Elbener Zeitung -- Online Edition

[Elben]

Elbener Zeitung, the newspaper of record of the Kingdom of Elben.

ARIANS CELEBRATE FURTHER PERVERSION
"Openly-gay" prelate to celebrate Christmas in Gallega

The so-called archbishop who serves as leader of the heretic community in Gallega is being trumpeted by media outlets as "openly-gay." Reached by email, Father Pawel Jablonski of the Elbener Institute of Christian Family Life reacted. "It is a sad day when people who claim to be Christians also revel in the fact their clergy are proud to share with the world that they visit the fleshpots of Babylon. What else can the man mean by saying he is openly gay? The gulf that separates us as Catholics from those heretics in Gallega is only widened by the fact the Arians not only accept clergy with disordered minds, but also promote those clergymen to the ranks of its episcopate."

 

[Elben]

Elbener Zeitung, the newspaper of record of the Kingdom of Elben.

INNENSEE FREEZES OVER
Complete ice coverage adds to refugee crisis

Refugees once prevented from reaching Elben due to the Innensee are now able to cross the ice-covered body of water. The first fugitives from the crisis-stricken state of Crotobaltislavonia have reached Elben's side by crossing the ice. HM's government has responded by increasing the police presence in the coastal towns and villages. BSD Hospitallers, which has refugee centers along the north coast and is now building a network of field hospitals and kitchens in the south in CBS, has reported efforts to discourage refugees from venturing out onto the ice. Said a spokesman, "We're dealing with a lot of frostbite and hypothermia. Out on the Innensee where there is no shelter from the wind, it's just a terrible thought to think of those poor people out there without proper clothing."

 

[Elben]

Elbener Zeitung, the newspaper of record of the Kingdom of Elben.

HM TO ATTEND GUNNISH QUEEN'S CORONATION
His Majesty will be accompanied aboard Royal Train by selected guests

This coming Wednesday, Julian, the queen of Gunnland, will be crowned and will take her rightful place on the Stone Chair. His Majesty King Friedrich Maria has accepted an invitation to attend. He will travel to Windhaven in Gunnland aboard the Royal Train. Accompanying him will be various members of his household as well as several guests of honor including His Excellency Bishop Kiril Lakota and the noted dissident and author Viktor Laszlo. Both men were recently turned over to Elben by Kadikistan on humanitarian grounds.

His Majesty is expected to attend meetings with high profile leaders while in Windhaven for the purposes of furthering peace and stability as well as gaining assistance in the handling of the refugees from Crotobaltislavonia.

 

[Elben]

Elbener Zeitung, the newspaper of record of the Kingdom of Elben.

NONFICTION BESTSELLER LIST
As collated by the Royal Booksellers League

1. Big Brother Said What?: Amusing Quotes From Raoul Farrago, compiled by CBS Desk, Elbener Zeitung (nc)
2. The Angel Said: Visions of Marja Vilecki, by Pasha Stern (nc)
3. Letters from Prison Block 1138, by Viktor Laszlo, edited by Ilsa Laszlo (+7)
4. In My Father's House: A Critical Edition, by the Princess Irulan (-1)
5. Princes and Prophets: The Secret History of Trivodnia, by Professor Arnold Fassbender (+8)

 

[Elben]

Elbener Zeitung, the newspaper of record of the Kingdom of Elben.

AIRSPACE REOPENED TO ALL NORMAL TRAFFIC
Normalization of air travel expected to take several weeks

His Majesty's government announced today that all restrictions on traffic through Elben's airspace have been lifted. A spokesman for the ministry of transport noted the calm that had fallen over the Middle West over the last few days as all parties sought diplomatic solutions to the current crisis in Crotobaltislavonia. The spokesman said that while there will be some long term effects as many airlines probably won't reroute their flights immediately, His Majesty's government did not expect travel to and from Elben by air to be affected beyond the short term as airlines stopping in Elben for layovers were never affected by the closure.

 

[Elben]

Elbener Zeitung, the newspaper of record of the Kingdom of Elben.

FLASH: PRIMATE OF ELBEN DEAD
RIP Johan Kubicki, Archbishop of Eschenbach, age 64

A spokesman for the chancery of the archdiocese of Eschenbach has confirmed reports that His Excellency was found dead in his bedroom this morning. According to the spokesman, a sister working in the private apartments of the archbishop went to check on him after he failed to rise at the usual time. She found him slumped over in a chair, papers he had been reading the night before on the floor. She immediately called for help. Medics arrived at the scene, but it was clear His Excellency had been dead since last night.

An autopsy is scheduled for later today. Funeral arrangements are to be announced before the end of the day after consultation with the chancellery. The chancellery also issued a statement expressing sorrow for the death of the archbishop and saying that His Majesty has been informed and will return to Elben by air once his meetings have concluded for the funeral.

 

[Gunnland]

Dioecesis Ayriensis + Diocese of Ayr

I am saddened to hear of the death of my friend, Archbishop Kubicki. On behalf of Henry Cardinal Stewart (in conclave) and the bishops of Gunnland, I offer condolences to the people of Elben upon the loss of their holy shepherd. May perpetual light shine upon him.

Justin Broithe+
Bishop of Ayr

 

[Elben]

Elbener Zeitung, the newspaper of record of the Kingdom of Elben.

ESCHENBACH CHAPTER ELECTS VICAR
Expected to govern for some time due to papal conclave

This morning at a meeting of the cathedral chapter of Eschenbach, Ernst Albrecht von Eberstein, age 61, was elected as vicar capitular. He will govern the archdiocese until a new pope is elected and in turn elects a new archbishop. Father von Eberstein has been a canon of the cathedral for over a decade. Before, he served as pastor of several parishes in and around Eschenbach. He is a noted theologian.

 

[Elben]

Elbener Zeitung, the newspaper of record of the Kingdom of Elben.

FLOW OF REFUGEES SLOWING
Officials say refugee processing picking up speed

With the flow of refugees from Crotobaltislavonia slowing over the last ten days, officials say that the processing of refugees already in Elben has picked up speed. Despite widespread news reports, border officials are reporting that most are ethnic Slavonians who have fled CBS government and Kadikistan's forces due to their Pochenkoist and monarchist leanings rathern than Jewish heritage. One so-called "fugee" who refused to give his name in case he was sent home said, "Farrago blames the Yids, but he just uses them as an excuse to kill all his enemies! And the Kadiks are reds with their own lists."

Representatives from the BSD Hospitallers reported their network of field hospitals recently set up across northern CBS have become sanctuaries from the killing. Fra' Meister, the field director of operations in CBS, said in an interview, "Government forces and their allies from Kadikistan have respected our camps and we have been able to offer safe haven. After the sweeps have gone by, many have been able to go home. We see our camps as a success in stemming the flow of displaced persons toward Elben." When asked about the rumor regarding a massacre of refugees at the @Bergenheim border, Fra' Meister replied, "We hear many stories. Some claim to be eye witnesses, but there are so many varying accounts. We continue to investigate and document all accounts."

 

[Elben]

Elbener Zeitung, the newspaper of record of the Kingdom of Elben.

FLASH: BERGENHEIM GUNS DOWN REFUGEE
Man shot dead trying to flee CBS by security forces

[b/w image of dead man]
Courtesy of Sasha Cohen

A freelance journalist working in Crotobaltislavonia has made contact beyond that country and confirmed rumors of a shooting at a port of entry into Bergenheim last week. Sasha Cohen, a freelancer who was working in the capital Banja Luka at the time of the Christmas Coup, fled possible arrest and made his way towards Gate 13 along the border with Bergenheim. There he witnessed a refugee who was shot down in cold blood by security forces on the Bergenheim side of the border. Herr Cohen was able to capture the event with his camera.

After leaving behind the closed border crossing, Herr Cohen made his way north and eventually found a BSD field hospital close to the Elben border where he shared his story with Hospitaller personnel working to document CBS and Kadiki atrocities. Stories of the event had been previously viewed as unsubstantiated rumor, but Herr Cohen's photos corroborated the basic details.

 

[Elben]

Elbener Zeitung, the newspaper of record of the Kingdom of Elben.

BISHOP: ANGELIC VISIONS ARE FALSE
Young girl, village warned; book detailing visions to be banned

A team of priests has been on the ground in the village of Medjedogue near the border with Kadikistan for over a month investigating the visions of a local girl. Marja Vilecki, 15, claims that since last autumn she has had weekly visions of angels descending from the sky to speak with her and pass along information regarding past and future events. According to the girl, the angels predicted Pope Pius’ death and have foretold the election of a “bishop in white” who would lead the Church into a new era. According to the angels, this “bishop in white” would eventually be assassinated by communists.

The team of priests, dispatched by the local bishop, Monsignor Wolja of Cieszyn, worked to interview young Marja and others in the village along with pilgrims who have claimed spiritual benefits from visiting Medjedogue. Many of these pilgrims’ claims come from use of bottles of water from a spring and from prayer at sites associated with the angels. After conducting these investigations, the team returned to Cieszyn and put together a final report for Monsignor Wolja. Based on this report, the bishop has declared that the visions are fake and all the claimed miracles can be reasonably explained by natural causes.

In consultation with his fellow bishops, Monsignor Wolja formally requested that the Royal Booksellers League add The Angel Said: Visions of Marja Vilecki, by Pasha Stern, to the Index of Forbidden Books. Requests of this sort from the Church are usually never questioned as a courtesy to the Church. Herr Stern has also been asked to turn in any manuscripts and other materials so that they may be destroyed. Back in Medjedogue, Fraulein Vilecki has been told to no longer speak of visions of angels and villagers have been warned to refrain from further efforts to profit from her falsehoods.

 

[Elben]

Elbener Zeitung, the newspaper of record of the Kingdom of Elben.

NONFICTION BESTSELLER LIST
As collated by the Royal Booksellers League

1. Letters from Prison Block 1138, by Viktor Laszlo, edited by Ilsa Laszlo (+2)
2. Big Brother Said What?: Amusing Quotes From Raoul Farrago, compiled by CBS Desk, Elbener Zeitung (-1)
3. Princes and Prophets: The Secret History of

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, by Professor Arnold Fassbender (+2)
4. Through the Golden Gate: A Year with zu Elben-Neubach in Kashtan, by Heinrich Klopfer (+4)
5. In My Father's House: A Critical Edition, by the Princess Irulan (-1)

NB: The Angel Said has been removed at the request of the Church and is now a Forbidden Book.

 

[Elben]

Elbener Zeitung, the newspaper of record of the Kingdom of Elben.

TRADE WITH KADIKISTAN TUMBLES AS NEW TAXES INTRODUCED
Businesses pledge to make the best of the situation, seek self-sufficiency

The diplomatic situation in the Middle West continues to evolve following the Christmas Crisis in Crotobaltislavonia. Kadikistan has announced that beginning next week, taxes on goods exported to Elben will be increased threefold. Imports from Elben will also see increased tariffs as previous bilateral trade agreements will no longer be honored. When asked for comment, a spokesman from the foreign ministry said only that HM's government is seeking to rectify what it characterizes as a misunderstanding with the Kadikistani Union.

Elbenese businesses import from Kadikistan petroleum, gas, and coal along with other unprocessed natural resources. In return Elben's chief exports are cutlery and fine wool. All associated businesses are reassessing their positions in light of the increased expense of doing business with Kadikistan. Elben's indigenous energy producers are expecting to see a windfall as tariffs will neutralize what one industry insider called cheap Kadiki oil's advantage in the marketplace.

 

[Elben]

Elbener Zeitung, the newspaper of record of the Kingdom of Elben.

BISHOPS DYING AS CONCLAVE DRAGS ON
More dioceses around the europe are falling vacant

During the later years of the pontificate of Pius XII, the process of choosing new bishops slowed to a crawl. At the time of the pontiff's death last year, it is estimated that at least a sixth of all sees europewide were vacant and a third of that number had been vacant for over a year. Since the conclave began, three more bishops have died, including Monsignor Kubicki of Eschenbach. The head of the Elbener Guild of Canon Lawyers, Herr Mikael Goerleder, said in a phone interview, "This situation, as it continues to develop, will have implications for the government of the Church and for the provision of basic sacraments for the Faithful such as Confirmation and the Ordination of new priests." Herr Goerleder added, "A lot of my colleagues were hopeful the confusion left by His Holiness, may he rest in peace, would be quickly cleared up, with a firm path of renewal put in place. That obviously hasn't happened and can't while things drag on in Herzogenrode."

 

[Elben]

Elbener Zeitung, the newspaper of record of the Kingdom of Elben.

STEPHANITIC UPDATE: ELBEN MEN'S HOCKEY WINS QUARTERFINAL
Victory sets up a confrontation on the ice with Elben's eastern neighbor

In the first quarterfinal of the men's hockey tournament at the Colquhoun ice arena in Gunnland, Elben faced off against Geotri. At the end of regulation, the two teams were tied at two goals apiece. In a shootout, Elben was able to secure the win to advance to the semifinal where it will meet Kadikistan. In the following press conference, captain Gregor Scherbatsky told reporters, "It was a good win. I'm proud of all our boys who played tough and hung in there. Two more for the gold!"

The semis will have added drama due to the tenuous relationship at present between Elben and Kadikistan. Trade tariffs and other difficulties have grown in the aftermath of the Christmas putsch attempt in Crotobaltislavonia.

Eiffelland, 12 [2G, 4S, 6B]

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, 11 [4G, 3S, 4B]
Kadikistan, 10 [5G, 3S, 2B]
East Gouw Marken, 8 [2G, 4S, 2B]
Bourgogne, 6 [1G, 1S, 4B]

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, 5 [3G, 2B]
Elben, 4 [2G, 1S, 1B]
West Gouw Marken, 4 [1G, 3S]
Geotri, 3 [1G, 2S]

 

[Elben]

Elbener Zeitung, the newspaper of record of the Kingdom of Elben.

FICTION BESTSELLER LIST
As collated by the Royal Booksellers League

1. Father Elijah: An Apocalypse, by Michael D. O'Brien, tr. by Lena Oster (--)(wk 10)
2. Husbands and Wives, by Gunter Rittenbacher (+2)(wk 3)
3. The Confession, by Anonymous (-1)(wk 17)
4. Forever Yours: A Love Letter, by Liesl Strausser (+3)(wk 4)
5. The Sword of St. Dumas, by Jerzey Albrecht (-1)(wk 32)

 

[Elben]

Elbener Zeitung, the newspaper of record of the Kingdom of Elben.

HIS MAJESTY SPEAKS IN WIDE-RANGING RADIO ADDRESS
Crises in Trivodnia and Jydermark-Østveg simmer as HM calls for calm

His Majesty began by congratulating gold medalists Paul von Braun, Ryan Keith, Donald Maclean, Thomas Muster, and Ludwig Beck as well as the other medalists who performed so admirably while representing Elben at the Stephanitic Games.

HM then turned towards Trivodnia as he recapitulated the situation and called for calm, especially among Elben's Krasnislavian population, "We must always look towards God and His natural law that has been placed in all our hearts. That law tells us we must seek as much as possible to build a just society based on subsidiarity and solidarity. The Krasnislavians of Trivodnia seek greater levels of autonomy, but it is not our place to inflame an already tense situation with rhetoric that can only lead to civil unrest and possible bloodshed."

Later in his address, HM turned to Jydermark-Østveg and Elben's new treaty-partner, Gunnland. "While in Gunnland, we were pleased to learn of the great strength of character of Queen Julian. She shows again that strength working to ensure the birthright of her young brother, the Prince Joachas. We pledge to do all we can to assist in young Julian's efforts. We call to the leaders of Jydermark-Østveg to follow the law as it stood when our brother-king Carl Frederick was incapacitated."

 

[Elben]

Elbener Zeitung, the newspaper of record of the Kingdom of Elben.

FARMERS FEELING PINCH AS FUEL PRICES SOAR
With spring planting near, farmers mull how to fill tractors' tanks

Gerhard Linquist's family has farmed a plot of land along the lower Elb for generations. It was expected that when he became an adult, he would take up where his father and grandfather left off. Young Gerhard took up his task with enthusiasm, embracing the sacred duties of blood and soil. For many years, Herr Linquist has farmed and gone through the ups and downs, floods and droughts, high prices and low prices. This is the first year he has had to deal with the possibility that when planting time comes, he may not be able to start up his tractor.

"I've been working with my sons, getting our machines ready. But ever since Christmas and whatever happened with Kadikistan, fuel prices have just gone through the roof. I don't know how I am going to afford to be able to top up my tractor when what's in the tank runs dry."

Herr Linquist's dilemma is one farmers up and down the Elb are facing and owners of automobiles are already experiencing due to the taxes and tariffs imposed by Kadikistan. A significant portion of Elben's oil and oil distillate product imports come from its neighbor to the east and they have been especially hit hard by taxes, which Elbener distributors have passed on to consumers.

"My grandfather once showed me and my brothers how to use the old plow and other gear he had from the old days," said Herr Linquist. "My neighbor down the road has been polishing up some of his old stuff. I'm thinking maybe I ought to as well, and find some horses to pull it all."

 

[Elben]

Elbener Zeitung, the newspaper of record of the Kingdom of Elben.

NEW ARCHBISHOP CHOSEN
Elbener pope elevates vicar to top spot

In one of his first acts as supreme pontiff, John XXIII has elevated Monsignor Ernst von Eberstein to the see of Eschenbach, which has been vacant since earlier this year at the death of incumbent archbishop Kubicki. This comes amid a first batch of appointments as a spokesman for the Holy See told the press that the pope is firmly attacking the backlog. He and his staff are sifting through the ternas, recommendations sent by local clergy and laity, for candidates who can be immediately plugged to fill open sees.

Father Pawel Jablonski of the Elbener Institute of Christian Family Life, reached through email, replied that this first batch shows that the new pope is going with what he knows. “Most all the new bishops are men he knows from his reading of the top theological journals. These are men with a sound grasp of theology without any exceptional deviations from orthodoxy.” Later in his reply, Father Jablonski added, “I have heard through the grapevine that His Holiness intends to call a consistory this summer for the formal announcement of new cardinals to expand the college.”

 

[Elben]

Elbener Zeitung, the newspaper of record of the Kingdom of Elben.

HM ADDRESSES THE FUEL SITUATION, OTHER MATTERS
Fuel from Kadikistan, relations with Caledonia, Trivodnia are top priorities

In his weekly address by radio, King Friedrich Maria outlined the government's efforts to combat fuel price spikes with the advent of summer. "We are looking to bring in imports from other sources besides Kadikistan while at the same time repairing our relationship with our eastern neighbor. At the same time, we urge all our subjects to use public transportation as much as possible. We are pleased to report that the ministry's work with our farmers has led to a significant savings. Various cooperatives have been formed to share horses and equipment where they are available so that those who lack will have fuel available for their tractors." HM went on to outline other measures that have been undertaken.

His Majesty then spoke of those in Europe fighting for the values that Elben holds so dear. In part, "We look at those peoples in Europe who've lost their freedoms, their traditions, their rule of law. We look especially to our friends in Caledonia who seek to restore their way of life under Cross and Crown. When the natural order is upset, any horror is possible. Let us seek to prevent the unthinkable from happening to the innocent and the meek."

Turning then to Elben's southeastern frontier, HM said, "We look to our neighbors and hope we can see to the end of strife that has caused the delay in needed agreements in the governing of shared bodies of water. Someday soon we hope to meet with leaders of our neighbors Trivodnia and Crotobaltislavonia as we have met recently with the queen of Gunnland so that we may further the causes of peace and justice."

After a few other words on the subject of border relations, HM led a prayer of thanksgiving and a request for divine protection before concluding his remarks.