News Cetnik Empire

[Јебач]

Execution of Witchcraft
​

In Cetnik Empire for long years, one ethnic group known as Vlachs hou openly practised witchcraft or black magic. Recently they were "cursing" Cetnik Orthodox church. Later resulting in cetnik nationalists beating them up randomly on the street even though some of them were innocent. To stop this dictator jailed and haunted most of the witchcrafters, by adding a law of banning witchcraft in Cetnik empire. About 5k people were jailed. Some of them revolted and terrorised Cetnik population by few murder attempts. Their last attempt was to kill the patriarch! Attempt easily failed. This was later disaster for witchcraft community of Cetnik Empire. Due to policeman hoe were patrolling jails get scared by them, one policeman commented about this on news "As i pass threw jails i always get mussy feeling when passing by the witchcrafters, whenever they would see one of us, they would start doing some weird stuff, some of them litteraly praying to evil." Thousands of people than called for government to execute the witches as "They are evil on earth". Government took an immediate action, police and military executed whichcrafters hou were jailed. After that they were patrolling the towns were people reported seeing them. About 12k withcrafters were killed as this week. Most of them left the country.

 

[Јебач]

Police rages on government
​

Due to many police actions being combined with military. Police is urging on government to make police less reliable on military by founding police with better equipment and "military stuff". Numerous military staff argued that cooperation between military and police is a great thing, it makes military more flexible together with police and that they are in win-win situation providing training for military and police. However police staff wants more strength to react and argues that military should only help in really necessary and big scale situations... Not in a goddamn car stealing incidents!
Currently police does not have armed helicopters, they only have transportation helicopters in low numbers. Yestarday request was sent to government, in which Police department demanded bigger and better equipment and more founds to police department. They requested attack helicopters, more transport helicopters and from transport infantry fighting vehicles to tanks!
After that leader of Cetnik Empire met with General of the police to further adress this issue. After this talk everyone was poking fun on dictator... Cause of the really short talk they made:

*Dictator walks in with a t-shirt without a sleeves showing of his big muscles together with a few armed man*

*Crowd of journalists laughs quietly*

Dictator: Tell me, whats your problem?

Police general: Ugh... Umm... We need ugh, due to a lot of stuff happening in country i would like to adress and issue which is, that we too much rely on military.

Dictator: So you tell me that you want more "military stuff", but what about "police stuff"?

*Crowd of journalists laughs*

*Police General is akwardly quite*

Dictator: Listen here, you little count... I have "stuff" to do, i cant talk here whole day with some police rights activists. You do what i say to understood?

*Crowd of journalists quietly laughs*

Police General: Yes.

Dictator: Now just write on this paper whatever you need, we gonna get it if we can, remember if i see police not doing its job i will be forced to do something unpleasant ok?

Police General: Yes sir, we will do our job at our best.

*Starts writing down the list of equipment he needs*

Dictator: Ok talk is over, any questions you media guys?

Brave Journalist: Sir, why are you threatening poor Police general in such a way?(He laughs quietly)

Dictator: Cause umm... idk, probably cause i have job to do and this police right activist cunt is bothering me?

Brave journalist: Why are you using word "cunt", its bit inappropriate, like you leading a huge nation but you talk like some gangster?

Dictator: Listen here you "Brave journalist" im not some aristocrat im human(he akwardly laughs as he has nothing more to say)

Brave journalist: ok.

*Dictator quietly sad "damn media cunt" while laughing, but somehow media recorded it and is now all over the TV which poke fun on dictator, for which before was taught that he never laughed due to his serious personality*

 

[Јебач]

HALLOWEEN OFFICIALLY BANNED, CELEBRATORS JAILED!

​

Even tough in Cetnija as an orthodox country halloween is not really that popular, except in few parts of bigger cities and some villages, people hou celebrate in Serbia have either came from west as foreigners or just love the tradition. Just before halloween patriarch has sent a letter to dictator to ban halloween, which he did, but some folks were uninformed and they didnt this celebretion finished in happy mood.
One of the largest cities in Cetnija called Podunavlje with over 2 million citizens in it is widely celebrating this event. This night just few hours ago dictator has made it clear on the news that anyone celebrating this event will be jailed due to "evil practises" which are not tolerated in Cetnija. Few hours later brand new police helicopters have flew over the city, there are still no clear reasons why they were using it, we asked the police general why was he using the helicopters for no reason, but he just ignored the question. After helicopters flew above the city about umm... a lot of cops entered the city, together with some nationalists, in same time halloween was celebrated in center of the Podunavlje city. Angry gang of many cops and nationalists just rushed and while nationalists were beating and destroying anything halloween related police just circled the celebrators but there was a problem... Yes there is that much of them that they even tried to fight police! Many policeman have circled the celebrators but there was a quite tens of hundreds of celebrators. However crazy nationalists were than allowed to get axes from nearby stores to "help the police", even tough everything they did was trying to kill celebrators. Later they opened fire, in clash about few hundred people were killed, leaders of celebrations publicly executed, and celebrators either jailed or are in a forced labor. Heh happy day for building companies hou got about more than 10k new FREE workers but only for one year after that they are freed.



forced labor

 

[Јебач]

ANNOYING NOISES BANNED

Dictator has announed few hours ago a new law called "BAN of ANNOYING NOISES" with capital letters. However as always someone will be unhappy, but in Cetnija its rare, doe to radical government and its dictator. But some folks didnt understood that even from halloween "clashes". Later this day about 1k people gone to the streets of capital of Cetnija at Ravna Gora and made loud nouses non-stop, and of course some clever people call police, police comes now with two attack helicopters threatening to shoot the "loud noise makers". after 5 minutes "loud noise makers" understood that they wont be using it and ignored the attack helicopter, even tough policeman screamed "IM GOING TO SHOOT YOU IF YOU DONT STOP" people realised that he cant do it cause he would destroy infrastructure and piss of the government, so he than calls normal anti-riot police to beat them up. Police circles the rioters but just secound before that one angry neighbor yelled threw window "WE CAN BEAT THEM UP, IN LAW OF BANNING ANNOYING ITS SAYS UNDER 13TH dot THAT LOUD NOISE MAKERS CAN BE FREELY BEATEN UP". Neighbors than help police.
After this event people called for government to explain this part. Than dictator showed himself on TV for news explaining situation.

Dictator: Based on my experience, you see one good day i was doing overtime, at around 11PM, it was all quite and cool, but suddenly some barbarian group of people start celebrating a birthday party. Some kid about 8 years old starts screming so loud i could not concentrate even a little bit, so what i did i waited few minutes still nothing kid is screaming and people are laughing. I ask my self do those people have any hearth? Do they have a fucking soul? Like people sleep and you litteraly just wake them up, some people work. Than i see people calling cops. Guess what cops dont really care... I continue observing situation, still nothing no one stops them, this shows how we Cetniks are kind and peaceful people and forgive and let things slide, at the end of the day thats what our religion is based on, but people litteraly use those kind people and are being a fucking cunts, but everything comes to and end, after 30 minutes of the screaming and loud noises few neighbors with axes came to tell the to shut up, and they did. BUT GUESS WHAT police than comes after 40 fucking minutes and those night saviors nearly finished in jail! After that i sad no more. NOW I SEE ONE CUNT DOING THIS IM GONNA DO SOMETHING BAD BAD BAD TO YOU. from now on anyone doing this shit will be fined 50% of theyr yearly income. Thats all i can say any questions?

Journalist: What if loud noise maker is 5 year old kid.

Dictator: When i think about that, hmm, we should make cops or people scare that kid shitless, kid would get shocked and will never do it again. Problem done, anything else?

Brave journalist: How loud noise must be to be classified as a loud noise?
(Journalists laugh)
Dictator: Loud like you.
(journalists get quite and dictator leaves)


​

 

[Јебач]

WOMAN AND MAN WILL NOT BE IN SAME SCHOOL ANYMORE

​

This was announced today my ministry of culture, together with patriarch hou brought up this issue few months ago, there were long debates between government and church to get old tradition of dividing man and women. Arguments from church were mostly religiously based, issue was lust. One of the deadly sins, government is still today trying to root our this evil practise, as younger generation will always be interested in that stuff, and most of sex accidents in young generation were in school so church saw it as a good idea to divide man and women cause in young ages "they didnt learned enough about life, simplest mistake can not make only their life a living hell but it will destroy theyr souls" But why government didnt done this immediately you ask. Well even dictator has no real reason, on the debates he was clearly loosing and never had a proper reason why to not divide schools between man and women. There is one example from debate few weeks ago.

Patriarch: So why is than a problem? If you are against that(against lust) like me, which is great, why dont you than take step forward and help younger generations?

Dictator: Well its seems like weird idea you know, its like.. Umm, strange?

Patriarch: ...

Dictator: Like common its bit odd, like... Like you know if parents would just properly beat up theyr kids it would not be a problem.

Patriarch: K...???

Dictator: Look idk, as i sad its strange and really uncommon and at some point stupid...

Patriarch: You are litteraly denying something you sad few minutes ago

Dictator: Yes... but think about it like school adve... Never mind.

Patriarch: Can we end this debate, than you decide will you make the law or not, like it seems you are just being like not in best... In best mind, maybe you took to much work go take a sleep and think about it.

Dictator: True. Well than i will see...

Patriarch: Just dont be blind in mind.
-------------
Few weeks after this infamous talk this law was adopted. Speech was held by dictator.
"From today our children will be safe from "school adventures" and will have more time to think about school and not about women and reverse, which is not appropriate for their age. We are dividing high schools and elementary schools into two divisions. One for man other for women, our children will be safe from this evil practise, this is big step of our nation towards the gods love!

 

[Rheinbund]

... Not in a goddamn car stealing incidents! ...

Random Eiffellandian while looking at his new Darner Werke Beetle: "Well, I do consider it a crime if my car is stolen!"




OOC: Talking about foul-mouthed heads of government, The Netherlands currently have a prime-minister who says "pleur op" ( the Dutch equivalent of "fuck off") on prime-time TV.

 

[Јебач]

Democracy? haha, no!
​

Today in Cetnija a day called "rise of righteousness" as its called by its government and most of its people, but actually its real meaning is "death of democracy". For most of people in Cetnija a day where people celebrate its government and nation, mostly government or so called righteous government, also supported by orthodox church. You see this day in year of 1926, government has rooted out democracy by making up a new law which abolished anything whats left democratic in this country, government calls this a law of "king and people". Basically government is governed by one leader, he is above the law, all other parts of government are only his advisors and workers, they can only suggest but not to complain, patriarch is biggest example, as he is greatly respected by government and its people, if patriarch suggests something, there is 99% of chance that his suggestion will be implemented.
Tough this law sounds horrifying, it greatly depends on its leader. But in order to stop any horrifying leaders, back in 1925 a so called nationalist order was implemented. Order made up of Cetnik nationalists which are working for people of Cetnija, basically a nationalist army. They have complex structure so nationalists order can be always nationalist. If horrifying leader becomes, they can, simply put, make a cup.
Today about 10% of Cetnik population dont like this law, some of those 10% are brave and are ready to die for democracy, by walking threw the streets screaming for civil right, gay rights, secularism, basically annoying other 90%. Those brave man also get beaten by police and people... About 1k brave man died today.

 

[Rheinbund]

Random Eiffellandian: "Well at least they are honest about the fact that the country is a dictatorship, contrary to so-called democratic countries like Kadikistan."

 

[Јебач]

JEWISH CRISIS
​

Today dictator brought up a question of co-existential religious (or allowed religious) in Cetnija. Basically when some religion passes 1% its brought up to be discussed with orthodox church, government, and eventually people of the country. Yesterday ministry of religious and cultural control reported that number of Jews in Cetnija is currently 542021 which is bit more than 1% of population in Cetnija. For every religion there is a system of voting (which dictator can interfere any second if he wants to), basically. Everyone has one vote(government, people, orthodox church). Dictator is not involved in process of voting and he cant vote. This system was ultimately made by dictator to see opinion of others, if he thinks theyr opinion is wrong, he will prove them wrong. Voting has been finished a few hours ago, and we are here to report you results of voting!
There are 3 options from which party can choose!
a) NO JEWS IN CETNIJA
b) Limit the numbers, we must make sure that we have total control over our administration!
c) Lets be a good people and accept them in our society, maybe they can learn us something new!

And results were:
Government: b)
Orthodox church: c)
People: a)

Ohh no! Is seems that everyone has different opinion, that means our righteous leader will decide!

Dictator talk with patriarch about his opinion:

Dictator: Why do you think we need jews...

Patriarch: I would remove "the can learn us something new part" but essentially, our religion is based on forgiving and love of others even our enemies. So if we accept them they will se how great we are as people and culture, and they will say... Hey! Look how good their religion is... etc..etc, you got the point, and it will be nice in eyes of god.

Dictator: Interesting, and from perspective good opinion i guess, now i will go see what my fellow co-workers think.

Dictator talk with government...

Dictator: So let me hear your side

Government "elite members and most important people in there": We... We yes, sir we decided about this opinion from administrative and political perspective, you see, getting rid of all jews would be best for our administration, but we will be probably get called out for being evil country and even get attacked by other countries for not respecting human rights. So this opinion, we wont get bombed and we will still have our administration in check.

Dictator: Nice, first time you tought something clever in your lifetime, im gonna see what people think.

Dictator makes a public speech:

My fellow citizens, soldiers, mothers, fathers, Cetniks! What made you vote for the decision (population voted. a)40% b)35% c)35%)

People shout: DEATH TO JEWS, KILL THE JEWS, NO JEWS, HAIL TO HUNTLER OUR JEW-BUTCHER, NO JEWS, STOP THE JEWS. NO PEOPLE DONT, GOD IS LOVE, NOT A BUTCHER! MEH JUST LIMIT THOSE NUMBERS AND WE GOOD TO GO! *everyone starts beating up each other*

Dictator: Ok i understood, you want the dead jews?

People: *dictator just looks at chaos*

Dictator: We will see about that! ("Police" came shortly and angry gangs disappeared)

Dictator goes of the scene and drives back to his office to announce his decision in so called parliament.

Dictator: I announce, that all three decision are efficient, we will be trying each one of them to see which fits the best.

dictator spoke to him self: So everyone has radicalized its opinion, interesting, if i would choose option i would choose to try them all, except... Except the death to jews one... This is gonna be a big problem.

 

[Polesia]

Ministry of External Affairs

The violent and disturbing anti-Semitism of the Chetnik Empire is appalling and an affront to all civilised nations of Europe. Jewish people everywhere are an integral part of the societies they live in, often contributing greatly to the local culture and economy. To threaten them with expulsion and murder is simply unacceptable, and a retreat to barbarism of past eras.

The Free States will not stand by idly and watch a massacre take place on its door step. Trivodnia warns the Chetnik Empire to treat its Jewish community with the utmost respect or face severe consequences.

 

[Јебач]

DICTATOR OF SERBIA URGENT RESPONSE TO TRIVODNIA


Dictator: Today we received a message from Jewland *cough* Trivodnia. They sad that we are barbarians, i say thanks god! At least we are not Jews!
*Laughs in a background*
Dictator: I quote, "Jewish people everywhere are an integral part of the societies they live in, often contributing greatly to the local culture and economy". Funny are those jews! They say they contribute greatly to guess what! Culture and economy... Hahaha, poor jews theyr heads are still in clouds. First, they only share theyr jewish propaganda, which is not great for us, after which they get beaten and laughed at by the locals. What cultural contribution am i right! Economy? What economy! We dont need jews to contribute to our economy, even tough they do some percentage but i guess it can be ignored. They also told us to treat jews with utmost respect! Is he f*cking retarded?"
*Laughs in a background*
Dictator: So if we dont treat jews with "utmost respect" we face consequences!? From Jewland!? common give me a brake! Your dreams will never come true, they will be as every non-orthodox and non-muslims citizen, and will be equally treated by paying tax on religion. Also making non-orthodox churches is banned, except for some muslim ones in some places. And non-orthodox propaganda is banned, such as sharing your religious beliefs and propaganda with others. So please we are not Liberals, or democrats, or some civil rights activists. We already sad WE ARE DICTATORSHIP. Be happy i didnt banned them as religion. Get your ego down a bit Jewland. Thank you for your attention!

Brave journalist: Why are you so aggresive towards the jews, they are humans they should have a rights like every cetnik, not matter of religion and culture.

Dictator: Listen he you little skinny right activist boy, do you have these *shows of his bodybuilder muscles*, no? Than go away until i beat your ass common!

*Brave journalist disappears*

 

[Holy Frankish Empire]

Grand Duchy of Bourgogne

The Grand Duchy welcomes any refugees seeking political asylum. For the Sons and Daughters of Abraham, Cetnik is clearly a place of danger and discrimination. We welcome any who wish to join our population of over 6 million Jews. For those who may wish, Bourgogne is willing to open its borders to those wishing to immigrate to the Yiddish Free State.

Andre Dampierre
Foreign Minister

 

[Polesia]

Grand Duchy of Bourgogne

The Grand Duchy welcomes any refugees seeking political asylum. For the Sons and Daughters of Abraham, Cetnik is clearly a place of danger and discrimination. We welcome any who wish to join our population of over 6 million Jews. For those who may wish, Bourgogne is willing to open its borders to those wishing to immigrate to the Yiddish Free State.

Andre Dampierre
Foreign Minister

Ministry of External Affairs
Confidential communique

The Free States of Trivodnia welcomes the proactive approach taken by the Grand Duchy of Bourgogne to the crisis in the Chetnik Empire and is more than willing to work with the relevant bodies to facilitate the transfer of refugees who wish to settle in the Yiddish Free State.

We suggest an urgent meeting be held to co-ordinate a common response to the atrocities in the Chetnik Empire.

 

[Rheinbund]

Aussenministerium
Trier, Eiffellland

Also we strongly condemn the way the Cetnik Empire is currently treating Jews. We as a country with only a relatively small Jewish community confirm that the Eiffellandian Jews scientifically, economically and culturally contribute a lot to the country. We also point at the fact that the Relativity Theory was developed by a Jew. It is up to the Cetnik Empire to decide how to govern the country, but trying to learn from the positive sides of each other's cultures will bring the country faster forward on the long term than the current government policies do.

Also we open our borders for refugees from the Cetnik Empire.

Rudolph Kögler, Minister for Foreign Affairs and Vice-Chancellor

 

[Holy Frankish Empire]

Grand Duchy of Bourgogne

A representative of the Grand Duke's government can be in Amstov within 24 hours.

 

[Pelasgia]

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Pelasgian Empire
Ministry of Foreign Affairs
Public Statement
​

7th of November, 1956
To whom it may concern.

The Pelasgian Empire is most shocked and appalled at the latest outrages the Cetnik Empire has put on display for all to see. Not content literally pursuing modern witch hunts and with viciously oppressing his people, the Cetnik dictator has now turned his hatred and bloodlust to his country's Jewry. We openly and severely condemn the actions of the Cetnik Empire and call upon Ravna Gora to seize and desist in its policy of genocide, lest it face dire consequences from the entirety of the international community.

Signed and Sealed,

Ikaros Dragasēs

Minister of Foreign Affairs
Pelasgian Empire

ΕΝ ΤΟΥΤΩΙ ΝΙΚΑ
​

 

[Јебач]

PATRIARCH OUTRAGED, RELIGIOUS CONFLICTS BETWEEN MINORITIES

​

Dictator of Cetnija currently pressured by everyone... What will he do? Today he will make a public speech addressing the situation. But before that, we got news about Cetnik muslims threatening to "remove" jews. However jews were not quite! They were brave enough to stand up against this corrupt dictatorship, by attacking muslim mosques... Yes you heard it right, jews have nearly blown up the mosque. 7 hours ago 64 armed jews have entered mosque killing nearly 100 muslims! After which police reacted, they have came in tanks and attack helicopters, killing 52 attackers and jailing the rest.

This conflict between religious minorities in Cetnija was heated up by muslims bombing the jewish houses. Just 3 hours after the incident with jews attacking mosque, muslim extremist have gone out of theyr way, about 242 muslim extremist attacking jew populated city "Metohija", they came in well armed with armored cars attacking jewish homes, either by blowing them up or entering in theyr homes and killing everyone they see. In few minutes police used attack helicopters to blow up muslim armored cars, than eventually sending tanks and special units killing 212 extremist while jailing the rest. In this incident about 500 innocent jewish civilians, and destroying some of infrastructure, after this people have reacted by raging and beating up some jewish and muslim civilians.

To end this police created "Jewish region", basically putting military all around the city of Metohija and banning all muslims from entering there.
Current population of muslims in serbia is around 1 million, while jewish population is less than 300k.

After all this happenings in Cetnija Patriarch has reacted by saying that this is the punishment from god cause of not accepting jewish population and not listening to patriarch. Patriarch is raging on government and demanding from dictator to say "sorry" to jews, and to ban religious limitations. While people want to make jews leave Cetnija, or just "remove" them

Dictator will today decide whats best!

Dictator: Today i come here, to address this issue. Jews for our country have already became pain in a neck. First im gonna address patriarch, i must say its to late to welcome jews in here, no one likes them here. My decision is to deport all the jews from Cetnija in 1 week, if after 1 week i see one jew in Cetnija he will be removed. So for one week we will have police defending the jews on whatever cost as long as they are being deported. Our neighbors are also welcoming jews so there is no reason not to leave Cetnija. But there is 2nd option for you jews! You can accept orthodox religion, convert to it, and you will be accepted in our society, this applies to every jew. While being deported jews will be 24/7 defended by police. We will be deporting 50k Jews daily to neighboring countries which welcome jews. After this week Jews will be banned religion in Cetnija. Thats all i have to say, also... Muslims, if i see you destroy one more f*cking building, its going to be not good for you. Thats all i have to say. Thanks for your attention...

 

[Polesia]

Ministry of External Affairs

The Dictator of the Chetnik Empire should have heeded the words of the Patriarch, and realised all faiths emphasise our common humanity over our religious and cultural differences.

The Free States of Trivodnia will continue to offer a welcome home to Jewish families seeking to escape the unjust persecution they currently face in their homeland, and urges other neighbouring states of the Chetnik Empire to do the same.

The Free States of Trivodnia will repeat our warning that, should the Jewish population of the Chetnik Empire suffer from any state-directed violence, we will take necessary action to ensure the safety of innocent lives. That many have been killed or injured by Muslim rioting, no doubt encouraged by the Chetnik government, is tragic enough.

The Free States of Trivodnia will also be liaising with our regional partners to co-ordinate a common response that is proportionate to the crimes committed by the Chetnik Empire.

 

[Gouw Marken]

To: the responsable secretary in the Cetnijan regime

Although this is an internal Cetnijan matter, we urge to come to reason and read through these recommandations.
1. If option one is chosen, we ask for the deportations to be organised in the most human way, and maybe on a larger time scale than the one that is set foreward now; deportation to Bourgogne is not to be recommanded as the regime will only brainwash the refugees into more heretic thoughts and will use the new population to strenghten its army and capitalist economy;
2. If option two is chosen, the convertion to Christianity is to be implemented in a structural way, and all Muslims should convert as well to avoid matters of this nature in the future;
3. All children should be kept in Chetnia to be fully christianised to make them able to stay in the country and culture they were born.
4. Markstad will not take any refugees without baptism in the Dominican Catholic Church.

Zeereerwaarde Heer Hugo van der Taelebosch, griffier van de Prins-bisschop of Gouw Marken (secretary of the Prince-Bishop)

 

[Јебач]

Cetnik military reacts to threats from Trivodnia

Dictator has recently ordered 2nd army to be placed around the borders of Trivodnia, together with artillery aiming at the borders. In same time aircrafts will be patrolling at the borders of Cetnija and Trivodnia until this "crisis" is not solved.
Tommorow government will be further addressing this issue.