Gunnish Media

[Gunnland]

The Advocate
Informing the Inns of Court and all Gunnishmen since 1665.

AMID WAR RUMORS, COLONELS PROMOTED TO GENERAL STAFF
Queen Julian Appeals for Calm; Offers Welcome to Burgundian Refugees​

WINDHAVEN. Engell marines and communist guerillas have torn apart western Bourgogne, further complicating the situation in the imperial realm which began to fall into chaos. With her new prime minister Dionysius G. MacHugh standing beside her, Queen Julian gave a public address on KGB-1 to calm fears that regional war is imminent.

"For now, the violence is confined to the extreme west of the Grand Duchy of Bourgogne. My royal cousin Charles Mary and I are under no illusions that restoring peace and order to his subjects there will take months or even years. Everywhere extra-continental threats to Gallo-Germanian security have taken advantage of the power vacuum in Bourgogne: rogue communists, Freemasons, Oriental anarchists."

In preparation for the integration of the imperial army, the queen promoted four general officers, which Gunnish custom usually reserves for wartime: James G. Wilson (Army), Iain MacDougall (Air Force), Patrick G. Gallagher (Navy), and Stephen mA. MacGarry, supreme command. The promotions will make these officers equal in rank de jure to their Elbener and Burgundian counterparts.

The general staff has called up reservists of the II Division and announced the planned muster of a new division. These troops are expected to be sent south to Lower Marpesia and (recently ceded) Visislava, where III Division and a 10,000-strong brigade from I Division (relocated from the Calidia border) have been stationed since the end of the Seven Days' War.

Training exercises in the army being assembled in Lower Marpesia and Elbener Visislava are underway. The troops are also expected to be involved in the logistics for resettling up to hundreds of thousands of Burgundian refugees in the Francophone towns of Lower Marpesia. Recently used Crotobaltislavonian refugee camps will be used as processing centers.

 

[Gunnland]

The Advocate
Informing the Inns of Court and all Gunnishmen since 1665.

MacLEOD PRIVATELY WEDS AZRAQI PRINCE IN AYR
Bp. Broithe Grants Couple Dispensation for Disparity of Cult​

WINDHAVEN. Almost two months after Archbishop Woodstone annulled her marriage to former leader James B. Blackthorn, Bishop Justin Broithe witnessed the wedding of Mary MacLeod, Countess of Arundel &c., to Prince Dalmar. Because the nuptial involves a disparity of cult, the couple was wed in a private ceremony in St. Fergus Cathedral in Ayr. Prince Dalmar is a Hagarite Moslem.

Liberal thingman William MacLeod, her brother and chief of the clan, and his fiancée Sheryl Rydell of the West Engell Republic, also attended. Mr. MacLeod witnessed as the bride-man. With the marriage, Prince Dalmar has officially inherited all MacLeod titles: Earl of Arundel, Duke of Lower Marpesia, and "Emir of Mafewa," as the Prince of Port Stanley will now style himself. These titles are heritable by any children the couple may have.

The Code of Canon Law (1061) requires an absolute promise from Mary MacLeod that the children of the marriage will be raised as Catholics, not as Moslems. However, many in the Church have been vocal critics of the match, arguing that a countess who not months ago threatened to divorce her husband and invite excommunication is not fit to make such a promise, and that the "MacLeods of Haradhera" will become a 'white Moslem' family with imperial pretensions in both Azraq and the Holy Tiburian Empire. There are further concerns that the couple will have a large, public Moslem wedding ceremony in Azraq.

Queen Julian and Leader William mD. Bowerman offered official congratulations to the couple. When reporters peppered Mr. Bowerman with questions about the dangers of the match, he cryptically commented that this was imperial history come full circle. He may have referred to Pope Innocent IV's criticisms of Holy Tiburian Emperor Frederick II for his "Saracen customs" and for being a "friend of Babylonian sultan."

 

[Gunnland]

The Advocate
Informing the Inns of Court and all Gunnishmen since 1665.

EISFÜCHSE TOP HIGHLANDERS 5-3 IN "VIP" GAME
Standing Beside West-Engell Leader, Earl Dalmar MacLeod Threw Opening Pitch
​

WINDHAVEN. Stefan Strasburger recorded two hits in one inning, including a home run, to put the Eisgarten Eisfüchse over the Windhaven Highlanders yesterday afternoon. But off-field politics stole the show from the pitcher's heroics.

An institutional artifact of the early 20th-century hopes for convergence between Gunnland and the Engellosphere, the PLB usually keeps politics strictly out of the game. In-game media reminds fans that Thaumantic and Continental baseball-playing nations have held reverence for the game above their cultural and political differences, and celebrate the "integration" of Thaumantic players in the Continental teams (and vice versa) sixty years ago. Baseball über alles! Trying to stay ahead of political pressures, the League heavily fines players for religious and political expressions of any kind. But yesterday came an opportunity that was too good for the PLB to miss out on: the leader of a Thaumantic country would hand the baseball to an Azraqi Gunnophile to make the first pitch.

It is unclear whether the icy reception by the Highlander fans was because of recent news of an Engell invasion in Bourgogne that is stoking fears of war in the capital, or, more likely, because of the unpopularity of Countess Mary MacLeod's new marriage that makes Prince Dalmar the second-most important nobleman in Gunnland. The presence of former Leader Blackthorn at the game, ex-husband to Ms. MacLeod, made it a painfully awkward occasion.

The goodwill event, marred by love and war, was probably not what the PLB intended. This made it perhaps an even more powerful statement that baseball is the only thing Engelsh-speakers share.

NOTE FROM THE EDITOR: An earlier edition of this story reported that baseball was invented in Westernesse in the 1830s. However, the origins of baseball are a matter of wide and passionate dispute, since related games have a long history among the Engelsh-speaking peoples: 18th century Engellexian rounders, 17th century Gunnish dog-and-cat, and a game called stoolball that originated in Engellex two hundred years after the Marpesian Conquest are all plausible candidates for the first 'game of baseball.' The rules to the modern game were written in Westernesse, however, though the PLB was purposely headquartered in Ayr, Gunnland, in 1901 in order to 're-introduce Thaumantic culture on the continent.'

 

[Gunnland]

The Advocate
Informing the Inns of Court and all Gunnishmen since 1665.

THING CENSURES BLACKTHORN FOR "DISLOYAL" BEHAVIOR, 15-9
Former Leader Refuses to Apologize, Urges Boycott of Kadikistan Pax Germanica Conference
​

WINDHAVEN. James B. Blackthorn denies ever saying that he "would rather live in an East Engell Republic than the Holy Tiburian Empire." But the former leader flaunted an Eisgarten Eisfüchse baseball cap at Windhaven Highlanders stadium, fanning rumors further.

The Thing of All Gunnishmen formally censured Blackthorn for "encouraging disloyalty." The bill of censure avoided the word 'traitorous'; ironically, Mr. Blackthorn was expelled from the Integrity Party for making accusations of treason during the Empire Bill.

However, in an extraordinary gesture, four Integrity MTs (C. Gallagher, W.mA. Matthew, P.B. Smith, H. Wu) and four Liberal MTs (A.C. Hanson, C.mLs. MacInnis, J.K. Skylaw, M.mLd. Stolmand) stood up from the right and left benches in the Freehold thingstead and sat down along the center bench alongside Mr. Blackthorn, where the independents sit.

"This is the opposition to empire!" said Mr. Blackthorn, though if true, the incongruous collection of right-wing Integrity Party politicians and left-wing Liberal Party politicians who so dramatically showed support for Mr. Blackthorn only lasted for several minutes.

Mr. Blackthorn began condemning the Foreign Office's plans to send Foreign Secretary Anthony G. MacPherson to the the recently proposed Pax Germanica conference in Ivar: "There was a time when we would be happy for Marxists and Masons to kill each other!"

At this many MTs began standing and shouting, and after the dust had settled, only the pacifist Prof. Skylaw remained sitting next to the former leader.

 

[Gunnland]

The Advocate
Informing the Inns of Court and all Gunnishmen since 1665.

MacPHERSON WILL REPRESENT EMPIRE AT PEACE CONFERENCE
Diplomat to Bring Security, Economic Concerns to Newly Forming Imperial Cabinet
​

WINDHAVEN. Karl Maria has not been crowned kaiser yet, but two of the four members of his imperial cabinet have been selected. Philippe Demai heads to Chagny as the first captain-general of the new imperial gendermerie. But the spotlight is on the foreign secretary, Anthony Gunn MacPherson, the newly announced imperial minister of foreign affairs, who will represent the Holy Tiburian Empire at the Pax Germanica conference in Belgarsk in the Kadikistani Union.

"I am honored to be the chief imperial tractor salesman," Mr. MacPherson quipped, citing the fact that the Gunnish industrial sector has high inventory levels, reflecting weak international sales. There is a real risk that firms like the Gunnish Motor Company, flush with foreign investment and incentives from the Bowerman Administration, have overproduced and will have to sell trucks, tractors, and heavy machinery at a loss. "With so much sudden uncertainty in Gallo-Germania, we're not moving our products as well as we would like," said Nicholas MacAllister Cotswold, the CEO of GMC. This is a different tune from April, when Mr. Cotswold predicted that GMC would overtake Raimer and EKW of Eiffelland within the decade. Mr. MacPherson says increasing exports is a major priority.

The focus of the conference in Belgarsk is expected to be security, however, rather than trade. The Bourgogne Question in particular is a burning problem. "The legitimate government of all Bourgogne is where it has always been, in Chagny," Mr. MacPherson says, "but it has been seriously undermined for a long time now. We realize that restoring law, order, and legitimacy is going to be complex process that takes months and even years. The Empire will use all of its now considerable resources to do so, but patiently, and in such a way that ensures peace and stability to Gallo-Germania."

When asked about the Grand Duchy of Lars, which has refused to attend the Pax Germanica conference and even to recognize the Holy Tiburian Empire, Mr. MacPherson said, "Lars is not a rogue state but a regional partner, and we're proud of our track record of cooperation with the Grand Duchy. I hope they continue to take pride in being a cooperative member of the Gallo-Germanian Community. The first step in proving this, of course, would be to recognize their largest neighbor."

 

[Gunnland]

The Advocate
Informing the Inns of Court and all Gunnishmen since 1665.

FIRST COMPETITIVE IMPERIAL ELECTION IN 550+ YEARS
7 Electors to Meet Over the Weekend in Chagny; Karl Maria the Favorite
​

CHAGNY. There has not been a competitive election of Holy Tiburian Emperor in more than five and a half centuries, the office becoming basically hereditary from the 15th century till its disappearance. So this weekend is the world-historic occasion to elect the heir of Charlemagne, Hammer of the Lexens, and Frederick the Great, stupor mundi, crowned king of Hierosolyma in 1225. Pope John XXIII will crown the emperor.

Or the empress, as it is, with Queen Julian as an outside contender for the imperial throne. Grand Duchess Mireille of Bourgogne is the other woman among the seven electors. Her husband, Karl Maria, the king of Elben, is the favorite to win election.

By far the most colorful elector is Prince Dalmar, Duke of Lower Marpesia, the noble Azraqi husband of Mary MacLeod. The remaining three electors are senior clerics: Simon Cardinal Donnet, Archbishop of Chagny, Ernst Cardinal von Eberstein, Archbishop of Eschenbach, and Archbishop Edmund Woodstone of Windhaven.

The election is Saturday. On Sunday will be the coronation in the city's famous Cathedral of Saint Benignus, built by Duke Jean Claude in the eighteenth century.

 

[Gunnland]

lampstand.gn
A Gunnish voice of integrity.​

Your Weekly Roundup from Windhaven
W. mA. Matthew, MT

• Of all the great crimes committed against the proud people of Bourgogne, is there any worse than having to read
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  ? Never fear. God is resurrecting his very empire to bring you home.
• Rebellion has torn apart Bourgogne, and some commie fools have invited the freemasons in, but what can I say, I'm a romantic. The
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  black market Zolotayas.
  
• On that note, don't know who will be God's anointed imperator on earth on Sunday, but it won't be some
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  olive-eater. They remembered they are an elective monarchy, and promptly failed at it.
• A
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  no longer does, evidently, anywhere in Eiffelland-Retalia. They're evidently too busy with rocket science and brain surgery to have a dose of humility.
  
• Breaking news: in Pohjanmaa or Suomenmaa, but anyway somewhere up there, they have
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  . Pretty impressive, when you think about it, if the only precipitation is snow.
• Even though GMC can't sell truck or tractor, and even Cotswold is linked to rumors of layoffs, it
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  that the Himyaris are picking up the slack across the Long Sea. Let's hope they don't.
• We don't get much out of the most confused country of the world, Kashtan, but now we hear the children there are
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  . Even Crazy Bob Carson thinks that's not going to help.
  
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  who live with their mothers rather than raise families, which is what socialists do, are auto-castrating and attempting to augment themselves with equine pudenda. Of course they are.
• What passes for written culture in Westernesse,
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  . RIP.
  
• Which
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  are you? I got Heydendahl, Deo gratias.

 

[Gunnland]

The Advocate
Informing the Inns of Court and all Gunnishmen since 1665.

OPINION: WHY DOESN'T GUNNLAND HAVE A CARDINAL?
Imperial Election Offers Reminder: Archbishop Woodstone Still Lacks Red Hat

Walter mA. Matthew, MT​

Henry Cardinal Stewart died Herzogenrode almost a year ago, and still Gunnland does not have a cardinal. Normally this would not be so strange, except for the fact that the Holy Father is a very old man, and it is widely expected that he is a caretaker preparing the Church for the next conclave. So why doesn't Gunnland have a cardinal?

I am aware of the arguments. Our new prelate, Archbishop Woodstone, is a member of the Order of St. Fergus and, though a longtime abbot in his congregation, has limited episcopal leadership experience. But Bishop Broithe has run the diocese of Ayr for more than ten years!

I am likewise aware of the rumors. The Holy Father disapproves of the MacLeod-Blackthorn annulment. (But that was a month ago!) The Gunnish bishops' conference is under disrepute after Cardinal Stewart's alleged mishandling of Vacant Bank funds. (But that was why Woodstone was elected!) The Ordo Solaris is ceaselessly complaining that there are too many Gallo-Germanian cardinals. The Eiffellandians are afraid of adding another "inflexible conservative" like Woodstone. And so on.

Few, if any nations, contribute more money to the Catholic Church than Gunnland. No nation is a more stalwart defender of the Church and her interests. Bourgogne barely remains a nation and has three cardinals. Eiffelland-Retalia barely remains Catholic and has three cardinals.

Gunnland should have a cardinal. Two cardinals. Six cardinals.

And we shouldn't send a talent to Tibur until we do.

 

[Gunnland]

The Advocate
Informing the Inns of Court and all Gunnishmen since 1665.

OPINION: GUNNISHMEN AND BURGUNDIANS CAN COÖPERATE
It Is Time to Admit Mistakes Gunnland Made In the Seven Days' War

Théophile Gladstone-Pape, MT
​

Former Leader Blackthorn blames every problem this country has, and some it does not, upon the empire. Empire will drag us into war. Empire has made the Council of the North redundant. Empire has dethroned Queen Julian. Empire has usurped the power of the Thing. Empire is to blame for declining exports, for the liquidity crisis. Empire is turning the frogs gay.

Even a broken clock is right twice a day, however. Recently Mr. Blackthorn's ravings hit upon a truth. Empire forces us to work with the Burgundians, and we Marpesians have only ever been their northern rivals. It will take some getting used to, getting over the rivalry with Bourgogne, and even the fear of Chagny's hegemony over northern Gallo-Germania.

We should start by being honest with Gunnland's role in the supernova that consumed Bourgogne in the final days of Grand Duke Charles, when they put 500,000 men under arms and spent 75 billion livres in a matter of days. The "humanitarian mission" to Crotobaltislavonia was meant to block the vanguard of General Mortier from racing to the defense of Trivodnia.

We blocked the Burgundians because we feared the hegemony of our old rivals more than we feared Kadikistan. Of course, Gunnish policymakers could not have known it would cause mutinies and disorder in Bourgogne, that the Grand Duchy was more fragile than it seemed, that the communists would seize the opportunity we made, that the strain would take the grand duke's life.

Gunnland is not responsible for the implosion of Bourgogne, but we contributed to its downfall, and now the anarchy in the heart of Gallia poses the greatest threat to Gunnish and Gallo-Germanian security. We can get off on the right foot in the new empire by admitting our mistakes, rebuilding a stable Bourgogne, and fearing our southern neighbors no more.

 

[Gunnland]

The Advocate
Informing the Inns of Court and all Gunnishmen since 1665.

TRUMM VISITS WINDHAVEN, CALLS EMPIRE "UNWISE"
Outspoken S.W.R. President Meets PM, Leader; Mostly Praises Gunnish Policy
​

WINDHAVEN. Reports claim that President Donna Trumm of the Socialist World Republic was rankled that the nearest airport to Windhaven is several hours down the Wash by train, delaying her whistlestop on the way to Salen. The S.W.R. president met with Leader William mD. Bowerman and Prime Minister Dionysius G. MacHugh at the Freehold for about two hours.

In a joint press conference with Leader Bowerman, Trumm raised eyebrows by telling Gunnish journalists that, in her view, the formation of the Holy Tiburian Empire was an "unwise policy decision."

Trumm also called upon Gunnland to enter negotiations with the Domain to peacefully resolve the Burgundian crisis. Leader Bowerman declined to comment on the question, saying it was "a matter for our new empress or emperor to decide."

Former Leader James B. Blackthorn praised Trumm's anti-empire comments, saying simply, "She gets it." He has warned that the worsening conflagration in Ouistreham will cost Gunnish lives, and urged Leader Bowerman to bypass the Empire to independently come to an understanding with the Domain.

"Not going to do it," said Mr. Bowerman, tersely.