Gunnish Media

[Polesia]

Joint statement
Ministry of External Affairs, Ministry of National Defence and Office of the President of the Free State of

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The Free State takes the threat posed by General Alexander Radek, who has repeatedly accused us of sponsoring what he terms "Yiddish gangsterism", very seriously, which is why there are heightened military patrols close to the Crotobaltislavonian border, where General Radek is believed to be hiding. We also take the threat of Raoul Farrago very seriously, and the threats from Ivar.

If the Gunnish prime minister cannot directly answer why he is sending special forces or reconnaissance teams - two offensive assets - to Elben without resorting to escalation, we must question both his judgement and his motives.

 

[Gunnland]

St. Benedict the Thegn
The Stoke News Letter
No. 25

QUEEN'S KIDNAP SPEECH. Madeleine mD. MacNicholls, spokeswoman for the Stone Chair, tells me that Queen Julian will give a short speech after receiving the Iron Crown. Her Majesty will ask the northern kingdoms of Caledonia, Elben, Geotri, and Warre to "stand together" and avoid being "kidnapped" by "foreign agendas." The queen appears to have acquiesced to the government's desire for collective security arrangement with other northern countries, rather than a closer relationship with Eiffelland. On the other hand, Queen Julian has won over the government to her policy of armed neutrality, extricating the northern kingdoms from the chess match being played between the Trier Concord and the Rurikgrad Pact.

TWO BRIGADES TO ELBEN. Two brigades of the First Division (East) have been deployed to bases in southeast Elben: the 11th Highland Dragoons and the 14th Arundel Guards. Division commander Col. James G. Wilson will supervise the deployment, leaving Lt.-Col. Michael C. Fylgiset in charge of the remaining two brigades stationed near the border of Calidia. About 10,000 troops will be on rotating deployment, where they will train with Elbenese forces and assist with refugee relocation and border security. The Army Council released the following statement: "Elben is the first line of defense against newly developing threats to Gunnish security in Crotobaltislavonia. The Gunnish Army has no plans at this time to assist the armed forces of Kadikistan against rebel elements, but we are monitoring the situation." Trivodnia has criticized news of the deployment.

On Windhaven newsstands, you can see the following headlines in The Advocate:

• Queen Julian to Receive the Iron Crown of the True Cross
• First Teams Announced for Ayr 2018 Winter Stephanitics
• Lauterpacht Calls for Peace Summit with Kadikistan Leader
• Travelers Relieved: Elben Reopens Airspace to Intl. Flights
• Black Smoke Again: Cardinals Deadlocked At Herzogenrode
• Lessons in Readiness: Joint Gunnland-Elben Exercises Begin
• Gunnish Diaspora in Maseru Reacts to Closer Boumerda Ties
• OPINION: Bring Crisdean Munn to Speak at the Marian

 

[Gunnland]

St. Paul the First Eremite
The Stoke News Letter
No. 26

LIBERALS OPTIMISTIC DESPITE SETBACKS. A liberal-Covenant bill to repeal vengeance laws almost passed in the Thing yesterday with Church support. Ancient Gunnish laws allows assault victims some time period to take proportional revenge upon perpetrators; critics call this "wild justice" lawlessness, and argue it places great demands upon enquêteurs that must discover if the initial crime happened and if vengeance was timely and appropriate. "For the first time, I wished Cardinal Stewart was in the Thing," said the bill's sponsor Catherine mL. Birmingham, "he would have been the thirteenth vote." A liberal bill to undermine heresy laws also failed. Even so, Prime Minister Maria Huyldrich voted with the liberals, who are confident they are in a much stronger position in 2018.

JEWISH REFUGEES MAY WORSHIP. For the first time in memory, the Kingdom of Gunnland will permit non-Catholic worship within its borders. Jewish refugees from Crotobaltislavonia who have crossed the borders into Lower Marpesia have been given leave to practice their prayers publicly in designated facilities run by the Gunnish Army. The vote in the Thing was so lopsided, 22-2, reportedly because Queen Julian threatened to permit Jewish worship indefinitely nationwide by decree. Just as the queen must eventually sign Thing bills into law, royal decrees must eventually be approved by the Thing, and the MTs wished to avoid a conflict with the new occupant of the Stone Chair.

THING SHAKE-UPS COMING? No elections are currently scheduled for Thing seats till summer, but we may not need to wait till then for big changes. Prime Minister Maria Huyldrich has indicated she is "actively exploring" the possibility of forging an alliance of moderate conservative and liberal MTs to advance the queen's agenda. The number of moderate conservatives will dwindle, however, if the Marian University decides to elect a new slate of MTs. Heresy controversies involving John K. Skylaw and Michabarach Foucoža have sharply divided faculty members. The conservative Thomist Elwald K. Maclo, dean of St. Thomas College, confides in me that the “quiet compromise” is over.

​

 

[Gunnland]

St. Agnes of Tibur
The Stoke News Letter
No. 27

QUEEN DISSOLVES THING. In a surprising development, Leader Blackthorn and the Integrity leadership did not block the Stone Chair's decree dissolving the Thing. Her Majesty hopes new elections will bring a moderate bloc that allows Prime Minister Maria Huyldrich to form a government. Integrity, which holds a strong majority, was expected to reject dissolution. Leader Blackthorn and the Integrity leadership apparently believe they can strengthen their majority in the 12 elected seats, and retain their edge in the 12 seats reserved for the university, inns of court, Church, and army.

MEDJEDOGUE SUPPRESSED. The Church in Elben has ruled that there is not sufficient evidence to commend the cures attributed to the visions of Marja Vilecki, a fifteen year-old who claimed to see apparitions of the Virgin Mother in Medjedogue. Devotion to Our Lady of Medjedogue has become popular among the laity of Gunnland. There is rumor that Kadikistan has put pressure on the Kingdom of Elben to suppress the devotion, because of Our Lady's stern warnings about the spread of international communism.​

 

[Elben]

The Bishops of Elben write:

Dear Brothers, it has come to our attention that a devotion to the so-called "Lady of Medjedogue" has grown among the laity of Gunnland. The actual visions have to do with angels and have been suppressed by our brother the bishop of Cieszyn after a proper investigation determined their inauthenticity. We urge our brethren to root out improper devotion to anything to do with the visions of Marja Vilecki and Medjedogue so that the souls of their flocks may not be led astray.

 

[Gunnland]

Ss. Sabinian and Sabina
The Stoke News Letter
No. 28

INTEGRITY WINS SNAP ELECTIONS. Snap elections did not hurt the ruling Integrity party, which continues to hold 6/12 elected seats in the Thing. The rise of independents hurt the Liberal Covenant. I am honored to have been appointed to one of the four university seats, and to become the second Thingwoman. Of the four independents, Prime Minister Huyldrich and Bishop Justin Broithe + are believed to lean liberal, while David C. MacGinley (I-Seaguard) and David B. Smith (I-Dalmyre) are believed to lean Integrity. The latter unseated liberal leader Theo Larkin, leaving the opposition party in some disarray.

The news is not all good for the Blackthorn government, however, as the campaign revealed some differences between the mainstream Integrity party and hardliners associated with the censor, Fr. Coemgein Gallagher, and Padraig B. Smith (Inn of Advocates).​

 

[Gunnland]

St. Berlinda
Windhaven

Dear Gunnishman,

Your Stoke News Letter will not be delivered this week. Father Gallagher wisely prevented copies from being distributed, once it became clear that Miss Stoke was running an illegal newspaper in all but name.

The government will permit a disgusting display of indecency to take place as our Opening Ceremony in the Stephanitics, one that will include whorish displays of young ladies in "slavery," as they call historical practices of bride kidnapping and thralldom. It is ironic that the southern liberals decry Gunnland: secretly this country is a gynocracy.

At Schloss Klippenstein in far Eiffelland, three witches attend to a Lady Macbeth.

It is a story as old as the world. Our leaders fallen into the hands of temptresses. Queen Julian has absorbed the effete indifferentism of the southern Germans, and that styganor at her side, Adelaide mLd. Elmert, stokes her revenge fantasies against leading men of this country. God made her to rule over us, and yet Julian struts around like a victim. Of course, the liberals love it, including the new immigrant woman prime minister. And what does Leader Blackthorn do about all this? Return to bed with that jezebel, Mary MacLeod, a countess who wishes she were a man in a boardroom. All around us they stage a humorless Lysistrata. How much more humiliation can this country take?

The so-called "moderates" will learn that, in their lust for the honor and acclaim of this world, they have no moderation. What will Queen Julian and her spineless ministers in Windhaven gain from kowtowing to Amstov? They offer Crotobaltislavonian Jews the right to perform public rites displeasing to God, upon the soil our ancestors have died to keep Christ's peace. And in return, what do they gain? There is news smear campaign in the Jewish-run media that Gunnland is destabilizing the region, and calls to boycott Gunnish goods in that country, as if the Trivodnian mark was strong enough still to buy a dram!

Do not fear, Gunnishman. The forces of civilization are on the march. Communists and capitalists, slavers and tarinians, are on their heels. Our Caledonian friends are literally marching on Dun Eidyn. Our Lady has appeared to us at Medjudogue, and God has given us a sign of victory at Calasraid. Cowardly bishops and cowardly governments, who think in terms of this world, will not stop the people from renewing Christian civilization.

Your servant,

Regulus Marpesius
​

 

[Gunnland]

St. Meldan
St. Tears

Dear Gunnishman,

You will no doubt have heard that the Ayrans will display a Stephanitic Opening Ceremony to the southern taste, and that it is the will of Her Majesty that Countess Mary be allowed to do so. I have never been a Liberal, but the splenetic over-reaction of a small faction within the Integrity Party to a dance is absurd.

Enquêter Smith called a special session of the Thing in St. Tears, for an assize court that he knew would have no quorum, in order to let his friend Thingman Matthew propose not stopping the opening ceremonies, which is beyond the remit of the Thing, but to prevent the Gunnish flag from being flown therein. The leading men (and women) of Gunnland, summoned to the site of the stone chair for such a trivial purpose. And the measure carried twelve votes -- one short of a majority!

Leader Blackthorn did the right thing by allowing the insurgency within the Integrity Party to attempt a vote without the support of the leadership. Donald MacLeish voted with the insurgent right-wingers, I expect, only to please his Downwasher supporters who hate the Ayrans. And they came within one vote of embarrassing the government! Still, I hope, the lesson is that the far right is not strong enough to openly challenge the Integrity leadership.

It has been a tense week, with thingmen displaying vicious habits learned from a time of general elections. I could mention the harassment of Professor Elizabeth mA. Stoke, MT, and the suppression of her popular newsletter. But hopefully now the Integrity backbenchers -- I do not say, "Smith-Gallagher Circle" since I count both as friends -- have learned there is little to gain from challenging the party leadership so brazenly, over matters so trivial.

We have more important work to do for Gunnland.

Your servant,

Felix Vespasianus​

​

 

[Gunnland]

St. Clara
Ayr

Dear Gunnishman,

This is my last word on the Opening Ceremonies. We knew these would be Ayr's stephanitics, not Gunnland's. So I was not to upset to see a few hundred young ladies dressed absurdly in floppy bonnets and tartan skirts frolic around with streamers and 'sing a song of freedom,' like trollops putting on a a kitsch version of La Traviata, which -- I hope my Retalian friends will excuse me -- was kitsch in the first place. One wonders: has Queen Julian lived in the south long enough to actually enjoy this kind of choreographed, joyless gambol? That Long Sea sun will cook your brain. They didn't ask me to plan the opening ceremonies, though. I would have asked Bishop Broithe to offer a solemn high Mass. (The corpulent coward might have refused, though.)

I hope you watched an international broadcast, dear Gunnishman. I hope the French and German commentators talked over the performance, swooning, "Gunnland is a changing country," and other soft-minded nonsense. I hope the cameras kept coming back to our pretty blonde queen smiling and clapping like an idiot. And then I hope they said things like, "This is just the beginning for the changes coming to Gunnland," and, "This determined young woman is not afraid to bring Gunnland into modern history." Of course, it's all a sham dreamed up by Ayr advertising executives, it's all insipidness manufactured by the #gogunnland tourism board morons. Even worse, it's a nationally televised apology that we're Gunnish. As if the rest of Christendom doesn't owe Queen Julian an apology for reneging on their thousand-year-old promises to keep Christ's peace, and leaving a clueless teenage girl as the only monarch in Europe regularly reminded of her duty to God and man.

"Peace through sport," they say, but it's really a spectacle put on by a global élite that has nothing but contempt for what Gunnland is really like. Watch them praise us on the international broadcasts: "See, these nice people in Gunnland are just like us. Maybe a little slow to catch up, but give them a decade, and they will be just like us." I hope you hear this and have a wee dram and a big laugh. Let the smug southern bourgeois go to hell. And shame on Queen Julian, Countess Mary, and Leader Blackthorn for cheering them on from the VIP seats.

Your servant,

Regulus Marpesius​

 

[Gunnland]

It is an odd thing, that most expatriate Gunnishmen receive news from their home country by e-mailing photocopied letters, letters that are usually written on typewriters and mailed out of their homeland to Caledonia, Eiffelland, Elben, and wherever large communities of Gunnishmen live. Except for the semi-autonomous regions, the Kingdom of Gunnland has a state-controlled media and strictly controls Internet usage. It is an island of silence in a sea of words, a holdout from the Information Age. The Windhaven Advocate and the single national television station are largely devoted to cultural and religious content. But once in a while, a video clip from the national television channel, KGB-1, is interesting enough to circulate on the Gunnish samizdat. Of course it features the popular late-night host Jim Boswell, but in a different role of sports reporter.

KGB-1 Live
Ayr​

[Camera sweeps across Ayr skyscrapers; a montage of speed-skating, downhill skiing, and figure skating plays with the stephanitic anthem in the background. Picture fades to a news desk with the Ayr skyline in the background. Jim BOSWELL is a Johnny Carson look-alike with a dark hairspray combover. His guest, seated opposite, is a balding man with rimless glasses.]

BOSWELL: "We're here on Kingdom of Gunnland Broadcasting in Ayr. I'm your host James Boswell, and I've finally made it to daytime television. Please welcome John MacDougall Caldwell, stephanitic legend, everyone!" [Applause.] "...now tell me, John, what was it like to light the Stephanitic torch on Friday? And what did you think of those... [Boswell looks at the camera dramatically] ...salacious opening ceremonies?"

CALDWELL: "It was an honor, Jim. I don't know about all that. [Padraig] Smith and [Walter] Matthew could stand to lighten up a bit. But hey, there are people in Ayr who are all bent out of shape that Leader [James] Blackthorn had Marta Ramos with him in the VIP box sitting behind Countess Mary [MacLeod], so... [Boswell gives him a look.] I liked the opening ceremony. I'm proud at the progress women have made in this country. I have daughters."

BOSWELL: [Laughs a little nervously.] "Yes, Alexandra and Lucia. Will they add to the family medal collection? How do you think Gunnland will do overall. Can we rack up some wins at home for Queen Julian?"

CALDWELL: "Women's cross country is a tough field, but I hope Alexandra and Lucia can compete. My son John Jr. has come a long way, too. I'm a lucky man to have three children competing in these games. But it's going to be a tough year for Gunnland, 2018, I think. Team Gunnland may not even medal in biathlon this year. That's a very tough field. I don't even know it's a sure shot we'll medal in curling, with the Geotrians and the Markenese really peaking in international competitions recently. I think with a home-team advantage, we'll be able to take home, say five medals. What we used to think of as 'our sports' have become competitive."

BOSWELL: "Tim Porter's gold yesterday in slalom, though..."

CALDWELL: "Huge for us. What an amazing start. Beating Bernd Raich at that. He may have gotten a bit lucky with an early start time. Conditions were slushier when Raich, Reinhold Martin, Ismael Akhandaryov... some of the real legends in slalom skiing, made their runs. But Tim raced a great race. I'm just not sure we can count on that luck in every sport. Especially on the women's side..."

BOSWELL: "There have been criticisms of Gunnland for fielding women's teams that..."

CALDWELL: "Right. As part of the 2018 bid, the GSOC had to field more women's teams. They weren't going to give us the games if we just sent men, like Elben and West Gouw Marken do, in what are traditionally 'men's sports' in some northern countries. But as a result, all of our women athletes just don't have the training. Some of them do, but not all of them."

BOSWELL: "Who's going to win these games, John?"

CALDWELL: "Eiffelland and Kadikistan are sporting powerhouses, Jim, and they don't lose a step in winter sports. Eiffelland has great athletes in almost every event, men's and women's. They just have a massive team here in Ayr. Kadikistan's team is a little smaller, but they can really dominate speed-skating and especially ski-jumping."

BOSWELL: "That's it? Another Trier versus Rurikgrad tussle. Sounds like Banja Luka 2018. We should have just let Crotobaltislavonia or Trivodnia host the games!" [Laughter.]

CALDWELL: "Well, I don't know about that. Never count out Caledonia in the Winter Stephanitics. And I think the team nobody is expecting to rack up medals is East Gouw Marken. The Markenese are always going to dominate figure skating. But the East in particular has really built up their stephanitics training programs along the Kadikistan model in recent years. Did you see the thrashing their women's ice hockey team gave the Geotrians? I tell you what, if Gouw Marken fielded a united team, they'd be scary."

BOSWELL: "Oh, they are scary. Have you seen how the Markenese skaters do those Biellmann spins, like tulips on a turntable? I mean, we knew the Markenese could bend pretty far in both directions, but..." [Laughter.] "OK, stay tuned for a look at the Bourgogne national hockey teams, how they balance their lives with hockey, and how they react to reports of the disciplined regimen of their Kadikistani rivals. Then Elizabeth MacAllister Stoke sits down with Nicholas Meyer, the downhill skiing sensation from Elben, to talk about his special dedication to the Virgin Mother..."

 

[Gouw Marken]

Oh, they are scary. Have you seen how the Markenese skaters do those Biellmann spins, like tulips on a turntable? I mean, we knew the Markenese could bend pretty far in both directions, but..."

Random East-Markenese: 'Why can't I find this any more on the internet'?
Random West-Markenese: 'Why is this subtitled into '... we knew that East-Markstad could bend pretty far in both directions'?
[OOC me laughing my head off]

 

[Gunnland]

St. Alexis Falconieri
Windhaven

Dear Gunnishman,

Can there be any doubt that democracy is the least stable form of government, not at all conducive to the peace of the commonwealth? Look at the crisis in Caledonia. It should be a lesson to our friends in Elben. Once you start allowing newspapers and elections, out comes an incoherent ideological array of socialists, liberals, and "greens," ready to fuse their anger and envy together in order to cause mayhem. This is not to say Said Madec is the great hope he was trumped up to be. The foolish blowhard, always grasping for more than any reasonable or prudent man would desire, wanted to form some ideologically incoherent "corporatist brotherhood" with Mohammedans and pagans. Say a prayer for King Mael Coluim V.

I do not mean to say that all monarchies are better, like some sort of Hobbesian defactoist would. Look at the crisis in Jydermark-Østveg: the king lies in a coma, and his wife and daughters conspire to rewrite the laws of succession however they would like. Now I am the last man to shed a tear for the Gunns' globalist agenda -- I highly doubt young Joachas dreams of ruling over some snowbound far corner of the world, and I cannot for the life of me imagine why the Gunns would want to rule such an improbably named country -- but the constitutional situation there is ludicrous. If your leading men can rewrite the laws of succession anytime a gaggle of soft-headed women agree, you have no kingdom at all.

These crises, and other minor crises like the march on Trier and the federalization conflicts in Kadikistan, show the superiority of the Gunnish political system. Truly all civilized people must try to harmonize the authority of fathers and the equal standing of citizens. In our Gunnish mixed régime, the Council of Thegns stands for our fathers, the fathers of the great families, the clans whom we are all pledged to. The thegns are the source of royal authority, which is why they elect the king. But we are not all like children who owe complete obedience to our fathers, though we still owe them reverence. So we who are attorneys, priests, professors, soldiers, and citizens of the towns and cities elect the Thing of All Gunnishmen, where we stand as fathers of families, equal to one another.

As Europe descends into crisis around us, it is a day to remember and give thanks for the lastingness of our régime, which has protected Christ's Church and kept Christ's peace in our land for a thousand years.

Your servant,​

Publius Decius Mus​

​

 

[Gunnland]

The following is a widely shared article from the Windhaven Review of Books.

"The Spider"

Elizabeth MacAllister Stoke
​

‘The chief,’ Robert Gunn, holds up his index finger. One minute. The walls of his office at the Capitollium seem to be made of books. On his desk, Aristotle’s Nicomachean Ethics and Spinoza’s Tractatus Theologico-Politicus sprout post-it notes in many colors. The Gunn resigned his seat representing the Marian University in the Thing two years ago, in order to spend more time with his family. Then came a royal plane crash, the summertime disappearance of then-princess Julian, which nearly led to a clan war and forced the ‘Old Duke,’ a military officer confusingly also named Robert Gunn, to retire. Professor Gunn has found himself back in the Thing of All Gunnishmen. And now he's chief of the royal clan. He hangs up the phone with an apologetic smile.

“Sorry, that was Schloss Klippenstein.” Queen Julian calls once, perhaps twice a day. Prime Minister Huyldrich and Leader Blackthorn are old friends from university. There is no leading Gunnish figure whom the Gunn is not friendly with: the Gunnish government is like the many-headed Ceberus of the Engellexian presidential seal, but it’s also tiny. Robert Gunn spends most days keeping one head from biting the others off. “Come on, we need to see the MacDougall.”

We pass the King Alexander monument and round the corner of Wash Street together on the way to the Sword and Ship pub. Wiry and sandy-haired with big black glasses, Gunn looks every bit a university professor down to his stoop and loping gate. What he doesn't look like is a powerbroker. But right now he is trying to hold two wings of the Integrity Party together: the ‘Smith-Gallagher circle,’ or the conservative hardliners in the judiciary, and Leader Blackthorn and other moderates with ties to the Ayr business community. And more besides. The MacDougall chief does not fit into either of those camps, but he has become increasingly critical of Queen Julian and other Gunnish elites for living abroad. He’s also old childhood friend of the Gunn. Surprise, surprise.

Robert Gunn wasn’t born to be the Gunn chief. His father ran a textile mill in Dalmyre-Seaguard that finally shut its doors in the mid-1990s. Following his grandfather’s footsteps, he rose up the ranks of the Marian University, making the powerful friendships and connections that he now employs to keep the country together. “Her Majesty calls me the spider,” the chief says with a smile, “She says this country is like a web I scuttle along.” With the royal family reduced to a teenage girl and a toddler after King Josias’s plane crash, the Gunns have wisely elected him chief. Some have said it is because of Clan Gunn’s weakness that the Gunn is able to lead by consensus so effectively: the other leaders don’t see him as a threat.

An hour later he has calmed the MacDougall down. The Highland chief is reassured that Julian is not about to elope with Prince Ludwig of Eiffelland. The MacDougall has promised not to press the absentee royalty issue until Julian is finished at the Robert Koch Universität, or at least focus his criticisms upon Duncan MacLeish, who lives the lifestyle of a billionaire expatriate.

The Gunn allows himself a smile as we walk into the evening. He seems content as we walk along the Wash as dusk falls and the gaslights turn the river aquamarine. Robert Gunn loves his little college town, a peaceful island in a sometimes chaotic country and a sometimes turbulent region. When I ask him what his vision for Gunnland is, he says, “Keep the ship steady.” Part of this, he says, requires letting some sectors and cities move forward and adapt. He offers a summary of his early-morning meeting with Dr. Amittai mL. Duff, the economist and central banker whom the Gunn says he admires, “even if he’s a MacLeish.” (The Gunn played a major role in 2011 bringing Dr. Duff back to Windhaven to lead the Bank of Gunnland.) Letting Ayr modernize more quickly, this takes the pressure off the rest of Gunnland. “We’re in a similar situation to Kadikistan, really,” the Gunn surprises me by saying, “we have learned that to best sustain an alternative way of life, our faith and our customs, we can’t cut ourselves off from Europe entirely. We have to live and trade with them, but we also have to make sure these interactions help us create the society we want to live in, and not become like the market societies of the South.”

When I ask him what his friends in Ayr, or Queen Julian, think about him as a kind of Sergei Moravscik on a smaller scale, the Gunn smiles. “There's really no comparison. Her Majesty, the Bank of Arundel, and J.P. MacMorgan all realize that we Gunnishmen have never swept away the old order here. They need someone to move through the cobwebs.”

 

[Gunnland]

The Belltower
Deo et patriae + International Newspaper of the Integrity Party + One talent g1

​

Keeping Integrism Pure from the 'Mad Madecs'; A New Corporatist Brotherhood?
Joel Cameron MacPhail

Said Madec made the mistake that political-totalitarians everywhere make. He came to see the corporate state simply in terms of a political project. He came to see how corporatism bore a political similarity to "right-wing" parties of Moslems in Boumerda and pagans in Unidos. And he dreamed of seizing control in Caledonia and building an international movement. Satan took him up to the heights of Cuillin and showed him the world.

New documents released by the Party show that the Leader tried to warn Mr. Madec. The Party serves the kingdom, the kingdom serves the Church; the Party reminds the people how Gunnland has kept the peace of Christ for one thousand years. Just before Mr. Madec's ill-advised March on Dun Eidyn, Mr. Larkin was preparing to travel north to warn him of the devil's temptations.

Not all popular sanfedist movements mature in the doctrine of integrism. The idols of nationalism, and of the nation-state, waylay some of our Christian brethren and tempt them away from the universal Church. The idols of democracy, and of popular legitimacy, waylay the Christian "democrats" away from the true source of all authority that Our Lord and St. Paul have revealed to us. The idols of fascism, and of military discipline and power, waylay others and tempt them away from the precepts of temporal peace. The idols of corporatism, and of political economy, waylay others that reduce all politics to economic growth, as the capitalists do, or to some distribution of worldly goods, as the socialists do. Modern politics is full of idols: national, political, military, and economic.

It is time for the Party to take the lead in Europe to ensure that no more sanfedist movements are lost to the confusions of this age. Time is of the essence. We must act now, while integrism is still strong in the North.

 

[Gunnland]

The Advocate
Informing the Inns of Court and all Gunnishmen since 1665.

​

NO UNDERHANDED "KADIKISTAN DEAL," NO "AUSWEGIAN FRONT" PLANS
Leader and Prime Minister Hold Rare Freehold Press Conference
​

Leader James B. Blackthorn and Prime Minister Maria Huyldrich held a joint press conference in the Freehold to confront rumors that Gunnland allowed the armed forces Kadikistani Union free passage between Calidia and Crotobaltislavonia. Gunnish media were invited. "These reports are unequivocally false," said Mr. Blackthorn, "they are lies spread by our enemies in Amstov."

The Leader targeted special criticism at Chancellor von Seydewitz of Eiffelland, calling him a "sucker." He referred to several television interviews where the Eiffellandian chancellor referred to the "stupidity" of the northerners' decision to allow Kadikistan troop transports, which appeared to tar Elben and Gunnland with the same brush. According to a Foreign Office report, no Gunnish allies solicited statements or information from the Kingdom about the alleged deal.

"On drugs, on religious freedom for refugees... name the issue, and we cooperate," Blackthorn explained, "our strategic partnership with Elben and Geotri and our red telephone with Ivar has kept Caledonian crisis from completely destabilizing the North. But time and time again, we find that our Southern partners are in the pockets of troublemakers in Trivodnia."

"The whole world should praise Queen Julian as a peacemaker and a negotiator," Prime Minister Huyldrich added, crediting the young queen with defusing the crisis surrounding the Christmas Coup in Crotobaltislavonia, which at its height brought Rurikgrad Pact forces from as far as Xinhai into the Gallo-Germanian theater. "Why must everyone claim she cut a dirty deal? Because she's young? Because she's a woman?"

Pressed by questioners, Leader Blackthorn admitted that there has been a sharp increase in civilian truck traffic between Calidia and Crotobaltislavonia, but attributed this to the disruptions of war. "For decades we have sought to improve trade relationships with Calidia and Kadikistan, as a vital component of our economic security. What kind of heartless madmen want us to cut off the flow of goods to a war-torn country?"

Leader Blackthorn explained how "warmongers" and "war profiteers" in Trivodnia manufacture military crises in order to blackmail wealthy Southern countries for money and military aid. "Naturally they want to tarnish Christian peacemakers and responsible statesmen," he said. When asked why the military-industrial complex suddenly took the upper hand last Christmas, Leader Blackthorn pointed to the right-wing pressure of the 'March on Trier,' and Chancellor Stefan Furst of Carinthia-Harkány. "This guy [Furst] is a real instigator," he said, "he tried to trick us into sending a delegation to Hallein, without telling us that they had brought King Mael Coluim V into the country, and were trying to make contact with Said Madec."

This important message was revealed to be the ultimate reason for calling the press conference: "Stefan Furst is dragging Von Seydewitz by the nose towards war. Who can sell more arms to Amstov."

Press questions later focused on the Jydermark-Østveg crisis, and the coup d'état in that country that has robbed the throne from Joachas, the Duke of Clyth, its rightful occupant. "This is not a directly matter of state," Leader Blackthorn clarified, "but rather directly a matter for Clan Gunn to handle. We are not surprised to find that our old friends in the South are once again refusing to come to Queen Julian's aid. But I reiterate my disappointment that they will not even offer so much as a diplomatic statement on young Joachas's behalf, after all he has been through."

Prime Minister Huyldrich denied rumors that Clan Gunn is making contingency plans for a guerilla war with their allies in Østveg.
​

 

[Polesia]

Office of the President of the Free State of Trivodnia

Blinded by bigotry, the leaders of Gunnland stand there and blame Trivodnia, which has been nothing other than a victim of external aggression, for the Christmas Crisis, and then outright lie about their own involvement. Windhaven may have some fooled, but the evidence of Gunnish complicity in the Kadikistani takeover of Crotobaltislavonia is as clear as day to us.

 

[Gunnland]

Officium Ducis + Regnum Marpesiae
Office of the Leader + Kingdom of Gunnland

[For public release.]

In my interview with The Advocate on Monday I had some stern warnings for "our enemies in Amstov," "troublemakers in Trivodnia," and "warmongers" and "war profiteers" in that country. The Foreign Office now informs me that President Meier Lauterpacht has seen his own reflection in these comments. This is saddening but not surprising.

That the scheming arms-dealer had the nerve to name Prime Minister Huyldrich and me "bigots" is a little more surprising. What is his evidence for that? Probably the same as the evidence that we let Kadikistani tanks parade through Gunnland: nonexistent. He spouts absurdities and calls others liars. Liars in Gunnland. Liars in Elben. Liars in the Kadikistani Union. Liars in Greater Kranislavia. Liars in Crotobaltislavonia.

Mr. Lauterpacht is in a pinch these days, since the Kranislavians no longer want to play along with the sham democracy he pretends to preside over, so I am inclined to forgive for his lack of manners. But let me be clear: attributing absurd things to fellow statesmen, calling them bigots and liars, and throwing hissy fits is no way to govern. No doubt this is why Mr. Lauterpacht's once-united country is falling apart.

James B. Blackthorn
Leader of the Thing of All Gunnishmen

 

[Gunnland]

Ss. Felicity and Perpetua
Windhaven

Dear Gunnishman,

A crisis in Caledonia, a crisis in Jydermark-Østveg, but now thankfully rumors of a crisis in Gunnland averted. Rumors circulated at the end of last week that the Enquêter was prepared to issue an international arrest warrant for Duncan MacLeish, the chief of Clan MacLeish, on charges of international drug trafficking. Queen Julian is widely believed to bear a grudge against the MacLeish, who is the wealthiest man in Gunnland, though he normally resides in Bremen, Eiffelland. Such a move would have risked sparking clan war.

Today, however, the Inter-Services Office 15AR announced that the warrant was instead being issued for Lady Elizabeth Cameron Cawdor, a mysterious Maseru heiress rumored to be closely connected to the MacLeish, on charges of kidnapping. The alleged victim of the crime is Queen Julian's lady-in-waiting Adelaide MacLeod Elmert. Some colorful details of the case have made it the stuff of rumor in Windhaven. First, Lady Cawdor is said to have a partially burned face, for which she wears a mask. Second, Lady Cawdor is rumored to have become on intimate terms with the MacLeish, despite her horrendous disfigurement, and despite his well-attested preference for beautiful young women that has prevented him from marrying in the past. Third, Ms. Elmert was just in court last summer for the case of an abusive employer, George Cameron Fogerty. Readers will remember that the prosecution sought a ten-year sentence for Mr. Fogerty, but Queen-Dowager Cherra handed down a capital sentence, and he was immediately publicly executed. Some have wondered at the coincidence that Ms. Elmert had two criminally abusive employers in a row, before coming into the service of Her Majesty.

The MacLeish and Lady Cawdor are rumored to be in hiding in Engellex or Trivodnia. The latter country is unlikely to serve the warrant due to a war of words in which that country's president, Meier Lauterpacht, called Leader Blackthorn "a bigot." The Trivodnians allege that Gunnland aided Kadikistan's invasion of Crotobaltislavonia, which Wash Bridge denies.

Finally, there have reportedly been clan skirmishes in Lower Marpesia between Gunns and MacLeishes. Four wealthy clans, the Gunns, MacLeishes, MacDougalls, and Camerons, have been investing heavily in the southern borderlands, especially in French-speaking and Visislavic areas. They have been invited by the Marpesian élites in Îls-des-Pins, clearly, as a strategy of bringing in "muscle" to control separatist areas that the Marpesian Parliament formerly had problems controlling. Critics have called the clans a "racketeering operation." The MacLeish arrest rumors led to tensions in the extreme southeast, where the MacLeishes have established a small duthchas in Visislavic villages surrounding a camp for Jewish refugees from Crotobaltislavonia. Violent clashes with Gunn clansmen there left four dead and more injured, though there is not yet any reliable information about their clan affiliations.

Your servant,


Augustinus​

 

[Rheinbund]

Kanzleramt
Trier, Eiffelland

The only thing that can "drag Eiffelland into war" is an attack on Eiffelland itself or on one of its allies. Chancellor Furst repeatedly blamed us for not starting a world war over Crotobaltislavonia, but he is not and will never be the person who can order us to go to war.
No matter how those Kadikistani soldiers showed up in Crotobaltislavonia, they can only have come there through Gunnland or Elben, either with or without the governments of those countries knowing that this happened. In both cases, it is a stupidity to let this happen. When without the governments of said countries knowing it, the stupidity is the lack of adequate border checks. When with the governments of said countries knowing it, the stupidity is allowing a country that structurally disrespects human rights and human freedom to get a foothold in the heart of Gallogermania.

Matthias Graf von Seydewitz, Chancellor

 

[Rheinbund]

Aussenministerium
Trier, Eiffelland

We offer al the assistance needed to get Lady Elisabeth Cameron Cawdor arrested. When we find her in Eiffelland, we will hand her over to the Gunnish authorities.

Rudolph Kögler, Minister for Foreign Affairs and Vice-Chancellor