6[SUP]th[/SUP] of August 1954
Kastoria
It’s been more than 30 years since those days that may have marked our generation. The two halves of my youth have passed, first in a family with deep royalist support and in the German Gymnasium in Kastoria and the second half in the Kastoria University at the Political Science specialization. I should say that I have started to live my youth only after those halves passed. It was like a continuation of the years in which I felt so much but understood so little of the world around me.
My family was great supporters of the monarchy and for them the ousting of King Sotiros was a great tragedy, especially for my mother, who started to channel all her frustrations in her love for the church and for God. This was something that my father, at least at the beginning was trying to accept, but her fundamentalism was too much for him. He decided to break up with her, in 1907, when I was nine years old. I managed to live with her one year. In 1909, after a huge argument regarding her sanity, my dad, his sister and my mom decided to send me to the German Gymnasium to live in their campus, in an atmosphere of learning, culture and isolation from my mentally deranged relatives…
The half of my youth started when I was 18 and I graduated the Gymnasium. In those days the teachers from the high school you were following were the ones who were to write you a recommendation, if wanted to be accepted to a university. My teachers observed my interest for the politics of the leaders of those days, the one who ousted King Sotiros and declared himself regent, Zinon Avramidis. My interest for Avramidis came especially for the fact that he provoked so much suffering to my mom. At that time, she tried to continuously say that it was the regent’s fault that our family was literally disbanded, but as I grew up, my reminiscences from that year in which I lived with that insane woman are that, even if in the short term, we suffered, I believe that the fact that I was sent to that gymnasium, I was liberated from the familial chains and had some experiences which would have been banned for me otherwise. Probably my youth would have been much more troubled and I would have ended up becoming some sort of monk or even worse a priest, having to take a wife if I ever want to preach in a church. But probably, I would have done that for money and I would have been a slut, even worse than the ones you see on the Victory of Socialism Boulevard, I would prostitute my body with that wife whom I would love just in name, but I would also demean the hopes of salvation of the people who would come to hear my sermons, in which I wouldn’t believe.
So, in 1916, in the ending days of the military regime of General Colomnos, my teachers told me that I should go to the political science specialization of the Kastoria University. In that year, everyone was hoping that the great liberalization that was promised would come the next year, but all those hopes were in vain. Even worse, instead of playing my role as a teenager, with political interests, hoping for that liberalization and the great elections that were promised, I was a liar, a cynical bastard. My face was smiling to all the teachers who were commending the General while my brain was cursing them for their stupidity and political retardation at every moment. Not that I should say I knew everyone was in hoping in vain for this, but felt that if Colomnos was to fall, it wasn’t through free elections that he sanctioned, but through a violent and aggressive campaign and the only promoter of that, was the Worker’s Party, led by Agapios Iordanos.
So, in the second half of my youth, I went to the Kastoria University, to the political science faculty. I met there someone who would later become my best friend, Chrysanthos Grivas, whom was also on my camp, regarding the bedroom subject; we daydreamed together, between the indoctrination sessions of the faculty, in which the teachers were telling us how great Tyrrhenia is with the general leading it and how they were hoping that we would become well-adjusted and even better adapted government officials. In the meantime, I was going to the meetings of the Worker’s Party, even if I knew it was a huge risk, from being expelled, to even being arrester or even killed as a communist agitator. After a while I started taking Grivas with me and in time, we became vexed into the science that was Marxism.
I wonder. What makes one call a love, his life love? Is it power of the emotions felt? Or is it the length of the relationship? I loved and I don’t know whom I loved more. What is better, a consuming relationship, or a long but sometimes dull relationship? I am trying to find out, by looking again at my old journal, to see if in my first, let’s say real relationship, I loved more, than in my second, or it was just a period of intense, consuming emotions, while the second had a deeper meaning? Was it Grivas, or was it Kalamides? In this year, 1954, in which I, sadly, only me, am celebrating 56 years or life, can I truly analyze in an objective manner, my love life? To see who actually was the one, for me. It should be easier now, as both of them are dead.
Yesterday, I was at the Ouranos Graveyard, to see the graves of both Grivas and Kalamides. It seems that I am the only one taking care of Grivas’, cleaning the funerary stone, lighting a candle and putting a flower on the grave. The same cannot be said about Kalamides. I don’t know who takes care of him, but when I went then, for the first time since his funeral, I see that someone is taking care of him. May both of them rest in peace.
I would like, for once, to return to relive my youth, but I would love to do with the mind of this age, to acknowledge all my errors and mistakes and to objectively see how I lived this life of mine. Even if usually a whole is formed of two halves, I feel that my youth had a third half. That one started in the third year of college, when the revolution was only months away and I started to write a journal. I finally found my journals this morning and now I want to rest and think of what actually can define for the posterity, the life of my generation.
Andreas Metaxas
10[SUP]th[/SUP] of March 1919
Kastoria
I decided to keep a journal. Even if in the first years after I write this, I would find my notes as being lame, it would probably be an interesting read decades later. Maybe if I am lucky, I would find someone who would even publish all my future writings, later.
Today was a monotone day, for one full of protests and demonstrations. My tram was blocked on the Republic Boulevard by the protesters from the shipyards and I was late to the class of Michelakakis, who teaches the Psycho-Sociology of the Conservative Politics and who also is one of the greatest lovers of the general. Disgusting…
I went after classes with Chrysanthos to the pastry shop on the Prometheus Street, in which his mother is working. We have some apple pie for free and he managed to put his hands on two cups of coffee. On the way back home, he was telling me about some guy he met and he was happy that tonight he was having a rendezvous with him. I hope that I could also find someone to share my love with him.
15[SUP]th[/SUP] of March 1919
Kastoria
I have finally met with the great Agapios Iordanos and shook his hand. I went to the meeting of the party members. I am conscient that if this journal would be found by Colomos’ secret services, my parents should prepare a whole in the graveyard, but still the simple idea that I was so close to Iordanos, I spoke with him and he congratulated me on my ideological knowledge and he even shook my hand.
Chrysanthos Grivas couldn’t come with me, as he was too occupied with his friend. I don’t know yet if I would exchange this experience with his, but maybe I would find an answer for that in the following years.
19[SUP]th[/SUP] of March 1919
Kastoria
I met someone in the pastry shop on the Prometheus Street. He was a maths student and his birth place is Sithia on the Orvilos Mountains, near the border with Eiffelland. He was really sweet, with deep green eyes and a strawberry blonde hair with an endearing smile. It was really a shock to think that someone so beautiful and delightful can be interested in me.
It would be awesome if Grivas would have been here, so that I would have someone with whom I could talk all those things, but he now visiting his father, in the Ammohostos District of the city and probably he will remain there for the night.
14[SUP]th[/SUP] of April 1919
Kastoria
I had an interesting dream. It was in the parliament and I was holding a speech, regarding the lack of democracy and the exploitation of man by man. It was interesting especially because I felt that the general was in power no more and I felt I would do anything. But morning came, and I have a sensation of discomfort.
I went outside with Chrysanthos Grivas and but some of the things we will need for the trip in the mountains and I hope that HE, the one I met in March and I’m still… not afraid, but queer or writing his name as he really is mine in this journal… I hope that he will come too with us and our class to the trip in the Grammos Mountains in the Easter Holidays.
25[SUP]th[/SUP] of April 1919
From: Andreas Metaxas, Hydra Chalet, Timar, Grammos Mountains
To: Ioannis Metaxas, Kastoria
Dear father,
I hope this letter finds you fine and healthy. You should know that I am having a great time here in the Grammos. The weather is great, the sun is shining continuously but the temperatures are neither too hot nor too cold. Me, Chrysanthos and some close friends walked all the way to the Ainos Peak at 3000 meters above sea level. The trip took us five hours in continuous climb and four hours while we were descending. We ate at the meteorological station there. From that point, we could have seen both Wendziema and Carpathia.
In four days we will return home. You shouldn’t worry. I eat enough and I am healthy. Send my regards to mother and to Aunt Iro.
Signed,
Andreas Metaxas
24[SUP]th[/SUP] of April 1919
Kastoria
Today is the day in which everything started. I met with Chrysanthos at the intersection between Zeus and Persephone Boulevards and our walk towards the University was stopped by a series of clashed between the protesters and the Astynomia. We waited for like three hours in the Queen Pelagia Square, until the streets were cleared.
As we approached the University, we observed that the doors were locked and we found a piece of paper put on the door of the Political Science Faculty, saying that the classes are annulled until the stabilization of the state.
This meant one thing for us. We just returned from the Easter Holiday and we were receiving another indefinite holiday. It’s good that I didn’t spend all my money in the Grammos Trip. Maybe we can have another one soon.
In the evening, I met with Chrys and with a few friends from my group at my house and we sat and drank tea and talk all night long.
27[SUP]th[/SUP] of April 1919
From: Ioannis Metaxas, Kastoria
To: Andreas Metaxas, Eris, Dhekelia Region
My son,
The demonstrations and the protests have transformed into full-fledged street fights. The people protesting are receiving arms and other weapons from the paramilitary forces of the Worker’s Party. They even say that the revolution is at hand. The problem is now, that this is a total war, between the government and the people. If the government will win, our suffering will be great, but if the government would fall, we can finally enjoy the freedom we hope for.
I don’t know if this letter would reach you, but I must tell you that the fact that you and your friends left the capital for the seaside resorts is probably the most intelligent move that I have seen in this last week. Just stay where you are, until I tell you otherwise. Don’t leave Eris at any cost.
Me and my sister will leave the city for the coastal village of Kassandra to avoid what can become even worse in Kastoria. Your mother already left the capital and moved back with her mother in Palekastro. I hope that my next letter will reach you well, like this one.
Signed,
Ioannis Metaxas
29[SUP]th[/SUP] of April 1919
Eris
I read the news. Agapios Iordanos wrote his essay about how Tyrrhenia can reach socialism. I just read it this morning. It is a breakthrough of ideological progress. Let’s hope that the minds of the people would be unlocked from this night that is reigning over them for more than two hundred years.
1[SUP]st[/SUP] of May 1919
Eris
The People’s Army, representing proletarians and farmers gathered into militias have entered Dhekelia today. It is a great day. If the co-capital has been liberated, it means that the rest of the country would soon follow.
29[SUP]th[/SUP] of May 1919
Eris
I remember the boy I met in Kastoria in April, on the pastry shop in the Prometheus Street. I thought that something serious might happen with him and me, but I broke with him. In the end, it seemed that the personality of someone may be more important than his looks in the long run.
Even if we argued, I felt saddened when I saw on the list of casualties, his name, in Kastoria. I start to think about what could have happened between us if we would have been together more, but now, he disappeared…
Chrysanthos wants to leave to Dhekelia also to join the People’s Army. I don’t want to let him leave so that he can share the faith of that other guy… I don’t know what to do. I feel overwhelmed. For the first time I would want my father to be here and to give me some advice…
Kastoria
It’s been more than 30 years since those days that may have marked our generation. The two halves of my youth have passed, first in a family with deep royalist support and in the German Gymnasium in Kastoria and the second half in the Kastoria University at the Political Science specialization. I should say that I have started to live my youth only after those halves passed. It was like a continuation of the years in which I felt so much but understood so little of the world around me.
My family was great supporters of the monarchy and for them the ousting of King Sotiros was a great tragedy, especially for my mother, who started to channel all her frustrations in her love for the church and for God. This was something that my father, at least at the beginning was trying to accept, but her fundamentalism was too much for him. He decided to break up with her, in 1907, when I was nine years old. I managed to live with her one year. In 1909, after a huge argument regarding her sanity, my dad, his sister and my mom decided to send me to the German Gymnasium to live in their campus, in an atmosphere of learning, culture and isolation from my mentally deranged relatives…
The half of my youth started when I was 18 and I graduated the Gymnasium. In those days the teachers from the high school you were following were the ones who were to write you a recommendation, if wanted to be accepted to a university. My teachers observed my interest for the politics of the leaders of those days, the one who ousted King Sotiros and declared himself regent, Zinon Avramidis. My interest for Avramidis came especially for the fact that he provoked so much suffering to my mom. At that time, she tried to continuously say that it was the regent’s fault that our family was literally disbanded, but as I grew up, my reminiscences from that year in which I lived with that insane woman are that, even if in the short term, we suffered, I believe that the fact that I was sent to that gymnasium, I was liberated from the familial chains and had some experiences which would have been banned for me otherwise. Probably my youth would have been much more troubled and I would have ended up becoming some sort of monk or even worse a priest, having to take a wife if I ever want to preach in a church. But probably, I would have done that for money and I would have been a slut, even worse than the ones you see on the Victory of Socialism Boulevard, I would prostitute my body with that wife whom I would love just in name, but I would also demean the hopes of salvation of the people who would come to hear my sermons, in which I wouldn’t believe.
So, in 1916, in the ending days of the military regime of General Colomnos, my teachers told me that I should go to the political science specialization of the Kastoria University. In that year, everyone was hoping that the great liberalization that was promised would come the next year, but all those hopes were in vain. Even worse, instead of playing my role as a teenager, with political interests, hoping for that liberalization and the great elections that were promised, I was a liar, a cynical bastard. My face was smiling to all the teachers who were commending the General while my brain was cursing them for their stupidity and political retardation at every moment. Not that I should say I knew everyone was in hoping in vain for this, but felt that if Colomnos was to fall, it wasn’t through free elections that he sanctioned, but through a violent and aggressive campaign and the only promoter of that, was the Worker’s Party, led by Agapios Iordanos.
So, in the second half of my youth, I went to the Kastoria University, to the political science faculty. I met there someone who would later become my best friend, Chrysanthos Grivas, whom was also on my camp, regarding the bedroom subject; we daydreamed together, between the indoctrination sessions of the faculty, in which the teachers were telling us how great Tyrrhenia is with the general leading it and how they were hoping that we would become well-adjusted and even better adapted government officials. In the meantime, I was going to the meetings of the Worker’s Party, even if I knew it was a huge risk, from being expelled, to even being arrester or even killed as a communist agitator. After a while I started taking Grivas with me and in time, we became vexed into the science that was Marxism.
I wonder. What makes one call a love, his life love? Is it power of the emotions felt? Or is it the length of the relationship? I loved and I don’t know whom I loved more. What is better, a consuming relationship, or a long but sometimes dull relationship? I am trying to find out, by looking again at my old journal, to see if in my first, let’s say real relationship, I loved more, than in my second, or it was just a period of intense, consuming emotions, while the second had a deeper meaning? Was it Grivas, or was it Kalamides? In this year, 1954, in which I, sadly, only me, am celebrating 56 years or life, can I truly analyze in an objective manner, my love life? To see who actually was the one, for me. It should be easier now, as both of them are dead.
Yesterday, I was at the Ouranos Graveyard, to see the graves of both Grivas and Kalamides. It seems that I am the only one taking care of Grivas’, cleaning the funerary stone, lighting a candle and putting a flower on the grave. The same cannot be said about Kalamides. I don’t know who takes care of him, but when I went then, for the first time since his funeral, I see that someone is taking care of him. May both of them rest in peace.
I would like, for once, to return to relive my youth, but I would love to do with the mind of this age, to acknowledge all my errors and mistakes and to objectively see how I lived this life of mine. Even if usually a whole is formed of two halves, I feel that my youth had a third half. That one started in the third year of college, when the revolution was only months away and I started to write a journal. I finally found my journals this morning and now I want to rest and think of what actually can define for the posterity, the life of my generation.
Andreas Metaxas
10[SUP]th[/SUP] of March 1919
Kastoria
I decided to keep a journal. Even if in the first years after I write this, I would find my notes as being lame, it would probably be an interesting read decades later. Maybe if I am lucky, I would find someone who would even publish all my future writings, later.
Today was a monotone day, for one full of protests and demonstrations. My tram was blocked on the Republic Boulevard by the protesters from the shipyards and I was late to the class of Michelakakis, who teaches the Psycho-Sociology of the Conservative Politics and who also is one of the greatest lovers of the general. Disgusting…
I went after classes with Chrysanthos to the pastry shop on the Prometheus Street, in which his mother is working. We have some apple pie for free and he managed to put his hands on two cups of coffee. On the way back home, he was telling me about some guy he met and he was happy that tonight he was having a rendezvous with him. I hope that I could also find someone to share my love with him.
15[SUP]th[/SUP] of March 1919
Kastoria
I have finally met with the great Agapios Iordanos and shook his hand. I went to the meeting of the party members. I am conscient that if this journal would be found by Colomos’ secret services, my parents should prepare a whole in the graveyard, but still the simple idea that I was so close to Iordanos, I spoke with him and he congratulated me on my ideological knowledge and he even shook my hand.
Chrysanthos Grivas couldn’t come with me, as he was too occupied with his friend. I don’t know yet if I would exchange this experience with his, but maybe I would find an answer for that in the following years.
19[SUP]th[/SUP] of March 1919
Kastoria
I met someone in the pastry shop on the Prometheus Street. He was a maths student and his birth place is Sithia on the Orvilos Mountains, near the border with Eiffelland. He was really sweet, with deep green eyes and a strawberry blonde hair with an endearing smile. It was really a shock to think that someone so beautiful and delightful can be interested in me.
It would be awesome if Grivas would have been here, so that I would have someone with whom I could talk all those things, but he now visiting his father, in the Ammohostos District of the city and probably he will remain there for the night.
14[SUP]th[/SUP] of April 1919
Kastoria
I had an interesting dream. It was in the parliament and I was holding a speech, regarding the lack of democracy and the exploitation of man by man. It was interesting especially because I felt that the general was in power no more and I felt I would do anything. But morning came, and I have a sensation of discomfort.
I went outside with Chrysanthos Grivas and but some of the things we will need for the trip in the mountains and I hope that HE, the one I met in March and I’m still… not afraid, but queer or writing his name as he really is mine in this journal… I hope that he will come too with us and our class to the trip in the Grammos Mountains in the Easter Holidays.
25[SUP]th[/SUP] of April 1919
From: Andreas Metaxas, Hydra Chalet, Timar, Grammos Mountains
To: Ioannis Metaxas, Kastoria
Dear father,
I hope this letter finds you fine and healthy. You should know that I am having a great time here in the Grammos. The weather is great, the sun is shining continuously but the temperatures are neither too hot nor too cold. Me, Chrysanthos and some close friends walked all the way to the Ainos Peak at 3000 meters above sea level. The trip took us five hours in continuous climb and four hours while we were descending. We ate at the meteorological station there. From that point, we could have seen both Wendziema and Carpathia.
In four days we will return home. You shouldn’t worry. I eat enough and I am healthy. Send my regards to mother and to Aunt Iro.
Signed,
Andreas Metaxas
24[SUP]th[/SUP] of April 1919
Kastoria
Today is the day in which everything started. I met with Chrysanthos at the intersection between Zeus and Persephone Boulevards and our walk towards the University was stopped by a series of clashed between the protesters and the Astynomia. We waited for like three hours in the Queen Pelagia Square, until the streets were cleared.
As we approached the University, we observed that the doors were locked and we found a piece of paper put on the door of the Political Science Faculty, saying that the classes are annulled until the stabilization of the state.
This meant one thing for us. We just returned from the Easter Holiday and we were receiving another indefinite holiday. It’s good that I didn’t spend all my money in the Grammos Trip. Maybe we can have another one soon.
In the evening, I met with Chrys and with a few friends from my group at my house and we sat and drank tea and talk all night long.
27[SUP]th[/SUP] of April 1919
From: Ioannis Metaxas, Kastoria
To: Andreas Metaxas, Eris, Dhekelia Region
My son,
The demonstrations and the protests have transformed into full-fledged street fights. The people protesting are receiving arms and other weapons from the paramilitary forces of the Worker’s Party. They even say that the revolution is at hand. The problem is now, that this is a total war, between the government and the people. If the government will win, our suffering will be great, but if the government would fall, we can finally enjoy the freedom we hope for.
I don’t know if this letter would reach you, but I must tell you that the fact that you and your friends left the capital for the seaside resorts is probably the most intelligent move that I have seen in this last week. Just stay where you are, until I tell you otherwise. Don’t leave Eris at any cost.
Me and my sister will leave the city for the coastal village of Kassandra to avoid what can become even worse in Kastoria. Your mother already left the capital and moved back with her mother in Palekastro. I hope that my next letter will reach you well, like this one.
Signed,
Ioannis Metaxas
29[SUP]th[/SUP] of April 1919
Eris
I read the news. Agapios Iordanos wrote his essay about how Tyrrhenia can reach socialism. I just read it this morning. It is a breakthrough of ideological progress. Let’s hope that the minds of the people would be unlocked from this night that is reigning over them for more than two hundred years.
1[SUP]st[/SUP] of May 1919
Eris
The People’s Army, representing proletarians and farmers gathered into militias have entered Dhekelia today. It is a great day. If the co-capital has been liberated, it means that the rest of the country would soon follow.
29[SUP]th[/SUP] of May 1919
Eris
I remember the boy I met in Kastoria in April, on the pastry shop in the Prometheus Street. I thought that something serious might happen with him and me, but I broke with him. In the end, it seemed that the personality of someone may be more important than his looks in the long run.
Even if we argued, I felt saddened when I saw on the list of casualties, his name, in Kastoria. I start to think about what could have happened between us if we would have been together more, but now, he disappeared…
Chrysanthos wants to leave to Dhekelia also to join the People’s Army. I don’t want to let him leave so that he can share the faith of that other guy… I don’t know what to do. I feel overwhelmed. For the first time I would want my father to be here and to give me some advice…