National News Eiffelland (from 2009 until 31 July 2020)

[Rheinbund]

01MAR2019
Eiffelland-Retalia recognises internationalisation of large parts of Retalian Sea

During his weekly press conference, Chancellor Rheinfeld confirmed that Eiffelland-Retalia will recognise the internationalisation of large parts of the Retalian Sea. He indicated that "much of the struggle around the Retalian Sea was the result of an omission from our side". He gave the following explanation: "After last year's summit regarding the Retalian Sea, the government of Eiffelland made clear to the government of Retalia that Eiffelland would not back Retalia's claim over the Retalian Sea. After that, Retalia started to treat large parts of the Retalian Sea as international waters. However, what never happened, was Retalia denouncing its claim over the Retalian Sea. And that was something my government overlooked."
Upon a question about the incident with the Hyacinth in the Retalian Gate, Chancellor Rheinfeld indicated: "The Navy started an internal investigation about the events. I don't want to influence that investigation by making premature remarks. We will give a statement when the Navy is ready with its investigation."

 

[Montedoro]

Conversation overheard in tavern
"... no wonder we lost, what kind of allies were they? They couldn't even get their policies straight. Honestly, such fools."

 

[Rheinbund]

01MAR2019
Serenierre and Eiffelland-Retalia sign non-aggression pact

As it became known after the weekly press-conference of Chancellor Rheinfeld, Serenierre and Eiffelland-Retalia have agreed to a non-aggression pact. This was announced by means of a press-release after the press conference. This could indicate that the negotiations for this non-aggression pact were still ongoing during the Chancellor's weekly press conference, and were concluded after the press conference ended. A spokesperson of the Chancellery indicated that "this is an important step forward in achieving stability in Gallo-Germania, stability that is needed for fighting the economic crisis".

 

[Serenierre]

Commissariat for External Relations
The Rheinfeld-Martinique summit has yielded two great results: (i.) the internationalization of the Retalian Sea; and (ii.) the non-aggression pact between the two premier powers of the Retalian Sea. The complimentary agreements have brought peace between our two nations and will be shown as an example of the power of international diplomacy.

BERNARD LAVOSNIER | Commissar for External Relations

 

[Ostmark]

You must be registered for see images

KANZLERAMT DER VOLKSREPUBLIK OSTMARK​

The Volksrepublik Ostmark strongly supports and applauds the efforts of Madame Premier Martinique and Herr Kanzler Rheinfeld to de-escalate recent tensions in the Retalian Sea and looks forward to further enhance the cooperation of Long Sea Nations, for a future of peace, progress and mutual respect of sovereignty. While initially concerned by the dramatic turn of events in the Retalian Sea, and in the Long Sea in general, Ostmark is pleased to see that rationality and common sense once again prevailed.

Aware of the social, cultural and political differences between our respective Nations, the People's Republic of Ostmark renews its friendship and spirit of cooperation with the Seraziniste Republic of Serenierre and the Union of Eiffelland-Retalia.

Signed,
Vizekanzlerin Andrea Grasser
Kanzleramt der Volksrepublik Ostmark

 

[Rheinbund]

04MAR2019
Carnival in Eiffelland: Rosenmontag

The Eiffellandian Carnival is traditionally about making jokes about the people leading the country. The mayors have to suffer something during these days, but also the local aldermen, as well as the provincial governments and the national government. And of course the royal family. Prince Ludwig, his boyfriend Jonathan von Walsrode and the Gunnish Queen Julian were objects of jokes in many cases: Almost all parades contained a cart with Prince Ludwig and Jonathan von Walsrode clearly in love with each other while Queen Julian looks at them with face expressions varying between annoyed, jealous, angry and sad. There was also a cart showing Prince Ludwig and Queen Julian slamming at Schau! with sledge hammers.
But this year’s carnival was more venomous than usual, especially towards Kadikistan, Xinhai, Crotobaltislavonia and Serenierre. There were several carts showing Premier Martinique burning down cities with torches and flame throwers; a cart in Trier showed Premier Martinique standing in front of a burning city while fanning the fire with a pair of bellows. There were also carts showing Premier Martinique spraying gas, Premier Martinique as an old poisoner, and Premier Martinique as Emperor Nero because of the latter’s preference for killing adversaries with poison and the Fire of Tibur. Several carts showed President Zhao of Xinhai, President Fyodorov of Crotobaltislavonia and Secretary-General Sergei Moravscik of Kadikistan looking at Trivodnia with evil grins, while Moravscik divided Trivodnia with a large knife. Others showed Zhao, Fyodorov and Moravscik eating Trivodnia. In many cases, Martinique, Fyodorov, Zhao and Moravscik were depicted with devil horns and devil tails.
One cart in Weimar went very far. It showed Moravscik as an enormous ugly devil with Trivodnia in one hand and a bottle of vodka in the other hand. A banner above it showed the text “Häppchen Trivodnia Schnäppchen Wodka Häppchen Trivodnia Schnäppchen Wodka” (bite of Trivodnia sip of vodka bite of Trivodnia sip of vodka). Immediately behind that large puppet, two white screens had been placed, one turned to the left of the cart and one turned to the right of the cart. On those screens, an animation was shown. The animation showed Ugly Devil Moravscik eating Trivodnia and drinking vodka. Every time Moravscik took a bite of Trivodnia, the text “Häppchen Trivodnia” appeared. After the bite of Trivodnia, he took a swallow of vodka and the text “Schlückchen Wodka” appeared. This was repeated ten times; then Moravscik had eaten Trivodnia completely and the text “FERTIG!!!” appeared. After that, the animation started again.
There was a very venomous cart showing Former Chancellor Dr. Röpke as a senile old man and former Minister of Defence Jung as an apathetic sluggard. There were more very harsh carts about the way the former government handled the war, as well as the King of Occitania electrocuting communists. Heinrich Liebknecht was shown in many ways as well, as Moravscik’s dog, but also in a pose showing the proverb “when the fox preaches, watch your geese”.
As per tradition, Carnival will end on the day before Ash Wednesday, at midnight. On Ash Wednesday, the start of the Lenten Season, the Eiffelloretalians will go to Church and get an ash cross on their foreheads. From then onwards until Easter, the Eiffelloretalians won’t drink alcohol, eat cookies, put sugar in their coffee or tea, or put jam, chocolate paste, hazelnut paste or any other sweet things on their bread. The only exception will be the Sundays during the Lenten Season; then the Eiffelloretalians are not bound to any fasting traditions.


«Broadcasting on television of a Carnival Sitzung»

Two persons are standing on stage. One is dressed like Minister Leverkühn, the other like Sophie Renard. They have a dialogue.

…

Person dressed like Leverkühn: “Sie unabhängig? Das glaube ich nicht.” [You independent? I don’t believe that.]
Person dressed like Renard: “Na wenn die Martinique es sagt dann ist es so.” [Well, if Martinique says so then it’s true]

Laughter

…



A transvestite stands on the stage

…

Transvestite: “Meine Damen und Herren, ich sage Ihnen, die Welt ist verrückt geworden. Wenn sogar medizinische Hilfe anbieten als feindliche Tat angesehen wird, kann ich nur eins sagen: Die welt ist verrückt geworden. Und dann bekämpfen sich auch noch zwei Cousins in einem Boxkampf über die Thronfolge in Warre. Schauen wir uns Folgendes mal an.” [Ladies and gentlemen, I tell you, the world has gone crazy. When even offering medical aid is considered a hostile act, I can say only one thing: The world has gone crazy. And then two cousins fight each other in a boxing match about the succession to the Throne in Warre. Let’s watch the following.]

There is a large screen above the stage. Above that screen, the television interview in which Tanist Edward of Warre challenges his cousin Reynold to a boxing match appears, with German subtitles.

Tanist Edward on screen: “What I do say is that I'm tired of his shit. He wants to see how a real Warreic acts, and how a real Warreic King acts, I'll show him. I'm invoking the Code of Grievance Resolution circa 1512. I'd say I'm challenging him to a duel, but that isn't very responsible. Reynold, I'm going to beat your ass up and down a ring, and we're going to televise it. No civil war bull shit or succession crisis like you and your cabal are trying to brew when Grandpa isn't even dead. We're going to fight, and it's going to be televised with proceeds going to humanitarian causes in the Gallo-Germanian regions effected by war, Mazidia, and

You must be registered for see links

, as well as to help with the Engellpox outbreak up in

You must be registered for see links

. Some will also be spent to help children in need throughout the Warreic realms. Fight me and win, you're the next Tanist. Don't fight me and I expect you to keep your mouth shut henceforth, like the spare spare you are. But whatever happens, this will solve the issue of the next High King the good old fashioned way, with us fighting and not people fighting for us.”

Transvestite: “Huch, wie männlich.” [Ooh, how manly.]

Laughter

Transvestite: “Der Junge fordert jemanden zum Zweikampf, und begründet das mit einem Abkommen aus 1512. Man könnte glauben, dass die Menschheit sich nach fünf Jahrhunderten etwas weiterentwickelt hätte.” [The guy challenges somebody to a fight and bases that on an agreement from 1512. You could believe that humanity developed a bit further since then.]

Laughter

Transvestite: “Und ich glaube auch, man braucht als König doch einige andere Fähigkeiten als gut boxen können.” [And I also think that you need some other skills as King than being good at boxing.]

Laughter

Transvestite: “Na gut. Die beiden Hübschen sind in den Ring gegangen und haben um die Thronfolge geboxt. Nachher waren sie leider nicht mehr so hübsch.” [Very well. The two beauties entered the ring and boxed for the accession to the Throne. Unfortunately, they weren’t that beautiful any more after the match.]

Laughter

…



A comedian stands on the stage.

“Indeed, we Eiffelloretalians consider the Kadikistani alcohol-addicted. This goes even so far, that taxi drivers take Kadikistani to rehab centres by default.”

Laughter

“We even go that far to claim that Kadikistani feed their babies with vodka instead of mother milk. Well, it would explain a lot in the case of the Kadikistani.”

Laughter

“But the main problem with the Kadikistani is not, that they are alcohol addicted. The main problem with the Kadikistani is, that they stop drinking when they start figthing.”

Laughter

“By the way, do you believe that Mrs. Renard is indepent from the Serenien government?”

Nobody indicates that they do.

“Me neither, to be honest. The problem that she has, is that she happily parrots the words of the Serenien government. A government with a bad track record on freedom of opinion. If you say in Serenierre that Premier Martinique is a sadistic psychopath, you go to jail. Likewise, if you say in Kadikistan that Moravchik, Mirasic and Nenadovic are soaks who destroyed half their brains with vodka, you go to jail. In both cases for insulting the leading figures of the state, as well as for betraying state secrets.”

Laughter

“anyway, let’s also say something positive about the Kadikistani and the Sereniens. They are really people with interest in other cultures. Sometimes they are so interested that they decide to stay in the countries they visit.”

Laughter



OOC 1: This is the link to the interview with Tanist Edward from Warre:

You must be registered for see links

OOC 2: DISCLAIMER: This post is the result of the writer’s fantasy, and in no way linked to any Carnival Sitzung that took place in real life.

OOC 3: Correction applied to one of the German texts: "Man könnte glauben, dass die Menschheit sich nach fünf Jahrhunderten etwas weiterentwickelt hat." changed into "Man könnte glauben, dass die Menschheit sich nach fünf Jahrhunderten etwas weiterentwickelt hätte."

 

[Rheinbund]

Headlines

Citizens of Eiffelland-Retalia arrested in Azraq during protests in that country. Embassy of Eiffelland-Retalia in contact with imprisoned citizens. Government negotiates about swift deportation of arrested Eiffelloretalians.
Unionsstaatsanwaltschaft in Altburg confirms receipt of complaint by Mrs. Renard against Minister Leverkühn for defamation. Case under investigation.
Government proposes law to allow same-sex marriages in Continental Eiffelland. Government of Retalia proposes law to allow same-sex marriages in Retalia. Government of Helgoland considers legalisation of gay sex in Helgoland.
Hospitals in Continental Eiffelland already start planning for annual babyboom 9 months after Carnival.
RRF Flugzeugwerke and car industry announce introduction of new models by end of the week.

 

[Justosia]

You must be registered for see images

Office of the Foreign Minister
​

In my job, I am granted a certain level of leeway by my sovereign, whom your sovereign knows. For I am good at my job.

The Great Southern Kingdom of Justosia is concerned that the noble & proud people of Eiffelland, or at least your government, are, how you say, going soft recently? This is said with out even a speck of disrespect, but worry. Yours was once a pillar of rightism, of Trier. Indeed the Red Menance is now more menacing than ever.

We need you, free Europe needs you. I understand losing a war, tragically, is draining, however if that were us, I guarantee you we'd be filled with more rage, not less. God bless you. Viva Justosia.

Fernando Torres
Foreign Minister

 

[Justosia]

Private conversation between HRM & Torres

"Have you conveyed to them our concerns Fernando?"

"Of course Majesty. Your concerns are Justosia's."

"I really like Albrecht. I can tell he's a good, Christian man. But my God he just seems, drained, lost. Is that what defeat does to you? No. I'd rather die on the battlefield, honourably."

 

[Rheinbund]

Streng geheim — Segretissimo — Top Secret

Aussenministerium
Trier, Eiffelland-Retalien

Dear Minister Torres,

There is no need for you and your King to worry. We are working hard on getting Eiffelland-Retalia back on track. Sometimes you need to go a bit backwards to increase the length of your run for a better jump.

Julia Leverkühn, Minister of Foreign Affairs

 

[Justosia]

CLASSIFIED/TOP SECRET
TO: Minister Leverkuhn

Honourable Minister,

I both sincerely hope & pray this is the case. We hope Eiffelland becomes a soaring phoenix for all that is right. We maintain that an all facets alliance between our respective nations in more desperately needed than ever. God bless you. Viva Justosia.

Fernando Torres
Foreign Minister

 

[Rheinbund]

Ministry of Economic Affairs: "Ban of Ibis in Serenien and Aurarian airspaces political decision"
Serenien and Aurarian air traffic authorities silent after insight in test reports RRF Ibis

Weeks after the Eiffellandian aircraft manufacturer Raimer und Rathenau Flugzeugwerke granted the Serenien and Aurarian air traffic authorities insight in the test reports of the RRF Ibis, there is still no response from Serenierre or Auraria. The Serenien and Aurarian air traffic authorities did not indicate that it would verify the test reports. The only argument given as basis for the decision to ban the RRF Ibis from Serenien and Aurarian airspace was a "lack of testing"; however, the Serenien and Aurarian air traffic authorities did not indicate which additional testing they want to see
Meanwhile, the Ministry of Economic Affairs and the Ministry of Transport and Public Works investigated the matter as well. Documents from RRF indicate that the Ibis underwent all the testing that is internationally required, and that RRF even tested more thoroughly than internationally required. The development of the RRF Ibis started in 2008, the first flight of the plane was in 2012, and the testing phase lasted until the beginning of 2018. The plane was about to be introduced in July last year, but the introduction was postponed due to the war. A spokesperson of the Ministry of Economic Affairs said the following about the ban of the RRF Ibis in the Serenien and Aurarian airspaces: "The Ibis underwent all the mandatory testing, and even more than that, and this can be verified. However, the CAA from Serenierre and the RAC from Auraria claim a 'lack of testing' of the plane as reason to ban the RRF Ibis, remain silent on RRF's offer of insight in the test reports and do not indicate which additional testing they want to see. They don't show any evidence of technical problems making the RRF Ibis unsafe, something they are obliged to do if they have that evidence, so that those technical problems can be solved. We have strong suspicions that the decision to ban the RRF Ibis from Serenien and Aurarian airspace is not technically but politically motivated. This is very objectionable behaviour."

 

[Rheinbund]

Scientists Robert Koch Universität Weissenfels create simplified bacterial genome

The Robert Koch Universität in Weissenfesls announced in a press release that scientists of the department of molecular biology of the faculty of biology of this university managed to build a simplified bacterial genome of a bacterium. Dr. Peter Röters and his team took a benign bacterium living in freshwater, identified the genes this bacterium needs to be viable, and rebuilt those genes in their laboratorium.
Building an artificial bacterial genome is not new; a group of scientists from an Engellexian university already managed to do so in 2008. It is new, however, that scientists created a simplified genome, while the team from Engellex created the complete bacterial genome anew. This was a process that took ten years, however; Dr. Röters and his team needed only one year to build their simplified genome by taking only 680 of the total of 4000 genes of this bacterium.
In order to find out if this simplified genome actually works, Dr. Röters and his team built bacteria around it. At this moment, only 580 of the 680 genes are working; however, this experiment shows that it will be possible in the near future to produce viable cells with artificial genomes. The next step will be to get the remaining 100 genes working as well.
Producing long DNA molecules is a difficult process. That is the reason why it took the Engellexian team ten years to produce the complete genome of an existing bacterium, by using techniques which were state-of-the-art between 1998 and 2008. The team from the Robert Koch Universität Weissenfels needed only one year to create their genome by using the most modern biomolecular techniques that currently exist. As a result, it will be possible in the near future to create synthetic genomes in a much higher pace than nowadays, also synthetic genomes coding for new therapeutic solutions.


King ennobles Eiffelloretalian composer Giovanni-Michele Giarreso

Giovanni Michele Giarreso is not only known for his electronic music, but also for his spectacular concerts. Concerts he only organises when his fans can visit them for free. Therefore, his concerts are mostly organised as part of a large event. Giarreso has a relatively large fanbase, so his concerts are always visited by a large crowd. His breakthrough was in 1976 with his album Oxygene, an album he produced two sequels on (Oxygene 2 (1996) and Oxygene 3 (2016)). But those are not his only albums. He as an enormous oeuvre of electronic music. And a track record of spectacular concerts.
Now he can call himself baron. King Albrecht decided to ennoble Giarreso for his contribution to present-day music. Giovanni Michele Giarreso has become Giovanni Michele Giarreso Barone di Malváglia. The King mentioned Giarreso’s important influence on music up to now as the reason to ennoble him: “Barrone Giarreso inspired many DJs, producers and composers during the last decades. Especially his influence on house, techno and trance was essential; these music currents would not have existed without him.”

You must be registered for see medias

You must be registered for see medias

You must be registered for see medias

You must be registered for see medias

You must be registered for see medias

 

[Rheinbund]

Eiffelloretalian artists Omega (Michail Kretovic), Aleksandra Kretovic and Rupert Kahn admitted to Eiffelloretalischen Verdienstorden as knights

More news on the Eiffelloretalian music front. The King decided to admit the Eiffelloretalian producer Omega (the Kadikistani-born music producer Michail Kretovic, who fled to Eiffelland in the 1970s), Alexandra Kretovic (lead singer of the bands Hymiresque (end of 1970s) and Alexandra (1980s), married with Michail Kretovic), and Rupert Kahn (singer and composer; composed all the music for his band Kahn, and wrote music for several bands in Eiffelland and Retalia).

You must be registered for see medias

You must be registered for see medias

You must be registered for see medias

You must be registered for see medias

You must be registered for see medias

 

[Rheinbund]

04APR2019

«Excerpt from a comedy show on TV»

“Last Monday was the 1st of April. Did anyone of you fall victim to an April Fool? Well, apart from that snow shower after it was 15 degrees Celsius the day before and the day after?”

Some people stick up their hands. The comedian walks to somebody in the public and asks: “Do you want to tell something about your April fool?”

The guest tells the april fool. The comedian thanks the guest and continues.

“This year the Sereniens did something special for April Fool. You probably saw it on TV or the internet. They painted some pigs in the flags of Eiffelland, Retalia and Bourgogne. Then they chased those pigs through the city centre and butchered them. I must say that the Sereniens have a problem with their sense of humor when they need pigs to act as their comedians.”

The public giggles.

“And I also consider it a bit medieval to laugh about how a couple of pigs are chased through the inner city. We used to have such traditions as wel, but we abolished these practices centuries ago. It looks like the Sereniens are mentally still caught in the middle ages with respect to some things.”

The public giggles.

“And probably not only with respect to their sense of humor. Look at how they act towards the countries around them. Since they won the war, they want all their neighbourcountries to act like their vassals. Especially Eiffelland-Retalia. This whole drama about granting an independence to the Retalian Islands that their inhabitants don’t want, it has nothing to do with Serenierre caring about the fate of the Retalians, but everything with the Sereniens wanting to revoke the fief of the Serenien islands from us, like a feudal lord wanting to punish a tenant who is not humble enough. My dear guests, the Sereniens are so proud that they abolished the monarchy, but in the end they are more medieval and more feudal than us, while we are still living in a monarchy.”

 

[Montedoro]

Central Secretariat
We condemn the actions of the Eiffellander fascist superstate, which has occupied the Eastern half of Occitania and continues to finance aggressive military presences on sovereign Occitanian soil. Quite unlike the dear Serenien friends of Occitania, the Eiffellander presence is a foul force, totalling 150,000, and is a burden on the people of this proud land. We condemn it. We condemn it. We condemn it.

 

[Serenierre]

Commissariat for External Relations
The strong words of the Central Secretariat of the Protectorate of Occitania have moved us deeply. It is a tragedy that Eiffelland continues to support the Kingdom of Occitania — a known violator of human rights — and we hope that the old land of Occitania comes together in good time for the peace and prosperity of its people under one free and liberated banner.

The Government of Serenierre is committed to the peaceful unification of the Occitanian nation for the benefit of Gallia. We call on the Trier Government to listen to the justifiable grievances of Occitanians. Peace in Gallia is beneficial for us all.

 

[Imimoya]

Regional Security and Cooperation Observatory "RSCO"
Osservatorio per La Sicurezza e Collaborazione Regionale "OSCR"

The Kingdom of Occitania, a member of the RSCO, has deliberately adhered to our program which provides international observers from Retalia, Eiffilland and Lars to monitor and guarantee civil rights within the Kingdom.

Following the accusations made on the alleged violations of human rights, our territorial office has provided to review the hundreds of documents produced by the inspectors present in the territory.

The conclusion is that there is no evidence of human rights violations by the authorities of the Kingdom of Occitania.
Indeed, there is a gradual and constant evolution of the Occitan society and economy in order to integrate with that of the Kingdom of Eiffilland-Retalia and Grand Duchy of Lars.
​

-Territorial Office of Occitania RSCO/OSCR​

​

 

[Serenierre]

Regional Security and Cooperation Observatory "RSCO"
Osservatorio per La Sicurezza e Collaborazione Regionale "OSCR"

The Kingdom of Occitania, a member of the RSCO, has deliberately adhered to our program which provides international observers from Retalia, Eiffilland and Lars to monitor and guarantee civil rights within the Kingdom.

Following the accusations made on the alleged violations of human rights, our territorial office has provided to review the hundreds of documents produced by the inspectors present in the territory.

The conclusion is that there is no evidence of human rights violations by the authorities of the Kingdom of Occitania.
Indeed, there is a gradual and constant evolution of the Occitan society and economy in order to integrate with that of the Kingdom of Eiffilland-Retalia and Grand Duchy of Lars.
​

-Territorial Office of Occitania RSCO/OSCR​

​

Commissariat for External Relations
We are amazed that the RSCO can continue to pose as a neutral organisation while issuing such blatant lies. The Commissariat draws attention of the Kingdom of Occitania's use of child soldiers in open warfare against Serenierre.

The Government of Serenierre shall be reviewing the status of the RSCO.

 

[Imimoya]

Commissariat for External Relations
We are amazed that the RSCO can continue to pose as a neutral organisation while issuing such blatant lies. The Commissariat draws attention of the Kingdom of Occitania's use of child soldiers in open warfare against Serenierre.

The Government of Serenierre shall be reviewing the status of the RSCO.

Regional Security and Cooperation Observatory "RSCO"
Osservatorio per La Sicurezza e Collaborazione Regionale "OSCR"

The Government of

You must be registered for see links

should review beyond the status of our organization, even its declarations to the world. The foreign relations commissioner deliberately omits information from the international press, such as:

There are no armed clashes between the Kingdom of Occitania and

You must be registered for see links

following the signing of the Treaty of Camp Hill.

There are no longer child soldiers or other human rights violations under the supervision of the RSCO following the accession of the Kingdom of Occitania to our organization.

We hope that the Serenniere government will limit itself to ascertaining the current state of the Kingdom of Occitania and not those during the seven-day war, where we recall that there are numerous human rights violations on both sides.

We are also keen to declare that all the evidence gathered of human rights violations has been handed over to the judicial authorities of all four member countries of the organization. Countries are free to prosecute criminals according to their laws, as it already does.
​

-Territorial Office of Occitania RSCO/OSCR​