News from Crotobaltislavonia

[Crotobaltislavonia]

After the CBS News logo disappears, a middle-aged woman appears on screen. She is wearing a blue flak jacket over a feldgrau commando sweater, blue jeans, and red tennis shoes. Her hair is tied in a pony tail. She is standing on a rooftop overlooking Red Square, which is filled with a large number of people waving Crotobaltislavonian and Kadikistani flags, and banners bearing patriotic messages. She smiles brightly.

"And we're back! Good afternoon. I'm Maria Garva and this is CBS News Update's continuing coverage of the 2018 War of Liberation. Our top story today, moments ago, President Fyodorov concluded a speech to Banja Luka in which he declared victory over Trivodnia. The President also announced that enemy forces in the west have begun a confused withdrawal as allied troops continue to pour into the Motherland from neighboring Gunnland."

Cut to a clip of President Fyodorov: "Comrades, a bright future is within our reach. Crotobaltislavonia will soon be restored and expanded. Now is the time to come home and rebuild. We will need help from our friends. But even now, our neighbors meet in Bergenheim to decide how best to assist the Motherland in achieving a just peace."

Back on Maria: "In other news, in a statement released this morning, Prime Minister Musayev announced a raft of reforms to be implemented after the official conclusion of the war. The reforms include dismantling the State Economic Administration and restoring private property.

"And finally, Banja Luka police has relunctantly confirmed the Reservior killer is active again. Police were called to a known Nekmet dump site where a pair of bodies were discovered by a refugee squatter. However, the bodies, a teenaged male and female, bore all the hallmarks of the infamous serial killer. The refugee was taken away for questioning and forensic personnel are scouring the area for clues. A source within Police Headquarters expressed extreme disappointment in the turn of events, saying quote, we were hoping the bastard was called up and snuffed out in the Free State, unquote."

Moving back to happier news, Maria smiles as the camera pans away to show the crowds down below as they sing the national anthem. "An exclusive interview with President Fyodorov is on the way. I'm Maria Gavra and this is CBS News Update."

 

[Crotobaltislavonia]

Morning Edition
Official Government Announcements
Effective tonight at midnight, the Free Canton will end martial law. The dusk to dawn curfew will be lifted. The rationing program will continue in place. Don't be a silent collaborator. If you see someone doing something wrong, call the State Political Administration's helpline immediately!

1-800-CBS-INFO

Ring of Steel Loosens Up
With fighting coming to an end across the Motherland, the threat to the capital has diminished. The impenetrable wall of force that now surrounds Banja Luka is to be slowly dismantled as the security situation stablizes across the country. With allied troops pouring across the eastern frontier, it is expected that most of Banja Luka's defenders will be heading west to oversee the withdrawal of foreign troops still on Crotobaltislavonian soil.

Debate Heats Up
Lines of division are forming amongst policy makers in Banja Luka as the reality of new territories in the east sinks in. Crotobaltislavonia's land area is set to increase by roughly ten percent and the debate is beginning on just what to do with the new lands and the people who live there. Sources within the Presidential Palace say that President Fyodorov is leaning towards a controlled settlement program for the Motherland's displaced persons. Otpor hardliners are pushing for the local inhabitants to be deported to the rump Trivodnia now forming on the Polesian Sea and a "land rush" be organized.

Other Headlines
Iva Stefanović's Remains Identified; State Funeral Planned
Otpor Demographers Recommend State Sponsored Baby Boom
Winter Is Coming; Calls For Foreign Aid Falling On Deaf Ears?

 

[Crotobaltislavonia]

An elegant middle-aged woman appears standing in front of the wall screen. She has shoulder-length dark hair and wears a black sweater, black skirt, and black stiletto heels. The woman's fine features are in neutral today. Behind her on the wall screen is a map of Crotobaltislavonia.

"I'm Maria Garva and this is a CBS News Update. Our top story this hour, the Border Guard has announced it has overseen the final withdrawal of enemy troops from the Motherland."

The screen cuts to a video of tanks, armored vehicles, and trucks passing through a border crossing.

"The last enemy forces left Crotobaltislavonian soil at 12:07 pm this afternoon. Allied forces remain deployed to the northwestern and eastern districts for security and humanitarian operations."

Back on Maria. "In other news, refugees are starting to return home from overseas."

The screen again cuts to a video, this time of Germanic-looking soldiers and policemen passing out nylons and chocolates to sobbing women, who may or may not be having Germanic-looking babies in nine months, as they cross the border into Crotobaltislavonia to hoots and hollers from their countrymen.

"The Presidential Palace announced domestic and foreign aide is in place and the refugees are ready to be welcomed home with open arms. The Presidential Palace also said that after consultations with refugee leaders, the government expects less than one percent of the refugee population to stay abroad."

The screen cuts to a montage of photos of Iva Stefanović.

"Finally, CBS News' own Iva Stefanović was laid to rest today in the Orthodox Cemetary of Banja Luka with full military honors. Iva was killed in action on the frontlines in the Yiddish Free State and her body was only recently released by that government, along those of thousands of her comrades who died in service to the Motherland. Iva was a dedicated newswoman and a loyal citizen of the Free Canton. She died doing what she loved: bringing the news to her people and serving her country. Iva, and those like her, will never be forgotten.

"I'm Maria Garva. More news on the way."

-

Man's voice: "Comrades, you haven't tasted cola until you've tasted..."

Female chorus: "CADRE COLA! . . . . ."

 

[Crotobaltislavonia]

Afternoon Edition
National Assembly Nearing Reconstitution
Finishing touches are being made to the Novi dvor as preparations for the restored National Assembly's inaugural meeting enter their frenzied final stages. The Office of the Prime Minister has yet to release details concerning the National Assembly's make-up. However, CBS News has learned from inside sources that the first session will have an Otpor League majority, followed by equal numbers of Farragoist, Pochenkoist, and Yid representatives. This arrangement follows all-faction compromise talks held earlier this year at the Bergenheim Peace Conference.

Tank Plant To Be Constructed
The Ministry of International Trade and Industry announced this morning that construction will soon begin on a plant that will manufacture main battle tanks and other armored fighting machines under license from a foreign power. No further details were given.

Police Close In On ReservIor Killer
Police and security forces have intensified their hunt for the notorious serial killer who has been terrorizing the capital for almost a year. DNA and other forensic testing at labs abroad have given the Banja Luka Police and the SPA's Search Bloc task force new insights into where the killer may be residing in Crotobaltislavonia. A spokeswoman for the Banja Luka Police would say only that, "the net is closing. We're going to kill that bastard and hang his [censored] on the wall for target practice!"

Forecast
Fall has arrived as colder temps return to the Motherland. This afternoon will be partly sunny with a high of 46. Tonight will be partly cloudy and frosty with temps hovering above freezing. Tomorrow will be mostly cloudy with a chance of showers later and a high of 45. Comrades, the Weather Service has allowed the Sava flood warning to expire, but water levels remain high. Learn everything you need to know about flood safety and more on the Information Ministry's radio channel, KKEZ 94.5, the Guiding Light.

 

[Crotobaltislavonia]

Nightline Edition
Novi dvor: The National Assembly's New Home

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Tomorrow the National Assembly will meet in the Novi dvor, the New Palace. The structure dates to the early 20th Century. Construction began in 1911 and was completed in 1914. The Novi dvor became the official residence of the Princes of Crotobaltislavonia when Prince Eugen II began occupying it in 1922 and it would remain so until the end of the War of Liberation when the monarchy was abolished. Since then, the Novi dvor has sat mostly idle, only occassionally serving as a conference center for the regime of the day. The palace did see life when Queen Victoria occupied it during her brief reign. Afterwards it fell back into disuse. The New Palace is expected to remain open to the public Monday through Friday, 9 to 5, even during National Assembly sessions.

Other Headlines
SPA Task Force Raids Wrong House; Police Kill Seven Nekmet, Loses Two Officers
Presidential Palace Considers Inviting Justosian Monarch To Visit
Gunnish Troops Sitting On Crotobaltislavonian Oil Reserve?
Yids and Slavonians March Together Through Olnitz; Police Break Up Rally
Whatever Happened To Alexander Radek? CBS News Special Tomorrow At Nine

 

[Justosia]

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Having been informed of your government's interest in ours, we wish to set up the chains of communique for possible establishment of official diplomatic relations.

Felipe Alejandro
Royal Palace Foreign Ministry Liaison Department

 

[Gunnland]

Officum Legati + Regnum Marpesiae

[Public Statement]

The natural resources of Crotobaltislavonia belong to the Crotobaltislavonian people, including petroleum. Gunnland wishes to be a partner in regional economic development.

Jude mD. MacReddin
Assistant Foreign Secretary

 

[Crotobaltislavonia]

An elegant middle-aged woman appears seated at a glass desk. She has shoulder-length dark hair that is braided and resting over one shoulder. She wears a black jacket over a cream blouse, black trousers, and black stiletto heels. Behind her on the wall screen is footage from today's National Assembly session.

"I'm Maria Garva and this is a CBS News Update. This afternoon we have new information from the Prime Minister's Office about yesterday's opening of the National Assembly. The first order of business was passage of the Annexation Bill that officially appended Orlitz-Slavonia to the Free Canton. The bill was approved by a vote of one hundred for and zero against. Following the Annexation Bill, the Assembly saw heated debate over the issue of citizenship in Orlitz-Slavonia. The Otpor League, Farragoists, and Pochenkoists insisted that citizenship be granted to non-Yids only while the Jewish party refused to accept second-class status for the Yids in Orlitz-Slavonia. The issue was tabled after Prime Minister Musayev intervened personally to end debate.

"After the inaugural session, Deputy Biserka Loncar, leader of League of Farrogists, had this to say on the citizenship question:"

A petite, attractive, middle-aged woman with a thick braid of blonde hair crowning her head appears on screen wearing a scowl. She's surrounded by microphones. "Otpor gave us assurances that the Yids were not going to dictate policy in Crotobaltislavonia. I give my assurance to the Motherland: Orlitz-Slavonia will be Slavonian first and Yid dead last."

Back on Maria: "after lunch, the National Assembly debated the Economic Revitalization Treaty with Gunnland. The debate saw a reversal of roles as the Otpor League abandoned it's traditional The Motherland First policy and championed allowing a foreign power to develop and control Crotobaltislavonia's resource-rich west while the League of Farragoists, usually foreign friendly, condemned the treaty as a sellout to the Gunns. After four hours of debate, the treaty was approved by a vote of eighty-four to sixteen. President Fyodorov is expected to sign the treaty without delay.

"Up next, there are grumbles within the Banja Luka Police and we'll explain why. More news on the way!"

 

[Crotobaltislavonia]

Afternoon Edition
President Fyodorov Disavows Treaty With Gunnland
The Presidential Palace announced a short while ago that President Fyodorov will not sign the Revitalization Treaty with Gunnland and that he is ashamed of his Otpor colleagues in the National Assembly for selling out their Motherland First values for Gunnish cash. "It is a matter of principle and friendship," the President is reported to have said of his reasoning.

Crotobaltislavonia Offers Relations; Justosia Balks
Word has reached CBS News that Foreign Minister Maximilian Jedreck has been in communication with the Holy Kingdom of Justosia, offering to normalize relations with that country. However, the Holy Kingdom, initially receptive to normalization, has failed to reply to Minister Jedreck's most recent diplomatic message. A spokesman had this to say, "Justosia is new to the European scene after decades of isolation. A communication breakdown perhaps. Or a misunderstanding. Let's give them a little more time."

Defense Minister Orders Troops East
Security operations in Orlitz-Slavonia are about to heat up as another brigade of infantry and more police units are being sent to the district. Earlier this afternoon, an anonymous source within the Ministry revealed to CBS News that new intelligence regarding renegade General Alexander Radek has come to light. Along with the troop surge, the civil defense threat level in the eastern district has been raised to Red, indicating imminent mass casualties.

 

[Gunnland]

Officium Legati + Regnum Marpesiae

We are disheartened that President Fyodorov has had second thoughts about the economic redevelopment package offered by the Kingdom of Gunnland.

Jude mD. MacReddin
Assistant Foreign Secretary

 

[Gunnland]

Officium Legati + Regnum Marpesiae

We are disheartened that President Fyodorov has had second thoughts about the economic redevelopment package offered by the Kingdom of Gunnland.

Jude mD. MacReddin
Assistant Foreign Secretary

 

[Crotobaltislavonia]

Afternoon Edition
Presidential Palace Sees Blowback From Otpor
The President of the Free Canton is under increasing fire from fellow Otpor League members after negotiating the Revitalization Treaty with Gunnland, urging Otpor members of the National Assembly to approve the same, and then doing an about face and rejecting the treaty. Anonymous sources in the Novi dvor are hinting that the reversal has something to do with Kadikistan. However, when asked about the matter at this morning's news conference, the President's spokeswoman would not answer any questions relating to the treaty, citing "state security concerns".

Yiddish Exodus Begins This Weekend
Such is the reputation of renegade General Alexander Radek that the Yids of Orlitz-Slavonia are showing surprising cooperation with the Free Canton's efforts to send them into safety in the face of Radek's threatened pogrom in the district. Crotobaltislavonian Army units are providing security while police and civil defense units organize the movement of large numbers of Yids across the border into the Kadikistani-controlled Yiddish Occupied Zone. The Free Canton continues to assert that the exodus is for safety reasons only and is not a backdoor ethnic cleansing of Orlitz-Slavonia's Yiddish population. The exodus is expected to take about a week.

Search Bloc Does It Again
Loyal Opposition members of the National Assembly are joining Banja Luka Police's complaints about the SPA Search Bloc after the special task force "mistakenly" raided another Nekmet stronghold. This time, over a dozen Nekmet were killed with zero Search Bloc losses. Free Jewish Coalition leader Deputy Melchol Tirzah had this to say, "the SPA has a long history of using this serial killer as a cover for it's operations. Now it would seem the SPA is taking it to a new level. These are not just raids, they are extrajudicial killings."

 

[Crotobaltislavonia]

Afternoon Edition
Elben Begins Expelling Refugees; Crotobaltislavonia Ready
The Motherland stands ready to welcome home another wave of her displaced persons as northern neighbor the Kingdom of Elben begins to empty the refugee camps it has hosted since last year. The government in Banja Luka has dispatched extra Border Guards, along with members of the SPA's various units, to the Elbenese frontier to process the homecoming refugees.

Is Justosian Faux Pas The End Of Relations With Crotobaltislavonia?
At an impromptu press conference, Foreign Minister Maximilian Jedreck let slip that President Fyodorov is already regretting extending an olive branch to Justosia. Minister Jedreck immediately realized his errant words and abruptly ended the conference. However, anonymous sources within the Ministry explained that Justosia tried to use inappropriate backchannels to communicate with the Free Canton. After a warning, Justosia tried again, forcing the Free Canton to terminate all contact. One source had this say: "we tried to be nice and Justosia played games with us. That place isn't even on our border, so who cares. We're done."

 

[Crotobaltislavonia]

Breaking News
Manhunt Underway
A massive hunt is underway for a man suspected to be the Reservior Killer. Earlier today, a routine traffic stop on the outskirts of Banja Luka turned deadly when the driver opened fire on the Banja Luka Police officers who initiated the stop. Police dashcam recorded the confrontation. One officer was killed immediately. The other was able to return fire and disabled the vehicle. However, he was gunned down in cold blood by the driver while reloading his weapon. The driver fled on foot. Responding officers found weapons, tools, and body parts inside the vehicle, which could only belong to the Killer. Every available law enforcement and security officer in the capital district has been mobilized, roadblocks have been thrown up, and door-to-door searches are underway.

 

[Justosia]

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Government de Royale
​

The Crotobaltislavonian Foreign Minister should regret wasting the time of the Holy Kingdom. We extended a hand out of curiosity, Episcop love, to a left leaning republic, despite our better judgment. Our worst suspicions have been realized.

These arrogant, reckless nations will learn that a nation out of isolation isn't a nation to be played, misled via diplomatic red tape, etc. As is standard foreign policy protocol for such incidents; An official travel warning is issued to all Justosian citizens to this nation. We regret to inform all Crotobaltislavonian citizens they're barred from our shores. All diplomatic channels are closed. Business dealings are to be outlawed. Finally, all Crotobaltislavonian assets in the Kingdom are to be seized.

We believe your Foreign Minister wanted to be "done"? Happy to oblige.

Felipe Alejandro
Royal Palace Foreign Ministry Liaison Department

 

[Crotobaltislavonia]

The CBS News logo appears on screen as theme music plays. When the music reaches a rousing climax, the logo dissolves to show a newswoman standing in front of the studio's wall screen. The wall screen is currently showing a map of Banja Luka. The woman is statuesque and perfect. She looks like a model plucked off the runway rather than a bona fide journalist. She has spiky, peroxide blond hair, radiant blue eyes, high cheekbones, and enviable measurements. She is wearing a short sleeved black turtle-neck that is a size too small, a black miniskirt that is barely acceptable for a newsreader, and knee-high black stilleto boots.

"Good afternoon Comrades. I am Jela Brankovich and this is your news, right now. Leading your news right now, the Reservior Killer continues to evade capture."

Cut to a video taken from inside a car as it follows police armored vehicles into a neighborhood. The police vehicles stop allowing officers in tactical gear to exit and quickly force entry to a home.

Jela in VO: "At noon today, President Fyodorov declared martial law in the capital district. While citizens are being allowed to go about their business, legal safeguards have been suspended to facilitate the search for the killer."

Gunfire erupts in the house. Suddenly a police officer blocks the car's window and shouts obscenities.

Back on Jela: "Comrades, your next story right now: the Defense Ministry has announced that the First Armored Corpse [sic] has received the first wave of advanced fighting machines from our allies in Kadikistan. The Ministry says the machines are top-of-the-line, very high-tech, and will give the Motherland the advantage in any future war. The new Tank Plant Number One is expected to reproduce these machines when construction is finished. Kadikistani advisors are with our troops right now, providing familiarization training. Once the First Corpse [sic] is modernized, it is expected to be deployed along the border with Ruritania."

The wall screen becomes a stark white, providing an excellent background for Jela as she turns her body in profile and walks to a stool. After sitting down and crossing her ankles, Jela reads from a teleprompter in monotone.

"Comrades, also making news right now, the Border Guard has announced that restoration of the security zones inside the Crotobaltislavonian frontier is complete. The security zones will go back into force effective at zero-zero-oh-one, next Monday morning. After that time, internal passports will be necessary according to previous regulations. The Border Guard reminds all citizens that violators will be shot on sight without prior warning.

"And finally, making news right now, Comrades, CBS News has just learned that the Holy Kingdom of Justosia has announced that it has severed relations with the Free Canton, issued a travel warning for the Motherland, and will seize Crotobaltislavonian assets held in the Holy Kingdom. In an email to CBS News, received moments ago, Foreign Minister Jedreck said, quote CBS has assets in Justosia? This is the first I've heard of it unquote.

"Comrades, that is your news, right now!"

 

[Crotobaltislavonia]

Afternoon Edition
The Reservior Killer Is Dead
Sensing the net closing around him, the Reservior Killer spent his last twenty-four hours on a killing spree in and around the town of Svatava, west of Banja Luka. His reign of terror came to an end when a mob of concerned citizens cornered and killed him with tools and farm implements during an abduction attempt. Authorities are now putting the day's number of victims at thirteen dead and eight wounded from various stabbings and shootings. Banja Luka Police and the SPA are reported to be working tirelessly to identify the killer after fingerprints did not match any on file. A dental match is possible, but one cop could be heard saying, "... heroes. But they didn't leave..." suggesting the killer's remains are in a bad state.

Crotobaltislavonia and Elben Discussing Lake Elben Rights
The Kingdom of Elben has reached out to the Free Canton to discuss navigation rights for a proposed cruise line on Lake Elben and Elben's river system. The Ministry of International Trade and Industry has expressed it is open to the proposal, but will have to consult with other ministries and administrations before any actual talks can commence.

Refugee Riot Put Down; Two Hundred Arrested
A number of Yiddish refugees recently deported from Elben rioted yesterday at the trainyard in Hartem, Orlitz-Slavonia District. The Yiddish unrest began when they were told they could not stay in the district and were being rerouted to the Yiddish Occupied State for their own safety. The Yids were contained in a remote part of the trainyard where they set fires and spent most of the afternoon trying to tip over a train car. Police deployed tear gas and water cannons to put down the riot. Local authorities are now deciding if those under arrest should be sent on to their destination or held for trial and imprisonment in Crotobaltislavonia.

 

[Crotobaltislavonia]

"Jared, it's not your baby. It's not. I cheated on you with... your brother?"

"OH GOD, not..."

The CBS News breaking news graphic appears. After a moment, Jela Brankovich appears live wearing a spiked dog collar and a tube top.

"Comrades, your news, right now. The Free Jewish Coalition has announced it will be marching through the streets of Banja Luka to the Presidential Palace this evening in protest of the treatment of Yiddish refugees in Orlitz-Slavonia. Party leader Melchol Tirzah had this to say, moments ago."

Cut to a sound byte showing a short, plump, and dark-haired woman. "These refugees are NOT Trivodnian by birth. They are natural-born Crobaltislavonian citizens who are being denied their rights by Otpor. Tonight we let the government know that this will not stand!"

Back on Jela: "There are reports out of the city of Krasrilevke, Crotobaltislavonia's largest Yiddish population center after the capital, that the Jewish party is bussing in protestors who will arrive in Banja Luka within a matter of hours. Banja Luka city authorities were asked for comment, but referred CBS News to the central government, which has not yet responsed.

"That was your news, right now. Stayed tuned to CBS News for updates. And now back to our regularly scheduled programming."

The CBS News breaking news graphic appears and then fades away.

"Tune in tomorrow for another episode of 'Show Your Solidarity, Comrade!'"

 

[Crotobaltislavonia]

Nightline Edition
More Violence In Orlitz-Slavonia
In the last forty-eight hours, the removal of Yiddish and Jewish persons from Orlitz-Slavonia has increased dramatically. In response, the Jewish party has orchestrated a rash of violence across the district. District authorities are reporting a shooting at a police station, a major highway littered with glass and nails, and other random attacks. The hospitals are filling up with minor wounds, but it is only a matter of time before fatalities occur. One security official said, "we are trying to round them up for deportation as quick as we can. Until they are gone, they're going to cause trouble."

National Assembly Deputies Arrested
Two Deputies of the National Assembly belonging to the League of Farragoists have been arrested. The SPA immediately issued a statement saying the two deputies, whose names are being withheld for security reasons, are being charged with 'abuse of the public trust'. Other charges are possible as the investigation continues.

Reapproachment With Elben Continues
Northern neighbor Elben has reached out to Crotobaltislavonia and Kadikistan, wanting to discuss trilateral cooperation in the Lake Elben basin. However, sources within the Foreign Ministry say that the Ministry is considering making a bold move to cement relations with Elben. Details are sketchy, but the source indicates a treaty is in the works and will be offered to Elben after consultations with Ivar are completed.

 

[Crotobaltislavonia]

Official Announcement

Comrades, in the coming days, work will begin to contain the internet wholly within the borders of the Free Canton. There will no longer be any physical connections with the world beyond our frontiers, save those with our sacred friend Kadikistan, if it wishes. At the same time, the State will begin jamming operations so that foreign signals are unable to enter the Free Canton and our own signals can no longer escape the Free Canton.

The purposes of these measures are simple: the security of society begins with the security of mind. Outside influences must be eliminated. Leakage of our data must be stopped.

Comrades, embrace the changes that are coming. They are for our own good.