as they try on male camouflage uniforms.

"I'm Maria Garva and this is CBS News Update. Our top story this evening: Crotobaltislavonia reacts to the Conscription Law and questions if the military is ready for it. Nazario Capitani is standing by with an ad hoc focus group of young women in Banja Luka. Nazario?"

The image switches to Nazario wearing a sweater and slacks, trying his best to keep a straight face as the beauties he's with kiss him on the cheek, wave at the camera, pose provocatively, flash the peace sign, stand at attention and salute, and otherwise act like teenaged girls.

"Maria, these young women, from all over Crotobaltislavonia and from all walks of life have spent the afternoon together, discussing with me what the Conscription Law means to them. Natalia, what do you think serving in the forces will be like?"

A tall and blonde Slavonian girl steps forward, drapes an arm around Nazario's shoulders, and leans towards the camera, giving the folks at home a view down her tank top. "You know what they were saying during the war: 'screw your man.' Being with the boys in the Army will make it that much easier!"

Nazario clears his throat and turns towards a shorter and thicker brunette wearing unbottoned fatigues that are much too big for her. "Rebecca, do you think the military is ready for Jewesses like yourself, for your religious needs while on the front lines?"

"No. I talked to my Mom earlier. She says people back home are already organizing kosher care packages for their kids who will be in the service. And look at this uniform? Are they expecting me to fight in this thing?"

The camera begins to zoom in on Nazario as a pillow fight gets underway behind him. "Maria, as you heard, opinions here are mixed. The Defense Ministry is promising details in the coming days, to resolve these issues, but will it be too little, too late?"

Back on Maria in the studio: "that was Nazario Capitani speaking with young women who will face a new way of life in the weeks ahead. Stay tuned, more news on the way."
 
Last edited:

Crotobaltislavonia

Establishing Nation
Joined
Aug 13, 2007
Messages
509
Official Announcement
Ministry of Information
Banja Luka


The State wishes to remind all citizens that the Zones of Control are back in force.

Citizens who are non-inhabitants that wish to enter Zone Two are required to have expressed written permission to do so from the State, may enter the Zone only at authorized checkpoints, and must remain under escort by Border Guards at all times while within the Zone.

All access to Zone One, directly adjoining Crotobaltisolavonia's external border, is restricted except at border crossings. Unauthorized persons found in Zone One will be shot on sight.

Learn everything you need to know about safely approaching and crossing Crotobaltislavonia's borders on the Information Ministry's radio channel, KKEZ 94.5, the Guiding Light.
 

Crotobaltislavonia

Establishing Nation
Joined
Aug 13, 2007
Messages
509
Morning Edition
Defense Ministry Announces National Guard
Amid growing outcry from the Motherland over the inequalities of the looming conscription, the Defense Ministry has announced the immediate formation of the National Guard. The new unit will be stationed in Banja Luka, have ceremonial and security duties, and will be composed of male career service members from all branches of the armed forces and security services. The Ministry spokeswoman said, "they were look very handsome in their new helmets and cuirasses." Details of the size of the new Guard unit and if it would have any combat missions were withheld by the Ministry.

Outcry Grows
The Coalition of Concerned Mothers and Fathers is promising to disrupt tonight's New Year's Eve festivities in Banja Luka's Red Square in protest of the new conscription law. Hundreds of protesters, representing all ethnicities and religions in Crotobaltislavonia, have been trickling into the capital over the last forty-eight hours. The Coalition promises, "a major display that State media will not be able to ignore."

Other Headlines
:exclaim: Blud Mules Captured In Elben
:exclaim: Lars Military Axis Challenges CBS-Kadikistan Defense Pact
:exclaim: State Petroleum Company Requests Oil Field Seizures In Sokolov
 

Crotobaltislavonia

Establishing Nation
Joined
Aug 13, 2007
Messages
509
It's a chilly night. Maria and Nazario are on a rooftop overlooking Red Square. Maria is a wearing a brown fur coat and matching headgear to keep out the cold. Nazario has on a black topcoat and earmuffs. Behind them, the square is packed with revelers going wild as Rage Against The Man plays their number one hit: "Bluddy All Night." The song ends and the crowd cheers for more!

"Quite a night, Nazario. These people are fired up for the New Year."

"Absolutely, Maria. Absolutely. We lost so much in two thousand eighteen. Many many people are hopeful that two thousand nineteen is the year we move on and find peace in this country and in Europe. Hahaha, look at this."

A pair of women, one short and dusky, and one tall and lanky, have climbed up onto the stage next to lead singer Tommy Rotten and are flashing the crowd. Tommy is impressed. "How bout em, Banja Luka! How bout em! Let em hear ya!"

The Square erupts in joyful whoops and hollers as the women continue to flash their assets. Tommy raises a hand for attention. "It's time! Let's do this together, Banja Luka. Together now! Fourteen, thirteen, twelve, eleven..."

Something is happening. The crowd's countdown fades to silence. The women cover themselves and turn to look. CBS News cuts away from a large digital clock to a view overlooking the square, which is quickly zooming in. From the roof of the Presidential Palace, a white banner is slowly unfurling down the front facade. From off camera, Maria can be heard uttering, "oh shit."

In large black letters, the banner reads: "OTPOR FREE YOUR PEOPLE."

The crowd is stunned and stands silently in the cold, contemplating the banner and its message as the clock reaches zero and the new year begins.

In VO: "Maria, Nazario, dead air."

Nazario in VO: "Well..., talk about your bad omens."
 
Last edited:

Crotobaltislavonia

Establishing Nation
Joined
Aug 13, 2007
Messages
509
Kasey Kase's famous rasps come out loud and clear on KKEZ 94.5, the Guilding Light.

"Everyone, join the conversation during Rage Against The Man's Tommy Rotten and Sin Vicious' Ask Us Anything special call-in show this coming Saturday night. This rockin' couple will tell all about their days making music, touring the Motherland, and Ragin' Against The Man. This Saturday night, starting at seven central, Tommy and Sin invite Crotobaltislavonia to Ask Us Anything!

"Tommy and Sin's Ask Us Anything is brought to you by ... Cadre Cola, what the conscripts drink ..."
 

Crotobaltislavonia

Establishing Nation
Joined
Aug 13, 2007
Messages
509
Morning Edition
Lars Rebuffs Trust-Building Measure
At this morning's press conference, the Foreign Ministry announced that the Grand Duchy of Lars has failed to respond to a diplomatic note send by Foreign Minister Jedreck proposing greater cooperation in border affairs. The Ministry spokeswoman said that Minister Jedreck considered the diplomatic overture a failure and will recommend to Prime Minister Musayev that a greater military presence be placed along the frontier.

Conscription News
  • The Coast Guard is looking for a continuous supply of condoms.
  • The Border Guards have announced that all female conscripts will be assigned to office duties.
  • Conservative Army officers resigning themselves to co-ed enlisted living quarters.
  • Air Force kosher meal bar fails taste testing; "I wouldn't feed this shit to my dog!"
Other Headlines
:exclaim: White House Parking Lot Scrapped; Building To Be Refurbished
:exclaim: Banja Luka Police Closes Reservoir Killer Case; Detective Hangs Himself
:exclaim: Petroleum Prices Plunge After Sokolov Reserve Estimates Announced
:exclaim: "Queen Victoria's Child Soldiers," Tonight At Nine Central Time
 

Furlanìe

Establishing Nation
Joined
May 8, 2015
Messages
1,212
Location
Friuli - Italy
Capital
Grau
Nick
Alos


    • The Coast Guard is looking for a continuous supply of condoms.


SHÂNIL n.n.
Thêrebe, Shaeoiumlah

[div] style="border: 1px dotted red;; width: 250px; padding: 8px; float:right" |
You must be registered for see images
[/div]We at SHÂNIL nn respect our costumers, that is why we offer low price condoms without saving on reliability, and put a lot of love in our creations.
Stronk is our main brand, and we think it would solve your necessities. feel free to contact our public relations office in pêlk Shâlthaja 21, Thêrebe, Shaeoiumlah, if you feel like it.

Ârath Sâhlji'li iki Ôirathu - marketing department
 
Top