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Beautancus

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Tuesday- August 14, 2012
Free with Subscription to any HomeWire Data-Union Service



Iuris Prudentially Screwed?

By: Marco Antonio de Tilleza-Rescate, Special to The Unofficial
Last Updated: 14:24, Implarian-Hyperian Coastal Time, 8-14-12
Port Redemption, Voluntary Organization of Redeemed Metropolitan Citizens


After nearly ten months of waiting- and from all accounts blaming, bribing, buying, excusing, fighting, fleeing, f*cking, lying, and now outright dying- Iurisprudential Allied, figured only twenty months ago as being the new, up and coming hotshot voluntarily associated law and order provider has all but closed shop, and folded up altogether over the weekend and throughout Monday. With the news that once beloved, always eccentric founder and COO of the provider, Rodney Reynolds had committed suicide (by self-defenestration, High Jazz Era style), the proverbial "jig" seems to have been shifted into the "up" position. In truth, this sort of thing shouldn't, and hasn't inspired the sort of incredibly pronounced reaction that Mr. Reynolds' timely demise has...

Out of the more than 20 major "allies" (i.e. majority shareholders) of Iurisprudential Allied, it seems that only 7 can be accounted for. Out of the 13 that cannot be accounted for, 9 are now listed as being "out of the Association," though very little about the exact location aside from not in Hyperia is known (at least by us, as of time of publication). The precious slivers of information that have been shown the light of day seem to indicate that not only were Mr. Reynolds and at least 5 other major "allies" aware of the multitudinous "missteps" (an understatement of the most intentional sort, with allegations ranging from minor infractions to gross violation of individual rights- including assault, extortion, manslaughter, and outright murder) attributed to employees of Iurisprudential Allied, at all levels, but they were actively seeking to cover it up, through all, and more of the selfsame means previously noted.

According to the "suicide e-mail" that Mr. Reynolds sent out to every major Data-Union/News Oriented Citizen's Association, Organization, and Union in the Port Redemption Metroplex, he was most ashamed of his direct involvement in aiding now-convicted rapist, and former Port Redemption Dockland College faculty-member, Dr. Epsom Rain in fleeing the country in advance of being taken into custody by employees of fellow voluntarily associated law and order provider, Tinheart Safety Services in late 2011. Mr. Reynolds likewise implicated the aforementioned "5 other major allies" as being willingly complicit in this heinous breach of trust- and unquestionable felonious crime, and as such we have every reason to believe this hastened their departures from our beloved homeland. Indications are that this is far from the only high profile case involving wrongdoing on such levels- with some, again from all indications, being far worse.

The 7 "allies" that could be accounted for as of this morning were engaged in talks with the Port Redemption Summer Citizens' Interests Council, and representatives of Tinheart Safety Services, and Résolutions de Tiers (the appropriately named "third party dispute resolution" citizens union agreeably contracted by Iurisprudential and Tinheart in March of this year) about how best to proceed from here. Though no press release of any sort has been issued regarding these "talks," it seems likely that a swift, and resounding resolution will be forthcoming.

In past cases of similar nature (and according to the Port Redemption Citizens' Compensation Compromise of 1997), it has been that any involuntarily, or otherwise wrongly affected parties receive primary rights to compensation- to include either an appropriate monetary sum or equivalent value in properties. Both Tinheart Safety Services and Résolutions de Tiers will also be likely to receive significant compensation for having to deal with the whole grossly dishonest and dishonorable mess- in the case of Tinheart likely including much of the actual "practical application equipment" so vital to success in their particular, and indispensable field.

Any remaining monies or properties will be seized by Port Redemption Summer Citizens' Interests Council, for redistribution according to the Will of the Redeemed Metropolitan Citizens as determined by an accountably and justly constituted Arbitration Council, during the Early Autumn Extended Meetings (beginning Sept. 5).

For any concerned Citizens who've not already switched their subscriptions away from Iurisprudential, I would like to (personally) suggest that you think about looking to the folks at Tinheart Safety Services, or Promethean Protection Inc. (depending upon your location and preferences). Either provider has a very long history of above adequate service, and have already expressed a willingness to "work with anyone suddenly finding themselves in need of law & order, or general safety insurance and services."


Any views expressed herein are not only those of Mr. Tilleza-Rescate, but also those of The Unofficial, by virtue his vetting for publication by our HomeWire Data-Union Service.


 
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