Danzig Media

[Danzig]

TIMES of DANZIG
Established 1862. Dedicated to freedom of press since.​

Financial markets unsettled by Talemantros, debt position `weak', `deteriorating situation nigh'

Danzig, 04.08.2010 - It is the story nobody wants to talk about, but it does happen and it plays a major role in what is driving financial markets these days. The funamental weaknesses of the Talemantric economy and the inability of the Talemantric government to resolve the ongoing crisis with its neighbor Carentania. Markets cannot speculate against the communist regime in Carentania but they can against Talemantros. Government finances have been under pressure for a long time but when the threat of conflict looms ever closer, it is apparent that their budget deficit will grow larger to counteract Carenanian arms build-up. An arms race between Carentania and Talemantros would be devastating for Talemantros as their economy, still recovering from one of the many crises that hit the world in the last decade, is shaky and on unstable soil.

Financial markets are openly asking the question if Talemantros remains able to commit itself to its obligations. Fiscal auserity measures aren't pushed through by parliament and the private sector, especially manufacturing, is suffering from low wage countries like Hajr and Oikawa. Worries about Talemantros have been around for longer than today but today marked a turning point. For the first time in decades, spreads on Talemantros debt crept past the 250 basis points above Danzig 10 year notes, the benchmark government bond. A 200 basis point rise happens if you compare it to emerging markets. But 250 basis points means financial markets view Talemantros as a bigger risk than say, Oikawa. A situation that will deteriorate rapidly and will eventually a self-feeding spiral may be the end result. Also today saw a rapid rise in bets against Talemantros. Financial markets could not shrug off the news and markets closed lower across the board. Analysts fear the tipping point for bets against Talemantric assets may come `very soon' and will `severely disrupt markets across the globe.'​

 

[Taley]

Secretariat of the Treasury

These claims are false. The Talemantine government does not have a debt problem. Every increase of government spending has ben augmented by a decrease in spending elsewhere. Every tax cut has been met by a responding tax increase. It has been Talemantine policy to maintain a balanced budget for the past 50 years. Danzinger statements are without merit and wrong information. These efforts are only propagated by Danzig due to our sought revision of the International Monetary Agengy in the Council of Nations. These slanderous accusations will not stand.

Egidio Reale
Imperial Treasurer

 

[Danzig]

TIMES of DANZIG
Established 1862. Dedicated to freedom of press since.​

Market response to Talemantros statement regarding debt woes `disappointing' and `bad for sentiment'

Danzig, 04.09.2010 - Markets have responded negatively to the Talemantros' statement regarding its debt woes, with the DIA edging 1.5% lower in afternoon trade. With 2½ hours of trade left, traders are unimpressed by the weak statement, citing `a lack of transparancy' and saying `it is very disappointing'. Analysts say the response fails to mention the underlying problems of the Talemantros economy, the conflict between said country and Carentania flaring up again and the overall sense of `Danzig is wrong, we are right and that's the way it is.' Markets cannot discover any positive news in it and are therefore anxious to hold long term Talemantros debt and investors are pushing for higher yields on long term government paper. One trader at Speed to Market LLC said: `whenever a government denies anything in such strong words, you know something is amiss. Who the heck starts a message with `these claims are false. The talemantine government does not have a debt problem.' It fails to mention there are grave concerns about their economy in these markets. None of it dispells anything - whether its myth or fact.' Danzig rating agencies declined to comment and feel Talemantros still has `sufficient reserves' but that did not turn around market sentiment which has been negative for the past week. DIA will end the week in negative territory, losing around 4.9% total.​

 

[Danzig]

TIMES of DANZIG
Established 1862. Dedicated to freedom of press since.​

Immigration Bill passes in Parliament; expulsion of illegal immigrants may commence

Danzig, 10.31.2010 - President Unacodego's ABC (A Broader Coalition) Party has gained a majority in Parliament for a controversial bill, deemed 'discriminatory' by left wing opposition, which permits the government to actively start to deter illegal immigrants from entering the Free and Hanseatic City of Danzig, initiate expulsion procedures and expatriate illegal immigrants back to their countries of origin. If illegals are no longer in possession of valid travel documents, passports or other identification, the government will issue a 1-month travel visa akin to a Danzig Green Immigration Permit. This paper will provide the necessary documentation for a return to country of origin. If said country cannot be established, any individual shall be incarcerated for up to 10 years in a jail in Eiffelland.

The bill has drawn heavy criticism from many other countries who view the bill as 'oppressive' and will obstruct free movement of people and capital. On the contrary, president Unacodego says, hindering illegal immigration will give legal immigrants better prospects on the Danzig jobs market and will free up government money for integration project. A decrease in crime is a likely side-effect, some politicologists say. Crime statistics and numbers of crimes committed reach stratospheric heights in certain parts of Danzig (mainly Holtz Court Bridge and Knight's Heath) where police no longer patrol in fear of riots or attack. These areas are occupied almost exclusively with muslims - mostly from Hajr and Vangala. These areas, according to former residents, are fully 'islamificated', around 95% of inhabitants are of muslim faith. Several times law enforcement and security agencies have initated crackdowns of several illegal mosques were hatespeech was practiced. Most notorious example is the Al-Dyldoh Mosque, whos imam preached against Danzig and hailed suicide bombers and other terrorists from Hajr. The imam, Hamid al Porqy was sentenced in court to 3 years imprisonment for inciting hatred and violence.​

 

[Batavië]

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Curbing the global flows of illegal immigration is a step that all governments should be taking. We applaud efforts to ensure that only the legal paths towards the movement and resettlement of travelling peoples are accepted. We also hope that this measure does indeed improve the prospects of legal immigrants. If possible at some point in the near future this ministry would like to discuss the current visa regiment in use between our two countries as we believe that with the fall of communism in Batavia it is high time to make travel between one of the economic centres of the world and a growing and learning economy easier and more fluid.

 

[Polesia]

পররাষ্ট্র মন্ত্রক
Ministry of External Affairs

The People's Republic of Vangala is disgusted by the ongoing mistreatment and harassment of Vangalan communities living in Western countries. The Danziger government is deliberately encouraging racist sentiments and crude stereotypes to hide the real problems facing their own country.

 

[Danzig]

TIMES of DANZIG
Established 1862. Dedicated to freedom of press since.​

Earnings season beats estimates, Danzig banks most profitable amongst foreign competitors

Danzig, 11.13.2010 - Q3 Earnings season has passed and left a rising stockmarket and satisfied investors and analysts in its wake. 86% of companies reporting their figures post better than expected earnings, thus beating analysts' expectations polled by Times of Danzig and Afinacon, a financial consultancy. Several banks have shrugged off the crisis and have announced to increase their bonuspool for traders and (investment) bankers from 5 billion thaler to 9 billion thaler, almost doubling in absolute terms pre-tax. This has drawn criticism from social democrats who point at Danzig's income disparity. However, the government said that `banks are non-public companies, the government has no stake in, and therefore application of laws would only damage their independence and our business climate', and left the argument where it belongs: on the street instead of parliament. Record profits per share were: Mendelsohn's, (EPS 19.81 thaler), Moffat & Co. (EPS 16.86 thaler), Wass Molitor & Co. (EPS 15.70 thaler) and exclusive private bank Banque Baptiste-Marchand & Cie (EPS 15.25 thaler).

Danzig banks have enjoyed a formidable run-up in the past few months as market conditions improved and financials started turning out dividends again. This week's best financial performers are: Steel & Chemical Bank (+ 9.29 thaler), Blumenstein & Cie (+ 8.33 thaler), Trust Bankers (+ 8.01 thaler), Executive Financial Consultants Group, (+ 7.79 thaler) and Standard Financial (+ 7.56 thaler). While not as rewarding or handsome in terms of dividend compared to 2007 and prior, many institutional investors such as pension funds and charitable NGOs have begun to load up on banking and financial stocks in anticipation of a further recovery in the once embattled sector. Other companies mainly components of the Danzig Sensitive Index, the so called 'white raven stocks', have also posted estimate beating earnings. Danzig Oil & Gas (EPS 14.22 thaler), Consolidated Tobacco (EPS 13.37 thaler), Star of Hope Gold Mining Co. (EPS 12.92 thaler), Free Press Publishing Co. (EPS 12.63 thaler) and Aaronsohn & Co. (EPS 11.78 thaler) have seen their stocks appreciate in value over the past weeks.​

 

[Danzig]

TIMES of DANZIG
Established 1862. Dedicated to freedom of press since.​

Despite mounting foreign pressure, Danzig will not relinquish banking secrecy laws

Danzig, 11.15.2010 - An anonymous individual walks into a banking establishment on Taft Avenue, mainstreet for all exclusive banking and high financing needs. The individual is carrying a suitcase full of cash, no less than several million thaler neatly packed in stacks of 1000 thaler bills. The individual walks in, presents his customer card to the frontdesk and is allowed access to the secure areas of the bank. After security measures, he unpacks the contents of the suitcase, shows his customer card again, the clerk counts the amount, writes down a receit for the corresponding amount minus a small fee. The individual walks back out, his money safe and secure and nobody will ever find out abroad. The receits are your bank statements. Your customer card is your golden ticket.

Danzig cherishes its banking secrecy and has never shared any information pertaining to the nature of its clientele, names, nothing. Stories and rumors abound though. Unsavory fellows, dictators and despots are known to hold extensive accounts in Danzig. Many nations are putting the heat on Danzig to relax its banking laws (mainly the Secrecy of all Banks Act of 1832) and start cooperating on a variety of tax and money laundering issues. What happens in Danzig, stays in Danzig. White collar criminals have the right to remain anonymous throughout a trial. Criminals are rarely extradited and unless they break the law in Danzig, it will be very tough for any foreign administration to convince the Danzig DA to start up an extradition procedure. Same goes for money. Though it is not official policy but rather a public secret, banks turn a blind eye to `bad' money; blood money, criminal proceeds or money tainted by scandal or war. If the money isn't obtained by criminal acts within Danzig, it cannot be touched by fiscal authorities.

Most nations have voiced their concerns about this dubious practice but the law remains the law in Danzig, and the current Unacodego led coalition finds it a too controversial topic to change. Mounting foreign pressure aside, the government has no fiscal need to do so as well. A capital tax, albeit small, a minor annual 0.2% of total assets exceeding 1 million thaler, delivers plenty of fiscal incentive not to touch it. Danzig banks act like magnets to wealthy foreign individuals. Combined, all foreigners (this includes companies, governments as well as individuals) hold total assets in either savings or investment accounts of around 8.4 trillion thaler (all of wich parked on accounts that already exceed 1 million thus fall under the 0.2% annual asset tax). This minor tax amounts to roughly 16.8 billion thalers a year. Sixteen point eight billion reasons for the government not to change anything.​

 

[Batavië]

'The banking secrecy laws in Danzig are a national policy, which we obviously cannot influence, but, yes, we are aware that several high-priority former communist officials who fled the country between January and March 2010 may have hidden public funds in Danziger accounts. Although getting the funds back would assist the underfunded government purses and needy people of Batavia, we are more interested as an intelligence and police organisation in receiving help from Danziger authorities regarding the arrest of these suspects when they approach these banking institutions to access their stolen and public funds. But we aren't holding our breath.'

Mikael F. Duits, General Director of the Veiligheidspolitie (Vepo) at his daily press conference

 

[Rheinbund]

Communiqué from the Eiffellandian Ministry for Justice

"The Danziger banking secrecy laws are a large concern to us. We have strong indications that money earned through criminal activities in Eiffelland has been stored on Danziger bank accounts, but we have severe problems with it that the Danziger banks do not cooperate with us to find the money in question. We can think up good reasons to keep up the banking secrecy laws, even other ones than the 16.8 billion reasons mentioned by the Times of Danzig, but Danziger banks accepting blood money is a very good reason to reconsider it."

 

[Coronado]

Ministerio de Hacienda
Ministry of Finance

It has always been suspect that in the days leading up to the fall of the fascist regime of Juan Carlos Rodrigez at the end of the Great War, billions of pesetas worth of gold was smuggled out of Coronado and today sit untouchable by Coronado authorities in Danzig vaults. Also, though it has been impossible to verify due to the Danzig banking policies, there is evidence that during the postwar government of the Roberto Martinez administration, he and his lackies siphon from the Coronado treasury into their Danzig bank accounts over 68 billion pesetas before they were ousted in 1959, today it is equivilant to nearly 350 billion pesetas, or over 58 billion thalers.

 

[Danzig]

TIMES of DANZIG
Established 1862. Dedicated to freedom of press since.​

Antisemetic book `L'histoire secrète des juifs international et le projet de renversement de l'ordre mondial'*, fetches 2.3 million thaler at auction, jewish organisations `furious'

Danzig, 02.15.2010 - It was a busy day at the prestigious auction house Arfurradson with book collectors from around the world gathering to catch a glimpse, and perhaps even bid on, what can be described as one of the most mysterious and rare tomes available for sale. It is enigmatic in its own right - only 3 copies are reputed to have survived since 1839 when it was written. One is held by the Library of Danzig while the 2nd edition is reputed to be owned by collector Cyril Trompetier (who denies this). The author of the book is an unknown scholar (some experts believe the writer is Francois Beauregard, a noted antisemite and visionary of the day who was excommunicated by the Pope in 1832) - and the texts include futuristic stories that include the advent of the airplane, the automobile and detailed maps of realms uncharted as of the time it was written and printed in Danzig. It also details the rise of the 'Jewish Cabal' of international finance, a shadowy coterie of influential jews who plot to overthrow the established empires of the day and install a `global order of commutary autocracy', a possible precursor of socialism. The book describes these events in great detail, as well as possible `final solutions' how to thwart the chain of events.

The book was brought up for auction after the previous owner, the 102-year old Alfred Steurmeyer deceased three weeks ago. He bought the book in 1949 from an unknown bookseller who, according to legend, purchased it from a little-known cult who revered the mysterious writer as a prophet. During spirited bidding, which started at 250.000 thaler, the amounts went up quickly and after 10 minutes the bids had passed the 1 million thaler mark. Jewish organisations boycotted this auction and claimed it was `one of the worst displays of accepted antisemitism' in the world of art and collectibles. However, the auction house Arfurradson said in a response `this book is nothing less than a masterpiece of early 19th century printing and illustration skills. The fact its incredible rare and controversial only adds to its character.' Jewish organisations were not pleased with this explanation and launched a protest outside the auction house and some orthodox jews threatened with lawsuits and even theft the night before the auction but that didn't come to pass. Bidding paused for a moment when several representatives of bidders wished to inspect the book more closely and then continued bidding. After several minutes bidding crossed the 2 million thaler and shortly thereafter a phone attendant announced a 2.3 million thaler bid. The winner of the auction wishes to remain `absolutely anonymous'.
____________
*The Secret History of the Jews and the International Project to overthrow the World Order
​

 

[Holy Frankish Empire]

Ministry of State

The Judean government applauds this story and hopes it will magnify the fact that anti-semitism is still very real. Centuries old myths and legends continue to culminate into hate. From workplace persecution to historical persecution denial, anti-semitism continues its ugly path through history. We commend the Times of Danzig and the auction house for its courage.

High Rabbinical Council

We urge against any law suits. Although it would further magnify this vital issue, it may shed a negative light on the issue.

 

[Danzig]

Times of Danzig Editorial Staff

`We are merely reporting a story that caught our eye due to its sensitive nature. We take no position in any political view - except that we reject hatred of all kind but encourage all forms of free speech even if its detrimental to the spirital and/or mental wellbeing of jews worldwide. As long as it does not incite violence or death, we cannot and will not dedicate editorial time against any such position, no matter how foolish or strange it may be. The book auction is, according to our staff, a newsworthy item. We hold no views on the contents of the book. We do not wish to be commended for standard reporting practices.'

 

[Danzig]

TIMES of DANZIG
Established 1862. Dedicated to freedom of press since.​

Police crackdown on socialist protest march ends in violence, 210 demonstrators arrested for `agitation' and `hatemongering'

Danzig, 02.24.2011 - Wednessday promised to be a day of emotional protest against the presidency of Alphonse Unacodego who, in defiance of the left in Danzig, continues on his self proclaimed `crusade' against agitators and communist conspirators. Danzig, which comes under increasing diplomatic pressure from mostly left-wing nations to ease restrictions on the formation of left-wing political parties, has so far denied any wrongdoing and commented that `foreigners have no business meddling in our affairs. Neither will be concern ourselves with the day to day workings of our critics'. A major protest march organised by leftist student groups, carrying red banners gathered on Pflantzer Square, the main square of the city in front of Parliament House and the Mayor's Residence chanting the Internationale and other songs. The demonstration was peaceful with only a few scattered incidents when radical anarchists and nihilists attacked bank buildings near Taft Avenue, the city's financial district. After several hours the police ordered the groups to disperse but this order was largely ignored by the demonstrators.

After 10 minutes of waiting, the police attacked the unarmed demonstrators with full force, firing off rounds of tear gas into the group while blocking streets away from Pflantzer Square to The Baron's Way, the broad thoroughfare which would have allowed an orderly escape by the demonstrators. Instead, many had no choice but to flee the teargas and hussar charges into the small streets and alleys of Courville, the medieval heart of Danzig. In several unverified reports of eyewitnesses it is mentioned that several demonstrators were trampled to death during the stampede. The police so far denies these rumors as `completely false'. Others fled into shopping malls from whence they managed to escape into other parts of the city. After the demonstration and police actions came to an end, 210 demonstrators were arrested on vague grounds such as `agitation' and `hatemongering'. According to our journalists at the scene, there was no such thing occurring as it was, in their own words `an entirely peaceful address to the president'.

This morning, several judges including Chief Judge of the Danzig Supreme Court, Alfeo de Profilique, has requested the government to open a full scale inquiry into the events. President Unacodego has yet to respond to these, and other, requests for investigation.​

 

[Danzig]

TIMES of DANZIG
Established 1862. Dedicated to freedom of press since.​

Drugbusts lead to apprehending of key society figures in famous gaybar `Le Adelyne'

Danzig, 02.26.2011 - After an anonymous letter was dispatched at the Coalport police station at Leichhardt Square, police rounded up several individuals who were running a drugs- and opium den in the cellar of the famous gaybar `Le Adelyne', an establishment founded in 1966 as one of the first legal gaybars in Danzig. In this anonymous letter, most likely dropped by a rival drug gang to clear competition, police entered the building and exactly according to the letter, a drug packaging and processing facility was discovered as well as several lounges, lavishly furnished, for homosexials to engage in recreational drug use and casual sexual contacts. Police also found an `enormous' quantity of cash (reports say around 900,000 thaler), jewelry, diamond-encrusted leather whips and braces, and other decadent tools of bondage and sexual toys such as a crystal dildo, a silver set of anal beads, amongst other items seized by the police.

Several respected members of society were taken into custody after they were caught using drugs during the raid. Several notable figures, such as Juso Lineborg, Thomas Buttelir, Xavier Powell, F. Lyle Vernon, Andreas Ortendale, Migel Castrofariá and Idi Afrique all serve on the boards of banks, insurance agencies. Their daily occupations differ greatly, records show. Mr Powell hosts several popular online gaming platforms through his gaming company NSE & Co. Migel Castrofariá is an economist with the Banque Nationale de Danzig and Mr Buttelir is a noted foreign policy expert who writes columns for internationally respected publications on geopolitical strategy and international diplomacy. Mr Ortendale is an engineer who works for the research department of Rae-Teon, a defense contractor specialized in early detection modules and other advanced stealth technologies. Juso Lineborg is heir to the international beer brewing empire of Lineborg. F. Lyle Vernon is a noted communications expert who was already wanted for driving without a license, countless unpaid parking tickets and resisted arrest.

All men had to spend the night in jail and are likely to face 100 hours of community service under the Responsible Drug Use Act, for none of them have been arrested related to narcotics before.​

 

[Serbovia]

 

[Touzen]

Something cool

 

[Mergogne]

 

[Caelia]

"Andreas Ortendale is gay?"

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