The Ko-I-Noor Evening Star [News from Trans-Nineveh]

[Trans-Nineveh]

The Ko-I-Noor Evening Star
" All the news of the Land of the Eternal Evening Star . . . "​

During 3 hour speech, General Mauhmoud Reza Khan shows 2 Jurzani hostages to world

Ko-I-Noor, March 12th Year 19 -

[General Reza Khan walks up the platform as dozens of international media follow his every footstep. Two handcuffed Jurzani embassy workers follow him, two members of the Red Guard walk between the prisoners and the General. Clearing his throat, General Reza Khan stands on the stage, takes a microphone and begins to speak to the public, at least 100,000 citizens on Espace Guilliame Darrí, the central square of Ko-I-Noor.]

"Citizens of Trans-Nineveh, rejoice! [cheers overpower the voice of the General] For it is my honor to present to you two cowardly dogs, we wipe our feet with their flag, who have given a full confession after mere hours after their arrest. Each prisoner will read out their confession in full, to the world, who may or may not believe in their innocence. What we have here is a confession, shocking but true." [The General, with a hand gesture, orders a prisoner to walk up to the stage. He waits until a Red Guard hands him the microphone while General Reza Khan leaves the stage.]

*****​

"My name is Fareed Bouazine. My employer is the Jurzani Government. But I am also in the employment of Engellex secret service. I have purportedly witnessed crimes against humanity committed in Trans-Nineveh. These witness reports are false. I have written about those alleged crimes to my superiors to demonize Trans-Nineveh. I have spied on the legitimate regime of General Mahmoud Reza Khan, I have defiled the honor and purity of the Trans-Ninevean Revolution. I am sexually abnormal. I have commited acts of beastiality with farm animals, my religion is neither Christianity nor Islam, I worship Satan and have sacrificed children in his honor. I have attempted to sabotage railroads in Merv and Aqaba, I have murdered prominent party officials, I have taken bribes from Engellex secret service agents to sell Jurzani military secrets, I have betrayed and sold out innocent citizens for financial gain. My treason runs deeper and I have framed colleagues for promotions. I have written untrue statements regarding the laws and rights of Trans-Ninevean citizens. I have recorded false messages to the international press. I have leaked dozens of classified documents, which I have altered beforehand to ridicule the great nation of Trans-Nineveh. Amongst other crimes, too numerous to count. For this, I shall be expelled from Trans-Nineveh. I have been forgiven by the great General Mahmoud Reza Khan for my crimes. I have confessed and I shall repent for my sins."​

 

[Kassiopeia]

[FONT=&quot]Official Statement, Countersigned for Ideological Affirmation :: Union of Kassiopeia[/FONT]​

[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]Though in times past, representatives of the people and workers of the Union of Kassiopeia have been loath to pass judgments upon the various comings and goings of a nation feelings its way to post-colonial existence, as is clearly the case in Trans-Nineveh, it is quickly becoming clear that some form of input on our parts will be necessary.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]Rather than wasting time and effort on parsing ideological statements and other such reactionary bravado, we must focus instead on the realities that are quickly developing on the ground in Ko-i-Noor. Though the people and workers of Kassiopeia can more than sympathize with the desire, and action to see the most basic and guttural justice done to the rapist of the world, the lily-white Engellexic slave drivers and their albino kin and kids around the world...it is entirely uncalled for, and entirely counterproductive to involve those same slave driving bastards' unwitting pawns in this great historic movement to rid a nation of the evils of colonialism and imperialism. [/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]Parading citizens of another nation, not so long ago the attempted victim of the newest and most vicious form of colonialism-imperialism about in the streets of Ko-i-Noor, as if it is some kind of victory...and not just the groping of a sad little man remembering the abuse of his Engellexic step-mother. We cannot, and will not stand for this debasement to continue in our backyard. The supposed eventual release of these Jurzani hostages, which we doubt have had any dealings with the Engellexic gangsters and pimps at all, is unacceptable. It must be done now. It can only be done now.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]Arrangements for the transfer of all Jurzani citizens currently held by Trans-Nineveh into Kassiopeian safe keeping are expected within 24 hours.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]
Signed: [/FONT][FONT=&quot]Colonel Valerian Sassoon, Custodians of the Revolution, Revolutionary-Justice Commissar[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]Countersigned: [/FONT][FONT=&quot]Gustav Oulaudeau-Mbaissesse,[/FONT][FONT=&quot] Kassiopeian Confederation of Labor, Secretary General; Revolutionary Custodial Reservist[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]Countersigned: Zik Abdoulahi, Congress of Correspondence, Elected Speaker, Committee of International Revolutionary-Relations [/FONT]

 

[Clarenthia]

Ministry of Foreign Affairs

The Second Jurzani Republic is shocked and in awe over this action by Trans-Nineveh. We will do whatever necessary in order to ensure that the ambassadors of the Republic are returned safely to lands we rightfully own. The Government of Trans-Nineveh has 24 hrs to accept an invitation by Supreme Chancellor Faraj Khayrat to negotiate a peaceful solution, or the Jurzan will forget diplomacy as an option and do whatever it takes to ensure our citizens are returned.

Signed,
Ministry of Foreign Affairs
Sharjah, Jurzan

 

[Jydsken-Østveg]

KVALIFICERAT HEMLIG
(TOP SECRET)

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Drottningens kabinett för den utrikes brevväxlingen
The Queen's cabinet for the correspondence with foreign powers
​

Söndag 13 mar 2011
Sonday, mar 13 2011

General M.R. Khan,
Eternal Warden of the Most Glorious Revolution,
Ko-I-Noor, Trans-Nineveh

Sir,​

The Kingdom of Suionia has been carefully observing the situation in Trans-Nineveh. Our Government is interested in working with the your own on a peaceful level. So to speak, we'd like to engineer a deal in which our non-essential embassy staff may return home in the event of what appears to be a potential war in your great country with your former colonizing power. In return for allowing our non-essential embassy staff to return home safely, our Government promises to maintain full trade relations with your nation in defiance of any future Council of Nations rulings.

In the event of the agreement to this deal, our Government plans to maintain an open embassy in Trans-Nineveh with limited staffing and full privileges. Additionally, we'd like to be able to send more qualified representatives and would like to shuffle our diplomatic corps in Trans-Nineveh. We hope you'd understand as the staffing currently there are equipped to deal with an auxiliary to the Engellex empire, not a full fledged and free nation. We hope to be able to expand further business and diplomatic opportunities with you and your nation.​

Hälsningar,

Henne excellens Malin Enström
Her Excellency Malin Enström

MALIN ENSTRÖM​

Statsminister för utrikes ärendena
Minister for Foreign Affairs​

​

 

[Trans-Nineveh]

(...)

Top Secret Communique
Priority letter delivered by the Ambassador of Trans-Nineveh in person to: Drottningens kabinett för den utrikes brevväxlingen

"Your communication is a very pleasing surprise between all the ridiculous hypocricy that surrounds us. We are perfectly fine with your proposal and shall be forthcoming and cooperative on any level. Your embassy staff is free to leave or stay as they see fit and our police shall protect the embassy and consolate of Svearnas Konungariket against the possibility of radicals and other troublemakers who wish to sour relations between our two countries. Aside from this most generous offer of full protection and our security services being at your disposal, we invite Svearnas Konungariket companies to take a closer look at the wonders of cheap labor.

Our citizens work for a mere fraction of the wages your workers receive in Svearnas Konungariket, coupled with a tax regime that is most beneficial to your companies and expatriate workers, I am quite sure we are able to broker a deal. Our government is confident your expatriates will be houses most comfortably in former Engellexic gated communities. You may build factories, chemical plants, anything that requires any quantity of expendable workers, if Trans-Nineveh receives technology in return. We are most interested in green and renewable technologies to offset our growing demand for oil and natural gas, as well as the means to mass produce such technological advancements. Please treat this message with the discretion it deserves."

 

[Hesperia]

Diwan of Foreign Affairs

The Sultanate confirms that it is indeed not closing its embassy in Ko-i-Noor, and will be maintaining its full staff there. We do this in the interests of peace and international diplomacy. Hajr commits itself to solving the current unfolding crisis between its brother-nation of Jurzan, and our neighbor state of Trans-Nineveh.

 

[Trans-Nineveh]

Ministry of the Exterior

". . . We thank the Hajri Diwan of Foreign Affairs for its sympathic, wise approach to this dramatic escalation and subsequent diplomatic attempts to resolve it. Only a wise leader such as the Sultan could think of such a careful method to mediate between the National Revolutionary Republic of Trans-Nineveh and the neo-colonialist warmongers of Engellex. Your commitments will be remembered by a grateful nation and your drive towards peace should receive global praise which it rigtfully deserves."

 

[Trans-Nineveh]

The Ko-I-Noor Evening Star
" All the news of the Land of the Eternal Evening Star . . . "​

Batavia betrayed socialism, abandoned the true path, therefore the 'country is ripe for revolutionary fire'

Ko-I-Noor, March 14th Year 19 - Colonel Aristotle Parvin (Minister of the Exterior) has issued a socialist fatwa against the scum nation of Batavia, a country of slimy traitors who have abandoned socialism to replace it with a tool of the devil, capitalism. More worryingly, they have embraced capitalism as salvation and have renounced their ties with glorious socialism. Red has been completely eradicated from their pitiful state, the worst of their crimes against humanity. In this regard, Parvin found it necessary to issue a socialist fatwa, which demands 'imminent revolution', and calls for a 'wave of terrorist fire,' in order to 'consume the capitalist hoodlums in a bout of pure rage'. The fatwa document contains a list of no less than ten thousand crimes against humanity, all committed after the fall of socialism in Batavia.

". . . We must be prepared to face the truth: socialism is at risk every where in the world. A call to power for all workers, unemployed, the rejects, capitalism spits out people as it were vomit. It is time for Trans-Nineveh to stand behind our socialist cause, to promote socialism elsewhere in the world. Revolution cannot be made peacefully, power must be seized from the autocrats, drive out and slay the looters, let them bleed as long as they have leeched you. Let their life on earth be a prelude to eternal damnation in hell, murder their twisted, demented families, burn their banks and give their possessions to the People. All is fair in any socialist struggle, it is time the citizens of the world, muslim or christian, take back what was taken by the greedy hucksters in their palaces of marble and gold. Throw down statues erected in their honor, destroy their greed by killing them all.

I call for a socialist jihad, for only Holy War against the capitalists can further our socialist cause. I have written this socialist fatwa, I declare it the ultimate law of the world, sentence all capitalists to death by way of the boats and our battle shall begin in the youngest domino fallen into the claws of capitalism: Batavia . . ."​

 

[Batavië]

And with the latest news; groups of Batavians enjoying their after-work coffee hour today broke out in fits of laughter, doubling over with tears after hearing of reports coming from Trans-Nine..something that a 'socialist fatwa' has been called against the Republic of Batavia and other capitalist states. One viewer of the news spoke to The Horseradish telling us that 'what is so funny is that Batavia remains the most socialist country in the NC with most major industry still in the hands of the government as well as retaining a near cradle-to-grave welfare system.' A group of history professors from across Batavia and the NC also put together a report detailing mass murders of the former communist De Graaf regime and sent it to the Himyari dictatorship.

In other news a rooster was seen atop Parliament today squawking at MPs on their way in and out of the building...

Alternative news agency The Horseradish

 

[Trans-Nineveh]

The Ko-I-Noor Evening Star
" All the news of the Land of the Eternal Evening Star . . . "​

General Mahmoud Reza Kahn exposes "greatest conspiracy" in history of mankind, sends entire cabinet into exile

Ko-I-Noor, March 21st Year 19 - Yesterday our eternal guardian of the Revolution, bulwark against capitalist hatred, has said on national television that a truly terrible disaster has been averted just minutes before conspirators could oust him, but because of his genius and Divine Inspiration, he saw what was afoot and before those heathens could do anything harmful, the entire cabinet was sent into exile abroad, where they cannot do any damage to the peaceful and prosperous state of Trans-Nineveh. The conspiracy was led by two figures who, in General Kahn's own words, "shall be put to death, death, death" if they ever set foot in Ko-I-Noor again.

". . . From this point onwards my children, I have seen in my 19 year rule of Warden of the Revolution many things against my humble person. But none have ever came this close to me. It seems capitalist infiltration has finally made it into my very own cabinet. We must be vigilant, our eyes must inspect every citizen top to bottom and root out all potential collaborators with these scum. I have fired my entire cabinet and as your Revolutionary Leader, it is time we take everything one step further. We must cleanse Trans-Nineveh of the traitors, we shall burn their houses, tear apart their writings, smash their statues and leave nothing that remembers them. The traitor Idriss Ould Mozadegh, stripped from all his military titles and honors, started a major military campaign against our true brethren, the Islamic Mujahideen of the Emirate of Saleh. I have cancelled all operations. For it can only be true, an atheist like Mozadegh, is under the influence of Loyalist warmongers in Samarkand. I have ordered all my honorable, loyal forces to join in a decisive offensive to purge our country of the last remnants of the Shah's reign. We shall be victorious, our flags will be torn apart and replaced by the green and black of Islam and Sharia. Our country cannot and will never be perfect as long as infiltrators and agitators roam around, causing mischief all around. I call for a Socialist Jihad against all the enemies of my legitimate rule. I am not a matter of discussion. I am . . ."​

 

[Trans-Nineveh]

The Ko-I-Noor Evening Star
" All the news of the Land of the Eternal Evening Star . . . "​

Reshuffling of cabinet leads to 'Operation Overture', National Islamic Revolution proclaimed

Ko-I-Noor, March 22nd Year 19 - Our leader, our revolutionary father, General Mahmoud Reza Kahn has announced Operation Overture to rid our fair and honest nation of the greatest scourge: the insidious, demonic influence of the Assyrians and Jews, who are nothing but puppets, here to set up a proxy conflict against the purity of Islam, it is said. In this respect, General Kahn has announced an immediate cease-fire with the righteous and courageous warriors of the north, the glorious Mujahideen. Now that the traitor, the liar, the corrupted Idriss Ould Mozadegh is gone, removed from office, ready to be fed to the dogs, Reza Kahn says Mozadeghs influence to run amok in the north, his lust for destruction of the Islamic bonds between Trans-Nineveh and the Mujahideen, are gone. "Now is the time to befriend our true Islamic brothers. Never, ever more shall a ghoul like Mozadegh be able to obstruct and destroy the ties that bind our destinities, our dedication to spreading Islam, our conquest for Allah, be thwarted by this defiled and impure wretch. Need I even mention the twisted conspirators Yisrael and Taxíl? Their departure will herald the coming of a new age, an age of Islam in Himyar."

The National Islamic Revolution has commenced, the General also announced in the same televised statement. This revolution, to complete his life's work, shall began immediately. "All remnants of the Shah will be destroyed. All churches will burn. All synagogues will be levelled. Unbelievers in Trans-Nineveh will be given a choice: convert to Islam or die. Now is the time to take action, now is the time to move forward by leaps and jumps, not by mere steps. All the weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulders, Christian and Jewish treason can no longer hinder our Islamic Revolution. I ask all citizens! I ask you! I call upon your faith, I call you, oh Mighty God! Grant us the power to vanquish our foes, I call upon you, oh God, give me insight to foresee all actions of my enemies! Let your hands build, oh proud people of Trans-Nineveh! Let your hands build a new society, a new way of living! Wipe away all radical modernism! Cast away all foolishness, embrace your faith! A decisive battle is approaching! I call for war against all traitors, all rebels, let us triumph over the armies of our enemies! Revolution of the masses, come forward!"​

 

[Trans-Nineveh]

The Ko-I-Noor Evening Star
" All the news of the Land of the Eternal Evening Star . . . "​

By order of General Mahmoud Reza Kahn 119 conspirators and agents provocateurs to be hanged in Belomarkand

Ko-I-Noor, March 23rd Year 19 - "Joyful days are upon us!" exclaimed by our beloved eternal warden of the revolution, General Mahmoud Reza Kahn, as he signed the execution order of 119 army officers, office workers, farmers and other traitors, who will be hanged in Belomarkand, a city close to Loyalist occupied land. The cleansings, started during the National Islamic Revolution, are meant to rid ourselves of the pest, the most fiendish of all infiltration, betrayal from within. Paid and controlled by foreigners, capitalists and 'other scum', General Kahn makes no secret of his policy to start a nationwide campaign to exterminate everybody who is even suspect of collaborating with the conspirators. "I am very benign to these louts unworthy of being called human. If we would still live in the middle ages I would personally draw and quarter them and toss their gutted remains to the dogs, that is all they deserve!", General Kahn said on national television.

Mass executions are getting more frequent, but "that is a price any nation must pay to sort out such betrayal. Without constant threat of exectution, people will rise up and demand democracy. I demand total obedience from my beloved people! Without dicipline, no order. Without order, there shall be chaos. And during times of chaos, capitalists and other vermin seize power. That is precisely what those scoundrels are trying to establish: chaos. Order out of chaos, that is capitalism! I ask of all citizens to work even harder and pray to Allah five times a day for a grand exit of these troubled times. We will come out of stronger, all fools and bastard will hang from the gallows, all their pathetic conspiracies will be betrayed by their peers, their schemes exposed and laughed at, their families ruined and homes burned to the ground. Everybody who is with me will go forward, the grand design has no place for a bunch of rats and rabid dogs! Our revolution will be completed, our nation perfected! God is great!"​

 

[Trans-Nineveh]

The Ko-I-Noor Evening Star
" All the news of the Land of the Eternal Evening Star . . . "​

Nicosia: most pathetic nation ever. An objective analysis.

Ko-I-Noor, March 25th Year 19 - General Mahmoud Reza Kahn has issued a report written by some of the brighest minds in Trans-Nineveh. It is titled: "Nicosia: most pathetic nation ever", a credible and independent analysis of the events surrounding the hostage crisis in Solaren and EDF nations. 24 million euros were paid, an officialy apology was given and Nicosia lowered itself to the level of beggars, cockroaches and excrement. Hardly surprising, knowing the true nature of its pederast king Alexander DCLXVI (666) and sodomite chancellor Valdez (Spanish for "he who indulges in depraved love making").

Their stupidity knows no bounds according to the authoritive report, how Solaren managed to extort 24 million and made the whole EDF alliance bow down and kiss the toes of Urban, is conclusive evidence of the EDF as a bastion of meek and measly leaders and moreso, cowardice.

Is it no coincidence that our conspirators, cursed be their names, may their corpses rot in the desert, Felíx Taxíl and Idriss Ould Mozadegh, allied themselves with pro-EDF forces within the Loyalist White Army? Of course not! Like attracts like, weakness attracts weakness. Men without honor, that is the EDF. This sign of weakness is an act of God, the Divine Intervention we have been waiting for. Allah casts his light of truth and wisdom upon us, and we heed his calls for justice. Therefore, my fellow citizens, I have ordered immediate confiscation of all EDF assets within Trans-Nineveh.

This confiscation policy should act as a reminder that, while we are in no way allied with Solaren, we, the free peoples of Himyar, are no longer bought and sold like slaves. Our brethren of the past were sold into slavery by the traitors up north. We have banned slavery at a cost of blood and struggle. That was 1861, exactly 150 years ago. Now, in 2011 it is about time we destroy that very last bit of slavery, slavery of money. The power of gold will be replaced by the power of Allah! Whatever the wishes and demands of the EDF and its bastard ilk are, we'll reject it, if they come up with international law and treaties, we'll refute it as a tool of northern oppression heavily influenced by the banking cartel. EDF is divided and powerless. They are dead. They have died at the hands of Urban. It was said not long ago the writing on the wall is clear: Nicosia's days as a kingdom are numbered. The macro picture looks even better: EDF's days are numbered. Independent people of the world, rise up! God is great!​

 

[Trans-Nineveh]

The Ko-I-Noor Evening Star
" All the news of the Land of the Eternal Evening Star . . . "​

BREAKING NEWS:

-> Reza Kahn, flees Ko-I-Noor and joins Mujahideen fundamentalists of Emirate, vows return and will 'destroy all opposition', calls international community to condemn 'illegal seizure of power'

-> Colonel Idriss Ould Mozadegh: "Our coalition government, before Kahn's decent into insanity, will be restored and all parties, NDU members will be pardoned for their crimes"

-> Fighting in and around Ko-I-Noor lasted 4 days, details remain sketchy, Revolutionary Council to be restored after 19 years, all Revolutionary leaders gather to discuss the future of Trans-Nineveh

-> Pockets of resistance remain in Ko-I-Noor; snipers and other criminals have sought refuge in abandoned buildings and terrorize innocent citizens, other cities in Trans-Nineveh have declared their support for the new regime, ask for major political overhaul

More news as it hits the wire...


​

 

[Holy Frankish Empire]

Ministry of Foreign Affairs

In reference to your article that referred to Nicosia as the "most pathetic nation ever", we are quite confused. See, we are not sure why the great nation of Trans-Nineveh takes such a deep interest in a nation as small and unworthy as Nicosia. Perhaps it is jealousy or pure hate. Either way we do not want to soil the great nation of Trans-Nineveh by making accusations or mentioning the homoerotic tendencies of General Mahmoud Reza Kahn. No, we do not wish to do any of that. We are merely attempting to ascertain why Nicosia is held with such interest.

 

[Touzen]

Ministry of Revolutionary Defense and Foreign Affairs

After consultations with those remaining in Trans-Nineveh, the Constitutional State has decided to withdraw the rest of our embassy staff that remained after our earlier decrease in personnel levels in our embassy in the country.

 

[Trans-Nineveh]

Ministry of Revolutionary Defense and Foreign Affairs

After consultations with those remaining in Trans-Nineveh, the Constitutional State has decided to withdraw the rest of our embassy staff that remained after our earlier decrease in personnel levels in our embassy in the country.

Provisional Foreign Office

Although we regret this decision, in the interest of the safety of Oikawan embassy staff, we accept this decision but do hope everything returns to normal between Trans-Nineveh and Oikawa as soon as possible.

 

[Trans-Nineveh]

The Ko-I-Noor Evening Star
" All the news of the Land of the Eternal Evening Star . . . "​

BREAKING NEWS:

-> Ministry of Finance, Treasury and Central Bank to introduce new currency before September, monetary unit to be `revalued' to reflect `growing importance' of Trans-Nineveh in the global economy, MoF does not rule out `withdrawing from all bourses' and setting up independent trading platform for our industrial metals'

-> Theophile Muratti, provisional president of Trans-Nineveh issued a memorandum to Nuttian Empire, `a hand of friendship', announcing improvement of ties between our governments and `putting the dispicable Kahnist years' behind us. Idriss Ould Mozadegh said he will travel to Pokefort to discuss bilateral trade treaties and a declaration of Himyari solidarity

-> Revolutionary Navy to take up positions one mile away from Engellex Navy, in territorial waters, to act as a counterbalance to northern hypocricy and imperialism. A battlegroup, Hammurabi II, has been assigned this noble task. Fleet commander Hamid Croix proudly announced `the navy will never let the fires of Revolution suffocate!'

-> Terrorist bombing in Merv claims 36 lives. A carbomb was detonated near a busy market in the city, near the central square. Security forces managed to neutralize a suspected terrorist before he could detonate his explosives. Other suspects were brutally beaten by citizens before police could neutralize them. Hospitals in the city are being overwhelmed by injured people, the provisional government has sworn not to rest `before the corpses of these fanatical lunatics are left to rot in the desert'

More news as it hits the wire...​