Elbener Zeitung -- Online Edition

[Elben]

CONCLAVE UNDERWAY
Cardinals gathered behind locked doors at Eiffelland monastery

In the abbey of Herzogenrode are gathered the men who will choose the next supreme pontiff. The complete membership of the College of Cardinals remains unknown due to the administrative chaos of the late Holy Father's pontificate, but some of the top candidates, papabili, are...

The crowds outside Eschenbach's Corpus Christi Cathedral continue to grow. Trains have arrived through the night, bringing pilgrims led by their pastors, and the Royal Archabbey continues to coordinate housing and sanitation with the cooperation of the police. Bürgermeister Frisch at City Hall welcomed boy and girl scouts who have been traveling to Eschenbach on their own initiative. Herr Frisch told the latest troop upon its arrival, "It is heartening to see the young people of Elben embrace work for their fellow man. The Fatherland is proud."

The state secretary for foreign affairs told the press this morning at the chancellery that he was standing by the telephone for updates from Eiffelland. "Upon receiving the news, I will first inform His Majesty and then His Excellency [the archbishop], who will make the formal announcement. His Majesty indicated the announcement would be accompanied by a Royal proclamation declaring a week of celebration and rest."

 

[Gunnland]

The Crown of Gunnland
Schloss Klippenstein, Weissenfels, Eiffelland

The northern kingdoms are united in eager anticipation of news from Herzogenrode, and in prayer for the successor to His Holiness Pius XII, may perpetual light shine upon him. This joyous occasion offers an opportunity to deepen our ancient ties of friendship with my royal cousin HM Friedrich Maria.

HH Cherra
Queen-Dowager of Gunnland
Protectress of Arundel & Lower Marpesia

 

[Elben]

CHESS GRANDMASTER WINS ROYAL CHAMPIONSHIP
Tournament at mountain resort concludes with epic finale

Today at the famed resort in the mountains overlooking the village of Lenz, grandmaster Wilhelm Keith secured the victory over grandmaster Laszlo Dziwisz after Herr Dziwisz chose to resign the final game. Observers noted Herr Keith's use of a novelty early in his opening that Herr Dziwisz was unable to successfully counter. This concluded the overall match, 12 1/2 - 8 1/2. The early games of the match consisted of a series of ties before Herr Keith was able to deliver a crushing defeat in the fifth game. After this, Herr Dziwisz was able to regroup and several games were exchanged before Herr Keith was able to seize control of the match and then execute his final triumph. His Majesty is expected to extend an invitation to Herr Keith after the new supreme pontiff has been elected.

Wilhelm Keith, 52, descends from Gunnish stock and has a chess rating of 2752. Laszlo Dziwisz, 47, son of peasants from Krawcow Province, has a rating of 2601.

 

[Elben]

PROTESTS ERUPT AT NEWS OF PRO-DEATH PROPOSALS
Crowds gathered in Eschenbach react with horror

As devoted Catholics waited for news on the election of a new supreme pontiff, the news out of Satakunta of possible legalization of abortion passed through the crowds like wildfire. Spontaneous protests took place outside the foreign ministry building in the capital. While the crowds engaged in peaceful demonstrations taking the form of prayer, with rosaries prayed and candles lighted asking for God's mercy for His unborn children, leaders called for the HM's government to take action against Satakunta to attempt to prevent this possible holocaust.

All this came in response to news out of Satakunta [

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] that its government is studying ways to ease restrictions on the abortion of babies in respond to a blotched abortion where a young mother died attempting to murder her child. That country's news agency reported that a poll of the voters showed that 71% are in favor of a "full liberalization" of abortion. Reached by email, Father Pawel Jablonski of the Elbener Institute of Christian Family Life reacted, saying, "Non-Christians have little regard for human life. We must pray for them and all sinners that they may find the true light of the Gospel and repent before it is too late."

 

[Elben]

PROTESTS CONTINUE AS OPEN LETTER IS REBUFFED
Gunnland offers support as Schlabrendorff's letter receives icy reception

As emphasis has shifted from a vigil for the election of a supreme pontiff to protesting Satakunta's previously reported consideration of liberalization of its abortion laws, an open letter sent by Foreign Minister von Schlabrendorff at the direction of His Majesty has been openly rebuffed by that country's prime minister. The open letter's call for cooperation in efforts to prevent the spread of the evil of abortion was vilified by Prime Minister Jaakko Ruotsalainen, characterizing it as, "stick[ing] it's nose into my nations [sic] internal affairs." The reply continued with a lecture on national sovereignty and ended with a "request that your nation does not do such a thing to my country again."

Following swiftly after the release of the prime minister's letter, Gunnland's own prime minister, James Gunn Gallagher dispatched a brief note in support of Graf von Schlabrendorff's open letter, noting that, "[a] government that permits grave violations to human rights undermines its own sovereignty."

The secretary of state for foreign affairs, speaking for Graf von Schlabrendorff who is out of the country at present, thanked Herr Gallagher for his support and expressed His Majesty's wish for all states to respect natural rights.

 

[Crotobaltislavonia]

From the Desk of President-for-Life Raoul Farrago
For General Distribution

Re: Abortion

Friends, I invite you to look to Crotobaltislavonia and my enlightened policies for the answer. In my country, I regard contraception and abortion as unnatural practices and have outlawed them. They are crimes that merit the most final of my punishments. So, you may ask, how does Raoul Farrago control his population. Simple, my friends. Regulation is the answer. To have children in my country, my citizens must first ask for my permission. Not only does this keep the population growth in check, but it also allows me to prevent conception by parents who have genetic problems, or are predisposed to crime or fascism or socialism or monarchism, or have other undesirable traits.

Friends, in summation, there is always an answer. And in this case, I invite you to consider my answer: regulation.

Most sincere regards,

Raoul Farrago
President-for-Life of Crotobaltislavonia
A Man Whom Fate Has Chosen To Lead His Country

 

[Elben]

FOUNDER OF INTERWEB HONORED BY HIS MAJESTY
Special gold medal created for the occasion

This morning at the New Palace, His Majesty honored Herr Doctor Georg Berlitz of the Royal Institute of Advanced Engineering for his work that many consider to be the foundation of the modern Interweb. Doctor Berlitz led the team that created what is widely considered to be the first strand of the web when he and colleagues at the University of Orel used Dr. Berlitz's program to convert two minicomputers into web servers. Doctor Berlitz, upon being presented the 24 carat gold medal, expressed his gratitude to His Majesty and thanked all those who had worked with him over the years, saying, "This is as much theirs as it is mine." The medal will be kept at the RIAE Computer Museum in Krawcow.

Georg Berlitz was born in Oberlinz in 1933. He attended the Oberlinz gymnasium before going on to the University of Orel. He holds doctorates in electrical engineering and was one of the founders of the computer science faculty at the Royal Institute of Advanced Engineering. Doctor Berlitz and his wife Gertrude have four children and many grandchildren.

 

[Elben]

ANNUAL BLUTSKREUZ CEREMONY HELD
His Majesty looks on as new members are sworn in

In the courtyard outside the historic Heilige Kapelle, new knights of the Elbener Brothers were sworn in one by one, each stepping forward to lay left hand on the outstretched Blutskreuz, the original banner upon which Elben's national flag is based, and raise right hand making the sign of the Trinity while swearing the Oath that finalized his entry into the ancient crusading order. His Majesty and family of the newly inducted observed the ceremony, which was conducted by the chaplain of the order, Monsignor Karol Sebronski.

At the end, all processed into the Kapelle to meet the waiting archbishop of Eschenbach. The new knights separated into two groups, the larger First Grade who would remain laymen and the smaller Second Grade who were to profess vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience. One by one each man stepped forward and made his vows, becoming a religious brother. Once this concluded, the two groups joined their brother knights and the archbishop celebrated a Solemn High Mass.

 

[Elben]

HIS MAJESTY IN RADIO ADDRESS CALLS FOR PEACE
On national radio, HM looks south and to the modern Christian martyrs

In an address to the pilgrims massed in Eschenbach waiting for the election of a new supreme pontiff that was carried on national radio, His Majesty touched on several topics. He called for prayer to continue, especially for the modern martyrs who suffer for the Faith, including Michael Schwarzmann, a prisoner of conscience in Kashtan. "Our subjects, we call upon you all to unite your prayers for those who suffer in unity with Christ on the Cross. By the blood of the martyrs, the unbelievers of the world will have their eyes opened to the Way, the Truth, and the Life that is Jesus Christ."

His Majesty called for peace and reconciliation in the Middle West, especially around the Innensee and the Polesian Sea. "Our dear neighbors, Crotobaltislavonia and Trivodnia, struggle to find their ways forward. We call upon their leaders to put aside differences and work together for the benefit of both states. We pray for those who have lost their lives in sectarian violence in Trivodnia and urge the peoples of that land to return to the ways of Faith, Blood, and Soil that have grounded the peoples of the Middle West to their lands while so many other states in the West have suffered under the paroxysms of revolution and ethnic strife."

His Majesty's address was met with cheers from the assembled young people.

 

[Elben]

COTTAGE INDUSTRY FORMS AROUND ALLEGED SEER
Local bishop investigates the visions of young girl Marja Vilecki

In the village of Medjedogue close to the border with Kadikistan, a cottage industry of handmade crafts, vials of holy water from a supposedly blessed spring, and tour guides showing the sights where a young local girl has allegedly seen visions of angels has formed to cater to the growing number of visitors. According to her own account, several months ago angels appeared in the sky and descended to speak to Marja Vilecki, a fifteen-year-old student at the local gymnasium. They shared with her information regarding the death of the supreme pontiff and the eventual election of a "bishop in white" who would lead the Church into a new era until assassinated by communists. Since then, young Marja claims the angels return weekly.

As news of angelic visitations has spread, visits to Medjedogue by the faithful and the curious have increased and the locals have not missed their chance to cash in. Statues of the angels, as described by Marja, are sold at roadside stands. Other stands sell bottles of water that come from a blessed spring. They sell well despite water playing no part in the girl's claims. The tour guides are the most prevalent, boys and young men who flock to each new face in town and claim to know all the good spots where the angels are likely to appear.

As word has spread and business has picked up, the local bishop, Monsignor Wolja of Cieszyn, has launched a canonical investigation to determine the legitimacy of the phenomena. A team of priests has been dispatched to interview Fraulein Vilecki, her friends and associates, townspeople, and those who claim to have experienced miracles from the water and relics that have changed hands. In the meantime, Monsignor Wolja has urged the people of his diocese to avoid the temptations of superstition, saying that talismans won't secure one's place in Heaven, only faith and good works.

 

[Elben]

NONFICTION BESTSELLER LIST
As collated by the Royal Booksellers League

1. The Angel Said: Visions of Marja Vilecki, by Pasha Stern (+17)
2. The Churchmen: A Collection of Essays, edited by Father Wilhelm Luther (+1)
3. The Waters of the Elb Flow By, by Katarina zu Schwartzburg (-1)
4. In My Father's House: A Critical Edition, by the Princess Irulan (-3)
5. Big Brother Said What?: Amusing Quotes From Raoul Farrago, compiled by CBS Desk, Elbener Zeitung (+2)

 

[Elben]

CROTOBALTISLAVONIA CRISIS CONTINUES
De jure queen speaks from home of supporters

As tensions simmer between Crotobaltislavonia and Trivodnia, refugees continue to find their way over the CBS frontier into Elben. Among them are Queen Victoria and four of her five children, who fled the country after the recent putsch that led to Raoul Farrago assuming the office of president-for-life. The mother and her children are staying with expatriate Slavonians who settled in Elben after the fall of CBS' monarchy. The royals were found in one of the refugee centers that have been set up along the border by the BSD Hospitallers*. Queen Victoria's husband, actor Luka Sibenik, did not survive the purge that followed Farrago's accession. Her eldest son and heir is missing.

"It was horrible. My supporters, and the Pochenkoists, all fleeing the death squads. They caught Luka and shot him down like a dog! This man Farrago is out of his mind!"​

After fleeing the capital, the queen and her children walked through the countryside. The few valuables they had sewn into their garments were soon traded for crumbs of bread and bits of lard; they then turned to begging and occasional theft. They stayed in barns and deserted cottages. Once, they spent all night in a downpour, huddling together for warmth after fleeing into the forest to escape the Nekmit, a prominent crime syndicate in CBS that is heavily involved in the trafficking of women.

"We were walking north when a hoodlum on his motorbike stopped to talk to us. My eldest girl Alexandra recognized his tattoo. Night was falling when the hoodlum came back along the road with two more. Konstantin, my youngest boy, God bless him, immediately shooed us into the woods where they couldn't follow. We dared not go back to the road until dawn."​

After making it to the frontier, the queen parted with the last of her valuables, her gold signet ring, in exchange for passage across the Innensee in an open boat. Upon arrival in Elben, they were directed to a refugee center, where they were discovered by Slavonian volunteer translators. Taken into the home of one such translator, they remain there while their legal status is determined.

"I'm just so thankful to God we made it out alive. The children have suffered most cruelly with their father dead, their brother somewhere, maybe dead too."​

* Brothers of S. Dumas' medical and charity branch

 

[Elben]

STRIFE IN CBS AND NOW TRIVODNIA
Officials mull growing refugee crisis as BSD reports strain

As refugees of Crotobaltislavonia continue to enter Elben, news comes from Trivodnia of political unrest ahead of elections. His Majesty's government stated only that it is monitoring the situation and urges Elbeners in Trivodnia to be aware of their surroundings and to avoid large crowds until after the election. The sejm of Krasnislavian nobility meeting in Lenz has also issued a statement calling for fellow Krasnislavians on the other side of the frontier to put aside ethnic and sectarian differences and work towards harmony among all ethnicities in Trivodnia.

Meanwhile, along the border with CBS, the Brothers of S. Dumas Hospitallers face a growing strain on its resources. The refugee centers that have been thrown up are full to capacity and beyond. BSD officials stated that they have been able to meet the need by repositioning needed supplies and personnel from other areas, but this could not go on indefinitely without depleting reserves and leaving other districts vulnerable in the event of an emergency. His Majesty in his capacity as grand master is monitoring the situation and is in constant contact with his lieutenants in the BSD. On HM's order, special paramilitary BSD units have been activated to stiffen security in the refugee centers.

 

[Elben]

SCIENTISTS PROPOSE NEW THEORY FOR LOST TIBUR
Conjunction of events led to rapid depopulation and destruction

An article in the peer reviewed Journal of Archaelogy by Professor Johann Rabe is making waves in academic circles that have long pondered the disappearance of Tibur from the map. After the fall of the city, the papacy eventually sought safer quarters and eventually knowledge of the exact location of the once mighty capital was lost.

Now Professor Rabe and his team have proposed why the city's fate is not know. His study began when he was examining satellite imagery of the coasts of the Retalian Sea. Noticing signs that indicate a possible ancient earthquake, the professor went back into history to find evidence of such a catastrophe. He and his team poured through manuscripts looking for mentions of such an event. Professor Rabe also looked at data for a possible change in the courses of major rivers in the area that would have impacted settlement patterns as people would have abandoned one area for another in search of fresh water and passage to the sea.

In the end, Professor Rabe's article posits that a combination of a sacking by an enemy force, subsequent depopulation, and an earthquake that changed the course of the river flowing through the city led to precise knowledge of Tibur's location being lost. The article provides five possible locations identified by the professor's team that merit further study.

 

[Elben]

MARXISTS OPEN FIRE AT BOROVANGER CATHEDRAL
At least twenty innocent Christians killed, many more wounded

According to local police, members of a Marxist group known as Sepakov Berbadjev Brigaden opened fire on Christlans leaving the cathedral in the city of Treviso. Almost a hundred were injured. Police units were mobilized and several brigade members were killed in an ensuing firefight. Since the attack, army units have been deployed around Borovanger to guard churches and other holy sites.

The foreign ministries of Serenierre and Kadikistan quickly responded to news of the attack. According to Father Miroslav Sudilski of the Committee to Combat Modernist Thought, the messages are, "attempts to distance their regimes from the wanton acts of violence done in the name of the Marxist ideology espoused by both states. While all of Christianity as a whole is deemed a breeding ground of hate and terror, regimes that follow the Marxism and Leninovism attempt to brand attacks on Christians as isolated incidents and the perpetrators as separatists and extremists. People like the innocent Borovangerians killed the other day know better."

 

[Elben]

BREAKING: POSSIBLE CIVIL CONFLICT IN CROTOBALTISLAVONIA
Chatter on Twatter indicates gunshots heard in capital city; HM's government responds

On Twatter this Christmas day, using the hashtag #WTFChristmas2017, private citizens and the official news organ reported gunshots and troops surrounding the presidential palace in the capital of Banja Luka. Kadikistan has responded with a statement indicating support for the government of Raoul Farrago and offering assistance; the statement also gave notice that Kadikistan's "wrath will be swift as we are bound by treaty to act" if links are found between putschists in CBS and an foreign power. According to sources at the foreign ministry, this is the first confirmation of a treaty between CBS and Kadikistan.

According to a briefing for news agencies at the chancellery, a spokesman stated His Majesty's government is monitoring the situation; refugees will continue to be granted entrance into Elben; additional security forces will be deployed to ensure the safety of His Majesty's subjects and the safety of those seeking his protection. The foreign ministry has issued a travel warning for Crotobaltislavonia and subjects are urged to defer travel to CBS; HM's subjects currently in CBS are urged to contact the embassy as soon as possible. They are to shelter in place until the civil unrest has ended. If venturing outside is necessary, they are urged to not travel alone and to avoid large crowds.

 

[Elben]

FALSE FLAG OP IN SOCIALIST WORLD REPUBLIC ?
So-called Catholic extremist arrested for attacks at 'solidarity celebration'

It is being reported by SWR's Implarian Observer that a "Catholic extremist" has been arrested for killing two and wounding others at a celebration of some kind. The article quotes the attacker's stated motive as "revenge for the attack on church-goers in Borovanger." Experts here at home were quick to note the unusual formulation of the quoted statement. Said one source, "It is definitely strange that a Catholic would refer to his fellow Catholics as 'church-goers.' When we speak of our fellow Catholics, it is usually as our brothers and sisters in Christ or something similar. 'Church-goer' points toward someone who is unfamiliar with Christianity." The general consensus is that this is some kind of false flag operation meant to further blacken Christianity.

 

[Elben]

KADIKISTAN RELEASES PRISONERS OF CONSCIENCE
Show of peaceful intentions as prisoners turned over to Elben

This morning at dawn, officials of Kadikistan and Elben met at the border crossing known as Checkpoint Alpha, the traditional point of contact between the two countries from days past when relations were on a less stable footing. The meeting this morning was for the release to Elben of two prisoners of conscience whose causes activists have long worked for.

The first prisoner, Kiril Lakota, underground bishop, is said to have baptized thousands before his arrest. Several high officials of Elben's ecclesiastical hierarchy were present to welcome the bishop. The second, Victor Laszlo, is a noted dissident whose autobiography documented life in a prison camp. Laszlo was met by his wife, who escaped over the frontier several years ago.

 

[Polesia]

Ministry of External Affairs

HIGHLY CONFIDENTIAL

If the freedom of a few prisoners is what Elben agreed to in return for allowing the Kadikistani military a secure aerial passage to Crotobaltislavonia, then that was a very poor trade in our eyes. Countless more will be imprisoned in a Kadikistani dominated Crotobaltislavonia.

 

[Elben]

FREE SLAVONIAN ARMY FORMS
Refugees organize to free their homeland

In the refugee centers along the border with Crotobaltislavonia, men young and old alike have begun organizing themselves. Wearing standard issue clothing provided by the BSD Hospitallers and adding the classic berets normally worn by the herders of their homeland to engender esprit de corps, the recruits have begun drilling in the open areas of the centers. Using broomstick handles and other long tree branches, those among them who have military experience have begun teaching rifle drills.

Visiting one of the centers close to where she is staying, Queen Victoria was welcomed by a squad of the new army and invited to inspect their number. She walked down their line with their commander, an old man named Radko, introducing each in turn. The queen expressed to the squad how proud she felt to see her people working towards the day they would be ready to remove the hated Farrago and the foreign elements he had brought into their beloved homeland.