ORDER :: Roundup of Almscandidates

[Thaumantica]

Brek' Headlines from Sunday Morning

• Athletes return from Challenger Series
  • Despite 6-3 event victory Guard leaders insist "individuals prevented total victory and they are no longer with us."
• Rev. Coast Guard recalls White Seals from European Forum
  • Int. trained troops, self funded Helms & Seals, severed from "non-existent command or funding structure."
• Dympna McCleary invited to Oxwhyte Castle
  • Pardoned Fianna leader expected to serve as advisor to Almskeeper Pherson's young adult outreach efforts.
• Individual dies in rural explosion
  • Unidentified man dead from exploded experimental natural gas motorcycle; Investigation ongoing
• Shipkenny artist offends Amthwaite neighbors with mural
  • Mural depicts Waithies collaborating with capitalist merchants with CETO & Meridian Union badges

 

[Thaumantica]

TheBrek.TV (Channel 1)

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broadcasting live

Fern McGuire: "Months ago Nievish football was in ruins after being ousted by the Tarusan National Team for the 16th and Final Spot in Football's World Cup."

*PENALTY COMPETITION GOAL SHOWS TARUSANS CELEBRATING*

Fern McGuire: "Engwahl's national squad had been disqualified earlier in for doping charges and the Eivern group did not win a match in any qualifier match. But when Tarusa's team pulled out at the last minute a series of events and negotiations allowed for the creation of the first ever Thaumantic Commune Team comprised of the poached and rebuilding Nievish squad, still legal Engwahlians, and Eivern's proud enough to try out for a tri-nation effort."

*FOOTAGE FROM A MONTH AGO SHOWS FIRST PRACTICE OF THE COMBINED TEAM AND A HARD TACKLE CAUSING FEIGNED FISTICUFFS*

Trent Haepswait (Team Manager): "I start the day praying in Nievish, proceed by coaching in Engellsh, and breaking up fights in Eivernian until evening where I pray again in a mix of all three.

Fern McGuire: "All of us are trying to imagine the pressure on this diverse squad to prove that our nations work better together as a Thaumantic Commune after a century of competing separately, is that on their mind?"

Trent Haepswait: "A year ago this would have been impossible: the dialects, the ethos, the prejudices at play would have been too much to combine a team like this. Right now I have the first generation of Revolutionary Guard athletes from three nations. Most of these young men have spent a separate non-sporting camp together learning to march, shoot, and speak under conscription in the guard.

Fern McGuire: "Thaumanticans are calling their own team the 'Lochlate Losers', how does this Communal Squad respond to that sort of rub?"

Trent Haepswait: "You coined that phrase, Fern, over the radio last week and I wish ye'd take ownership. We are late, hastily pressed together, but we haven't lost together yet have we, Fern?"

Fern McGuire: "And when ye lose together I'll call them the Three Headed Losers!"

*HAEPSWAIT RIPS MICROPHONE OFF AND STORMS OFF THE CAMERA*

Fern McGuire: "Coaches in Engellsh? Should have canned the interview there! Enjoy the Occident little lord!"

 

[Thaumantica]

*FLIPPING THROUGH THAUMANTIC COMMUNE STATE CHANNELS*

SportLight on Channel 12 - Live from Lexkirk in Studio

Carlos DeLeon: "Match after match, series after series, we are beginning to see that there is something deeply flawed in the way Thaumantic Communal athletes perform in arenas or on tracks against their international peers. The combined team's breakdown against Tianlong, a second or third rate squad, crystallized what many of us have been saying for years now: there are no teams in the Communes, there are only corrupt club owners and state agencies complicit in this mess!"

Oliver Kernberg: "Could hardly agree more; you know a few days ago when the Auskie cycle squad accused Nieves of sabotage my first thought was: why would they sabotage someone else when there is so much hate within? And lo and behold, indeed, the two Thaumantic Cycle Teams had been sabotaging each other and had only accidentally included the Sundogs in the spat. These are not one-offs or coincidental instances of infighting, Carlos, this is a phenomena that ripples beyond sport into business, politics, and every aspect of communal culture.

*TV ROLLS OVER TO CHANNEL 1*

TheBrek.TV on Channel 1 - Live from Caitekurke

Fern McGuire: "And so does this Civil War die with either one of them? Say this Konstantin eats his pistol, does it end there? I suppose when we look at it, here in Nieveland and I sincerely doubt an Engwahlian or Eivern could be better informed, we wonder what either of these caterwauls offers anyone in this world beyond themselves?"

Conan Arthur Powers (New Communes Foreign Minister): "No this conflict will continue precisely because how amorphous the reasoning of Csengian resistance is and how impersonal the legitimate crowned emperor appears. Surely no one wants to die for the mere prerogative of Ivan or his brother, so even if one gives up now we will begin to see ideological theory or reasonings to explain what simply is many poor young men being sent to die for two rich and individualistic men."

Fern McGuire: "Pherson's administration, of which you now serve, has been criticized for putting so much public energy behind cultural events such as the visit of the pope and now this World Cup distraction. Yet, as we all know, Thaumanticans are shrink inwards hungrier and poorer every day that this piratical riddle or Tarusan tussle persists. What is the Almshouse doing to secure us right now?"

Conan Arthur Powers: "A visit from the papacy has been over a century overdue and a great spiritual work of faith and service that long predates either of those events. You can be very flippant, Fern, but you are not the only one concerned that these ballgame circuses are distracting away from a string of world violence and hunger.

The Communes have been withdrawn from the world for so long that most embassies are filled with skeleton crews where one person does the job of three as compared to any other foreign state's embassy, and we are visiting many now as a result of this wave of athletic diplomacy. Putting the Communes back on the world stage, if that is what the voters truly want, is going to involve glad-handing and arse-licking that they must simply become accustomed to. Our military must awaken from the mid 20th century and start thinking with its brains rather than its boot.

*TV SWITCHES TO CHANNEL 2*

NetworkAd for WeeTV (Channel 2)

Narrator: "From the State Stamped Bayonet Animation Committee comes a 4-Part, 4-Week, 4-Sunday television event that will roust wee ones up earlier than their Grans' this July: A Lovesong From Summer . . .

Sister Nesmith wants her songbirds to stick with flock and frock and dedicate their lives to song, but when prodigy Saraid Nightingale begins singing on Engwahlian sunny afternoons with Norbert Magpie two uneasy neighboring communities instigate a feud. Saraid shall be sent south to sing among the Eivern Cathedrals while Norbert is ordered north to fight with General Osbert against the Woodlarks in the Nieveland. Can the song they composed in summer survive winter's grip and convince them to throw aside circumstance and meet betwixt?

Thaumantic Ethos and Catholic values shall awaken this summer in an animated series event: A Lovesong From Summer, starting 2 July 2023 at 6 AM!"

 

[Thaumantica]

the Supper Sentinel
News from the Grand Covenant of Cantignia & Cantignian Perspectives

(VESPER) Demonstrations and speeches are being organized by the Society of Friends outside of the once upon a time Thaumantic Imperial Fortress, today a tourist destination and symbol of Thaumantic unity, over the Grand Covenant of Cantignia's decision to mobilize then entire Grand Fleet of the Covenant. This after our brother communes in Engwahl and Nieveland announced a joint mobilization of their respective Republican and Revolutionary Guards & Fleets.

The Mormons, as non-Thaumanticans call them, or Thaumantic Latter-day Saints have meanwhile chosen a different target for peaceful demonstration: outside the actual modern Thaumantic Order Communal Offices. There, led by the leader of the Cantignian nation, Cannies are demanding answers as to why Thaumantican brothers are not now reinforcing this nation against certain attack!

"The eyes of Ivan are upon our dear confines, and after deep prayer with my colleagues up above we now know with certainty that a Tarusan Flotilla is pointing its trident directly at the heart of Cantignia!" Grand Commissioner Bairns told a small press corps Monday evening after meeting with other Thaumantic Communal leaders around midnight our time.

Despite this erstwhile threat from the Tarusan Empire, well described by Commissioner Bairns as Covenant ending, Almskeeper Pherson of Nieveland and Engwahlian President Yeovil did not mention Cantignia's impending attack in their own joint press conference in Lexkirk. Instead the high appointed Thaumanticans, Catholics of the Tiburan variety, insisted that their fleets would join the Westernesse Federation's armada pointed at the heart of alleged Pirate Lords in Gutarike.

This is the first time public acknowledgement of the piracy problem has been approved for Cantignian dissemination by the wider Thaumantican Order, yet we in Vesper know well through eaves dropped that pirates have attacked many ships and cost countless lives in the Nievish and Engell Seas. Conservative Cannies now take note that while Cantignia is in danger, so assuredly and certainly so far as the Grand Covenant is concerned, that the Engwahl-Niomonnach Communes are focusing on their own region and defense despite wider communal obligations.

In the legislative Halls of the Covenant conservative and liberal leaders are expected to sign a decree that no Cantignian ship nor man of arms shall leave these Friendly Confines so long as the Tarusan Flotilla, wherever it lurks now in the deep, is ported or neutralized. Liberals, supported by the Quaker Society of Friends, naturally wish for a portage, whereas conservatives among TLDS proclaim a David versus Goliath moment must occur before this issue is put to rest.

 

[Thaumantica]

By order of the Communal Commissar Aelis Pherson (Almskeeper of the Nievish Revolutionary State) this letter is to be posted in every public box, forwarded to every Clover Electronic Mailbox, and published on the front pages of the Breakfast Companion (Nieveland), the Teatime Telegram (Engwahl), and the Supper Sentinel (Cantignia):

Dear Communal Neighbor,

May this message find ye well blessed and comported wherever you and your kin reside in these trying times. Conflicts that are not our own have cut holes in purses, sliced sideways in wallets, and inflation caused by our foreign adversaries make for empty cupboards and sparse tables and meals made not square. With the cold season in Cantignia occurring at present this Communal Order has received thousands of fair complaints, respectfully marked and stamped, that insist that the Grand Covenant almshouses were not prepared or stocked for human demand and that children down-Cannie eat while their parents starve.

An almshouse is the backbone of any commune and when its cupboards are in deficit its communal folk are likewise so. Cantignia's almshouses have declared a state of emergency and will be reinforced with Engwahl-Nievish reserves with haste, however, we must be proactive in ensuring every family home is prepared for supply chain failures caused by foreign wars and capitalist desire. Nations and communes are pulling together to ensure replenishment of the almshouses, but now I am charging you to take control of your family's future by stocking your own cupboards with a mandatory set of rations to last a minimum of 14 days!

Advised 14 Day Emergency Kit:

Breakfast: Oatmeal servings for 7 days, wheat bran cereals for 4 days, water requiring pancake mix for 3 days. 1 jar of preserved jams or (ideally) honey for sweetener, shelf stable syrup for additional sweetening.

Lunch/Dinner: vegetable soup & meat based soup for 14 days, potted or canned, as well as hard crackers of the government variety. Canned fruit if one or family can afford.

Canned meats, canned vegetables, and dehydrated potatoes and milk to last 14 days. Hard candies and powdered fruit drink mixes for wee ones.

Snack Considerations: Sunflower seeds, nut mixes or dried fruit, yeast spread.

A Note for Nieves: This order is effective as posted and a recognition of receipt order must be marked and returned by October. Maintaining your familial cupboard is an essential function to the Nievish Spiritual Vision and your children must take an active role in inventory and maintenance. Christmas grading will include a cupboard inspection conducted by the Revolutionary Guard.

A Note for Engwahlians: Foodstores forecast stocked common houses through the New Year in Engwahl; domicile cupboards are not due for inspection until next Easter or Revival Day.

A Note for Cantignians: Altered variations of geography and potting culture will produce different results down-Cannie. The Thaumantic Order permits the Grand Covenant to develop its own separate inspection of contents scheme.

Blessings be yours,
Aelis Pherson (Commissar to the Communal Order)

 

[Thaumantica]

the Suppertime Sentinel
Cantignian News & Perspectives

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suppertime.can/sports
​

(VESPER) For the first time in Thaumantican history the Communal Order has announced its intent to create a singular international football squad in the form of an All-Thaumantican Communal Women's Team. Individually the republics of Engwahl, Cantignia, and Nieveland have not hoisted a major international trophy in over a century in football despite likely original foundations of the game forming in Engwahl incorporating Nievish influences. With a combined squad of Engwahl and Nievish athletes competed recently in the Men's World Cup, however, Nievish funding and coaching dictated the composition and mentality of a team that failed to advance through the group stage.

Nievish athletes are conscripted soldiers of the Revolutionary Guard and are in all aspects controlled by their manager and above that the will of the military. After a defection from a top Nievish striker, who has since disappeared into the new world, undercut the Nievish squad itself before the merger with Engwahl and once done Engwahlian talented complained of constant physical and verbal harassment from Nievish management. With this catastrophic ouster the Nievish manager took his own life, an acceptable spiritual practice in Nievish culture unlike Engwahl or Cantignia, and the "Thaumantic athletics experiment" was considered by most to be a horrendous failure.

In 2024 the Grand Covenant of Cantignia is slated to host the Women's World Cup of Football. This August, with qualifiers on the horizon, the Nievish Revolutionary Guard Athletics announced forfeiture due to funding concerns and the Engwahlian squad refused to play without equal compensation to their male counterparts. Cantignia, meanwhile, is expected to dominate its regional qualifiers and possesses the purse to compensate sister republic athletes on par with the men's teams. Now a so-called "Rainbow Regiment" is mustering in Vesper, Cantignia with national stars such as Veronica Boos (Midfielder, Engwahl), Isla Caite (Striker, Cantignia), and Rhea Mosley (Defense, Nieveland) collaborating to pick a starting eleven alongside Cantignian manager Nieve Carroll.

 

[Ebria]

Federación Real de Fútbol
Royal Football Federation

The Ebrian football federation congratulates the Thaumanticans for the formation for a common team and we wish them great success in the matches to come. To celebrate the new management, and new institution, the Ebrian federation wishes to invite the Rainbow Regiment to play two friendly matches with La Blancas, the Ebrian national team, with the first match in Valls and the second in Vesper.​

 

[Thaumantica]

Federación Real de Fútbol
Royal Football Federation

The Ebrian football federation congratulates the Thaumanticans for the formation for a common team and we wish them great success in the matches to come. To celebrate the new management, and new institution, the Ebrian federation wishes to invite the Rainbow Regiment to play two friendly matches with La Blancas, the Ebrian national team, with the first match in Valls and the second in Vesper.​

The Inter-Communal Athletics Council is proud to accept the Royal Football Federation's test challenge series with La Blancas in Valls and Vesper. Thaumantica's Women's Football team, the Rainbow Regiment, must assess the talent and cohesion of many competitors and therefor requests that our prospective friendly competition permits an extended match of 180 minutes with 2 quarter breaks and 1 half break to opportune the many and diverse Thaumantican athletes or prospective B-team or youth prospects to showcase in an enforced no contact match in Valls. Subsequently, on the Isle of Vesper, a contact match will be permitted under terms that kinetic pad helmets are worn to prevent concussion.

 

[Thaumantica]

*TUNING INTO 1000 AM RADIO ACROSS THE THAUMANTIC COMMUNAL ORDER*

Fern McGuire: "It's Brek again in Caitekurke, good morning Niommonach, and the kettle is on in Lexkirk where I am joined by Sir Curtis Wright of Lexkirk of the Teatime Telegram . . . How does an Engwahlian secure such a title, I've always quite wondered that, but we are also . . "

Sir Curtis Wright: "A title, a peerage, that which I carry with both great earnest burden and duty on behalf of 18th Loxbend Borough was conferred by the Great Engwahlian Commons as all modern titulars and marks of . . "

Fern McGuire: "So right you are, and so glad for ye, but we are also joined from down Cannie by a Miss Abswaelle Sherygan. I bless thee and welcome ye kindly to the program: this is of course the Order Radio Dispatch meant for well-meaning Christian Thaumanticans.

Abswaelle Sherygan: "Blessed be, dear Fern, and I want to holler on about all the good work we are doing here down-Cannie for the Lord, our Lord, and I will . . . But we need to know what has happened to her, she who is of course in all our prayers right now, Almskeeper Aelis Pherson?

Fern McGuire: "You ken right that this is the news of the week, the day, and the hour in Nieveland and across the Thaumantics . . . our dear Almskeeper, the premier of the Thaumantic Order, did take to sleep last night and did not wake this morn . . . "

Sir Curtis Wright: "Be she dead? Well rested in the arms of the Nievish Saints?"

Abswaelle Sherygan: "She shined with Christ's light, we all saw that and were glamoured, what a star she was for God."

Fern McGuire: "Not quite, communal comrades, I do relay and report to ye that the Keeper of Alms and premier of the Communal Order does still draw breath. I was privy to prayer on eve last at Oxwhyte Castle, we did pray there for the White Helm boys alongside Pherson, and she took us all to hands held asking for us to empower her, to pour our light and faith into her as a vessel for him - a vessel for Christ, the King of our Order who will one day return, and we did session in prayer for this.

Sir Curtis Wright: "And now she is in coma? How did that happen pray tell?"

Abswaelle Sherygan: "Sir Wright, please."

Fern McGuire: "I knew it by her grip, her hand in mine as a Thaumantican . . I saw it in her eyes that gazed out through and beyond our small prayer group, that she was seeing and to be seen by what was beyond. But, and I instruct all who listen to draw their cross in earnest, she still draws breath this day corporeally despite passing in in mind and spirit to the next."

Sir Curtis Wright: *MUFFLES OF PHONE DROPPING AND SIDEWAYS BANTER OF OTHERS IN THE ROOM*

Abswaelle Sherygan: "Mmm, I feel that. I feel her close with him, so close we are as Thaumanticans with God, we all feel that don't we?"

Fern McGuire: "She's out there, she's up there, communing with Christ. We know that Ms. Sherygan, you will know that one day too when judgement day comes my dear Ser-Engwahlian. And you know what, Abswaelle? This is but the beginning of her path to sainthood, mark me, I do place my prayers, my beliefs, all of my spiritual being into this cause . . . This Thaumantic Spiritual Vision that despite the world's demonic death spiral that we in Caitekurke, we Nievish and we Thaumantican, are in these days recurring, rewriting, and intricately weaving a relationship with Christ that God desires for us . . Aelis is there, I weep with joy for her, I weep with joy for this Order, we are so blessed right now to be Thaumanticans aligned with the path set by him."

 

[Rheinbund]

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Bund der rheinischen Fürstentümer und Bürgerschaften
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Korrespondenznummer / Correspondence number: RR/AA/2023-MM-DD/xxxxxx ; DD Mmm 2023
Steht in Bezug zu den Korrespondenzen / Related to the correspondences: ———
Öffentlich / Public: ■ │ Vertraulich / Restricted: □ │ Streng geheim / Top Secret: □
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Auswärtiges Amt
Fehrbellin, Rheinbund

Our best wishes to the Almskeeper. We hold her in our prayers. May she recover soon and completely.

Gustav Kohlschreiber, Minister of Foreign Affairs

 

[Thaumantica]

the Breakfast Companion
Nievish News & Perspectives

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brek.nv/headline
​

(CAITEKURKE) On early Monday morning the Nievish White Helms accompanied patriots of the Catholic Csengian Commune with intent to shepherd them back to their churches, homes, and families. "We are so very proud to be seeing our Csengian Brothers off back to the West Serrault Commune." Almskeeper Heley cheered alongside the remaining Csengian heroes marshaling their resolve before returning to the reclamation of their homeland from the occupation of Tarusan Imperial troopers.

With brave Csengian pathfinders, born and bred upon the Serrault Strip, the Nievish White Helms have made inroads in defending their Catholic Brothers against a greedy foreign foe. Whether the Tarusan contingent, well known for their abuse of civilian populations, belong to the horde of Kostantin or Ivan remains still opaque as any aspect of the Tarusan Civil War has been prior. "Too many look at the crown of the eagle when its talons and beak are its only true weapons," Heley explained in allegory before explaining his fashion that "Tarusa has devolved into warlordism where conspiring generals and admirals command the civil state and th crowned prima donnas."

In the hours following the Csengian born reclamation of the Serrault Strip several nations denied their right to roam in their own homeland and rebuked the Nievish White Helm contingent for defending their right of return home. Nations such as Tianlong withdrew from the Ebrian White Helm mission, while Valls Pact signatories such as the Rheinbund made liars of themselves by dishonoring their mark and declaring neutrality in the wider world conflict as the Hanseatic Republic defends itself from a full frontal advance from the Tarusan eastern horde. Westernesse's Federation alone has taken up the cause of this small nation, no larger than a minor state of the Rheinbund or Tianlong, and put everything on the line to see them free and unchained.

"The mainlanders are soon to find or meet God - mark me," Almskeeper Heley advised, "in death they will meet him as Tarusan missiles reign, their bombers vomit, and their impeccable artillery batteries rain down shells on their cities . . . A great food crunch draws near, if I were a Rheinian I would get used to hearing a rumbling stomach, and to their wrists, their ankles, and their throats I do advise they fix ropes to leather skins for Tarusan chains that are soon to follow. Their reward for neutrality, for weakness today when their subjugation comes tomorrow, will be enslavement."

 

[Thaumantica]

the Breakfast Companion
Nievish News & Perspectives

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brek.nv/editorial
​

(EDITORIAL) What does one do with an extra day of rest? The Nievish machine runs 6 days a week with one rest every Sunday, but how does one reconcile a gift from the Almskeepers to rest once more for Mother's, Father's, or in this case worker's day? Before this 4th of September we sent Brek reporters across the communes to ask what plans were in tow for Thaumanticans from the frozen north to the deserts down-Cannie!

Emmamae Curruthers, Age 85 (Cantignia): We were so happy for Communal Worker's Day back then - we took our shoes off the night before and did not put them on the next morning! We soaked our legumes and said our prayers the night before and made bean cakes for Ma, Pa, and bubbas Grams and Grandpas. You're supposed to preserve for winter up north, but down-Cannie we feel it on the other side and so our great celebration was the Workie-Day; when we were young flies were the enemy, they laid eggs you couldn't eat . . . The air becomes hot this time of year!"

Brent Hydnman, Age 28 (Nieveland): There's much to do. Who did you say you work with? *RESPONSE* . . . Right then, well we never stop working in Nieveland do we? Mon to Sat for the Alms, Sun for the Holy Pop, and what's this a day sideways? I'm at the pub, sorry, what do ye people want me to say? I'll change me answer.

Taryn Buckby, age 44 (Engwahl): Nothing special here, we work from home in Lexkirk, anything to get ahead of the Nieves. This is my kitten Lil'Linc, look at this puss, they say he's a Tarusan Blue but look at his nose - that's Lord Yeovil, isn't he? Aren't you Lil'Linc. I'll treat my furry Yeovil tomorrow, and all, I have a million Clover Telegrams to catch up on at work. Bye now!

 

[Thaumantica]

*TUNING INTO 1000 AM RADIO ACROSS THE THAUMANTIC COMMUNAL ORDER*

Fern McGuire: "It's Brek again in Caitekurke, good morning Nievelanders, I do bless ye Engwahlnach, and say G'day Cannies! . . . Duly, I must confess that this will be my last public broadcast over ears or on the telie for some time, dun'reckon, because like many young women in the Nievish Commune I have responded in the necessary affirmative to report for service for our Catholic Revolutionary Army. For my final broadcast I am afforded the privilege to speak with Communal Commissar Linc Yeovil who is in Caitekurke this weekend to pay his respects to his predecessor Aelis Pherson who does remain serene in coma. Commissar Yeovil, I do bless thee!"

Linc Yeovil: "A rainy day here in your motherland, Fern, I do think I heard what the Feds call Autumn Thunder this 'morn."

Fern McGuire: "Aye, Commissar, the Ol'Saints are cryin' and stompin'. Can I speak ye true? I do think there are women, young ladies of Nievish stock, who are wondering why them, what's in store, and how we got here?

Linc Yeovil: "Fern, I thank thee for answering the call of our Communal Order and pray that the Lord blesses us in our brave endeavors. Providence calls for preparation for eventualities and Tarusa is a great nation steeped in infamy. With our hearts, our souls, and our voices we are seeking peace - but with our brains, our bodies, and our hands we must make ready for a war that will span the world. We got here, Fern, because there is a Tsar in Kremylov who does not like to hear the word no, has never made a compromise, and would fight his own brother with the holy bodies of his own people rather than budge."

Fern McGuire: "Do ye ken we can ever reach a deal with them, that tyrant?"

Linc Yeovil: "We work, and we pray. Pride proceeds public concession among proud men, so we are also attempting engagement in privacy with our enemy . . . But know this: Tarusans are dead, Westermen and women are dead, and Hanseatic kind have taken the ghost already. To be juvenile for a moment: this is not a Clover game: we cannot hit a pause button, restart to previous game save, this is real life . . sorry, my kids love their Clover Classic and the apparatus I played did not have restarts."

Fern McGuire "The world, the entire European Forum, rebuked the Thaumantic Order for using White Helms to liberate that canal in Csengia. Would you want to hit the restart for that? Would ye return to a previous save?"

Linc Yeovil: "If I could turn back time, return to a previous state, it would be to a Csengia that is not occupied and controlled by Tarusan troops and tyranny. I am not sorry for asking our forces, wearing those White Helms, for accompanying the Csengian Patriotic Council to their homes and their families. They are our Catholic brothers and sisters and you know what? They are poor, they are not well armed, and many folks and states of this world and in that European Forum only listen to those with riches and weapons. We mustn't put blinders on from the poor, nor should we muffle our ears from the abused."

Fern McGuire: "There is a war on in the Gutarike, and what is being called a second divorce splitting Jysk-Austwegia. How will ye respond?"

Linc Yeovil: "They need our prayers, those kind in the north, truly. For almost a year we investigated the origins of the piratical trend hailing from the Gutarike and we found, as did the Feds and others such as the Rheinbunders, that the Gutnish marauders were funded by the Tarusan Empire. They terrorized the Nievish Sea, The Sound, and made the Gothic Sea a murder bath . . . When Tarusan warbirds assaulted our ships in the Gothic, accompanying the Fed peacekeeping fleet, more blood spilled into the water.

We respect the Northerners more than they understand because so much of our folk culture, our laws, and our ways of governance are actually derivative of them: the Jysk-Austwegians who raided, ruled, and settled on this Thaumantic Island. Engwahlian, the Nievish language, it is as much influenced by their tongue as it is the mainland of our continent to the east. Can Communalism will take hold there? Surely! We believe in a transcendent rite of peoples valuing the us or the we above I or the individual. In Nieveland, Fern, it's entirely too important to be loyally Catholic. In Engwahl: our commune is ordered by a spiritual commitment to communal service regardless of cosmic belief. We need to respect the Austwegians, concerned with the emergence of communalism, in the same way we respect the Jysk who are reading and consulting from the Nievish Communal Revolution."

Fern McGuire: "We are so very proud here in Nieveland that Communalism has been picked up beyond the Thaumantic. We, in Nieveland, believe that beyond the Thaumantic that this realization, this unity we feel, is a blessing from the Lord. It can't be forced, enforced, it's our culture to serve each other from birth. I think, sorry, we want for an Urudoah, a Tianese, a Rheinbunder to realize the importance of community above individual selfishness but we canno' make it be, ya ken?"

Linc Yeovil: *I ken it, Fern, we do not see this as a moment of ideological advantage or opportunity because Communalism does not work that way. Capitalism is aggressive, as is Communism and the rest, but our way of thinking is about sensing and responding to an order of life. I love and respect my parents, brothers, sisters, cousins, and aunts and uncles. I was proud to grow up in a hardworking ironworks district of Lexkirk, a county that is the heart of Engwahl, and kindred with you a Nieve who knows that while I am different in some ways I want the best for Thaumantica, all Thaumanticans from here in Caitekurke to Vesper down-Cannie."

Fern McGure: "Hahahah, it's weird! We want others to see the Communal Way but, ye know as well as I, it cannot be forced or pros-prosyelitized? Right, no it canna' and it's a matter of culture we experienced in conflict, fights were had and ouch, the Communal Order was born out of the Thaumantic Empire. You're my boss now, I need to report for conscription tomorrow in the 18th District Borough, but let me throw one last question at ye. Okay? Thy favorite football club?

Linc Yeovil: "Lexkirk Motorcade! I was worried there you were going to ask a gotcha, and maybe you did? But I'm from Lexkirk and Motorcade F.C. was my life, my world, that was my commune as a kid before I learned about Lexkirk, Engwahl, or Thaumantica. Being a Motorcade kid was my first communal experience, hahah, the other club in Lexkirk is Whirlville United and . . they're cunts, sorry, they really are! Whirlville, save me!"

 

[Thaumantica]

NIEVE
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Pg. 6

Does a Saint Walk Among Us?
Authored by Sean-Ian Fox
​

On 29 September, 2023 a woman who had remained in coma for over a month after a violent strangulation attack returned from a vegetative state with words to speak and visions to describe. If this were any ordinary woman we might call this, in good Catholic Nieveland, a resplendent miracle from on high. Yet what made this miracle so very special was that this woman was Aelis Pherson, the fourth Almskeeper of the Catholic Revolutionary State, and previous Commissar of the Thaumantic Communal Order.

"While ye prayed for me, I prayed for thee. Thank you all!" were her first words when we at Nieve magazine were invited to sit with Pherson and the interim-Almskeeper who prefers to still be called General Hely. We would not lie to our dear readers and say that Madame Pherson is the same Almskeeper of 2020 til her murder intending attack a month ago in August of '23, rather, the Almslady seems at ease and at grace with her place in the Communal Order.

General Hely offered each of us tea from Down-Cannie when we arrived but insisted on tasting from the pot first before serving all of us with an active prayer of good health. Pherson wanted to continue speaking about her visions to us then but the interim Almskeeper, General Hely, insisted that she drink and "regain your vigor and viciousness." An interesting choice of words, we at Nieve Magazine pondered later, because General Hely wore dark bags under his eyes after only returning from a peace conference with the Tarusan Empire and the Federation from Westernesse in Wien a mere hour before.

"We were there with ye, Laird Hely" Aelis suggested soon after, "there in Wien, the good Saints of Niomonnach and I, and we prayed with ye for peace and rejoiced in every syllable you spoke true to the spirit of Nieveland and Thaumantic Communalism!"

"I felt it, truly." General Hely agreed. We then pressed this politician and military officer on the concerns of the nation and their elected members in the Almshall. Indeed the other Communes of the Thaumantic Order, and even a loud minority in Nieveland, wonder if a woman who was nearly dead from a denial of oxygen and laid in coma for a month is fit to Keep the Alms of a Commune suffering from great adversity.

Of course, there is also the matter of Engwahl's Linc Yeovil supplanting Pherson and Nieveland as the Commissar of the Thaumantic Order and placing Engwahl as the leading Commune. "God willed Lil' Linc's ascension, and the Nievish Saints asked I recognize his competency, that we Niommonach honor the passing of power to other Thaumanticans as was envisioned by Mackinnon's Communal Revolution. There was never a perfect time, but I do truly believe Laird Yeovil is the perfect gentleman to unite our Thaumantic Order while Nieveland rejoices in a century of spiritual progress."

While the yearly Democratic Revival, Nievish elections, are traditionally held on Easter Day; Aelis Pherson's camp has agreed to an early, full Almshouse Revival on All Saints' Day or 1 November. Pherson's next bid for survival is democratic in a snap election, and her supporters are quite convinced that she has been touched by a shine from God.

"Retirement unto death or into pension is unthinkable when my spirit still beams with exuberance for Communal Service," she told us before departing for a physical therapy session ordered by General Hely, "and only God's plan is perfect, this much I know. Our commune will receive his will and decide who will keep the Alms. I am just so very blessed to be alive and among my kinfolk."

 

[Rheinbund]

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—————————————————————
Bund der rheinischen Fürstentümer und Bürgerschaften
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—————————————————————————————————————
Korrespondenznummer / Correspondence number: RR/AA/2023-09-30/003566 ; 30. Sept. 2023
Steht in Bezug zu den Korrespondenzen / Related to the correspondences: ———
Öffentlich / Public: ■ │ Vertraulich / Restricted: □ │ Streng geheim / Top Secret: □
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Auswärtiges Amt
Fehrbellin, Rheinbund

We are very happy to see that Almskeeper Pherson woke up from her coma. Prayers to God have been heard. We wish her a speedy recovery. But still may justice be done to the person who attempted to kill her.

Gustav Kohlschreiber, Minister of Foreign Affairs

 

[Thaumantica]

WAHLIA
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Pg. 6

Interviewing a Pirate Lord
Authored by Nievewahlian War Correspondent Fern MacGuire
​

We meet for the first time in a barn that has been converted by Engwahlian Commandos into a holding cell for captured marauders of the Gutnish Republic. I speak with one who knows Engwahlian through small cracks or holes in this mid century barn and inquire as to whether the Pirate Laird *REDACTED* might privilege me with his candid words. Minutes later the Wahlian speaker returns asking for a trade, a fair barter per their Laird, for medical supplies in trade for the interview.

A Captain *REDACTED* denies this trade at first, but when he and his spear like commando team launches forward and deeper into the Gutnish landscape he is replaced by a calmer commander who's job it will be to pick up the pieces of this clash of the north men: a bloody conflict between the Federation, a Gutnish Pirate Republic, and the Thaumantican Communal Order. "They, he and his marauding band, are to be transferred to this village's police station. You may interview your pirate there after their medicine is dispensed. We aim to offer him a Fianna plea."

I wait another day while news of mighty battles and chaos beyond civilized belief reaches this coastal village, and when I am finally invited to the police station I find that this Pirate Lord is its only prisoner; he has accepted the Fianna plea which places all blame of his party's crimes upon him as the leader. The traditions of this Thaumantic based legal bargain and debates could easily comprise its own article from legal scholars and detractors of the war, and my intent as a war correspondent was to reach and interview a Gutnish Pirate before their ilk became fully incognito or extinct:

Fern MacGuire: "I do not mean this as a smear, Laird *REDACTED*, but what might have come of ye had you escaped to the countryside? What form does a Sea Laird take once his vessel is sunk and the coasts enchained by their enemy?"

Pirate Laird: "The men and women of my ships are still alive and will live on, they will fight another day and fight harder from these losses. If we had not been pinned down here in *REDACTED* I would have fought you somewhere else, as they will I am sure under new leadership.

Fern MacGuire: "What gave ye the right to raid? Who blessed thee to wantonly take life from . ."

Pirate Laird: "Who is raiding who right now, Nieve? Did my marauders creep the Nievish coasts and turn off the lights in Caitekurke? Who blessed you to interview a once wholly free man arrested and cuffed by wrist, ankle, and neck?"

In this, as a Thaumantican, I was entirely thrown off. Was this Post-Delegationist rhetoric or a genuine presentation a human condition ruined outside of Communal Order? I was flustered then and verbally fired back. I am a conscript of a World War that adjourned into a smaller and more intimate blood feud that presents generations with fear and retribution rather than the rapid machinations of empires. He knows my name now, all of his pirates do, and I am wondering if the thoughts of striking their families down first are running through their heads about my own.

Fern MacGuire: "When did killing and stealing become so easy for you? Or were you just born with a screw loose then?"

Pirate Laird: "Do not feign innocence, whore! My band were volunteers, friends, folk, and family. Who are you to that olive uniform? A conscript! And here you are killing and stealing from us. Name the Thaumantic vessel sunk that brought you here or a Federal one for that matter?"

Fern MacGuire: "I respect ye for your plea, *REDACTED*, and will not engage in name calling. I just ask this: why did you start killing at home? These villages are wiped of life and are but burned husks.

Pirate Laird: "After awhile killing became all too easy. The folk of this village wanted to surrender it all without a fight, where is their spirit?"

Fern MacGuire: "Where was, as it were."

Pirate Laird: "I hope we make it impossible for you to stay. If not dead by winter that you are in deep regret and suffering, and you know what: someday we will rise and return to strike you in Nieveland and Engwahl with the same lack of mercy you have shown us!"

 

[Thaumantica]

NIEVE
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Pg. 11

MCBAIN MARCHES ON CAITEKURKE
Authored by Nievish Journalist Aaron Gilchrist
​

A MacPherson or Pherson has reigned over the Catholic Revolutionary State of Nieveland for nearly a hundred years and this Communal Revolution is known infamously throughout the non-Thaumantican World for the Revolutionary State "forcing Queen Aelis II into suicide" or, given anti-Thaumantic sentiments, that Communalists murdered her themselves. One of the revolutionaries present at the last monarch of Thaumantica's death was Laird Conor McBain IV, landed in Auchlyne at one of Nieveland's oldest fortresses.

"Some say Grandad pressed the dagger in her dark heart while she clasped it," Conor McBain VI tells wealthy donors at an Almsraising Gala today in 2023, "they lacked a sense of fingerprinting or DNA in those times, so it is true that he pulled that dagger out, and he marked our clan as protectors of the terrible weapon for so long as one McBain's own heart beats."

Claps from the crowd provided a short moment of reprieve and I took a moment to observe the audience: a preponderance of old pensioners, and strangely enough smartly dressed youth who adorn themselves as if they were well-off citizens of the 1970s Thaumantic Economic Boomtime. When I inquire as to where they sourced their wears: directly from their parents or Grandparents, while some admit to purchasing apparel from Lexkirk or Caitekurke's new 'Thrift Emporiums' that sell restored items regularly designated for free Almshouses.

"The word, the Holy Word, and the words marked by our forebears mattered to them. I did ask Grandad if he did murder upon the Thaumantican Queen, and you know what he told me?" McBain asks his captive audience, waiting for a time and sipping from a tumbler of whiskey as both old and young acolytes of the Alderman do as well. "'We prayed together, Junior, and yes I handed Her Holy Highness the dagger: for in those last moments she was once more the sacral monarch we all had seen at coronation four years past. The avarice was gone, the cocaine fiend, and demonic harlot was gone finally and the Queen of Alms, of all Thaumantic-kind looked up at me with tears."

"'Cardinal Gallagher was reciting from King Padraig's Bible, and those tears dear Junior: they were works of reunion, surrender to the Holy Spirit. Mark me now that I committed a great sin that day by letting that poor girl take her life. Some say possessing that blade, which I forbid thee to touch with a bare hand, is our clan's greatest honor. It is my greatest shame, and now our burden to carry for not denying Thaumantica, embodied by that precious young woman, from what MacPherson and MacKinnon deemed a righteous suicide.'"

As a Thaumantican, and especially as a Nieve, I was terribly perplexed by these words and sentiments. Communal education, morality even, honors the righteous suicide; MacKinnon and later MacPherson oversaw hundreds if not thousands of similar post-Imperial rituals. Aelis's sacral suicide was, in our eyes, a rite of passage for the Communal Order to overcome feudalism. Though she is no saint in the wider Catholic world, the final act of Thaumantic royals is well marked as religious iconography in kitchens or living rooms in countless flats I have visited over the years and is, in a sense, cathartic as a narrative for the way Nieves forgive an evildoer: the Queen admitted her sin, and saved the executioner the sin of doing murder to her.

Alderman McBain is the Dark Horse candidate of Nieveland's upcoming Democratic Revival, a ritual in its own right, where citizens of this complicated commune press their fingers to red ink before committing their print to a local Alderperson and wider Almskeeper of the entire nation. As a matter of note: Caitekurke's Constables did possess knowledge of fingerprinting, on a rudimentary level, when Aelis perished. Conspiracy theorists often cite this as why Laird McBain IV retained the dagger, with another layer of conjecture being that he intended to ascend the throne himself before MacKinnon and MacPherson as low-born Communalists stopped him.

Aelis Pherson, the contemporary non-royal leader of Nieveland as Almskeeper, will in a few short weeks face Alderman McBain in Democratic Revival. Previous frontrunning challenger Ruben Vaughn, a centrist from the south of Nieveland, was assassinated by way of car bomb late last week; remaining candidates, save Pherson and McBain, have since withdrawn their mark of intent for reviving Nievish Democracy. McBain is a notable ally of interim-Almskeeper Hely, a Revolutionary Army General who still serves as Pherson's spiritual advisor. Hely, who NIEVE interviewed recently in tandem with Pherson, revealed that he would not be present for the Revival on All Saint's Day due to deployment commitments to the Gutnish Battlefront.

In many ways Pherson's campaign represents a re-invention of Nieveland: introducing LGBT recognition across the Order, hosting the Holy Father or Pope of the Tiburan Catholic Church in opposition of Nieve-centric Catholics, and granting the sharing and diversity of power to other Thaumantic Communes. McBain, meanwhile, promises to commit every homosexual to prison and punishment as a first order of business beside a re-ban of foreign moving pictures and internet streams. The seat in Tibur, McBain told his adoring audience, belongs in Caitekurke and has been misplaced for centuries. Concerning the Thaumantic Communal Order: "Engwahlian is a prissy and continental language; King Padraig's Bible was written in Nievish, and as Thaumanticans we should not dance with any other tongue!"

 

[Thaumantica]

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I want to welcome you back to the Revolutionary State of Nieveland in November of 2023 where an Almskeeper who claimed to have spent the last few few weeks consulting with Christ and Saints while laying in-coma has achieved a slim victory over her ultra-conservative enemy with aristocratic blood. In any other election, regularly timed come Easter, this heist would have been perfect because, as most accept, the MacPherson Clan have been stealing elections to dominate the Almshouse for almost a century.

"Curran's Gulch was the final straw," McBain told the Breakfast Companion in a radio interview on the day after the election as he declared contest and desire to recount, "the phone lines were dead after reporting Lady Pherson carrying the parish, yet we were receiving pings on the Clover's, our smartblocks and apparatuses, that they were under duress from Pherson's Neighbors!"

So it was that Alderman McBain posited a formal challenge within Nieveland, which was duly denied by Pherson favorable Alderfolk, before demanding an intervention from the wider Communal Order for an investigation into the election. President Linc Yeovil of Engwahl, the erstwhile Commissioner of the Thaumantic Order, granted this in-kind and sent Cantignian and Engwahlian monitors to conduct a recount.

"He wants an Engwahlian Laird to kiss his precious head and grant him a pub napkin's title," Aelis Pherson bemoaned before the investigation that exposed her democratic machine's manipulation of this election. Witnesses spilled forward to report irregularities in Caitekurke proper while investigators found that in nearly all cases the Clover Election Machines were either turned off or binned where Pherson carried key battleground parishes.

As reams of evidence stacked against her Aelis Pherson, former Commissar of the Communal Order, met with McBain and Yeovil in the Almshall in Caitekurke for a deal to end the contested election peacefully. Pherson was reportedly offered the role of Spiritual Advisor to McBain, however, news erupted that she had accepted already this position in Cantignia, down-Cannie, with Grand Commissioner Dale Emerick.

"With a stroke of providence I have placed an arrow from Nieveland in my quiver," Emerick told his national public radio audience, "the greatest Thaumantican of the 20th-Century is coming down-Cannie to serve our very ascension, praise be, praise we, I can't wait to carve up a brisket with Aelis and show her how fulfilled her retirement will be!"

If it appears, for the mind and eye of a foreign reader, that Nievish politics is moving fast: why yes! Pherson introduced the internet, marriage between same sexes, a visit from the Pope, speedy rail trains, and did so as the first female Almskeeper or leader of Nieveland or Thaumantica since the downfall of the Thaumantic Empire.

"Her near assassination could not have come at a worse time," Commissar Yeovil reflected in a recent interview, "not that there is a good time for such things - but you see it, we all do, the Nievish will see a conspiracy here how I, we in Engwahl, crept up and asserted ourselves within the communes and abroad."

Indeed, after Yeovil assumed control of the Communal Order forces along the Serault Canal were pulled back and re-deployed to Gutarike. Soon, thereafter, a peace deal was met with the Tarusan Empire. Communalism, somehow, has spread to the frozen north and the ways of Pherson and the Nievish seem predictable and outplayed. Engwahl cannot speak with religiosity, the brand of Nievish Communalism that marked the way the world interprets the Order.

"I am here to keep today because I know my kin, my neighbors, my parish, my county, my commune, and I know where I fit in this Communal Order - it is to serve and distribute the alms entrusted in me;" McBain began in his first address to the Nievish Commune, "Look at me now that before all of you that I am no one, for one is less than zero!"

 

[Thaumantica]

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A Democratic Revival quickly approaches our Communal Order and it is your marked duty to participate in a perennial tradition that recognizes the communal will of all. On Easter Day you, like every year, are expected to attend to morning religious services before embarking to queue at polling stations. In some parishes the station may be your given church itself, while others will flock to almshouses, civic centers, and libraries. As always non-voters, absconders from this revival, will be publicly shamed and prosecuted for failing to share in this god granted experience.

Concerned folk from across the Thaumantic Communes have been inquiring as to the rights and protections of troopers deployed abroad at this time, chiefly in Gutarike, and around the globe. The Communal Elections Bureau, founded in 1932, wishes to assure the public that technologies proven year after year will facilitate the Revival for all members of the Order's Armed Forces. Since 1993 facsimile, so-called fax reproductions of written documents. These electronically transmitted pictures have carried the checks and signature marks of embassy staff and protectors from abroad for decades and have proven superior to trusting the meddlesome postal services of foreign ones.

In Nieveland we are processing, of course, a nation at war. More Revolutionary Guard soldiers from the Nievish Commune are overseas right now than the petty muster of Engwahlian Troopers or Cantiginian draftees. Conor MacBain, the incumbent Almskeeper of this great commune, intends to draw back these deployments and has centered his entire campaign around shrewd isolationism. MacBain is expected to carry the Nievish Almshouse handily after winning a special election rout of his Pherson predecessor two months ago. Still, for the sake of the sacral rite of Revival, all including MacBain himself will honor the great day.

Down-Cannie there is a legitimate tussle for governance, with rogue Commissioner Dale Emerick facing multiple civil suits and challengers ranging from returning pensioners to aboriginal protesters of the Thaumantican Draft. After buckling and complying with the Thaumantic wide draft Emerick suffered a total loss of the aboriginal vote, those others and folk who uphold Communal Order distinct from the Thaumantic moniker. Even within the white-skinned settler milieu the idea of fighting in mainlander wars is unpopular if not detestable, and Emerick was reported as being seen house hunting in the outback in anticipation of a democratic rebuke.

Next there is Engwahl where Linc Yeovil seized and assumed figurehead of the Communal Order last year after MacPherson's fall. Yeovil is rallying around the untested theory that a leader at war should not be replaced, and that changing horses so to speak might cause Thaumantica to lose the race. He is the champion of Engwahlian patriots, and boasts a sentiment that the long deceased Thaumantic Empire is once again on the rise. Opponents within Engwahl counter that markets in Lexkirk are suffering, and indeed, it would seem that the luxuries once so common to the Engwahlian Commune are diminishing to Nieve like almsgruel.

Unprecedented to this Revival season is also the discussion of self-declared communes such as that of the Northlaw Communes, Gutarike, and East Jydsken. What seems ritually essential here in Thaumantica, the Easter Day Democratic Revival, has not so clearly manifested where others call themselves Communitarian or Communalist. The Order has made contact with aldermen in Frescania, none the less, and have encouraged observers beyond all-Communes to observe a Democratic Revival there. This duty or expectation to revive what forefathers fought for and enshrined in Thaumantica is not well kept beyond our orderly isles and there should be sincere skepticism toward the corrupt nature of these virgin revivals.

 

[Thaumantica]

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The first Thaumantican account to pick up traction on international social media website Twatter was that of @LuHennessy, a young lieutenant from Nieveland with parents from Engwahl and Cantignia that was deployed as White Helm in Ebria near the Serault Canal. The origins of establishing this account was our first topic broached as we sat down barside in a Vesplander pub down-Cannie.

"Why you, why were you one of the first permitted to post on outlander social medias?" we ask.

"Oral hygiene. I smiled at a screening interview and these Intelligence Officers from the Order prepping to go mucho macho battle mode fell in love and just said: Luanne, you've got this babe, post and we'll check in later. They didn't, and now don't they regret this now?" she replies.

Indeed, from the pre-war lines @LuHennessy (of Twatter) posted online for the world and those well connected in the communes about how disorganized the confrontation with Konstantin's Csengia was. In deconstructed mini-vans rented from the Ebrians, LuHennessy reported after, the border was rushed with the guidance of so-called Csengian Patriotic guides. In all of this the sentiment of the Nieves and the larger Thaumantic view of allies and operations began to be captured, and LuHennessy was the voice of a people baffled and confused by the Valls Pact's failure.

"We had these hot Ebrians mans, bronze gods like me, and they were supposed to be the wave that followed us." Luanne tells me, "and dude I was, all of us were so certain that night and we were popping off until that chicken nugget in Engwahl called us back."

Luanne orders another round of shots for our table, and forces ours down while we wait. "I'd rather be in Nieveland on leave, you know?" the social media vixen explains. Indeed, the commune from which she was born has disowned her - calling her online speech "individualistic and wandersome towards lucifer's lecherous ways". We asked her about this directly, an intern Róis from Nieveland took the offer shot and asks why: "Luanne, why are you special? Shouldn't ye blend in? And, can one who shined so bright ever return normally to the crimson veil?"

"So those are old bitches who run the Harlidagh village pageants, the dance club, and who did not protect me from being drafted. They have daughters and sons my same age and where were they? I did not see them in the draft or down range to Gutarike. Coming down-Cannie is fun - I am paid for my social medias and I can do whatever now because this what the world is about - flaunting money and being gangsta, and yes I pay some alms okay? I'm as true to do blue as any. Look into it hahah."

Next, we broach the issue of communal morality - explaining by the numbers it is evident that her words, her posts on social media platforms have registered more views than any Almskeeper or any Nieve or Thaumantican in history. We produce a MacKinnon textbook and ask whether she thinks she has eclipsed the words of her equals by manipulating world wide webs.

"Guys, listen: in a week I will be back in North Gutland with a rifle and yes my phone. What will I write? Probably 'make naps, not war'. I think that Queen Marie is pretty hot, and taking venge-mode on her boyfriend's killer is like . . What is it, grippy? She's not my momma bear, not my boar momma throwing tusks, but hashtag girlwar, we all have to be in this swirling mix because her rage is so valid, right?"

Pulling back to Thaumantica, we ask the media Queen of the Thaumantics whether she will stay on in the Thaumantic military after her draft order from Nieveland is exhausted. "Of course not, no." she answers, "My family and I are moving down-Cannie. "What if Aelis Pherson asks you, two Nieves who went down-Cannie aren't ye?" the Nievish intern Róis asks.

"But she didn't you little tart! Of course I'd jump for the eternal almskeeper, every Nieve would, but she's a down-Cannie girl like I now . . too hot for your shitberg isles."