The Barkai Star- News from the Jewish State

[Holy Frankish Empire]

Etzion Computers Cuts 4,000

Ramat Gan

One of Judea's largest employers announced today that the company will be cutting 4,000 jobs due to the sluggish economy. Etzion, famous for its popular PC's, printers, and digital cameras, faced a poor performance year in 2008 but stabilized in late 2009. The company cited poor sales in northern Gallia and the introduction of automated assembly lines. The company has refused to comment on rumors that it plans to cut an additional 5,000 next year. President Levy commented on the situation, reminding Etzion of 'their responsibility to not only their pocketbooks but the community at large'. Levy, a former parliament member from Ramat Gahn, was often critical of Etzion while in parliament. One day Levy, angered at the blocking of streets around the factory by loading trucks and complaints of drivers around him, directed traffic for a short time until police instructed him to stop. Levy then confronted the CEO by charging into his office and demanding they build an efficient loading dock. "Listen, Etzion is great not only for the country, the city, and the economy, but it also offers great chances to be angry at them".

While the workers would retain their jobs until January, a suit is expected to brought against the company by the union which may allow workers to retain jobs until perhaps March.

Parliament Member Bizhan Afshar killed in accident

Nablus

One week after a landslide victory over incumbent Haim Bernstein, Parliament member Bizhan Afshar was killed during an apparent car accident. A plumbing truck struck his vehicle as he left an appointment said a press release from her office. Afshar won a stunning victory over 18 year incumbent Bernstein, winning with nearly 57% of the votes. "Hewill be very missed not only in the Parliament, but in the Muslim community as well" said President Levy.

Before becoming a Parliament member, Afshar was an aid to President Levy.

 

[Cakistan]

Ministry of External Affairs

The United Emirates sends its condolences on the recent death of Parliament member Bizhan Afshar. Mr. Afshar was a fine man and a true leader. We hope that a full investigation of the circumstances of his death will be opened immediately.

 

[Holy Frankish Empire]

Justice Ministry Investigating Parliament Death

Barkai

Following the vehicular death of Parliament Member Bizhan Afshar, the Justice Ministry announced today that a full investigation would be launched. The Ministry claims the investigation to be occurring due to a momentary 'lack of local manpower'. The Ministry denied it was due to the fact Bizhan Afshar was a prominent Muslim, one of 24 in the 82 member parliament.

The Justice Ministry has commented that while the death appears to be an accident, they intend to find out just how it happened down to the last centimeter.

Headlines
12 explosions rock a political rally in Cúlanor, killing over 300

30 members of the Christian Brotherhood of Cakistan charged. Analysts warn that the arrests will only fuel the disorder.

Belmont to deploy 30,000 troops to Abruzicstan

 

[Holy Frankish Empire]

Justice Ministry Announces Investigation Closed

Barkai


The investigation into Parliament Member Bizhan Afshar has been closed according to a press conference held at Police Headquarters in Barkai. According to the Justice Ministry, the driver of the plumbing truck was not only drunk, but also had not slept in 2 days.

The Ministry will not release the drivers name for his protection but assured reporters that information will be disclosed during open court sessions.


Headlines
Transport Ministry to build high-speed rail from Barkai to Haifa (the real one).
Mayor of Wetzlar, Eiffelland single handedly fights extremism.
Belmont watches border with peaceful Lorraine.

 

[Serenierre]

Foreign Office

The press of the Judean Republic seems to have an unhealthy obsession with the Kingdom but we understand its a slow day(s) in the Judean press.

 

[Holy Frankish Empire]

Office of the Editor

We report on what news we deem to be important and what headlines matter. We sincerely apologize for feeling that Belmont is important. We will make the necessary corrections with our future editions.

 

[Serenierre]

Foreign Office

We have no objection to this publication publishing stories related to the Kingdom, we however have reservations as to how the publication shows Belmont.

Belmont watches border with peaceful Lorraine.

Hardly, the most unbiased of news. We call for this publication to be balanced in reporting Belmont.

 

[Holy Frankish Empire]

New High-Speed Rail Connects Capital and Ramat Gan

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Ramat Gan

A 4 year project to connect Ramat Gan and the capital, Barkai, by a new rail line has finally been completed. The new system will replace the passenger dedicated rail line that is currently in place. The old rail system, built in the late 1960's, "is long overdue for retirement" according to the Ministry of Transportation.

The new Jd260 Million High-Speed Rail (HSR) is among the most modern and will run every day except for Saturdays. "We are very excited about this system. We have jumped numerous hurdles such as removing the national 85 mile-per-hour speed limit for trains. This line will not only increase tourism, but increase comfort and ease for our citizens as well" said the Transportation Ministry Sunday.

Headlines

Belmontien Foreign Ministry attacks The Star, accuses news agency of biased reporting.

Cornavian cabinet crisis?

Foreign Minister of Olmolungring invited.

 

[Holy Frankish Empire]

More Women And Muslims Accepted Into JDF

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Barkai

The Judean Defence Forces are expected to allow more women and Muslims to join this year, than ever before says JDF Commander General Meyer Landsman. "All should have an opportunity to serve the Judean Republic- Jews, Christians, Women.......everyone" said Landsman in a press conference.

Muslims have not been required to serve compulsory service in the past and still will not be. Women are drafted at a slightly smaller ratio. When asked about fairness, Landsman was quick to respond: "This is a Jewish state. We expect Jews to defend it. While the Republic is Jewish this is home to Muslims, Christians, Gays, Orthodox Jews, Reform Jews......all should have the right and do have the right to serve freely within the military".

 

[Cakistan]

Ministry of External Affairs

The United Emirates welcomes the news that the Judean Defence Forces will be expanding opportunities for the Judean Republic's Muslim citizens as well as for women. The UEC' Peshmerga has a long history of including women fighters who have often fought bravely on behalf of their native soil. We hope the Judean Republic will continue to ensure the rights and liberties of all citizens regardless of ethnicity or religious background.

 

[Holy Frankish Empire]

JDF Office of International Affairs

We thank you for your kind words. While women also have been a a part of the JDF for some time, we are aiming to fully expand opportunities. We will endeavor to seek progress.

General Meyer Landsman
Commander, JDF

 

[Holy Frankish Empire]

Editorial: Belmont, Lorraine, and a Border

By: Honorable Walden Finkleman
Part-time Editor​

As a dispute moves toward conflict, I think it is important to reflect on the situation at hand. An story appeared recently in various streams of Belmontien media which stated that Rangers of the Frontier Corps were reporting sightings of increased Lorrainese troops along some sections of border. The government of Belmont, unusually careful of her security, confirmed the news article. Charles Colbert, Secretary of State for Foreign Affairs was quick to dismiss the accusation saying "there has been no appreciable increase of border patrols along Lorraine's border with Belmont, and none had been planned". In response to this, Belmont made it clear that all they seek is that the government of Lorraine to equalize the border troops on their side.

Now, as I have said, the Belmontien government confirmed the media report despite stating that "additionally, we urge the Government of Lorraine to understand that Belmontien media does not reflect official government policy". Allow me to explain. As they have asked Lorraine to alter her border security, there obviously must be a reason. Yes?

Next, Belmont, in a government statement: "We urge all in the EDF bloc to look at the matter without the anti-Belmont bias that they are now becoming world famous for". Interesting approach. Because the next section of the same government statement reads: "And furthermore, statements as pompous from Valmy and Metz we have seen in the past few days have not been well received in Paris". So Belmont is calling for an end to a so-called anti-Belmontien bias by calling statements from other nations to be 'pompous'. Belmont is calling upon the fire brigade whilst pouring gas on the fire, complaining that they wont come. In another statement, Belmont's government claims that the "Montelimarien and Lorrainese governments are overreacting". Perhaps true. But Belmont pours the gas onto the fire as well. This could have simply been handled via phone calls between leaders after the Pioneers Corps saw such activity. Instead, the Belmontien government allowed its media to run wild and manufacture and international problem. While Judea supports free press, we know that when it threatens national security and the security of other nations to 'pump the brakes'.


As for Lorraine equaling her border guards to Belmont's. What a difficult subject. If Lorraine were to have 15 border guards on the ENTIRE border, would Belmont lower her number to 15 as well? No. Why? Because it is asinine. Whoever came up with the equal number idea may very well be incompetent and should be fired. Why wouldnt Belmont lower her number to 15 if Lorraine asked her to? Maybe the reason is because Belmont deems it necessary to her border security to have what she deems as an adequate force. Let me say that again; what Belmont deems as an adequate force. If the situation were reversed, and Lorraine accused Belmont of what Belmont is accusing Lorraine of; how would Belmont respond? By lowering the number of troops? No. Why? Because it is a matter of sovereignty. This issue isn't about an anti-Belmont bias, the number of troops either have at the border, or even an anti-EDF bias.

This issue is about sovereignty and common sense.



Walden Finkleman is a part-time editor and former President of the Judean Republic (1996-2008 )

 

[Holy Frankish Empire]

War Games Postponed Amongst Tensions

Barkai

President Levy today announced that war games scheduled for later this week are to be postponed 'in light of Belmontien-EDF tensions'. President Levy went on to comment that the Judean Republic Air Force (JAF) would continue with extremely limited drills.

"We do not wish to escalate the situation. It is vitally important to all that logic prevails. To see this pushed beyond necessary parameters" said the President. When asked if he believes that a third party mediator is necessary, the President was quick to answer- "No. This issue is a matter of sovereignty and security of one state and the worries of another. These are two nations that should be able to resolve this situation. The media amongst others keeps trying to make this a bigger issue than it is. I think everyone should take a step back, breath, then sit down and calmly work it out".

 

[Serenierre]

Foreign Office

In view of the fact that the Judean Republic is thousands of miles away from Belmont, the Kingdom has absolutely no issue even if the Republic were to hold the war games. Though it is commendable on Judea's part.

 

[Holy Frankish Empire]

Ministry of Defence

We wish to avoid the idea that we are preparing for any sort of war. That is a trend in various media outlets to insinuate such things.

 

[Serenierre]

Foreign Office

We commend the responsibility shown by the Judean Republic, it is our hope that tensions in our region can be resolved soon.

 

[Holy Frankish Empire]

Judean Republic to host first Umot HaOlam Games

Barkai

President Levy announced today that in July of 2011, Judea would host the Umot HaOlam (Nations of the World) Games. The games will consist of delegations from every country willing/able to send athletes. There is at least one catch, athletes must be Jewish says the Umot HaOlam Council. Defining who is Jewish "is not our job, but we wish that every athlete either be a convert or have at least one Jewish parent. President Levy also commented that, depending on the success of the games, the event would be held every 4 years.

Each sport, except softball and boxing, will have both Men's and Women's sides says the Umot HaOlam Council.

Some of the sports included will be: 7's rugby, gymnastics, Judo, boxing, softball, target shooting, tennis, weight lifting, track and field events, and volleyball.





Judea's Growing Military Industry Highlighted by Merkava and F20 Tayku

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An F20 "Tayku" takes off

Barkai

The state owned Judean Defence Manufacturing has long produced satisfactory weapons, most were copies or modifications of existing weapons. In recent years, JDM has not only produced its own battle rifle in cooperation with Sinhai, but has also developed a main battle tank. "There are many nations on this earth. Few have had the ability to build such fine technology" said JDM Senior Public Relations Officer Mathew Tolstev.

The F20 program began sometime in 1997. "While several allied countries have greatly helped, this is without question a Judean aircraft" said Tolstev. The F20 program is among the most expensive defense projects ever embarked upon by Judea. According to many defense experts, despite the program beginning in 1997, aircraft will not be operational until at least 2014. Despite the 17 year program and the still unsure cost of the program, Tolstev says: "Many nations have lined up and already placed orders. We are under little pressure. We know our product will work". Many Judeans were 'wowed' by an impromptu F20 demonstration over the crowded summer beaches outside Ramat Gan in August. Cell phone videos of 2 F20's quickly hit the internet and news stations.

 

[Holy Frankish Empire]

National Kibbutz Union rejects National Police Offices

Barkai

The National Kibbutz Union announced today they will 'reject in every way legally possible' a new bill in Parliament which will fund National Police offices in kibbutzim around Judea. The offices would have been staffed part-time.

Currently, Gan Shmuel has 2 part-time officers but has a population of around 2,000. The bill, introduced by the Futures Party, would build an office in every kibbutz regardless of size for part-time staffing.

In a statement released by the National Kibbutz Union, the Union claimed that 'the placement of part time offices will not lower already low crime rates, but will be a waste of taxpayer money and act as a nuisance to life in kibbutzim".

Parliament is scheduled to vote on the bill friday.


Editorial: Belmont, The Schizophrenic Nation

By: Honorable Walden Finkleman
Part-time Editor​

We have already discussed Belmont's issue with our ally Lorraine. Now, a nation which, according to their government seeks peace, is increasing their nuclear stockpile by 25 percent and according to Belmontien media, the air force is on a spending spree.

Correct me if I am wrong, but should Lorraine not be alarmed? If Belmont has the fortitude to challenge a few piddly border guards, then Lorraine should obviously challenge the nuclear escalation. If Belmont is able to demand that Lorraine lower her border guards to the number of border guards Belmont has; then it should be PERFECTLY REASONABLE for Lorraine to demand Belmont do the same in respect to her nuclear arsenal.

Belmont's continued militarization is a direct affront to the peaceful face that it maintains. Belmont, massively increasing its military by 45,000 (according to Belmontien media), also says they will fight militancy. A nation going on an Air Force 'spending spree', increasing its nuclear stockpile, and increasing the military by 45,000 persons will harden its stance on militancy.

According to Belmontien media, the Strategic Forces of Belmont have around 225 warheads and comprise the 'nation's most prized defensive arsenal'. Perhaps, the most prized defensive arsenal should be diplomacy.


Walden Finkleman is a part-time editor and former President of the Judean Republic (1996-2008 )

 

[Holy Frankish Empire]

Judea Offers Asylum To 'Zionists', Issues Travel Ban

Barkai

In a televised press conference today, President Rahm Levy addressed a key issue - Greater Palestine's 'camps' for 'Zionists'. Visibly distraught at the situation, President Levy joined by Muslim Parliament members issued a strong statement condemning the actions of Greater Palestine. Below, a transcript of the speech has been provided.


"After much debate, research, and investigation, our government has determined the actions of the Palestinian state to be prejudice. The government claims that the Zionists are imperialists and terrorists. There is no longer any state, nor government. Furthermore, they violate their own decree which states it was enacted for 'fair and swift justice on the enemies of freedom'.

Now, the government will be placing Jews in camps, which are in reality: prisons. They refer to Jews as 'zionist' oppressors, despite being oppressive themselves and the fact that the Jews clearly are not fighting to return to Zion. Anti-Zionist Containment Camps, Anti-Zionist Brigades, and Anti-Zionist Armed Forces may as well be called Anti-Semitic brigades.

We ask all nations to condemn these acts by the Palestinian Government and to work to bring their actions to an end. Effective immediately, a complete travel ban will go into place on the Palestinian state. Furthermore, effective on the first of next month, a complete ban on the importation of taxable goods from Greater Palestine will go into effect. We are willing to drop these bans if Greater Palestine is willing to cooperate and becomes a true defender of freedom. Judea is willing to accept all 'zionists' at our cost, immediately. We beg Greater Palestine to truly believe in justice and freedom.

Good night and G-d bless."

 

[Lorraine]

**CONFIDENTIAL**

Office of the First Minister

To: President Rahm Levy

Monsieur,

On behalf of Majesty, King Charles V, I thank you for the support your government has shown for us in the latest rounds of disputes with our overbearing neighbor, the Kingdom of Belmont. This has also made me realize that it has been far too long since I have visited the Judea Republic and so I would ask permission for such a visit to take place. It is also my desire that if such a visit is made real, while there, a meeting between you and I could possibly be arranged.

Francois Joseph de Choiseul, duc de Choiseul
Principal Ministre de l'Etat