DOHVA STATE NEWS-YOU LEARN.

[Dohva]

President Tours Glorious Powerplant

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The Most Glorious President Sagdiyev was on hand today to see the nation's first natural gas power plant. With many in the crowd cheering, the city of Kuzcek welcomed the jobs. "We will increase production numbers for our most glorious nation. Our workers will remain strong. We will move towards the minimizing of importing coal and oil, Chancellor Bogatov and I are proud to see the progress of all Dohvans. Very Nice."

The powerplant replaces the Kuzcek Power Coal Plant built in 1949. Designers of the new plant promise it shows no elements of Gypsy or Jew. The powerplant promises to bring 790 glorious jobs to the city.

The President concluded his speech by saying: "Before I begins international tour, I must stress the need for all Dohvans....Continues your production. When you chase a dream, especially one with plastic chests, you sometimes do not see what is right in front of you. Today I say, you are the dream."

 

[Dohva]

DOHVA STATE NEWS MEDICAL ADVICE, FREE FOR MOST GLORIOUS PEOPLE

HI EVERYBODY. I am Doctor Nicolai Rivervic. I am here to answer your medical questions.

I hurt my errr, rear while riding a bike. It hurts when I have BMs. What should I do?

You don't have to lie here, save that for court! Perhaps you should eat less.

Dr. Nic, I am having chest pains. My father has Spontaneous pneumothorax. What should I do?


Spontan.....Hey, did you go to Derjiste Upstairs Medical College too? I would say you should ask your dad. Next question.


What was the most rewarding part of your medical career?

The most rewarding part was when he gave me my money!










*Note: This is for entertainment purposes only

 

[Dohva]

3 To Be Execute

Two Gypsys and a Dohvan were found guilty yesterday in Kretzce Peoples Court. The 3 men were found guilty of Crimes Against The Peoples. Naughty Naughty!

The 3 will be executed in most glorious fashion by being beaten to death with shovel. The Gypsy are guilty of attempting to put spells on officials and defecate in a city fountain. The Dohvan is guilty of spitting on mailman. All 3 will be executed by pushed down stairs.



Tickets are still available.

 

[Dohva]

47 Killed in Border Clash

Yesterday, most glorious Border Police killed 47 in a clash with Monarchists in northern Dohva, near the Village of Tvilezt.

The Monarchists were planning to overthrow Most Glorious President For Life, Borat Sagdiyev; Naughty, naughty! The Monarchist group wanted to overthrow the People's true leader, our Most Glorious President! One of the offenders was a former lawyer and was a real Chocolate face, No make up! Wow Wow Weewa!

 

[Dohva]

President Deny Dohva Persecuting Women

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During a press conference today, Most Glorious President Sagdiyev was questioned by a foreign journalist about womens rights. The President responded with an undeniable flurry of facts when told 'women should be treated as equals.

"Is it not a problem that the woman have a smaller brain than a man? The government scientist Dr. Yamuka has proved it is size of squirrel. In Dohva we say to let a woman drive a car is like to let a monkey fly a plane, very dangerous yes."

 

[Dohva]

Goodbye Journalists


Most Glorious Day for Dohva. President Sagdiyev announced next week will be a week of national celebration.

Today, Most Glorious President for Life Sagdiyev announced: "The international conspiracy of the Gypsy and Jew ends here today. All EDF journalists must leave within 72 hours or be put on plow."

President Sagdiyev placed the journalists in 'open custody' until they board aircraft to leave the country.

"Go Ahead....Make my day Jew" said the President.

 

[Dohva]

Famous Dohvan Gorky Bucek #1 in European charts! WOW WOW WEE WA​

According to latest charts, Gorky Bucek is at the top of European charts for his song Bing Bang Extra. Please, you listen-

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Gorky recently sell out 11,000 seat theater! Very Nice!

 

[Dohva]

Glorious President Sagdiyev Comments On Dohvan Economy Slump

Glorious President Sagdiyev make glorious speech today on what is causing problem in Dohavan economy. Please, you follow.

"We have problem. This is clear. We must improve output. We must find where money has gone. Where has the money gone? It must have gone somewhere! The answer is obvious, my friends! It is the Jews! Covetous Jews who have taken all our money and hoarded it for themselves! Hidden all the cash in some… secret Jew cave that they built, probably back in the early 60s! It is the Jews, my friends. We must they must be banned from Dohva. Friday, 25,000 Jews will be extradited. Dohva forever!"

 

[Dohva]

Owls? Who gives a shit about Owls? President Issues Proclamation

Today President Borat announced his intention to reward Dohvans with tax breaks for the killings of 10 owls or more.

I mean honestly. Owls. I dont see the big deal. They fly, they shit. They cant even chew their food or grind it up. They are like some sort of retarded Jew snake. Screw owls and the wings they flews in ons.

The president announced that producing the bodies of 10 dead owls at a local police station starting on the 20th will get a tax voucher, very nice! Animal activists protest. Naughty naughty! They execute.