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Radilo

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Il Gazzettino
Edizione Italiana | Edision Radèla | English Edition
ilgazzettino.ra | @ilgazzettino​

Budget talks ongoing
The Technicolor Government's proposal is the topic of ongoing discussion in the Budget Committee. While there is general consensus with the budget and for next year's appropriations, there are still particular disagreements. The largest being the amount devoted towards addressing global climate change. This is different from localized climate mitigation efforts, such as shoring up the Lagoon Protective Barrier (BPL) around La Città. The broader plans are mostly outward looking, including the development of renewable fuels in industrializing countries and the recommitment to nuclear power in Gallio-Francia.

Libro d'Oro in @Caria
The Genealogical Association of Nydra and the University of Navarone, in conjuncture with the Office of the Radilan Senate Archivist, is conducing an in-depth genealogical study of Radilans in the Outer Territories, which are former territories of the Republic—in this case they are now part of the Carian Confederacy. This study aims to provide detailed accounts of the various tumults and triumphs of competing Meridian Sea polities. The hope is that this will add a level of richness and depth to the historical record, which is often dominated by a few larger-than-life figures.




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The Most Serene Dankness
@dankserenìsima | dankserenìsima.ra
fresh memes | current podcasts | biting satire

WOW!
so serene
such republic
much fashion
doge doge
so renaissance
many profit
much leadership
boaty mcboatface
such baroque
many gold
much fancy
so st. mark
such sea
many humor
WOW!


Shooting people
"What dumbass mother fucker shoots a head of state. Like that dumbass that shot the Carian First Archon... like what's the point. He ain't got no control over them dumbass legislators." DJ From and Mister Bindi discuss world affairs on the Aw Hell Naw Podcast, available here or wherever you get your podcasts.

Is butt chugging a thing?
Many college students claim that it is, like, waaay faster to get drunk by pouring booze down your butthole... but is this true? See our in-depth reporting, by which we mean our in-anus reporting, here.

Resting bitch face
See all of Prime Minister Lacé's most cunt-esque photos here. And see the most adorable photos of her grandkids here.


tHE dANKESS
WE TAKE NO SIDES! EXCEPT WHEN WE DO!
 
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Radilo

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Il Gazzettino
Edizione Italiana | Edision Radèla | English Edition
ilgazzettino.ra | @ilgazzettino
News Alert: Cargo ship grounded in the Searult Canal
A large cargo ship has wedged itself in the major shipping route going through @Csegia. The situation is still developing, but initial reports suggest that strong winds may have been a factor. The vessel, named the Everforward, is harbored and flagged in Thoricus @Caria. It is operated by the Mainline Meridian Shipping Company, which is owned by the wealthy senatorial Magadesi family, though it is incorporated in Caria. The ship is 369 meters long; it is Triton Class vessel, built in Nuovo Porto by the San Polo Shipbuilders.

The vessel is crewed by an international team, with a Radilan skipper. Neither the company nor the Magadesi family could be reached for comment.
 

Radilo

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The Most Serene Dankness
@dankserenìsima | dankserenìsima.ra
fresh memes | current podcasts | biting satire

Big ol' boat got stuck
"So this big ass shipping container got stuck in the Searult canal... Holy Fuck that is the funniest shit ever." "Big ol' boat got stuck." "This is some of the dumbest ass shit ever." "Big ol' boat got stuck!" DJ From and Mister Bindi discuss world affairs on the Aw Hell Naw Podcast, available here or wherever you get your podcasts.

They call it Florida shit
The feast of Pascha, right around Easter, is a sacred time to Catholics across the globe. It must apply especially hard to @Justosia . As they are very much the hyper-narrowly divided country. Either way, their shenanigans and divisions are detailed here (or wherever you get your podcasts) on the Good Ol' Times Podcast, featuring Micky and Jimmy the square.

No...we totally ain't Pelasgian.
Radila is totally a product of the Tiburan Empire and had totally no Eastern influence.

Ya know....
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No Pelasgian influence...

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...no influence from @Caria whatsoever...

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Radilo

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Il Gazzettino
Edizione Italiana | Edision Radèla | English Edition
ilgazzettino.ra | @ilgazzettino
Major Demographic Changes Accompany Refugees
According to the preliminary census, Radilo's population has grown for the first time since the end of the baby-boom following the Great War in the mid 20th Century. Because of an influx of refugees, mostly from the Former Pannonia, Radilo's population has increased by more than a million, to 9.7 million people. This means that more than 1 in 10 Radilans are Zaran refugees. In several smaller cities and towns, Zarans make up a plurality of the population.

Radilo had seen steady population loss since the end of the post-war population boom, and even with this new influx, of people the population is still lower today than it was in 1974, when the population peaked at 10.2 million. Because Radilo has the lowest fertility rate in the world, at 1.24 births per woman, and one of the longest life expectancies, at 85 years, the population is disproportionately older and retired. This has led to the government's current policies which includes an open-door immigration policy and generous benefits to refugees, who are disproportionately younger and working age.

As Zarans speak the standard Italianate Language (which, in fact, is often simply called Zaran, which is also the official language of Radilo), have a very similar culture, are overwhelmingly Tiburan Catholic, and are ethnically similar to Peninsular Italianates, their integration has been fairly straightforward, if not painless. Refugees are generally settled in smaller cities and towns and in rural areas outside of Nouvo Porto, as these areas have seen massive depopulation over the last 40-odd years. The famously romantic city of Badua has seen a bit of a boom recently, as the injection of younger (and generally very eager) refugees has helped revitalize the city.

With the ongoing conflicts in Himyar, it is likely that Radilo will see even more refugees in the coming years. Given that these Himyari refugees will not speak Italian and are, mostly, not Catholic, some, including Opposition Leader Giuseppe Piero, have suggested that more intense integration efforts may be necessary.

"I think that we need to be much more thorough with these refugees from Himyar, especially those from conservative Muhammadite traditions. They will need extra help integrating and will need to be checked on, I think, more than Zarans," said the White Party Leader

Imam Giuseppe Mbeki, leader of the Interfaith Refugee Alliance, who is heading to Himyar later this week to help start the resettlement process, disagrees: "Given how quickly we have integrated other non-Italianate, non-Catholic immigrant populations in the past, including my own family, we should have no problem integrating these hardworking people into our society."
 
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Radilo

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Il Gazzettino



Edizione Italiana | Edision Radèla | Engellish Edition
ilgazzettino.ra | @ilgazzettino


Interfaith Refugee Aliance in Azraq and Harj
The Interfaith Refugee Alliance, an agency that works with both the Catholic Refugee Agency and the International Association of the Red Crescent, has had to scale back its activities in Harj due to the recent coup d'etat. Activities are expected to resume once the situation settles.

In @Azraq, the IRA is working with sailors from @Tianlong to assist with their aid mission. Fewer refugees are expected from that region, at least, as of now, as it is generally considered more stable.

New alliance proposed
As an Il Gazzettino exclusive, we can confirm that at the Forum on Security and Democracy in Tokjin, Tianlong. A treaty has been introduced that will establish a military alliance, the Central European Treaty Organization or CETO. This treaty would serve as a defensive alliance among democratic nation states. Such an alliance has traditionally polled very well in Radilo, despite a longtime official commitment to neutrality. Indications from the current government suggest that ratifying such a treaty would enjoy overwhelming, in not unanimous support.
 
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Radilo

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Il Gazzettino
Edizione Italiana | Edision Radèla | Engellish Edition
ilgazzettino.ra | @ilgazzettino

End of basic income max
The Lower House of the Senate today voted to end the maximum income limit on Universal Basic Income. This means that regardless of income level every Radialn citizen, national, and resident is eligible for a ~400 Lira a month minimum payment. Opponents of the bill say it is money wasted on wealthy people who don't need it. Blue Party senators have argued that many people need many types of help, beyond absolute subsistence--and that truly universal programs are typically better protected than poverty-only ones. So it is, they argue, vital that everyone is eligible.

"it is better that one rich man get an unearned benefit, than a thousand hungry people go wanting, " said the 92 year old activist Lulu DeVain, wife of the deceased former Prime Minister Michael DeVain.


New atomic carriers ordered
A massive new military project has been announced: two new fully nuclear aircraft carriers, yet unnamed. Two ship builders from @Pelasgia, including Nea Lykaonia Shipyards, have signed contracts ro provide essential parts. Apparently, technology from @Tianlong will also be imported, particularly regarding advanced atomic-powered batteries. These military actions had been secret until recently.
 
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Radilo

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The Most Serene Dankness
@dankserenìsima | dankserenìsima.ra
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WOW! so serene such republic much fashion doge doge so renaissance many profit much leadership boaty mcboatface such baroque many gold much fancy so st. mark such sea many humor WOW!


The Aw Hell Naw Podcast Transcript

Baritone Announcer: welcome back to the Aw Hell Naw Podcast with hosts DJ From and Mister Bindi. Coming to you from the dankest section of the world wide web.

DJ From: so you had one more thing you wanted to say about our colleague Gio Rogo?

Mister Bindi: yea, I'm not firing him. Just in case that wasn't clear. I think he's a dumbass, but he's our most popular podcast, especially his Engellex language edition. And I'm not going to fire a guy for something stupid he said before he worked here. That would not be right, or fair.

DJ From: not to mention it's kinda weird we get our more lefty extra vocal viewers giving him the most shit.

Mister Bindi: given he's a Chancellor Xi fanboy... yea.

DJ From: she likes him, actually...

Mister Bindi: and she also thinks he's an idiot.

DJ From: is that how you treat your best employee?

Mister Bindi: he freely admits he's a meat head. In fact he's proud of it.

DJ From: now that's out of the way, need I remind people that you, in addition to being editor-in-chief of The Most Serene Dankness, are the head AP correspondent in Radilo. You are a man of many hats.

Mister Bindi: only one of which is a jester's hat. That's also why you have to do most of the heavy lifting around here.

DJ From: haha, but recently, you, as the prodigal son you are, accompanied the Doge to that shitty ass Tsar wedding. Which he attended much to the chagrin of many of our new Zaran friends. Including our producer Gonzaga Jimmy, who is now shaking his head at me... and lighting up a fat roll... I see he is integrating well into the culture... and he's now flicking me off. *Micky Mouse voice* I feel that he's going to fuck with the sound editing for this episode.

Mister Bindi" *Goofy voice* yea probably. *normal voice resumes* Well we have something that'll make his day a lot better. Because there might be an AP reporter who might have been tipped off by a certain meme dog about what was about to go down...

DJ From: oh shit!

Mister Bindi: yeaaa... somebody might have recorded what the Doge said to that cunt of a Csengian Queen, Erzsébet.

Somewhat fuzzy recording: "Gazie, vostra Maestà. If the two of you are willing to take advice, I may offer some... enjoy being heads of state, stay away from governments at all costs. I've learned of the pleasures of political ambivalence. Let the people decide. See how much more I enjoy my station than your father... but for you, your highness, know this... you will need to spend the rest of your life looking over your shoulder. Because a million of my fellow Citizens would happily drag a blade across your throat. Every maid, butler, carriage driver, courtier, body guard... you may, as the last thing you see, find them standing over you, grinning as they take your life... sleep well, your highness."

DJ From: holy fuck...

Mister Bindi: yea... it's pretty fucking intense.

DJ From: Gonzaga Jimmy is fucking wide eyed with his joint hanging out of his mouth.

Mister Bindi: yea... I don't think that the Radilan Citizens of Zaran extraction have to worry about the Doge supporting them--even when it isn't a pleasant or politically correct situation.

DJ From: damn... and haven't you gotten another hot tip?

Mister Bindi: shhh... I may be on assignment next week. Lots of Jesus talk is expected. I'll be gone when this episode airs.

DJ From: holy fuck this is a lot to talk about. Are we even going to get into that crazy shit coming out of Pelasgia?

Mister Bindi: we gotta break down the situation in the former Pannonia... we'll have to deal with Greek craziness next week. And we will have an epic story on that. But first a word from this week's sponsor WeDelivr, Gallia-Germania's top booze delivery app...

tHE dANKESS
WE TAKE NO SIDES! EXCEPT WHEN WE DO!


@The Ottawas
@Tarusa
 
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Radilo

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La Piccola Cazzuta
Radila's Proudest Queer Rag

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Closeted and pathetic
If anyone wants some loosely sourced international drama, I'm your gal. So, unless you've been living under a rock, you'll be fully aware of @Pelasgia totally going ape shit over the Holy Father's recent pronouncement regarding the treatment of queer families within the church. While that has been welcome news for queer Catholics in most of Europe (my wife broke down in tears when we watched Il Papa's speech, but you've already read enough about that), in the Greek world people flipped a fucking lid. Il Papa was prevented from praying in the Church of the Holy Sepulchre--fine be petty, but what happened next was shameful. Catholic families who wouldn't suck the Emperor's little limp cock have been harassed and in some cases arrested, and, yet again, queer people are facing even more intimidation and imprisonment for simply existing. It is no wonder that Radilo has seen an uptick in educated, liberal Pelasgians moving here in recent years. In fact in San Polo, Valletta, which is only a short ferry ride away from Pelasgia, there is a vibrant Hellenic Queer community.

And it is because of that community that we have this titillating bit of gossip: As you know the wonderfully dorky, yet sadly camera shy Despotess of Pelasgia, Anna Vatzaina Dandolo, is married to the equally nerdy Emilio Dandolo II. Apparently Mrs. Despotess Dandolo let it slide to her father-in-law's domestic staff that her baby brother, Despot Basil, a commander in the Pelasgian Navy, is as gay as a 3 lira note. Apparently, he and his wife are both happily married as sexless a lesbian/gay couple. Of course, I'm sure he is getting plenty of action on the side, fucking every seaman in rim-job distance during his many months out at sea. And I'm sure she enjoys those same long stretches as she lounges about her palace in the company of a working class maid who is now her "best friend," who she shares a bed with for "warmth."

It makes sense when you think about it. No country ran by straight people would be so threatened by a visit from some old Holy man who preaches love and tolerance, unless it's led by a group of repressed fruits who need to live up to the Greek ideal of masculinity... while forgetting that the most masculine of all Pelasgians, from Alexander the Conqueror to Constantine the IX, were as gay as the come.

Closeted and pathetic. That people must suffer for this insecurity is a tragedy and an insult to God. Jesus wept... and Homer laughed... but only so he didn't cry.
 
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Pelasgia

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Pelasgian Empire
Ministry of the Interior
State Oversight Committee for Telecommunications and Broadcasting


*** WARNING: PROHIBITED CONTENT! ***

This content has been blocked in Pelasgia pursuant to a decision of the State Oversight Committee for Telecommunications and Broadcasting (E.K.E.TIL.RA.) for violating the law. Unauthorised viewing of this content within Pelasgia, including by use of a VPN or other technological medium to circumvent IP blocks, constitutes a punishable offence within the meaning of Art. 46 of Law 149/2006 "Respecting information, information technology and informational safety" (16 Theod. VIII No. 149).

Relevant Decisions of the Committee:
Complainant: The Prosecutor General
Respondent: La Piccola Cazzuta
Case No.: 247/2022

The case at bar was referred to the Committee by the Prosecutor General, both on his own initiative and on account of multiple complaints regarding the content posted by the Radillan publication "La Piccola Cazzuta" (hereinafter, "the Respondent") on its website on 14/08/2022 under the heading "Closeted and pathetic", which was alleged to violate several provisions of Committee's enabling act (Law 149/2006). Specifically, the Prosecutor General alleged that the Respondent violated Article 43 of Law 149/2006, by insulting the Pelasgian Nation (paragraph 13), grossly offending public norms and morality (paragraphs 15 and 16), demeaning and blaspheming against religious sentiment and the State Church (paragraph 8), and insulting a member of the Imperial Family and, with the him, the dignity of the Sublime Throne (paragraphs 3 and 5). [...]

Following a review of the content in question, the Committee has reached the conclusion that the complaint is founded, and that the Respondent has violated all articles cited by the Complainant. [...] The Committee also finds that the Respondent did so with a view to reaching an audience as wide as possible, and without having made necessary verifications to back up its statements, which resulted in false statements of a defamatory character. These all constitute aggravating circumstances under Article 50 of Law 149/2006.
In light of its findings, the Committee:
1. Imposes a publication ban on all the Respondent's publications, in both online and print from, across the entirety of the Pelasgian Empire and on any website or other broadcasting service based or operating in Pelasgia for an indefinite duration.
2. Prohibits any current employees of the Respondent, or any persons implicated in its publication process, from conducting any activity in Pelasgia that falls within the Committee's regulatory oversight.
3. Imposes a fine of six million (6.000.000) obols, plus interest, on the Respondent, to be paid immediately. If the Respondent should fail to make payment of the fine, any assets it or any of its owners, stakeholders, employees, officers, or directors, present or future, owns or comes to own in Pelasgia shall be subject to liquidation to cover the sum of the fine.
4. Requires the Respondent to withdraw the offending publication and make a full public apology to all harmed parties.

Decided in Propontis, on August 15, 2022.
 
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Radilo

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An interview with the Iron Woman
Yu Giovanni

Going into her fifth general election, having been in power for nearly 12 years, Isabella Lacé looks on track to lead the Blues and her Technicolor Coalition to yet another victory. I sat down with Radilo's Prime Minister to ask about the more structural challenges facing the Republic.

*****

You had said something earlier in your tenure that Radila's neutrality was always a joke, do you think that, given its smaller than expected size, that giving up that legacy was worth joining CETO?

"Yes."

*chuckling* Do you care to elaborate?

"No."

*chuckling* Will you elaborate?

"Fine. Our joining CETO makes clear our position, and guarantees our safety by treaty. And as it is a malleable organization, there is the potential for future growth. I know that Gen. Sec. Holmes-Cornaro has been in discussions with representatives from @Zlatan to move along their accession. CETO provides a firmer context for our current reality than some phantom neutrality."

How do you answer the criticism that the current government has become stagnant?

"People like stability--Radèla even more. We've taken care of whatever concerns needed redress and we've stabilized our welfare state even more."

I have a question about the welfare state in a moment, but I wanted to ask what you'll do if you lose?

"Drink more wine, play with my grandkids more often, and fuck my husband more frequently. It's really a win-win for me personally, regardless of the outcome of this election."

*chuckling* I meant what will happen with your party and coalition?


"It won't be my problem then."

You mentioned the welfare state... do you think that, as many have complained, that Radilo is a state designed to insure that the wealthy and powerful never have to give up their status?

"The powerful and the comfortable have always been reluctant to yield their power and comforts."


Radilo is a country of immense wealth, but it is concentrated in only a few dozen families. The average Radilan doesn't own a car, or an air conditioner, or even a refrigerator. We have less than half of kids finishing secondary school... and our secondary school ends a full two years before most countries. We seem to be perpetuating a system whereby most poor kids drop out and stay poor, so the rich can get richer without opposition.

"Was that a question?"

How do you answer that? How can you say we are a meritocracy?

"I've never argued that Radila is a meritocracy. One's life conditions are often beyond one's control."

Wait... wait... you've often made an example of your and your husband's lives as a testament to Radilo's system...

"When I was seven, I woke at 4:00 am to milk cows. I worked in the fields after debate club in secondary school. I didn't wear shoes until I was attending university. I had five children before I finished my term as a Magistrate. I am the peasant success story... from the Island of Cattaro... but it wasn't by just merit. I lived in a stable and prosperous society. I had a family, however poor, who loved me. I had my Husband's support in every venture. As I tended those fields as a kid, my neighbors were pulling for me. They pushed me to keep going, even when I doubted myself. Radila is a society of citizens who look out for eachother. We all are bound to the accidents of our birth."

So what do you say to the argument that the government is simply appeasing the status quo by giving the poor benefits like universal income?

"I'd say appeasing the people is what democracy is."


#perlagente
 
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Radilo

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Il Gazzettino
Edizione Italiana | Edision Radèla | Engellex Edition
ilgazzettino.ra | @ilgazzettino​

The Iron Woman wins in a landslide!
The Blues won their largest plurality since the Great War, and Prime Minister Isabella Lacé and her Technicolor Coalition won the largest majority in living memory.

The Blues won an absolute majority of the constituency seats, winning an unprecedented 102 out of 200, while winning 41% of the party vote. This is a huge vote of confidence in the current government, and in Prime Minister Lacé and her liberals. Not since Carlo Orfei, Radilo's wartime leader, has any party preformed so well.

That and the Technicolor Coalition will have the largest share of seats of any government of the 20th or 21st century.

The Whites preformed as expected, winning 40 constituency seats and 26% of the overall party vote.

The Reds did a bit better than expected, with the Communists getting 54 constituency seats and 25% of the party vote.

The Greens were left disappointed by the results. While they are not projected to lose too much support, Chancellor Xi hoped to capitalize on her popularity among younger voters, but it didn't materialize. While they did finally win constituency seats, 4, their party support was disappointing, at 6%.

The worst performers of the night, by far, however, were the Yellows--the right Liberals were decimated in this election. They didn't win a constituency for the first time since 1820, and their party vote came to just 1%, far below the 5% threshold for senatorial representation.

This is historic; this is the first time since Pope Pius VII, since Westernesse was still a collection of colonial possessions, that the Yellow Liberals will not have seats in Radila's Senate. The secular right is dead in Radilo.

This means there are only four parties with seats in the Senate's lower chamber. There will be 250 total seats. Remember, the largest party gets the "surplus" seats, when parties would get a "partial seat" under proportional representation, those partial seats are combined and added to the largest party's total as a bonus.

The Blue Liberals: 102 constituency seats, 8 party seats (all surplus), 110 total.

The White Conservatives: 40 constituency seats 24 party seats, 64 total.

The Red Communists: 54 constituency seats, 8 party seats, 62 total.

The Green Environmentalists: 4 constituency seats, 10 party seats, 14 total.

The Yellow Liberals will win 0 seats.

Prime Minister Lacé has announced that she intends to keep the Technicolor Coalition together. This means that the government will have an unprecedented 186 seats out of 250. This is just shy of 75%, a super majority.

This gives Lacé an unparalleled level of power to shape the country in her own image. She has promised to strengthen national defenses, redouble efforts to further the CETO alliance, expand social welfare, welcome in even more immigrants and refugees, and expand free trade. Tonight, Radilo is a liberal's dream and a populist's nightmare.

Surely taxes are going up, but, to borrow from Game of Thrones, the Iron Woman is owed the Iron Price.
 
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Radilo

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What we're all thinking
Antonio Nbeki

Last week Chancellor Xi Maria and Michael DeVain II, Governor of the Bank of the City (Radilo's central bank), announced a proposal to join with other Meridian Union members in a common currency, tentatively called the Meridiano. Given the supermajority the Technicolor Coalition has on the lower house this is expected to pass easily. Presumably, Governor DeVain had thought his week would be taken up by him getting abuse from hereditary aristocratic senators, horrified that the Most Serene Republic would think to give up its glorious and aincent currency.

That wasn't the case. He probably didn't think the aircraft carrier bearing his father's name would be seen heading north with the Navy placed on alert.

To say people in Radilo are furious is an understatement. Accidents happen, and in many, less civilized, parts of the world, piracy is an issue. But in Gallio-Germania--half the people in my neighborhood came to this continent to get away from this kind of shit--it is unthinkable. Beyond the loss of life of our fellow citizens and the those from other countries, this is a threat to global norms--global decency. Call me a neoliberal, but the global enforcement of human dignity is worth a hell of a lot. If this is not snuffed out in the Gotic Sea, it will spread like a cancer.

I know rumors are rumors, but these rumors are believable for a reason. Whatever piece of the former Scanlaw is conspiring with @Tarusa to enable piracy--it's too much. All of this is too much. We can't tolerate this. We won't. We back our Captain General--to ignore all of this will exaserbate chaos. It would be to conceded to tyranny if we allow ourselves to be dictated by the whims of autocrats and pirates.

We pray to God for the souls that were lost. And now we ask Saint Mark the Evangelist to intercede on our behalf. We ask God to stiffen our resolve.

Call me a patriotic whore, but having grown up in a refugee camp--I'd sell my body for stability and peace.

#perlagente


@Jydsken-Østveg
@Metsamaa
 

Radilo

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WOW! so serene such republic much fashion doge doge so renaissance many profit much leadership boaty mcboatface such baroque many gold much fancy so st. mark such sea many humor WOW!


The Aw Hell Naw Podcast Transcript

Baritone Announcer: welcome back to the Aw Hell Naw Podcast with hosts DJ From and Mister Bindi. Coming to you from the dankest section of the world wide web.

DJ From: as you all already know Mister Bindi will in fact, not be joining us today. He has the rather unpleasant task of being the AP's imbed, I don't know where exactly, but this isn't the first war he's covered. He was in Zara reporting when all that shit went down.

Gonzaga Jimmy: they say history doesn't repeat, it just rhymes, but this sure as hell looks like history repeating.

DJ From: same shitty cast of characters too.

Gonzaga Jimmy: just playing different parts.

DJ From: what do you think about this, like I would get that...

Gonzaga Jimmy: as much as I hate that cunt of a Queen, I'd rather her and her microdick husband win. I can't imagine the horrors of what Tarusan direct rule would mean for Pannonians. Well, actually, I can imagine them, and they're fucking terrifying.

DJ From: *sighing* on that lovely note let's talks some football.

Gonzaga Jimmy: hell of a segue there.

DJ From: would a musical number have been more appropriate?

Gonzaga Jimmy: the Benny Hill theme maybe.

DJ From: haha... so we're playing Monterrey.

Gonzaga Jimmy: that would be an embarrassing loss.

DJ From: hey man, Monte Carlo has them up by a goal. Radila can't just buy a victory here like La Città AC can.

Gonzaga Jimmy: I don't see why not. That's how everything else works. Can't we just have some guys break some knee caps?

DJ From: shhhh... we can't be discussing strategy right now, people might be listening in Embarcaredo.

Gonzaga Jimmy: We're going to have Gio Rogo on to further discuss football, or futbol as some of our friends in the West like to call it, but first a word from this week's sponsor WeDelivr, Gallia-Germania's top booze delivery app...

tHE dANKESS
WE TAKE NO SIDES! EXCEPT WHEN WE DO!
 

Radilo

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Nice Gym Shorts Boys
There is little I like more Than a strapping man in uniform. And today, the most prominent uniform... is worn by the territorial fighters who we are training with us in case @Tarusa decides to get frisky... but the second sexiest uniform is worn by the Lannisters (yes it is an old joke by now). Among this whole lot, it is important to remember the role football played and still plays in queer culture. When we were kids a lot of us were mocked for how we looked, or how we dressed. Not quite masculine or not quite feminine (though I know plenty of queer couples who have a heteronomative lifestyle, whilst keeping up the cause). This year, the Lannisters' top scorer, home club: AC Badua, is Renaldo Cleci, who married his long time boyfriend Christophe just last month. All of these are important developments, but I genuinely hope that with a man like Renaldo at the helm, we can help make queerness acceptable across the western world... all of the world.
 
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The Most Serene Dankness
@dankserenìsima | dankserenìsima.ra
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WOW! so serene such republic much fashion doge doge so renaissance many profit much leadership boaty mcboatface such baroque many gold much fancy so st. mark such sea many humor WOW!


The Gio Rogo Experience, streaming on the Dankness, and syndicated live on AM stations across the globe, brought to you by DogeVPN, protect your privacy, anywhere.

Gio Rogo: well that fucking sucked.

Gonzaga Jimmy: that last call by the refs fucked us...

Gio Rogo: dammit, Jimmy, don't try to make excuses--we were sloppy, overconfident--same shit as we were before...

Gonzaga Jimmy: it was still a bad call...

Gio Rogo: get back in the goddam editing booth, you wanna talk bull shit. *Micky Mouse voice* on second thought, I probably shouldn't pick fights with our editor. *normal voice resumes* so what do we have to do to ccorrect what went wrong? Caller 4, your on.

Caller 4: they need to clean up their bullshit--man--they out there trying to be fancy against a team that's that hungry... no wonder it didn't work. All the fancy foot work in the world don't mean shit to a team that's hungry for it.

Gio Rogo: that's been one of the biggest critiques of thr Lannisters, they rest on their own laurels. Caller 7, you have thoughts?

Caller 7: one of the problems I see is that we have only a half baked sports education system in Radilo. I mean, how many bus boys and girls are there who could have been playing or starting at the national level if they weren't working to help their families? I mean Serie A, depends mostly on foreign talent. I think we need to keep some promising kids in school longer, so we can build a... ya know... better Republic.

Gio Rogo: ya always gotta drag us back to social issues... no I agree, but the whole selection process needs reformed. Of course in countries like @Pelasgia , the issue of gay rights still marks the forefront of their culture wars...
 
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WOW! so serene such republic much fashion doge doge so renaissance many profit much leadership boaty mcboatface such baroque many gold much fancy so st. mark such sea many humor WOW!


The Aw Hell Naw Podcast Transcript

Baritone Announcer: welcome back to the Aw Hell Naw Podcast with hosts DJ From and Mister Bindi. Coming to you from the dankest section of the world wide web.

DJ From: Mister Bindi is still on assignment near the fighting in the north of Bonaventura Bay. So there's a lot going on; Gonzaga Jimmy and I are holding down the fort. I do have a bit of ackward housekeeping to get to, umm... so Jio Rogo is suspended indefinitely until he apologizes.

Gonzaga Jimmy: again.

DJ From: we kinda knew what we were getting when we hired him.

Gonzaga Jimmy: anti-vax craziness and what he said to that caller--

DJ From: about Black Radilans--yea... I'm not above kicking his ass for that. I know he use to be a boxer, but I fight dirty. I'll take a tire iron to his pale white ass.

Gonzaga Jimmy: I guess we move to a more fun topic--that football game. I think we held up well.

DJ From: I think that's why there was so much celebration after we edged out @Gran-Occidentia, that might have been the apex for the Lannisters this year.

Gonzaga Jimmy: I mean, anything is possible. We've come this far on what turned out to be a hope and a prayer.

DJ From: it's about whether or not Los Tricolores' defence has our number this game. I mean, we held them at bay pretty well, it's about getting more goals in--not to be reductive. But we were a lot less cavalier, and it showed during the last game.

Gonzaga Jimmy: if we can get our strikers out and give them a few openings--

DJ From: --that'll be key. That could turn it. Go up 2-0, or even 2-1, and get back to penalty kicks--

Gonzaga Jimmy: --yea, we'll see soon eneough.



@San Jose
 
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Radilo

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The Center for Metaphysics at the Galileo Museum and Institute politely asks the Remuria Federal Fourth Wall Regulatory Agency to please inquire with our Acadamy before any Remurian entity engages in fourth wall oriented research in any part of the Radilan Republic. Ongoing projects and project managers need to be consulted ahead of time, to avoid any confusion, corruption, or loss of data.

We appreciate your ongoing cooperation.


@Remuria
 

Radilo

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WOW! | so serene | such republic | much fashion | doge doge | so renaissance | many profit | much leadership | boaty mcboatface | such baroque | many gold | much fancy | so st. mark | such sea | many humor| WOW!


The Aw Hell Naw Podcast Transcript

Baritone Announcer: welcome back to the Aw Hell Naw Podcast with hosts DJ From and Mister Bindi. Coming to you from the dankest section of the world wide web.

DJ From: saw you on TV last night.

Mister Bindi: yea, it's been a wild 48 hours. We're kind of still in a wait-and-see holding pattern.

DJ F: did you actually go to @Oltremare to interview those folks from @Angliarique ?

MB: I did go to Oltremare, but I didn't interview any of the individual Spascirian workers. They are in a precarious position, and I didn't want to put any of them or their families at risk. But I was able to get a lay of the land, so to speak... and it's challenging. To our listeners in Nouvo Porto, you might think that Oltremare is some kind of poor backwater, but, adjusting for cost of living, it is still one of the wealthiest regions in the world. The standard of living there is not much lower than what it is in Metropolitan Radilo, albeit with a third-world, tropical aesthetic. So for these, frankly, extremely impoverished workers, it is a damn paradise. But they are now, effectively pawns in a much larger game.

DJ F: so, like what's the situation now, we got one CETO country fighting somebody?

MB: a lot of people don't understand that CETO is a defensive alliance. While Nouvo Porto supports the actions taken by Uicheon, it was not involved in the altercation. And as far as la Serenissima is concerned, the conflict is over and done.

DJ F: is there a concern that this might result in some type of retaliation--you see the new allies that Ang--

Gonzaga Jimmy: I'm gonna to be honest guys, this sounds like an FNN broadcast right now.

MB: I'm not sure we asked the peanut gallery for its input.

DJ F: *Goofy voice* I'm not gonna shit where I eat with that one.

MB: *Micky Mouse voice* goddammit Jimmy we're trying to be serious here.

GJ: so was I, give an honest opinion already, you're not on the AP's clock right now. What the fuck is going on?

MB: *resuming normal voice* @Tarusa is going to try to use this bullshit as an excuse to start more bullshit. Like how the scorpion always stings the frong--it's in their nature. They've already indicated as much, as they can't help but to pounce on anything that may put upon CETO.

DJ F: I'm sure today's sponsor will be thrilled by that intro... regardless, our sponsor today is Spherical Sleep--guys quit giggling this is how we get paid--with Spherical, you take an online questionnaire that pairs you perfectly with a goodnight's sleep..."
 
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We fucking told you so
Someone from the @Socialist Commonwealth was arrested in @Pelasgia for posession of a book. Diplomats are now involved. A book. Not fucking government secrets or a valuable stolen tome, just a random fucking book. A book you can almost certainly download from the internet with a VPN. This is just like earlier this year when their whole dynastic succession was thrown into chaos because the heir turned out to be gay. We've already had our share of bragging about us breaking that story more than a year ago, so this is us repeating something else. Don't fucking travel there. If you want to see a bunch of Greek art go to La Città, that's where all that aincent and medieval Peleglsian stuff ended up anyway. Or hell, go visit Aresura. Antiochia is as beautiful of a Peleglesian city as any... all of the gyros and none of the opression.

And of course the MU now wants to expand trade with them. We should be trading less with these goons not more. Don't destroy the Tiburan Sea for that stupid land bridge. But capitalists love money more than anything else, and they don't give a damn about the environment.

Stay away from bigots, or else we'll have to say "we told you so."


@Remuria
 
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Radilo

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Il Gazzettino
Edizione Italiana | Edision Radèla | Engellex Edition
ilgazzettino.ra | @ilgazzettino​

WAR!
A suprise attack against Valetta and Aresura have left the Republic realing. Peleglsia has made significant incursions into Aresura, forcing the Territorial Defences back to the major cities of Antiochia, Santi Apostoli, and Porto-di-Radilo. There are now widespread reports of reprisal killings and sexual violence occurring behind the Peleglsian advance. A major air, sea, and land battle occured simultaneously in the Easter Meridian around Valetta and Aresura. Forces in Valetta were able to repel the attackers, but with substantial losses. A historic naval stronghold, Valetta houses a massive military installation and has two legions of Marines, who were in the process of transferring to Aresura when the attack began. They will likely now have to defend against an amphibious assult from the near by mainland. The Suleiman Fleet in Valetta took serious damage, but was able to hold off the four Peleglsian fleets. The two navies and airforce were equally matched, with both sides taking heavy losses. The DeVain and Ofrei fleets were able to fend off numerous submarine attacks but also took losses, as of now they are still making their way to Valetta. The Republic is in utter shock at these developments. The Doge will be making a major adress this evening.

@Pelasgia
 
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