Watu News

[Watustan]

~~ Watu News - A Free Press for a Free Watu ~~

CELEBRATION IN WATUSTAN - BORDERS OPEN

All week, festivals and celebration covered the busy streets of Port Watu for Memorial Day, a day in which we honor the the sacrifice of Watu men and children against the vile Mbele forces. Such activities were pinatas of Mbeles, a military parade, and then the anthem. The uproar was near deafening when the president stood out from his balcony to speak briefly:

"My dear Watu, we are here only because of the blood spilled on the streets today. The fight is far from over. Everyday we must fight to bring together all Nethians. Only then will the fighting stop. Only then will our people truly be free."

Today marked an important day, not only because it was a holiday. Today, the borders have been reopened since the struggle over forty years ago. The country has been under immediate martial law, heavily restricting exit and entry into the country. In addition, elections were also restricted, for the threat of a Mbele retaliation was too strong. However, the president has promised that by the end of this month, there will be an ballot for who will lead the nation. The expected contender will most likely be Sokoine's son, Mungu.

OTHER NEWS

President pursues trade with European powers of raw diamond, gold and other gems.
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[Watustan]

HOMOSEXUALITY IN WATUSTAN

Early today, the police swept through the slums near Port Watu where two Mbele men were arrested for homosexuality, a serious crime in Watustan. It is punishable by death. Over the years, there has been a vivid debate over the issue. Some think stoning is an appropriate sentence, whereas others think there are other means of execution. Whatever the means, the homosexual epidemic continues to spread throughout the slums. Many more arrests are soon to take place in what is being called a Homosexual Pact. The Office of Domestic Affairs had this to say, "These people threaten our safety and more importantly our children's safety. There are no gay Nethians. Anyone who is gay is not a true Nethian." The names of the accused homosexuals, all of whom may still be at large, are soon to be released, where the police advocate vigilance. Lieutenant Lengo said, "We just can't be everywhere at once. Any information on these vile people would be much appreciate."​

 

[Frescania]

Ministry of Foreign Affairs

We strongly condemn the assaults against homosexuals in Watustan. This violation of human rights will not go unseen in Himyar and the world.

 

[Danmark]

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Udenrigsministeriet af Kongeriket Danmark

The persecution of individuals and groups based on their sexuality is only one to be thoroughly condemned by civilised nations and one that we abhor. In light of these events, we shall be placing sanctions upon Watustan and freezing all assets until we see a change in tone and practice and there is root and branch reform in the authorites towards this gross violation of human dignity and human rights.

 

[Europaland]

We are disgusted and appalled at the treatment of gay people in Watustan and demand that the authorities put a stop to this at once. In the meantime sanctions will be opposed and any Watustani assets we can find will be frozen. Any group fighting for the cause of gay rights in Watustan and against the country's tyrannical regime is welcome to apply for aid through Europaland's 'Freedom Fund'.

Saida Nasri,
Foreign Minister of Europaland

 

[Watustan]

EMERGENCY PRESS CONFERENCE

Following the response from multiple European countries, President Sokoine held a brief emergency press conference.

"Greetings, my free Watu,

Europe, the men who put us where we are, gave us a bloody civil war and thousands dead, are again inciting rebellion in our beautiful nation. They do not share our religion. They do not share our heritage. They do not share our Nethian blood. Yet, they feel the need to control what we do through petty intimidation. These countries think of us Nethians as scum, and us Muslims as threats to their facade of peace. This is a war against our religion and our way of life. Do not worry, my people, for we will stay extra vigilant against threats abroad and at home. We will not let our way of life be altered by these countries."

OTHER NEWS

Two arrested Mbele homosexuals given reprieve, the President said earlier today.​

 

[Watustan]

20 YEAR ROAD PROJECT ALMOST COMPLETE

While the young-lings might like that new rap star Doggie Ice and the older Watu like nasheed, both can agree that the roads were always awful. However, at the start of Sokoine's presidency, he promised us a better road system and a highway system between Port Watu and the various cities around the Ouhradin Savannah. The roads were filled with potholes, and the various animals ran from the side of the roads without any forethought as to what would happen if they were hit. Thankfully, our glorious leader said he would not only have the potholes filled, but add a fence to the major roads so the animals would not be hurt. The Office of Security has asked us to advise you to not steal the fences. They are there for your own protection. Also not advised is farming equipment on the roads.

In a few weeks, the new roads will be available for use including the all new highway. "I am so glad that I am too busy with children to drive. Those pot holes would damage cars." said a local woman. In preparation for the new project being unveiled, Watu men all across the nation are encouraged to visit buildings designated for lessons in safe driving. However, if you can't make it we have compiled three useful tips to carry with you:

1. Elephants have right of way. Remember this.
2. If there is more than five people in your truck, be mindful of sharp turns.
3. Road kill is not a viable means of nutrients.

BALLOTS OPEN - CAST YOUR VOTE

It is time for the very first Watustan election. You may cast your vote in many areas all around Port Watu. The candidates are Ngabile Sokoine and Mungu Sokoine. They have been opened since yesterday, and already people poured in to cast their vote. "It feels to express my voice. Not many Himyar nations are truly free." said a citizen after voting. Soldiers have been posted all around the city to make sure of voter safety, pictured below. The results should be counted and posted by the end of the month. The expected winner is, of course, our glorious leader Ngabile Sokoine who promises more years of democracy. Regardless of the outcome, this month will be one to remember as a step forward in Himyarian freedom.

OTHER NEWS

Doggie Ice releases new song "Doggie is Back" on his album of the same name. Cassette sales break records.

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[Watustan]

IS MUSIC DANGEROUS?

Ever since the 60s, the likes of Jimmy Heindrick and Erika Slapton have taken the west by storm. In recent years, their cassette tapes have been sold here and the kids have grown fond of it. In your apartment, you might have already heard it and thought of it as harmless. But, is it damaging your children? The Office of Culture has been studying this for quite a while and has come with an answer: yes. The west brings messages of adultery and homosexuality. "These music has been found to promote Watu teens to disrespect women and become homosexuals. It is a poor influence and we are pushing for a ban." said the Office of Culture. Also selling well is rhythmical poetry, the west refer to as "rap". "It is more popular with the children in the military." said Lieutenant Lengo. The primary instrument of these musical styles are guitars. It provides the music with the tunes that make it so popular. Unlike our nasheed, these guitars promote promiscuous dancing for not only boys but girls as well. Thankfully, such merchandise has been banned from being sold or bought in Watustan.

SHOULD TELEVISION BE BANNED?

After work, you might sit down with a dinner that one of your wives made. You have a drink and you turn on the television. However, the show you see not only doesn't contain Islamic traditions but promotes homosexuality and the desecration of things valued to Islam. Such western shows have been found offensive to many in Watustan, and the want for censorship grows every time such shows like "Jersey Town" and "Bradley Bunch" air. "We shouldn't be subjected to such filth." A local man said. Around the country, petitions are being sent to the president urging for a ban. We can only see in the coming weeks if our hard work pays off.​

 

[Great Engellex]

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DULWICH, TUESDAY, 7th FEBRUARY 2012

The Right Honourable The Secretary of State has received the Command of her Imperial and Royal Engellexic Majesty The Queen-Empress
to make known the following gracious Statement of her Imperial and Royal Engellexic Majesty
to the Princes, and Chiefs of the State of Watustan.​

An Extension of The Queen-Empress' Statement in Council.

TO THE PRINCES, AND CHIEFS OF THE STATE OF WATUSTAN​

I am instructed to EXPRESS PRIVATELY on behalf of her Imperial and Royal Engellexic Majesty;

With the outrage of several governments observed, I addressed the situation in respect of homosexuality within Watustan to the Commons Assembly in Dulwich, and ascertained that without some new more unacceptable, which we determine unlikely due to the liberality of the Imperial Establishment, impulse by the State of Watustan there was very little reason or possibility of incurring the displeasure of the Empire with the persecution of sodomites in Watustan.

Under the circumstances of foreign governments attempting to interfere within the governance of Watustan I personally perceived it to be a duty to take steps on this matter; as the legal matter of sodomy had always been treated in common with Watustan, and as the judgement of sodomy is determined not by earthly revolutionaries but by Great Design, I was quite correct in my belief that her Majesty the Queen-Empress would find it most disagreeable to not extend the support of the Empire of Great Engellex in managing this disgusting affair.

At the same time her Majesty and the Cabinet of Great Engellex cannot be induced to take any fresh step without first receiving assurances that any and all circumstances of co-operation between our two States is treated to the strictest confidentiality.

By the Grace of GOD, of the EMPIRE of GREAT ENGELLEX, CHARLOTTE, the QUEEN-EMPRESS, through the SECRETARY of STATE, Sir EDWARD PEEL​

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