Ostmark
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TIBURAN EMPIRE STILL STANDING, APPARENTLY: OSTMARKIAN ARCHIVES FAIL TO NOTICE 476 A.D.
Ministry of Foreign Affairs Maria Holler Confirms: “As Far as We're Concerned, They're Just Running Late”.
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By Heinrich Obenaus
WIEN (Ostmark) — In what scholars are calling “a triumph of bureaucratic consistency over recorded history,” the Republic of Ostmark has once again reaffirmed that it continues to recognize the @Pelasgia Empire as the legitimate government of the Tiburan Empire—yes, that Tiburan Empire, the one that famously “fell” in 476 A.D. after being overrun by political collapse.
According to a Ministry of Foreign Affairs communiqué, the Pelasgian Empire remains, for all intents and diplomatic purposes, Tibur. When pressed by reporters about the historical contradiction, Foreign Minister Maria Holler consulted a leather-bound ledger titled “Imperial Successions, 27 B.C.–Present” and replied with confidence: “The last entry in our national museums and archives is from 455 A.D., stating ‘Tibur delayed due to domestic matters. Empire intact.’ There’s no subsequent notation of collapse. So officially, nothing happened.”
Asked if the Ministry was aware of the widely accepted historical consensus that the Tiburan Empire fell in 476 A.D., Holler responded: “We’re still waiting for a formal declaration of dissolution. You can’t just fall like that without proper notice. That’s bad diplomacy.” Meanwhile, in Propontis, capital of the Pelasgian Empire, locals were reportedly both baffled and amused. One Pelasgian diplomatic official in Wien offered to send a fruit basket “to help them move on.”
But Ostmark does not move on. Ever.
The National Archive of the Republic of Ostmark, which contain the meticulously maintained “List of Active Empires,” still show the Tiburan Empire under the heading “Operational, Awaiting Correspondence.” Right below it is a footnote: “Do not archive until official imperial seal is received.” The seal in question was last seen in 1348, affixed to a treaty ratifying fishing rights, which nobody remembers signing. Chief Archivist Gertrud Kaltenegger explained: “We’ve dusted the Tibur file several times, but until someone submits a proper closing document—signed in triplicate, naturally—we cannot, under the administrative code of the Republic of Ostmark, declare it concluded. That's how you get archival anarchy.”
Pelasgia, of course, has moved on. Or rather, it evolved into something else entirely: a modern, constitutional monarchy with political backroom deals, military parades, and quite a few ships. But Ostmark remains unmoved. As one anonymous bureaucrat put it: “If it speaks Pelasgian, holds an Emperor, and occupies old Tiburan territory, it's Tibur.”
The diplomatic implications are profound. While most nations recognize Pelasgia as a sovereign modern state, Ostmarkian diplomats continue to address Pelasgian officials as “Your Excellency of the Imperium Tiburaronum,” and all treaties are filed under “Res Publica Marchiae Orientalis-Imperial Relations.”
Historians are divided. While the rest of the world grapples with contemporary concerns, Ostmark remains blissfully adrift in what historians have begun calling the “Ostmarkian Historical Bubble” — a curious blend of selective memory, archival improvisation, and a stubborn commitment to recognizing the sovereignty of entities no one else remembers.
The Ostmarkian National Archives, housed in a grand marble building that smells faintly of vinegar and panic, is at the heart of this chronological confusion. Boasting over eight million documents and precisely zero clarity, the archives are a mosaic of mismatched facts, contradictory dates, and suspiciously enthusiastic marginalia. “We pride ourselves on our unique interpretive approach to history,” said Gertrud Kaltenegger “What is history if not a dialogue between what happened and what we wish had happened, but with better lighting?”. Entire sections of the archive are organized under labels like “Widely Believed,” “Unverified but Heroic,” and “Correct as of 1453 (Later Disputed by Everyone).”
Foreign diplomatic missions in Wien are usually required to bring their own timelines, and one anonymous envoy admitted their embassy keeps a special “Ostmark Edition” of world history.
Ostmark reportedly still maintains consular relations with no fewer than seven extinct nations nobody remembers. When questioned, officials explain that “extinction” is not a valid diplomatic status, unless accompanied by a formal declaration, signed and notarized by at least two witnesses. And Ostmark has seen no such documents. “One does not simply vanish from Ostmarkian archives,” said Chancellor Alexander Besselman “You must file the proper paperwork.”
Despite the chaos—or perhaps because of it—Ostmark continues to function diplomatically, with a peculiar charm and a steadfast belief in its own version of events. “It’s like watching someone play chess on a map of the so.called Kadikistani Union, a Nation often mentioned by Ostmarkian archives” one foreign historian noted. “You know it makes no sense, but somehow, you respect the commitment.”
Back at the archives, Chief Archivist Kaltenegger sighs with contentment as she shelves an old treaty titled “Belgarsk Pact.”. “You know,” she says, dusting it lovingly, “history is not what happened. It’s what we remember happening—preferably with a nice coat of arms.”
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