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Thaumantica

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DALE EMERICK'S
LIBERTY BUNKER
*Mounting bayonets and cresting the trench to charge at the enemies of liberty! It's Dale Emerick, the Westernesse Wildman, broadcasting live from the Liberty Online Bunker in Fiannia!*

Abu, Caller: "Hello Dale, I'm a foreign listener and I have to confess: Fiannia, and all you're talking about just doesn't make any sense?"

Dale Emerick: "Well Abs, I'm speaking to you from the vortex. Lookin' at the inside baseball, Fiann-Hold'em, the like . . And you gotta understand, we as Fiannians are under massive attack!

President Holden Sharpe isn't perfect, but you know, he's leading that frontal charge against enemies of freedom both foreign and domestic. He's got the global tyrants in a choke hold, and I only talk about rebels - I'm a revolutionary, we recognize freedom spiritually and instintually and Fionnia . . That's not a joke, I'm on the field and Sharpe is on the field - helmet to helmet contact, hell I feel concussed!

Abu, Caller: "Right Dale, but what is Fiannia even about?"

Dale Emerick: "Struggle, independence, damn it - we are pioneers! Get the word out there, high speed, this isn't about Kings and Queens - it's about people! I've got six kids, three with my Gunnish wife and three with my Vivislavian, I'm on the air here as a human - I'm flexing my humanity broad and wide.

We're not quiet spectators, get that straight, Fiannians are in the thick for freedom! I've got ancestors who fought and fell, God bless that their seed hit the mark their deadly bullet, and you know what?"

Abu, Caller: "No?"

Dale Emerick: "We were founded by Christians, we were colonials, but we fought against the tyrannical nobility and found the truth: self reliance and family trust ain't need no King. I'm the Lord of my Domain, do you get it Abu? We can read books, we're Fiannians, and we've got our Republic!

That's why we're open lines here: call in any time, ask any question, this is Fiannian freedom over the airwaves!"

Abu, Caller: "So is Fiannian a race, or an idea?"

Dale Emerick: "If you got to ask, you ain't us, sorry to say it Abu - because I've seen a Damwali man become Fiannian in a day, I've seen a Touzenese woman become a Fiannian beneath my hips three or four times . . So yeah it's an idea, you think I'm pro Tiburan Empire because my grandpappy was from there? You think I'm pro Kadiki because my wife is from there? I was born in Sylvania, and so what?

You want me to define Fiannia for you? We're surrounded by evil, but you know what that means? We're ready to attack in all directions! I'm a friend of freedom, I don't want to spy on you, but I know you're spying on me Abu - else why'd you call? Fiannia is where folks come to get away from it all, the tyranny and lies, but the mistake we all make is the idea that we will be allowed to simply walk way from the Old World . .

But as I look over my shoulder I see the Empires, I see the Monopolies! They wouldn't let us walk or sail away across the Thaumantic, the Implarian, no they won't will they? I keep tryin' to explain this: but I've got a family, I'm a human, and I don't belong you - okay? I'm going to thrive here naturally, away from uncessecary taxes and laws - because I don't abide by psychotic neighbors, do you get that?

Abu, Caller: "No, this isn't rational at all. You live in an irrational nation!"

Dale Emerick: "Exactly, Abu. I don't want to live in your cage! I'm going to stand up for what I believe, break out of your cage, I don't need to lick your boots or be part of your world order . . This isn't business as usual, this isn't status quo - and it's dirty!

I know who you are in the name of Jesus Christ, you serpent of Satan. God only needs a remnant to rise again, we are that faithful few beyond the fray that will froth until Christ rises again. This is unorthodox, it's improvisational, it's Sylvanicana and beyond!"
 

Elben

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"Dale! Thank you for taking my call. It's an honor and a privilege. Let me just say, I am not with you in the Liberty Bunker in person, but I am there in spirit. I've brought up every one of my children to be ready, willing, and able to defend freedom to the last. My missus is foreign born; she came here to escape the nanny state her homeland has become and she will never go back after having experienced all that is Fiannia! Never stop spreading the word, Dale!"
 

Thaumantica

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Dale Emerick: “Ya see these are open phone lines. You can call in thank, gripe, hell I’ll even help you dodge your taxes!

We’re taking your calls, open lines, anything goes on the wildcard!”
 

Pelasgia

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"Dale! Thank you for your hard work! Is Fennia free from the rule of secret societies and cultists? What will you do to make sure they never take hold? I plan to sell all my belongings and make my way to the Land of the Free!"
 

Thaumantica

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Dale Emerick: “If you mean to ask: am I a globalist, and do I support a President who is a filthy bloodsucking globalist, then the answer is absolutely no! President Sharpe is that gladiator in the arena fighting for me and you, not for some cabal . . Unless you and I and him form a cabal . Uhh, well listen - no, but yes, but no I won’t live under the tyranny or some secret order unless . . I didn’t know it existed? This is a show about uncovering those conspiracies and exposing the globalists plans in the light of truth and justice, ya get it?

Christ’s followers formed a secret order to escape the tyranny of Roman pagans and rival religious groups, so not all secret groups are bad. But here’s the difference caller: are they meeting secretly in order to manipulate and rule over you, or are they doing it to protect themselves and a right to their beliefs, because careful partner there’s a difference.

I don’t need to share with you what underwear I am wearing today, only my wife knows that if she was paying attention, so are we therefore in a secret society of Dale Emerick’s undergarments, a hidden knowledge? Perhaps so, and I’ll initiate you and the audience in that order right now by saying I’m not wearing any - there I said it, you’ve now entered my secret society and made it public. Do you feel any better?”
 

Thaumantica

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Dale Emerick: “You can try to tear that lady down caller, but she’s got minutemen too! You can bet your Sylvanian Silver Dollar on that friend . . because we’ve got the damn gold standard for the rights of man and advancement of human liberty worldwide . . This is a fact!

Pull down Lady Fiannia? I'll pull you down! POLITICALLY, and METAPHORICALLY, and SPIRITUALLY . . OVER THE AIRWAVES! That's open lines though, no big deal."
 

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"Hi Dale, calling you from all the way from Strathclyde just wanted to shout all the boys that came to Strathclyde in the 80s to bring down the Valentine regime. I fought in the Manx Democratic Front, I got to say out of the foreign volunteers you Fiannian were the craziest bastards..... but not as mad as the Agrona worshippers though."
 
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Thaumantica

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*You've heard the rest, now listen to the best ... It's 890 AM News Radio, Carnylon's best source for news and information!*

Marilyn Sheehan: "Back again, top of the hour, here with your national headlines:

  • Corporate service provider Doyle-Manousos is refusing to divulge financial details of accounts belonging to Sylvanian citizens suspected in a violent and sexual child abuse ring.
  • Another public school year is in the books, a long winter break upon us, and as students and most industries hibernate for the winter: politicians are now legally permitted to begin campaigning for annual elections!
  • Vice-President Alla Fitznovskaya spent the daylight hours with psychologists in Carnylon to discuss tactics to confront the suicide crisis gripping the Federal Capital.
  • Manx County Sheriff Terrence 'Taffy' Padrigovic arrests grid-iron football team lawyers for soliciting farm owners for purchase land for a stadium. "This is a baseball town," Sheriff Taffy is quoted as saying.
  • 'Small Nations Snub?' - Int. Relations Ministry concerned Ostmark overture was a "total failure". Pres. Sharpe seeking answers from Minister Leo Bilirakis.
 

Thaumantica

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*Celebrating fifty years of over the air excellence, it's Carnylon AM YOUR News Radio!*

Marilyn Sheehan: "Tragedy upon Lake Yvette as a young boy falls through the ice and drowns. Kirk Sethwin, at eight years old, was a an avid hockey fan and took to the ice too early his friends told police and reporters.

A patron of Saint Llewellyn Tiburan Catholic, Sethwin's funeral will reportedly be attended by hundreds of friends, family, and guests seeking to celebrate the eager youngster who was first to skate.

Ana Sethwin: "My son wasn't some sort of celebrity, I'm not sure why we're getting this sort of attention at all? . . I have five more starving children, and no one has even asked for their names!"



 

Thaumantica

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*. . A thermometer at the city’s boiling point, it’s Carnylon 890 . . YOUR NEWS RADIO! . . *

Marilyn Sheehan: “This evening the Federation leans in and listens to President Holden Sharpe, and his first serious challenger in some eight electoral cycles . . A Vivislav musician and celebrity named Vitaly Ptushkin . . Let’s go live!”

Holden Sharpe: “I’ve been in the arena almost a decade, and I am ready to fight back against this nation’s enemies again and again until they are broken!”

Vitaly Ptushkin: “This is what I have been talking about: President Sharpe is so combative that he has scared our foreign partners away.”

Holden Sharpe: “I’ve grown our economy like a watermelon, it is both succulent and juicy . .”

Vitaly Ptushkin: “And you fertilize it with a giant heap of bullshit! I am advocating a hands-off and natural economic growth, I won’t run around like this President insulting and threatening prospective business partners. President Sharpe’s economy isn’t a watermelon, it’s frozen backwater!”

*crowd gasps in shock of the "frozen backwater" slur*

Holden Sharpe:
"Now Vitaly: you can insult me, and hell you can criticize the body of my work as President of these Free States, but if you're going to call my nation and my land a "frozen backwater" - expect a damn fight!

We're a free nation of fighters. I've been the champion for the cause of full-spectrum freedom in Fiannia for eight years, and all I need is two more to complete ten years of job growth and independence."

Holden Sharpe: "Again with your fighting, President Holden. I'm here to promote a global message of world peace, a renaissance of creativity and globalization.

You do not need a ninth, let alone a tenth consecutive annual term to promote your failing messages."
 

Thaumantica

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"Entering this Continental Republic one oath at a time! It's Dale Emerick: Fiannia's voice, our guiding call, a harp strumming in a time of tyranny . . Welcome to Humanities Last Chance!"

Dale Emerick: "That's right folks, and I'm being 1000% honest here, we are on the precipice of major world upheaval . . and I don't say this often, and in the last fifteen years of broadcasting I have never stepped away from the . . from the, I'm sorry folks . . but i need to step away. WOW!"

Last yards, meters 9if you are a Euroqueer, are being dug in the great Sylvanian moat . . and that's the . . oh the humanity, they wouldn't - they have cut out Carnylon! . . I need to step away folks, sorry, I never do this."

*Shining like a meadow these are cat grasses, grind them up for your cats, but you know what else: these are also organic 'wheat grasses' . . and if we call them that I can package it for thrice the price and . . well, this will improve your health and I can guarantee that, or I am not a veteran broadcaster!*

Dale Emerick: "There they are on Fiannian land, I'll call it that, and President Sharpe is doing nothing as they have dug a canal . . Oh?

**BRRRUNGGG BRRRUNGGG**

Holden Sharpe: "Don't get it twisted kids, we're still in this. I can call on a thousand Fiannians where they call the West Coast . . I don't want to call on those militias, I really don't, but you know what Dale?'

Dale Emerick: "This is a critical moment, dare I call it: the birth of a nation . . OHHHH!"


Holden Sharpe:
"Hold back Dale, I'm in an election sir! I wanna ride this out, and I wan to ride it out alive and as a gentleman!"

Dale Emerick: "That's cute and I respect that, you're a cute little president . . but I have your opponent on the line, and he wants to tear in to you - should I let Mister Ptushkin on the line?"

 

The Federation

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*RING RING*

Ya Fiannian's cant help yerselfs can ya! We're minding our own business here and you cowards can't help but think of attacking Sylvania again with yer militias! WELL WE GOT MILITIAS N'AT TOO! How many died at Rutledge?! How many more gonna die before ya learn ya a lesson? Old man Rygaard, God bless him, let you off the hook too easily when those cowardly, fishy breath, Scanians came down on us both. I'm mighty disappointed in ya Dale, letting this cowardly Sharpe character on yer show and calling us and our fine President a globalist! HOOEY! *Click*
 

Thaumantica

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*RING RING*

Vitaly Ptushkin: "It's nice to have our Sylvanian friends chiming in, because you know what? President Sharpe has lost the war of public opinion in Sylvania and all of the world frankly, he's either hated or laughed at for his unusual and idiotic threats that bring nothing but uncertainty to our depressed markets."

Dale Emerick: "Open phones, can't help it President Sharpe . . and we need to go to break, this is going long form and I'm fixin' to take a pi . ."

*Better than ever before, no-side effects, good-taste, and an agreeable price. If you're still awake, you need to try Sleep-Ease, a revolutionary sleep assistance product from the freedom loving pharmacies of Fiannia. Get Sleep-Ease, don't battle insomnia alone, join the revolution against global sleep oppression!*



Dale Emerick: "And that's fine, sometimes we go Vivislav. Sometimes we go full Gunnish, and I'm not afraid to raise my kilt and tell you that, but we've got two Presidential candidates on the line and I'm willing to suppress the circulation of my glistening properties to allow their discourse!"

V. Ptushkin: "Ah, excuse me Engellish listeners, I wrote that before my third divorce and was in an angry place."

Holden Sharpe: "I've only been married twice, once to my beautiful wife Christiana, and first . . uhh, yeah before that to this nation - Fiannia, who I love."

Dale Emerick: "I've been meaning to ask, but did you consummate that marriage to our nation? What does that even look like, President Sharpe?"

Holden Sharpe: "Y'all watched on standard definition ten years ago, that was before HD in case you were curious, when I pledged upon the King James Version Bible uphold justice, and maintain independence of these Fiannian Free States . . THAT was my consummation!"

V. Ptushkin: "Yuck, do people still buy this shit?"

Dale Emerick: "They buy the vitamins, they buy the nutraceuticals, and they buy the teeshirts . . But, no . . I don't think they are buying phony patriotism nowadays, sorry to say mister President . ."
 

Thaumantica

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*You've heard the rest, now listen to the best ... It's 890 AM News Radio, Carnylon's premiere source for news and information!*

Marilyn Sheehan: "Back again, top of the hour, here with your national headlines:

  • Controversy swirls as 'The Freestate Journal' previews editorial criticizing Fiannia's annual election day, January 1st of every year. More to follow when FSJ is published early next month!
  • More in election news, VP Alla Fitznovskay announces she will not join President Sharpe on the ballot for a third consecutive term. She joins six former VP's whose differences with the executive caused a split.
  • Sylvanian born chef Laramie Beitz introduces "Beitz Ketchup" to restaraunts in Carnylon, consumers liken it to "Heydling Lager" of condiments as sales surge where the condiment is sold.
  • Great Northern War re-enactor Brice McKenzie found frozen to death in the barren woods of Sneachagan National Forest while attempting to use exclusively "period accurate" clothing, equipment, and provisions. Friends and family remember Brice as a quote: "total patriot and frontiersman of freedom".
  • Retired mailman and sitting Mayor Liam Dixon declared himself King of "Ate Fish Creek", a town of some 500 in Plank County. Sheriff Isko Nurminen addressed the claim in a weekly radio address stating: "if he collects his votes each January he can collect his crown . . But let it be known: we enforce the democratic process in this county!".
 

Thaumantica

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the Fiannian
'Christian Right - Special Edition'
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Adam Burkhart, Contributing Writer out of Ornarystar, Vestefjor State

"Guide Thee to the First" a poster reads, with an image of controversial radio personality Dale Emerick writes with the shirtless gentleman on his knees praying up towards a painting of Jesus Christ. Variations of this pressure on the Christian vein of Fiannia rang out in the final weeks and days leading up to the election, particularly painting competitor opponent Vitaly Ptushkin (Musical Entertainer turned candidate) as a possible STD, and sitting President Holden Sharpe as a lecher or leper depending on the meme. The pressures of this election were visceral and unforgiving.

The forefathers intended for this aggressive voting system which pits the determined against the otherwise disposed and drunk citizens of a primarily rural and disconnected country. This nation's dirtiest secret is its yearly election: every 1st January we elect a president and congress to serve in far flung Vesper despite the sheer impossibility of a fair election at the Northwestern Fringe of the Western World. Dale Emerick and the Christian Liberty Union did not "hack" the New Year, they simply updated the playbook with a domestic social media blitz that Sharpe's supporters could scarcely handle.​

"Let me begin -" Dale Emerick said on the hazy evening of January 1st, a hooting group of radio listeners rising above hundreds more silent Christian supporters in dark parkas and fur ushenka hats. "God and his angels do not get involved in our every day life unless we ask for them, but Fiannians have identified that this nation and its neighbors are interfacing with evil, and satan, and demons, and that we must . . "

As I was recording I was pushed on the shoulder from the rear into the edge of the street, a snow mobile nearly took off the corner of my ear as I punched the icy ground to retake the world of the standing. "Sorry bub, I'm here for Dale" a large bearded young man tells me before brushing the snow and grime off of my shoulders.

"We must take a position above this wicked world and observe their death, and I expect many to die . . " Emerick lectures about the geopolitical situation, "that's just me being honest, I'm not here to butter your bread, and the truth is the chariots Satan are prepared to roll over the civilized world . . "

Yelping and moaning begins from the crowd and I am rocked again by crowd members moving about. "My personal view is that we are about to endure a year of godless, heartless, and murderous communist takeover throughout the world . . I'm not a King, I'm not a Delegate of the Past, I'm just predicting the future: and faithlessness, moneygrubbing, and murder is on the rise . . freedom worldwide, this planet is losing liberty, and Europe is divorcing from is Christian roots!".

CONTINUES ON PG. 7
 

Thaumantica

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  • Townships across Fiannia shocked by surprise invasion drills from Patriotic Christian Army
  • LDS President Morgan Flynn denies sexual assault claim from former secretary
  • Food Bank Dept. declares rye surplus, advises citizens of extra rations
  • 89-year-old Army vet awarded first “Order of the Spear” honor from Pres. Emerick
  • Kindergarten teacher defends “prayer before snack time” policy in Vesper, advocates return to nationwide rule
 
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