News from Crotobaltislavonia

Discussion in 'The Press Agency' started by Crotobaltislavonia, Nov 30, 2017.

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  1. Crotobaltislavonia

    Crotobaltislavonia Well-Known Member

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    From the State Political Administration:
    Citizens are reminded that the hunt for gangster counter-revolutionary Pochenkoists continues. While the SPA believes the enlightened Italian-majority west of Crotobaltislavonia are clear of counter-revolutionary activity at present, the degenerate Slavonian-majority east is considered a hotbed of Pochenkist sympathtizers and could be used as a base in the future. All citizens are encouraged to remain vigilant, aware of their surroundings, and to report any suspicious activity immediately to State or local authorities. Remember, Big Brother needs your help.
    From the State Religion Administration:
    This Christmas, citizens are strongly encouraged to replace Santa Claus with our Big Brother, Raoul Farrago. Citizens are encouraged to teach their children that Big Brother is always watching and keeping a list of naughty and nice. More information can be found on the Information Ministry's radio channel, KKEZ 94.5, the Guiding Light.
    From the State Weather Administration:
    Today's forecast: sunny with a high of 51. Tonight's forecast: clear with a low of 26.
     
    Last edited: Nov 30, 2017
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  2. Crotobaltislavonia

    Crotobaltislavonia Well-Known Member

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    Evening Edition
    Big Brother Meets Little Sisters

    A group of mothers protesting the replacement of Santa Claus with Big Brother Raoul Farrago were arrested outside of the Presidential Palace this evening by security forces. On hearing the news of the arrests, Big Brother invited the women inside for an audience. After patiently listening to the women's arguments, Big Brother could not be swayed to change his decision. However, immediately after the meeting, Big Brother signed pardons for all of the women and sent them home under police escort.
    Coast Guard Intercepts Boats
    The Coast Guard has announced that two boats were detected trying to enter Crotobaltislavonian waters in the Sea of Polesian last night. Coast Guard units challenged the boats, but the intruders were able to escape before they could be identified. Anonymous government sources have indicated the State Political Administration believes the boats belong to gangsters from the Yiddish Free State who were attempting to smuggle children out of CBS for ritual sacrifice in the Free State.
     
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  3. Polesia

    Polesia Well-Known Member

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    Ministry of External Affairs

    While the trafficking of arms, people and drugs is still sadly an all too common occurrence in the Polesian Sea region, the idea that criminal elements within Trivodnia were attempting to kidnap children for sacrifice is a horrendous resurrection of an old anti-Semitic trope, and we condemn the State Political Administration for fanning the flames of such hideous bigotry.
     
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  4. Crotobaltislavonia

    Crotobaltislavonia Well-Known Member

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    An elegant middle-aged Italian woman appears sitting behind a desk. "I'm Maria Garva and this is CBS Noon Roundup. Our top story this midday is the non-denial denial from the Yiddish foreign ministry of Yiddish watercraft violating CBS waters:"
    "As reported last night, the watercraft were detected by Coast Guard units, challenged, and fled before their identities and origins could be ascertained. This morning, there is no further comment from the Presidential Palace or the Coast Guard and official sources within the Goverment are keeping mum. Chief national security correspondent Nazario Capitani is standing by along the Polesian right now. Nazario..."

    A handsome young Italian man in a suit is standing on a pier. Behind him, an offshore drilling rig goes by, pulled by a team of tugs. "Maria, you are quite correct that the Government is quiet this morning. However, speaking with locals on the shores of the Polesian, we are getting a clearer picture of what happened and what the response may be."

    An old guy wearing a beret and a sportcoat is looking off-camera. On cue, he looks at the camera and says stiffly, "it's happened before, ya know!"

    Nazario's voice from off-camera: "What's happened before?"

    The old guy is tentative. "The Yids, right? Come across and steal our children? Ah... it's happened before, you know!"

    Nazario on camera: "Ah-hem, Maria, I've also spoken with officials at the local Coast Guard station. People here definitely believe the intruders are from the Yiddish Free State and that the Coast Guard's Polesian Flotilla needs to be beefed up and soon to guarantee Crotobaltislavonia's interests everywhere on the Polesian. Maria..."

    Maria reappears. "Thank you, Nazario. And now, CBS Noon Roundup's first look forecast. Today will be sunny with a high of 55. Tonight, partly cloudy with a low of 31. More news on the way!"
     
    Last edited: Dec 1, 2017
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  5. Polesia

    Polesia Well-Known Member

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    Ministry of External Affairs

    Crotobaltislavonian media continues to try and stir regional tensions with its false claims and propagation of ancient anti-Semitic myths. At no point did the Free State "admit" its vessels violated Crotobaltislavonian territorial waters. What was acknowledged is that maritime criminal activity is sadly not an uncommon occurrence in the Polesian Sea, and any manner of illegal behaviour could have been taking place, helping explain the attempted incursion.

    What we are confident of however is that there was no attempt at kidnapping Crotobaltislavonian children for ritual child sacrifice by "Yiddish gangsters". Such rumours are deliberate hate-mongering based on medieval lies.

    Lastly, the Free State is not "Yiddish", it is Trivodnian, being equally shared by all its citizens regardless of background.
     
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  6. Bergenheim

    Bergenheim Well-Known Member

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    Office of the First Hand of the Keys

    The continued flow of arms, people and drugs across the Polesian Sea is an issue that affects all of us, and one that the Republic of Bergenheim is keen to address. We would be happy to aid our neighbours in Crotobaltislavonia resolve this issue and prevent unnecessary international friction. Although traditionally a regional matter, the newly created National Police Committee would be happy to assist in co-ordinating with your own Coast Guard and Police units to determine the true origin and nature of these criminal networks, which may indeed stretch across the Polesian Sea and into our own respective countries.

    We kindly ask that the State Political Administration advise its media to refrain from needless and aggravating speculation about the racial or religious character of these criminal elements.
     
  7. Gunnland

    Gunnland FTR

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    Officium Legati + Regnum Marpesiae
    Foreign Office + Kingdom of Gunnland

    In these troubled times, Mr. Farrago's willingness to emulate the generosity and virtues of Saint Nicholas ought to warm the hearts of all Gunnishmen, and every Christian in Europe. We salute "Big Brother" for reminding us about what is truly important. Ho, ho, ho, and a Merry Christmas, Mr. Farrago!

    James Gunn Gallagher
    Prime Minister of Gunnland
    Foreign Minister
     
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  8. Crotobaltislavonia

    Crotobaltislavonia Well-Known Member

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    Weekend Update
    Census Reports Error
    A spokeswoman for the Census announced early this morning that for an unknown period of time the Census had been mistaking ethnic Italians for ethnic Germans within CBS borders. The spokeswoman could not say when exactly the error began but she emphasized it has been corrected.
     
  9. Crotobaltislavonia

    Crotobaltislavonia Well-Known Member

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    Afternoon Edition
    Radek Appointed Defense Minister
    In a surprise move, President-for-Life Raoul Farrago announced this morning the appointment of General Alexander Radek as Defense Minister. Up until today, General Radek was widely regarded as a counter-revolutionary stalwart of the old monarchist regime. Big Brother had this to say at the announcement:

    "General Radek is a patriot. He and I agree that the Motherland must come first before any ideology. And with Gunnish smugglers and Yid gangsters on our borders, the Motherland needs all her sons and daughters ready to fight the final battle if necessary!"

    Coast Guard Exercises
    Immediately after the announcement of General Radek's rehabilitation and appointment, units of the Coast Guard began intensive exercises along CBS's Polesian and Innensee coasts. The exercises will focus on interdiction and include VBSS drills on participating civilian transports.

    Forecast
    A cold front has moved through Crotobaltislavonia. Tonight's forecast: increasing clouds with a low of 16. Tomorrow's forecast: decreasing clouds with a high of 26. Are you ready for winter? Learn everything you need to know and more on the Information Ministry's radio channel, KKEZ 94.5, the Guiding Light.
     
    Last edited: Dec 6, 2017
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  10. Crotobaltislavonia

    Crotobaltislavonia Well-Known Member

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    A Breaking News graphic news appears and dissolves, replaced with the image of an elegant, middle-aged woman wearing a smart black pantsuit with a white blouse. She is standing in front of a screen showing a map of Europe that is presently zoomed in on the border between Crotobaltislavonia and Trivodnia, though the latter country is prominently labeled "Yiddish Free State". Looking up from a paper held in hand, her expression is grave as she begins speaking.

    "I am Maria Garva and this is a CBS News Special Report. Moments ago, the Presidential Palace announced a raft of measures responding to the terrorist activity in the Yiddish Free State. The border between CBS and the Free State is closed. Aerial, land, and sea border patrols by have been stepped up by CBS armed and security forces. The State Political Administion has ordered the immediate and indefinite detention of all suspected enemies of the State until the danger is past. Citizens, especially those living and working within Zone Two along the Yiddish frontier, are encouraged to report any unknown persons or suspicious activity to security forces immediately.

    "After the announcement, a spokesman read a short statement from Big Brother. Quote. Citizens, for our safety, these measures are necessary. Stay calm. Continue your lives. Remain vigilant. Trust our police and military. Unquote.

    "We will bring you more information as it comes in. I'm Maria Gavra and this has been a CBS News Special Report."
     
    Last edited: Dec 8, 2017
  11. Bergenheim

    Bergenheim Well-Known Member

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    As a close neighbour and friend to both Crotobaltislavonia and Tivodnia, we are disturbed by this sudden and extreme action on the part of the Slavonic State. We urge the State Political Administration to communicate with us or another neutral party if it feels tensions with Tivodnia have heightened, and we would be happy to co-ordinate discussions about how to resolve this situation.

    -Office of the First Hand,
    Republic of Bergenheim
     
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  12. Polesia

    Polesia Well-Known Member

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    Ministry of External Affairs

    These actions are grossly disproportionate and clearly motivated by more by anti-Semitism than any genuine concern for the safety and security of Crotobaltislavonians. It is genuinely sad that, rather than demonstrating solidarity with Trivodnia after a terrible atrocity, the Crotobaltislavonian government would rather engage in sabre rattling and grandstanding.

    The Crotobaltislavonian ambassador has been summoned by President Meier Lauterpacht to explain the needless border closures and heightened patrols, which we fear may be a pretext for something far darker.

    As a result, the Free State will be deploying additional military units to the border region. We wish to assure the international community this is a purely precautionary measure. We cannot risk any violation of our national sovereignty or dignity.
     
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  13. Elben

    Elben Well-Known Member

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    K├Ânigreich Elben
    Ministry of Foreign Affairs​
    Communique 2017-12-08/01
    Marked: General

    His Majesty is observing this situation and hopes that both of his neighbors to the south will find a way of moving forward that is beneficial to both Trivodnia and Crotobaltislavonia as well as the Middle West as a whole. His Majesty deeply appreciates the contributions of his subjects who descent from the ethnic groups that come from those lands that make up the heart of the Middle West.
     
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  14. Serenierre

    Serenierre Well-Known Member

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    GOVERNMENT OF SERENIERRE | COMMISSARIAT FOR EXTERNAL RELATIONS
    We shall be in contact with our consular staff in, both, Trivodnia and Crotobaltislovania and shall monitor the situation closely. We call for calm to ensure regional stability.

    TRULY| Bernard Lavosnier | COMMISSAR
     
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  15. Crotobaltislavonia

    Crotobaltislavonia Well-Known Member

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    Nightline Edition
    Gangster Pochenko Captured; Big Brother Orders Fete
    Big Brother declared tomorrow a day of celebration and rest citing the capture of renegade intelligence chief Drago Pochenko signals the conspiracy against the Motherland is unravelling. Pochenko continues to be well fed and well treated. Freed of foreign influence, he has expressed remorse for plotting against his own country. Pochenko, the son of corrupt ex-premier Boris Pochenko, was captured this afternoon after a high speech chase on Highway One outside of Banja Luka.

    Troops Head Home; Border Reopens
    The Defense Ministry announced this afternoon that the troops deployed to the border with the Yiddish Free State will return to their barracks starting tomorrow morning. Defense Minister Radek praised the Army for accomplishing its mission along the border with outstanding professionalism. The Minister also stated he was glad "Trivodnia" had captured its terrorists so quickly. In a separate announcement, the Interior Ministry said the border crossing at Bijeljina will reopen at midnight tonight and the rest of the border in the coming days.

    Forecast
    Tonight's forecast: a chance of snow with a low of 22. Tomorrow's forecast: mostly sunny with a high of 28. The Health Service reminds all Citizens to keep their chimneys clear of ice and snow this winter season. Carbon monoxide poisoning is not an accident, it is negligence.
     
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  16. Polesia

    Polesia Well-Known Member

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    Ministry of External Affairs

    We are glad that after having taken such disproportionate response to an isolated terrorist incident, Crotobaltislavonia has decided to reopen our shared border.

    If in future Crotobaltislavonia has any doubts or questions over its security stemming from issues within Trivodnia, we call for dialogue, not unilateral decision-making.
     
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  17. Crotobaltislavonia

    Crotobaltislavonia Well-Known Member

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    Weekend Update
    Sex Workers Freed
    In an early morning operation, local police and agents of the Organized Crime Control Unit of the GPU liberated almost a dozen girls and women being held against their will in an intermodal container just outside of Zone Two near the frontier with Ruritania*. Two men guarding the container were arrested without incident. The men are believed to be members of the Nekmit crime syndicate as evidenced by their numerous tattoos. The girls and women were flown to Banja Luka for debriefing while arrangements were to be made to return them to their families.

    Forecast
    This afternoon: mostly sunny with a high of 39. Tonight's forecast: mostly cloudly with a low of 23. Tomorrow's forecast: partly sunny and then a light chance of rain with a high 41. Get weather updates every quarter hour on the Information Ministry's radio channel, KKEZ 94.5, the Guiding Light.

    Other headlines:

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    Does Big Brother Have A Girlfriend?

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    Last Border Crossing With Trivodnia Reopens

    *A placeholder country until someone occupies the empty map spot.
     
    Last edited: Dec 11, 2017
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  18. Crotobaltislavonia

    Crotobaltislavonia Well-Known Member

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    Afternoon Edition
    Big Brother Spotted With Girlfriend
    Leaks from the Palace that Big Brother had spent this last weekend with a new girlfriend were apparently confirmed when the President-for-Life and a young woman were spotted together this morning. Downtown Banja Luka was shut down for approximately two hours while the couple visited a private high-end retail establishment. The identity of the young woman remains a mystery. Big Brother's security detail would not allow any photographs or video to be taken.

    Border Guards Under Investigation
    In a news briefing this morning, the Interior Ministry announced that the Border Control Unit of the GPU has begun an investigation into possible corruption within the Border Guards. The Interior Ministry spokesperson stated the investigation stems from this weekend's arrests of two Nekmit gangsters holding young women captive close to the border with Ruritania. "They were going to need help getting over the border."

    Forecast
    This afternoon: chance of showers and breezy with a high of 44. Tonight's forecast: blustery with a 10% chance of sprinkles/flurries, then partly cloudy with a low of 17. Tomorrow's forecast: mostly sunny with a high of 29.

    Other Headlines

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    Extradition Treaty Proposed To Neighbors

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    CBS News' Maria Garva Pregnant With Fifth; "Congrats Maria!"
     
  19. Crotobaltislavonia

    Crotobaltislavonia Well-Known Member

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    Overnight News Dump
    Blud Reaches Crotobaltislavonia
    Four citizens, a man and three women, were found deceased in an apartment in the southern border town of Laktasi this afternoon. Toxicology is ongoing and expected to take six weeks. But drug paraphernalia found in the apartment indicates the four citizens died while injecting Blud, a highly addictive and toxic drug. This is first time Blud has been found by authorities within Crotobaltislavonia's borders. Laktasi Police's investigation is continuing. If you have any information, call the State Political Administration's Hotline at 1-800-CBS-INFO. Remember, you can remain anonymous.

    Santa Claus Returns
    In a short statement during this morning's press briefing, a spokesperson for President-for-Life Raoul Farrago announced that Big Brother has decided against replacing Santa Claus. The statement is sure to elicit a muted sigh of relief from parents across Crotobaltislavonia as Christmas approaches.

    Bodies Found In The Polesian

    The bodies of two men were found floating in the Polesian Sea today. The men remain unidentified and the cause of death for both appears to be torture. Sources within the local Coast Guard station have revealed the men were covered with mafia-style tattoos, indicating a connection to the Nekmit criminal syndicate. The same sources speculated the men were killed by Nekmit in a drug deal gone bad.
     
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  20. Crotobaltislavonia

    Crotobaltislavonia Well-Known Member

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    An elegant middle-aged woman appears sitting behind a desk. She has long dark hair draped over a shoulder. "I'm Maria Garva and this is CBS Noon Roundup. Making news this midday, Alexander Kahnemann, Chancellor of the YIddish Free State, is under fire from mental health charities for using "irresponible" language regarding schizophrenics. Kahnemann has since refused to apologise, and sources within the Yiddish Chancellery have accused his critics of being "over-sensitive".

    "Also in the news, talks between Crotobaltislavonia and the Yiddish Free State over CBS's proposed extradition treaty have stalled. While the Foreign Ministry has refused to comment officially, a highly placed source within the Ministry said it is not surprising the Free State does not want to extradite gangsters seeking refuge in their country. Quote, all criminals are Yids afterall, aren't they, unquote.

    "Before our break, CBS News has a correction. In a previous report, it was indicated that Laktasi police were investigating four drug related deaths. In actuality, Laktasi is located within Zone Two and falls within the jurisdiction of the Border Guards. CBS News apologizes for the error.

    "Stayed tuned for CBS Noon Roundup's first look forecast."
     
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