Welmonton Nativist :: Beautancus' Newspaper of Record

[Beautancus]

WELMONTON NATIVIST
Sunday Broadsheet Edition, Oct. 14th
Complimentary Weekend Circulation, Enjoy!



​

• Typhoon Miguel leaves 64 Dead & 175,000 without power in Kitchen Hill, Cape Commonwealth as well as "destroying this year's pecan harvest;" storm surge reportedly reached as high as 30 ft (9.14 m) "flattening" Mazidia Beach on the picturesque Cape Coast, accounting for the majority of the casualties...
• Whitemere All-Whites continue their road to a 3rd consecutive perfect season with a shutout 14-0 win over long-time rivals Branswick 88ers, a much harder-fought match than the final bears out. Whitemere Head-Coach Karl Heidenthal had nothing but words of praise for the effort from his All-Whites, in particular Star-Fullback Teuéno Sixhills...
• Confederate Supreme Judiciary rumored to be set to outright refuse to hear case on formally criminalizing the importation of "foreign media and/or propaganda" from Kadikistan, reportedly preferring to leave the matter to Commonwealth and Dominion Courts...
• Confederate Ambassador to Vesper, Colonel (ret.) Sir Antony P. Chambers expresses dismay at the "continued disturbance of the admirable calm of Cantignian society by 7th Day Adventist Radicals," which itself recalls recent such disturbances in Beautancus' own New Canaan Territory...
• Lottie "Cornstalk" Demagne passes away at the age of 98, beloved pioneer of "Uctené Rock" of the 1960-70s, and noted Wise Woman of the Uctené Tribal Nation, where Dominion and Confederate flags will be flown at half-staff in her honor tomorrow...

 

[Thaumantica]

the Foreign Office
Grand Covenant of Cantignia

We hereby extend our prayers to the lethal victims of Typhoon Miguel and their families, furthermore offering unconditional support to the Cussian survivors of the storm as is natural custom for our regional neighbors and colonial kin.

The Covenant Commission, Disaster Response Office has approved utilization of the Occidental Regional Relief Fund, and deeply encourages all private citizens and organizations who are capable of offering a helping hand to do so in these days of turmoil after the storm; surely a time will come as soon as next year where Cantignia is in the crosshair instead.

 

[Beautancus]

the Foreign Office
Grand Covenant of Cantignia
...

COMMONWEALTH OF THE FEARFUL CAPE,
CONFEDERATED REPUBLIC of BEAUTANCUS
Office of the Lord Governor
​

There are words scarcely fit to convey the depths of our gratitude in this time of such trials for the people of this good Commonwealth. We thank you dearly all the same, and will indeed endeavor to remember and honor this great kindness, done by our truest kin, in this hour of greatest calamity and need. With your aid, and that of our fellow Cussians - and the guidance of our Sacred Stars - we shall not be done any great or lasting injury by this heavy blow.


With our warmest regards,

His Excellency, Lord-Governor of the Cape Commonwealth & Protector of Kitchen Hill,

Signeur Preston Alton Morris, Viscount & Freeholding Confederate of Morris' Gorge

 

[Beautancus]

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WELMONTON NATIVIST.CUS
Beautancus' #1 Online News Source
​

First Citizen & Chief Ends Tour of Typhoon Ravaged Cape Commonwealth Day Early

Having already spent two days on an Executive Tour of the Commonwealth of the Fearful Cape, as disaster relief and early reconstruction efforts continue in the wake of Typhoon Miguel, First Citizen & Chief Edward Orton announced that he would be calling an early end to the trip at a closed-door breakfast this morning in Kitchen Hill. Prior to this tight knit Blue Blood event, the leader of the Confederate Republic had taken time to survey the damage left after Miguel made landfall as a strong category 3 storm, near the well-known and idyllic resort-town of Mazidia Beach.

Storm surge reportedly reached as high as 30 feet in Mazidia Beach, where as many as 8 in 10 homes were destroyed by encroaching tides, wind and battering debris. First Citizen Orton spent yesterday afternoon there with the Cape Commonwealth's Lord-Governor Morris and Senior Senator, Jesse Randolph Jones, before moving on to share supper with them and a group of "local heroes" at the volunteer fire department in nearby Swan Quarter, which was similarly hard-hit by Miguel.

Despite the calamitous nature of the times that brought First Citizen Orton to Swan Quarter, the turnout was impressive and there were few somber faces in the house as the Confederated Republic's Leader took to his feet to thank them for their dedication to their neighbors and community and say: "Beautancus is clearly and evidently a great nation, even among the order of the greatest nations of the world - that is known. But it is men and women like you, here in Swan Quarter, that proves not only how much that is the case - but how much it will continue to be the case. When I look out in this bunch of fine folks, my heart swells nearly to bursting at the number of young people among you. Rather than laying about, Twatting or getting themselves drugged or poofed out - these boys have been out here for a week now, pulling folks out of the flood waters, putting out electrical fires and getting grandma her pills - and all around doing their part. And half of them aren't even old enough to drive yet! Our Sacred Stars and Sainted Ancestors are sure smiling down on us folks, I'm telling you."

Such rousing words were certainly needed and well-timed, as the Emergency Mitigation and Response Service of the Confederated Republic estimates more than 4,000 roads and bridges as damaged or destroyed throughout the Cape Commonwealth, and at least 85,000 people remain without power in that same region. Crews have, and will continue to work around the clock - often battling flood waters that are yet still rising - but it will likely be at least a week before teams are able to even enter some areas to assess the level of damage.

Though very clear that the Cape Tour would be ending immediately after his breakfast, First Citizen & Chief Orton would not offer further comment on the reasoning behind the sudden and as yet mysterious return to Welmonton.

• Moundsboro Sentinels take the win over the Whalers of Innsmouth 21-18; Blackhaven upsets Tegaloo in a 10-3 defense-dominant thriller
• National Fair to open Friday @ First Landing, Inner Banks Commonwealth
• Mormon Bishop slays Tribal Brave in "honorable duel" in Great White Lake Covenant; Authorities warn blood feud likely to continue
• Release of the final novel in Norwood B. Southerland's Tascalora War (1711-1715) trilogy, "Losing Jesus" set to break records already as the tale of Colonel Norman Baird Vance and the half-Indigene scout called Pilgrim draws to a close - the Horned Snakes march down the mountain and out to war!

 

[Tyvia]

Office of the Exterior
1712 Siward Ave, Swanfleet, Swan River Riding - Capital Territory
​

October 19th, 2018​

To whom it may concern,

As always, the Union stands ready to assist its brethren in the Occident in facing this latest calamity. The Office of Emergency Management has compiled a list of resources that are available for immediate deployment to aide in the recovery effort. These include the Swan River Riding EMS Rescue Taskforce, as well as the Union Navy's very own S&R detachment - the 112nd Aviation Group.

The prayers and thoughts of Senecans everywhere lay with the Swan Quarter and Beautancus, and we all hope that no further damage in lives or property is sustained by that bold and forthright nation. The efforts of Beautancus' own emergency services are to be commended. The spirits of community, volunteerism, and civic virtue are exhibited in no better form than with the young men and women serving so nobly in the Swan Quarter.

Forward Remembrance​

SIGNED & SEALED
Silas James Kysford,
Commissioner of the Office of the Exterior

 

[Jydsken-Østveg]

Departementet for de Udenlandske Anliggender
(Udenrigsministeriet): No restrictions (Ingen begrænsning)

The Two Kingdoms of Jyskerige and Østveg wish to offer the support of the Royal Jysk Navy and its humanitarian abilities to deploy to the Occident and provide any relief aid necessary.

Med vænliga hælsningar,
Carl Fredrick Rundblad
Utrikesminister

 

[Beautancus]

Office of the Exterior
1712 Siward Ave, Swanfleet, Swan River Riding - Capital Territory
​

October 19th, 2018​

To whom it may concern,

As always, the Union stands ready to assist its brethren in the Occident in facing this latest calamity. The Office of Emergency Management has compiled a list of resources that are available for immediate deployment to aide in the recovery effort. These include the Swan River Riding EMS Rescue Taskforce, as well as the Union Navy's very own S&R detachment - the 112nd Aviation Group.

The prayers and thoughts of Senecans everywhere lay with the Swan Quarter and Beautancus, and we all hope that no further damage in lives or property is sustained by that bold and forthright nation. The efforts of Beautancus' own emergency services are to be commended. The spirits of community, volunteerism, and civic virtue are exhibited in no better form than with the young men and women serving so nobly in the Swan Quarter.

Forward Remembrance​

SIGNED & SEALED
Silas James Kysford,
Commissioner of the Office of the Exterior

COMMONWEALTH OF THE FEARFUL CAPE,
CONFEDERATED REPUBLIC of BEAUTANCUS
Office of the Lord Governor
​

It is both my honor, and my great heartache to make this response to our esteemed northern friends and neighbors, on behalf of the whole of the Commonwealth of the Cape and the beleaguered citizens and residents of Swan Quarter particularly. As a new front has brought even more unfortunately timed rains into the region, in some cases drastically exacerbating an already serious, and heretofore unprecedented threat from widespread river flooding. As of the last report this office received, the Lower Norman River in Swan Quarter was expected to crest at 62 feet, some 40 over flood stage.

As such, all Commonwealth, local District and Community/Volunteer Personnel are pressed as hard as can be imagined, with the serious damage done to local roads and other infrastructure complicating matters even further. In short, we will not only accept the offer happily, but admit to its necessity in this hour.

Though we are sorely tried by these times and the trials they bring, it is of the greatest comfort and honor to know that our plight is not forgotten or ignored by our kin and neighbors. The honor and kindness you do us in this dark time will not be forgotten, nor shall we fail to repay it in like should the need ever arise - so I swear by our Sacred Stars and Sainted Forebears.


With our warmest regards,

His Excellency, Lord-Governor of the Cape Commonwealth & Protector of Kitchen Hill,

Signeur Preston Alton Morris, Viscount & Freeholding Confederate of Morris' Gorge

 

[Beautancus]

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​

TOP STORIES FROM AROUND THE NATION

Traffic Halted on All Lanes of Route 95 by Bison Herd for Most of the Day
Téysa District - The "largest bison herd of the Cussian prairie" brought all eight lanes of traffic, both N and S bound, to a grinding halt on Route 95 for a grueling 10 hours earlier today, southwest of Nachitoches, in the Coda Dominion's Téysa District. Though local ranchers and the local Game and Wildlife Management Office were aware of the relative proximity of the herd to Route 95, the Confederated Republic's main artery through the vastness of the prairie and into the Vaquero Free State and Mazidia, they did not expect their course would bring them so near to the highway. Officials expect that pressure from natural predators encouraged a stampede throughout the night, which in turn altered the herd's trajectory enough to seriously impact the progress of the nation for nearly all the business day. No injuries or damage to private property were reported.


Western Horizons Livestreams Successful Launch, First Since Typhoon Miguel
Cape Fair - With crystal blue, clear skies and otherwise perfect conditions on the Cape Coast this morning, the nation's largest aerospace corporation, Western Horizons, completed its 9th consecutive successful [television] satellite launch from the National Aerospace Campus at Cape Fair. Oft called "the Jewel in the Crown" of Commonwealth of the Fearful Cape's "industrial sciences," this first successful launch since the chaos and devastation of Typhoon Miguel is certainly a bright spot and bit of good news for a change, especially for business owners in Cape Fair. Each successful launch brings a notable influx of business to the otherwise sleepy town, and in this time of rebuilding and recovery the economic stimulus is even more greatly needed and appreciated.


OTHER POPULAR STORIES

• Bill for "The Restoration of the Lord-President William Clarence Walker Monument and First Martyr, Pvt. John Grady Memorial" Passes in House of Burgesses w/ Allocation of Full Funding
• 19 Killed in Shootout Between "Unregistered Band of Yamassaw" and Tribal Police, Coaree Dominion
• WINNING £873,000,000 Lottery Ticket Sold in Chicora Commonwealth - Winner Remains Anonymous

 

[Beautancus]

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Unscheduled Executive Address on Developing Cantignian Crisis
Chaos in Vesper, Task Force Grim Tidings Not to Allow Eiffellanders Aboard


For only the sixth time in as many years in office has His Excellency, First Citizen & Chief Orton felt that a situation of vitally dire import to the well-being of the nation has warranted making such an Unscheduled Address - made all the more and less remarkable in being the second in the past six days. Well aware that interrupting those precious post-Congregational hours with the family for racing and collegiate basketball is a serious enough offense in most houses, the East Coast Home of Racing particularly, it can be said to have been well-warranted in this case.

"Cussians, neighbors, fathers and mothers - please excuse this, my second intrusion into your living rooms in less than six days;" ever relaxed in the authority vested in him by the will of the electorate and legislature of the Confederated Republic, "...but as many of you will know, the so-called 'health crisis' in Vesper continues to be an economic impediment to the vital northern routes, some of the most crucial to the prosperity of the Occidental Continent as a whole. I cannot say with any level of absolute certainty to what degree, if at all, any sort of viral or bacterial or what the hell ever else kind of jabbering explanation we are given outbreak has happened in whoever's garage. Enough is enough."

It seems likely that one might well have been able to hear that proverbial pin drop in some odd millions of Cussian living rooms at this, His Excellency has a few very notable turns of phrase, and "Enough is Enough" isn't one of them. It is however what William Q. Walker famously uttered before making the decision to shell the coastal batteries of Port Gonzalo while landing an elite force of Marines to secure the gubernatorial palace - and thus the city, and territory. Aside from that, Orton rarely if ever chooses to convey this sort of raw emotion unless he means to - and what that entails is a thing that we shall all be contemplating as rumors of fires and murders blossom in Vesper and fly back and forth tonight.

"At no point shall any vessel that is a part of Task Force Grim Tidings be boarded by Eiffellander - or any other non-authorized personnel, foreign or domestic - until after the amenable resolution of this fake news crisis, and Marxist-Leninovist plot to destabilize the Occidental economies as severely as it has those of Gallo-Germania. That the Trier Accord has been and is somehow able to survive the unstoppable onslaught that has made both Kadikistan and Serenierre into veritable 'Prisons of Nations' is a wonder to me, and to this administration and government to such a degree that we are close to considering the whole story of the Trier Accord to have merely been one long Ivar-backed Communist Controlled Opposition Plot. The Engellkin peoples will not be divided by this, the future can ill afford it. I can promise you that I am doing everything in my power to ensure that this crisis comes to as swift a resolution as possible."

Precious little can be added that won't be the wildest and most unhelpful of speculation at this point, but as previously noted - the rumors flying at present are that fires are burning in Vesper.

 

[Rheinbund]

Random Eiffellandian student discussing the world issues while sitting in a bar: "Occidentia ... One country is stuck in an overzealously conservative interpretation of the Book of Mormon, and another country is governed by a brainless macho who never outgrew the bully behaviour he showed on the schoolyard and now tries to mask the fact that his skull is empty with gorilla-like roaring and beating on his chest with his fists. And that will lead to an economic boom?"

 

[Rheinbund]

Statement by Dr. Tobias Sprengers, leader of the Eiffelllandian medical team in Vesper

It may come as a relief to First Citizen & Chief Orton Walker that we don't intend to board the ships of the Task Force Grim Tidings. We can do everything we want with the equipment we took with us. This crisis will be solved sooner when we cooperate, but if the Cussians decide not to cooperate with us, then we will solve this crisis without the Cussians. The patients will be the victims of the stubborn behaviour of First Citizen & Chief Orton Walker, however. It is up to him to decide how many dead patients are worth the good feeling he gets from barring his medical teams in Vesper from cooperating with us.

 

[Beautancus]

Random Cussian discussing world politics:

"Of course Orton isn't looking for a 'boom,' what a bunch of maroons. The Occident is the only part of the world not directly impacted by the stifling touch of Communism and these trained monkeys of Ivars think we'd be willing to let them endanger that!? And they don't even know what our leaders name is!? I hope we kill every last one of them."

 

[Beautancus]

Statement by Dr. Tobias Sprengers, leader of the Eiffelllandian medical team in Vesper

It may come as a relief to First Citizen & Chief Orton Walker that we don't intend to board the ships of the Task Force Grim Tidings. We can do everything we want with the equipment we took with us. This crisis will be solved sooner when we cooperate, but if the Cussians decide not to cooperate with us, then we will solve this crisis without the Cussians. The patients will be the victims of the stubborn behaviour of First Citizen & Chief Orton Walker, however. It is up to him to decide how many dead patients are worth the good feeling he gets from barring his medical teams in Vesper from cooperating with us.

CONFEDERATED REPUBLIC OF BEAUTANCUS
STATE FOREIGN SERVICE,
OFFICE OF THE FIRST CITIZEN & CHIEF
Drummond House, 2552 Company Street,
Welmonton, City of Welmonton, CRB, 58362

​

In all seriousness sir, you must realize that we ourselves, nor any civilized nation of the world can take you seriously when you do not even know the name of the leader of the mighty nation and people you presume to lecture. Your doddering ignorance and naivete are characteristic of the Eiffellander regime and state as a whole, lacking legitimacy or substance. This administration has taken note of this egregious and most disrespectful intrusion into affairs you cannot possibly hope to understand, providing legitimacy to some of the most criminal actions undertaken by supposedly civilized nations in recent memory. We cannot, at this point, but construe your actions as those of an aggressive foreign power, attempting to prolong this disruption to the natural harmony of the Occidental nations for your own nefarious gains.

This will not be tolerated. As a result, you are hereby delivered with the following ultimatum: all Eiffellander personnel present in Cantignia at this time, engaged in this investigation or otherwise, have 24 hours to remove themselves from the sacred soil of the Occidental continent, and her waters - or they will be taken into custody by personnel of the Navy of the Confederated Republic of Beautancus as potential foreign agents provocateurs, where they will be debriefed to our satisfaction. You will comply with this directive one way, or the other.

I might add with a personal note that you may take your accusations of bullying, turn them sideways, polish them up real nice and shove them straight up your candied backside. No serious nation could possibly be asked to give a damn about your feelings in this regard, so strictly and explicitly a matter between the Engellkin nations of the world, which has never and could never have had anything to do with Eiffelland - short of the Communist agency which we expect to be the case anyway. You may have a good day or not, I do not care.



Sir Endymion Victavio Walker, State Foreign Service Secretary,
Confederated Republic of Beautancus

 

[Rheinbund]

Aussenministerium
Trier, Eiffelland-Retalia

It is not Dr. Sprengers's task to memorise the names of all the Heads of State and Heads of Government of all countries in the world. He is a physician, not a diplomat. In Cantignia, he has responsibilities towards the Governments of Cantignia (because he is active on Cantignian soil) and Engellex (because he was treating Engellexian patients). He has no responsibility towards the Government of Beatancus.
We are puzzled by comments about accusations of bullying. Neither Dr. Sprengers, nor anybody of his team, nor any member of Eiffelland's diplomatic staff made any comments related to that.
Furthermore, the Government of Beautancus should realise that it has no jurisdiction in Cantignia, where Dr. Sprengers is active. The fact that Beautancus attempts to remove foreigners from Cantignia is a brutal violation of the sovereignty of Cantignia.
As we understood, the efforts of Dr. Sprengers and his team were valued by the Government of Cantignia. However, we cannot expose them to the threats of the Government of Beautancus. Therefore, they will leave Cantignia. We apologise to the Governments of Cantignia and Engellex, but we consider the situation for Dr. Sprengers and his team too dangerous, due to the unresponsible and aggressive behaviour of the Cussian Government. We will be at the disposal of PREP and the Cantignian medical teams to analyse samples, however. We thank the Government of Cantignia for the very generous hospitality towards Dr. Sprengers and his team.
We will also withdraw all Eiffellandian and Retalian diplomatic personnel from Beautancus, will advice all Eiffellandians and Retalians currently in Beatancus to leave the country immediately, will expel all Cussians from Eiffelland-Retalia, including diplomatic personnel, will issue a travel warning for Eiffellandians and Retalians for Beautancus, will bar all Cussians from entering Eiffelland-Retalia for an indefinite period of time, and will revoke all visa handed out to citizens of Beautancus.

Rüdiger Zimmermann, Minister of Foreign Affairs and Vice-Chancellor

 

[Rheinbund]

Joint statement by all Eiffellandian and Retalian banks

We hereby divest all Cussian shares and bonds in our possession, as well as all shares in Cussian real estate.

 

[Beautancus]

Sole response of the Cussian government:

"22 hours."

 

[Thaumantica]

the Foreign Office

The Grand Covenant wishes to facilitate the Eiffellandian exodus sooner, and guarantees physical removal or arrest within twelve hours.

 

[The Federation]

DEPARTMENT OF FOREIGN AFFAIRS
CONTINENTAL REPUBLIC OF SYLVANIA
​

The Continental Republic of Sylvania protests this Cussian belligerence in the face of the this crisis. These actions will only lead to the further destabilization of Occidentia as a whole. Anyone who is willing to help resolve this disease crisis should be involved, failure to be united with friendly nations willing to help will only allow for mistakes and accidents that could endanger us all. We hope that the Department of Health and Human Safety's Office of Communicable Disease Control operating in Cantignia will not face such road blocks as the Eiffellanders have been forced to face.

Joe Bernstein
Assistant Director of Foreign Affairs

 

[Mazidia]

On behalf of the Mazidian business community, and as apology for the belligerence and ignorance of our Occidentian cousins, we offer all Eiffelanders currently seeking exit from Cussia paid-for flight tickets to Trier, free of charge, from the Mazidian Embassies in Cantignia and Cussia, if they have no other means of meeting this harsh and unreasonable demand.

Furthermore, we offer very generous terms on all investment offers made over the next week. We believe strongly that Occidentia is a vast and beneficial market that our Europan cousins should not find unduly difficult to access, and we would welcome those who are shunned unreasonably by those lacking in foresight.

Zoltan Reyes,
-First Advisor to the Sun King,
Minister for Business Affairs,
CEO of the Reyes Group International
Mazidian Dominion

 

[Rheinbund]

Aussenministerium
Trier, Eiffelland

We thank the governments of Sylvania and Mazidia with their support in this crisis. We will evacuate all citizens of Eiffelland-Retalia from Beautancus and Cantignia, including the diplomats. We will also close every diplomatic representation of Eiffelland-Retalia in Beatancus and Cantignia.
Unfotunately, we see ourselves forced to reciprocate the actions by the governments of Beautancus and Cantignia. We already barred Cussian citizens from entering Eiffelland-Retalia, but we will also bar citizens from Cantignia to Eiffelland-Retalia. All citizens from Beautancus are to leave Eiffelland-Retalia within 24 hours; all citizens from Cantignia are to leave Eiffelland-Retalia within 48 hours. Effective immediately, all visa for Cantignian citizens have been revoked. In order to guarantee a safe return of all Eiffellandians from Beautancus and Cantignia, we will seize all Cussian and Cantignian assets in Eiffelland-Retalia; these assets will be returned to the rightful owners upon a safe return of all Eiffellandian citizens who have been in Beautancus and Cantignia during the last 72 hours.
We will also take all Eiffelloretalian diplomatic staff out of Beautancus and Cantignia, and will also expel all Cussian and Cantignian diplomats out of Eiffelland-Retalia.
All Eiffellandian and Retalian banks and companies with possessions in Beautancus or Cantignia, and with positions in Cussian and Cantignian shares, bonds and futures, will sell their possessions in Beautancus and Cantignia as well as their Cussian and Cantignian shares, bonds and futures. Also Eiffellandian and Retalian private persons will sell their Cussian and Cantignian possessions, futures, shares and bonds. A travel warning will be issued for Cantignia as well.
The Eiffellandian companies thank the Government of Mazidia for their offer to invest in its country. They will contact the persons concerned in Mazidia as soon as possible.

Rüdiger Zimmermann, Minister of Foreign Affairs and Vice-Chancellor