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Feature Article: The Europaland Madness
by His Royal Highness Count Niccolo di Grimaldi​

I was asked by some of my peers to write a special article in regards to the recent move by Potenza’s foreign ministry to cut off all ties with the Libertarian Republic of Europaland. With a superficial understanding, it might seem to be a rash move, but for whatever criticism one may have of the current government under Merlino, one cannot fault them for impatience. One must keep in mind this occurred after Europaland began to openly declare they were funding insurgent groups across various countries. One must keep in mind this occurred after Europaland referred to the Potenzan government as one of the “tyrants of the world.” One must keep in mind this occurred after the Danzig hostage crisis, during which the Potenzan foreign ministry declared it would keep all staff within Europaland soil. Merlino’s government showed far more patience in the face of all this than many other governments, and therefore one cannot say the cutting of diplomatic ties was a rash move.

Yet what is really occurring here? Is Europaland’s government truly a bastion for democracy and liberation, as they themselves proclaim? I put forward, rather, that they are a nation whistling in the dark, and heading for self-destruction.

Let us take, for example, Europaland President Nordahl’s claim that Potenza is one of the “tyrants of the world.” Upon what basis? Potenza has a democratically elected body in the Chamber of Ministers. The foreign minister - the very one who sent President Nordahl the message that sparked her comment - answers to the prime minister, who is the head of the elected body. The people are represented and permitted to vote out of office their representatives every election. In fact, according to the Freedom Foundation’s Freedom Index, Potenza scored a 6.4 in political freedoms and a 4.9 in economic freedoms, averaging out to 5.65. Europaland, in the respective categories, scored 6.7 and 4.2, averaging out to 5.45, just .20 points lower than Potenza. Therefore, according to a non-Potenzan review of democratic liberties, the Grand Duchy has just a little bit more freedom than Europaland. Once again, we must ask: upon what basis does Nordahl refer to Potenza as a “tyrant of the world”?

Yet we find an even greater level of madness if we review what had sparked this comment. The Potenzan foreign minister, Franco Frattini, was rightfully condemning what he called Europaland’s “blank check” to insurgent elements. He also rightfully pointed out that this hinged upon how Europaland herself defined “authoritarian, un-democratic regimes.” This point needs to be looked at more. Why does Europaland, with all the international organizations in the world and all the nations in the world, have the right to unilaterally and infallibly declare what is and is not an “authoritarian, un-democratic regime”? Especially if she refers to nations that rank higher in democratic values than herself as a “tyranny.” It is obvious from this that an “authoritarian, un-democratic regime” is that which does not agree with the doctrines and beliefs of the Europaland government.

This Europaland organization with the great misnomer “Freedom Fund” is perhaps the greatest sign of insanity from her government. In an ERT article, Solveig Hansen declared that “there has not yet been any evidence” of Europaland’s government supporting terrorism. This has become greatly contradicted in recent times with Europaland’s blatant and open support of the Montelimar insurgent movements. President Nordahl, holding a piece of paper and acting like a raging lunatic before a microphone, declared to the world that the Empire of Great Engellex was an “autocratic” regime that felt “increasingly threatened by the forces of democracy, justice and human dignity.” Nordahl even told the people of Engellex to rise up against their government, saying they should “unite in a common, militant struggle for democracy.”

Perhaps most frightening of all this was that Nordahl stated that alliances such as her own RDTO “lack sufficient clout to hold states like Engellex to account.” This meant, of course, that Europaland was going to take matters into her own hands. This became a reality with the Europaland-funded and organized “Front for the Total Liberation of Montelimar.” Foreign Minister Nasri announced that Europaland’s “so-called Freedom Fund will provide FLTM with enough money to establish a satellite TV channel and radio station which will be beamed to Montelimar to ensure free access to information for the people living there.” It should not surprise anyone that, contrary to representing a large branch of Montelimar citizens, the group is clearly socialist and left-leaning in their ideology. Far from promoting democracy and liberation, Nordahl and those under her are supporting and funding leftist movements across Europe, starting in Engellex.

If this is not enough to let the rest of the world know something is amiss in Europa City, we should look to the propaganda of the nation, which is even more astounding. Examples:

Firstly, their news source, ERT, claimed that unemployment is 3.1%, which also happens to be the bare minimum most economic analysts predict a nation can have, meaning that this number is either a lie or a half-lie. Regarding the latter term, I refer to the nature of many socialist governments in regards to how employment works. The good chances are that many of those 96.9% employed are doing nothing at their factories and businesses other than standing around being employed. Even in nations with up to 15% unemployment, one can almost guarantee that the vast majority of the employed are actually contributing to the work force. Given that an AP article admitted this supposed low unemployment was merely the “official figure,” and given that Europaland was given a negative credit rating, the government will eventually have to come to terms with the reality of their job situation.

Secondly, Europaland’s Equality Minister claims that “most religious people in Europaland rightly understand that marriage is an outdated institution.” Anyone with a sense of humanity knows that cannot be true. Ironically, the same Equality Minister claimed most people are at least nominal members of the Church of Europaland, therefore this claim is either believed by a delusional government to be true, or is espoused by the government as a truth that all the population must accept.

Thirdly, an ERT channel broadcasting “hardcore pornographic films” was declared by both Europaland’s Equality Minister and Culture Minister as being a good chance to advocate Europaland’s “feminism agenda.” This is about as sensible as saying that a channel showcasing government propaganda films will be a fine chance to advocate differing viewpoints. Europaland’s government states that all pornographic films are heavily regulated, but permitting any form of pornography is counteractive to any possible “feminist” movement. A woman, regardless of whether she is passive or assertive, is within pornography merely an object for the pleasure of the viewer. This wasn’t helped when the President of ERT, Ana Jimenez Garcia, later stated to Eiffelandian TV partners that the ERT pornography channel will showcase homosexual and bisexual pornography as well. What two men engaging in fornication with each other will do for the feminist movement, one can only wonder.

Fourthly, the Jewish Council of Europaland declared that “anti-semitism” was “virtually non-existent” within Europaland, which reads like something from a Utopian manifesto. Given the nature of mankind, it will forever be impossible to remove any kind of prejudice from the nation’s conscience. Even in Potenza, where Protestants and Catholics live side by side and neither is oppressed or limited in rights by the government, I would never dare to say that anti-Protestant or anti-Catholic sentiment is “virtually non-existent.” I firmly believe any citizen of any nation, if they were honest with themselves and did not have their minds dulled to reality, would come to the same conclusion.

Fifthly, part of the platform for Nordahl’s alliance of three left-leaning parties includes the plan to make it so that within a decade “100% of electricity will be generated through renewable sources,” and “per capita emissions of greenhouse gases shall be cut to under half of the world average” Perhaps I should declare to the Potenzan people that within five years I will cut unemployment down to 0%, and that Potenza will have the least wealth gap than the world average. While it is not altogether unique for a political party to make wild promises to win an election, such a promise shows a poor grasp on reality.

One final matter I will bring up is the enigma that is Europaland’s Foreign Minister Saida Nasri, whose attitude towards foreign dignitaries brings greater harm to her nation’s reputation than any funding of any terrorist organization could. To Great Engellex, she referred to Her Royal Majesty Queen Charlotte as “the so-called Queen-Empress” and suggested “all the members of her cabinet undergo an immediate psychiatric evaluation.” To the Engellex diplomatic community, Nasri referred to them as “hypocritical, blood-sucking elites.” To Lord Protector Inoue Katou of Touzen, who was criticizing this strong rhetoric, Nasri called him “the so-called 'Lord Protector'.” My niece, the Countess Luigiana di Grimaldi, not even yet ten years old, shows greater maturity before foreign dignitaries than a grown woman who runs a “so-called” foreign ministry.

Let us now take all that we have looked at and conclude.

Is Europaland run by a government interesting in “promoting the spread of freedom, democracy and human dignity,” as Nasri once claimed? No, no, and again no. The government of Europaland is a government seeking to establish their specific brand of government across the world, and have no ethics when it comes to who and what they fund. They are a government run by a delusional ideology seeking to delude their own people in regards to how well the government is doing. They want Europe to think that they truly are the only democracy, despite all signs that they do not function as one. Instead, they are a socialist apparatus seeking to use their incubator to lay the eggs of further socialist revolutions across the world. At this moment, no one will attack Europaland for her blatant disrespect of sovereignty, but their luck can only hold out for so long.

Nasri, in another moment of international insanity, said that Touzen “should be living up to its supposedly 'revolutionary' credentials and joining with us.” It is clear from this that, to the Europaland government, Europaland herself and the tenants of socialist revolution are one and the same. Other nations will have to wake up to this dreadful fact. The reality is that Europaland is a ticking time bomb. She is a state with a government attacking any nation she pleases and a plethora of races and ethnic groups who cannot coexist together once the central government weakens. There is a great level of madness within the state of Europaland that will either seek to provide itself breathing room or will crumble within itself. It will be up to the states of Europe to decide which will occur.

 

[Havenshire]

We wish to make clear that an article recently published in the Potenzan newssheet Il Ducato refers to Europaland being part of the RDTO. On behalf of the Revolutionary Defence Treaty Organisation, we wish to make clear that at this time Europaland is not a member of the RDTO, and, untill it makes an official bid on behalf of its population to become so, does not speak for it, our policies, or the independent nation-states that make up the RDTO. The Criteria for joining the RDTO has also been made clear, and Europaland is aware of what it needs to do to become a member of the organisation.

Paul Mason,
Havenshire Delegate for the Revolutionary Defence Treaty Organisation

 

[Potenza]

We wish to make clear that an article recently published in the Potenzan newssheet Il Ducato refers to Europaland being part of the RDTO. On behalf of the Revolutionary Defence Treaty Organisation, we wish to make clear that at this time Europaland is not a member of the RDTO, and, untill it makes an official bid on behalf of its population to become so, does not speak for it, our policies, or the independent nation-states that make up the RDTO. The Criteria for joining the RDTO has also been made clear, and Europaland is aware of what it needs to do to become a member of the organisation.

Paul Mason,
Havenshire Delegate for the Revolutionary Defence Treaty Organisation

We thank the Havenshire delegation for their correction. We are afraid that this is owed more to our translation team, and should not be reflected upon His Royal Highness's character or writing skills. The article does not outright say "Europaland is a part of the RDTO." It refers to president Nordahl and "her own RDTO." The phrase "her own" is actually a poor translation of Count Niccolo's original wording, which is "her beloved." In Potenza's dialect of Tiburan, the word for "beloved" can mean two things: your own family, or someone or something you greatly admire. His Royal Highness meant the latter, and was giving a brief comment on the government's high opinion of the RDTO. However, we understand why English speakers may be confused by this wording, and we will make note of it in a future publication of Il Ducato. Many thanks again for pointing out that problem, and we will do our best to handle translations in a far less confusing way in the future.

Public Relations Staff
Il Ducato

 

[Europaland]

While I would not usually respond to such articles personally I feel that such grave accusations and misrepresentations by a member of the Potenzan monarchy cannot be left unchallenged. I will answer some of these in turn.

Firstly with regards to how democratic Europaland is I must note that the so-called 'Freedom Index' is highly subjective and not necessarily based on reality. It is my government's view that the political and civil liberties as well as social and economic rights guaranteed to the average citizen of Europaland far exceed those enjoyed by the average Potenzan. Yet I did not once accuse Potenza itself of being an undemocratic or tyrannical regime, rather both me and the Foreign Minister have pointed out that Potenza has chosen to give its backing to another state, Engellex, which can most certainly be referred to using such terms.

To consider our support for the FLTM as an act of terrorism is nothing other than absurd. A people fighting to free themselves from a genocidal occupying force cannot possibly be described, under international law, as anything other than a completely justified act of self-defence. Europaland abhors all forms of terrorism but we do not go along with the attempts to twist the definition of the term to include all acts of resistance by an oppressed people. Terrorism is when a group, an individual or a state deliberately attempt to sow fear among a civilian population in order to advance a certain political or religious goal. Explicit in the 'Freedom Fund' is the requirement that all funds will be denied to any group pursuing or adopting terrorist tactics.

With regards to our unemployment rate I must note that Niccolo di Grimaldi has misquoted it as 3.1% when the official statistics say 3.4%. Most economists say that unemployment can at least go down to around 2% or even a little below which is what our target is. The Count may decry our attempts to ensure everyone access to employment, claiming that it's 'unproductive', but I hardly see how it would be productive to our nation to have large numbers of people unemployed and on benefits, contributing nothing to the good of society. In any case the claim that our economy is unproductive is not true. Europalandian businesses can easily compete in this respect with businesses in other European countries and if anything our system of worker ownership encourages productivity since the workers have a direct stake in the company and naturally want it to do well.

Niccolo di Grimaldi is also mistaken about the status of religion in Europaland. Equality Minister Ingebjørg Haugen stated that around 20 million people are nominal members of the Church of Europaland. Since our population is over 100 million that can hardly be termed a “majority”. Also if religious people automatically supported marriage as his article claims I find it surprising that less than half of those who belong to religious organisation in Europaland have chosen to get married.

As for pornography I do not agree (although some feminists in my country certainly do) that it is automatically contrary to feminism. The objectification of both male and female actors is of course problematic but it is not necessarily inherent to all porn films produced in Europaland. Many of those acting in Europalandian porn films do not conform to conventional beauty standards and the focus is generally placed more on the acts engaged in and on the physical and emotional interactions between the participants. I feel that portraying sex between any combination of genders in a way which is respectful, mutually fulfilling and based on the active consent of all involved is potentially beneficial to feminism since it breaks down the patriarchal ideal which says that sex is almost exclusively about one person (usually a woman) pleasing and serving another (usually a man).

Anti-semitism is indeed ”virtually non-existent” in that there are only a small number of cases every year relative to most other countries. Of course that doesn't mean it never happens in Europaland and noone has ever made such a claim. The right-wing always like to talk about the ”nature of mankind” as an excuse for not changing anything. Thankfully we in Europaland do not accept that there is such a thing as a set and unchanging human nature. Human behaviour is a product of certain conditions and it is these conditions we must change if we want to build a better world.

The Count claims we are unrealistically ambitious in terms of wanting to reduce global warming but since around 60% of our energy is already generated through renewable sources I hardly see it as impossible that we can reach 100%. Fulfilling this target as well as progressing in our goal of phasing out all personal vehicles which exclusively use fossil fuels will put us well on the way to having a per capita emission of greenhouses gases at or below 50% of the world average. I know there is a poverty of ambition in today's capitalist world but if we want to deal with climate change then ambition is exactly what is required.

I cannot speak for Foreign Minister Saida Nasri but it is typical of the right-wing establishment to take far greater offence at the use of supposedly disrespectful diplomatic language than at what a country actually does on the international stage. To worry about a few apparently inappropriate words while hundreds of thousands of people die all around you from war, poverty and starvation is absurd and a sign that you have your priorities all wrong. Where I must ask is Potenza's condemnation of Engellex as it massacres thousands of innocent civilians in Montelimar in the pursuit of its imperialist war of territorial expansionism?

That conservative right-wing governments and monarchies across Europe condemn Europaland and call our policies ”mad” is only to be expected for they fear the loss of their power and privilege as the ordinary woman and man begin to rise up and say enough is enough. The people of Europe have seen the chaos which, in recent years, has been wrought by the immoral ideologies of capitalism and imperialism. They are fed up with seeing their rights and freedoms trampled on by the rich and powerful while they live a life of poverty and misery. Now is their time to govern, to take back control over their own lives. That they do so is not just an important step for those who believe in the values of democracy and social justice, it is imperative for the very future of humanity.

Elin Nordahl,
President of Europaland

 

[Potenza]

Feature Article: A Response to Elin Nordahl

by His Royal Highness Count Niccolo di Grimaldi​

It was with some surprise that I was notified that my last article concerning the Europaland Madness was met with a response from President Elin Nordahl herself. I read it, and felt compelled, as I’m sure my associates expected me to be, to write a response. I wasn’t entirely sure if the good people at Il Ducato would have wanted me to waste another page of their publication for our little squabble, but they said they would be more than happy to publish any response, and so here I am.

Permit me to now address the responses given by Miss Nordahl in response to my article.

Firstly, she states that “the so-called 'Freedom Index' is highly subjective and not necessarily based on reality.” Upon what basis? One cannot simply dismiss a source without first presenting why the source is worthy of being dismissed. Perhaps we see a hint of this in Miss Nordahl’s follow up comment, which was: “It is my government's view that the political and civil liberties as well as social and economic rights guaranteed to the average citizen of Europaland far exceed those enjoyed by the average Potenzan.” Ah, here is the issue. We return to the problem I highlighted in my initial article: Europaland’s government believes that no one can define anything politically by any level of infallibility...save for Europaland, of course. Only Nordahl and her cabinet have permission to decide what is and is not a true level of political and civil liberties. The only true subjectivity here that is not based on reality is the mindset of Nordahl and her flock when it comes to international standards of democracy. Anything that does not meet their standard is immediately dismissed for no explainable reason.

Secondly, Miss Nordahl writes that “to consider our support for the FLTM as an act of terrorism is nothing other than absurd.” However, we see a repeat of our previous problem when Miss Nordahl explains this point: “Europaland abhors all forms of terrorism but we do not go along with the attempts to twist the definition of the term to include all acts of resistance by an oppressed people. Terrorism is when a group, an individual or a state deliberately attempt to sow fear among a civilian population in order to advance a certain political or religious goal.” She defines terrorism as when a group “sows fear” to “advance a certain political or religious goal,” and yet was that not my main point in bringing up her government’s establishment and funding of the FLTM? Is not the FLTM a socialist movement with socialist goals? Is it any mere coincidence that Nordahl’s government is likewise socialist, and is openly pushing for the advancement of her socialist goals across the world? Is it not the Europaland government which is funding a FLTM television series to broadcast exactly what they desire to be seen by the people of Montelimar? Are not Europaland’s FLTM allies demanding that the people of Montelimar rally around them and their goals? It is clear, once again, that only Miss Nordahl’s government gets to decide what terms means. Everyone is a terrorist or oppressor unless it is Europaland money filling their pockets or Europaland doctrines filling their minds.

Thirdly, Miss Nordahl’s criticism of my pointing out the illogical claims of her government’s unemployment readings is a mixture of misrepresentation and further propaganda. She claims, for example, that I “misquoted” the number as 3.1%, when in fact I was citing an ERT article dated December 9, 2011. She claims that I “decried” her “attempts to ensure everyone access to employment, claiming that it's 'unproductive'.” Anyone who thinks, however, that I “decry” a nation’s leaders to reduce unemployment either does not know me or hates me enough to write such libel. In actuality, my article was questioning the validity of such a low claim, and pointing out that, given precedence, chances were her employed (who she claims likewise have “benefits”) did nothing or very little, and were employed simply for the sake of fulfilling a socialist ideal even at the cost of other factors. If Europaland truly wants us to believe that their unemployment situation is as happy and satisfactory as they claim - with nearly 97% of her being people employed with benefits - I encourage her to invite third party organizations to review it and confirm it before the international community. There is little likelihood this will happen, of course, given that we have already established the only one who gets to decide to say what is going on within Europaland is Miss Nordahl and her cabinet.

Fourthly, in regards to religion, she claims that I was “mistaken about the status of religion in Europaland,” even though the mere “status of religion” was never a contention of mine, but rather the government’s claims about her people’s stance on marriage. More on par with what my point regarding Europaland and religion, Miss Nordahl wrote: “Also if religious people automatically supported marriage as his article claims I find it surprising that less than half of those who belong to religious organisation [sic] in Europaland have chosen to get married.” I never said, however, that “religious people automatically supported marriage,” as that phrase can mean a lot of things. My point was, given the reality of humankind, every level of our conscious has some degree of support for marriage. Across the world, there are cultural, religious and simply traditional purposes for getting married. A pagan in Altai has as many reasons for marriage as a Lutheran in Franken does. I would also argue, given the vast majority of religions promote marriage either as a blessing or as the sole environment for physical intimacy, that the people Miss Nordahl says “belong to religious organizations” and yet engage in relations without marriage are simply frauds and not religious at all. The only other alternative, which I brought up in my last article, was that either Miss Nordahl’s sources are lying to her, or her government is presenting this as the status quo in Europaland for the world to see and believe. She wants us to believe there exists a place within our sphere of reality where religious sentiments of sexual abstinence and personal choices regarding sexual freedoms can coexist without contradiction. This, however, cannot be. A society which breaks down the barriers of moral depravity cannot exist for long, and it will either be swallowed up by a society which can, or it will simply cease to be.

Fifthly, in regards to pornography, Miss Nordahl claims that I am wrong to say pornography of any sort is counterproductive to feminist movements by saying that “many of those acting in Europalandian porn films do not conform to conventional beauty standards.” That, however, is irrelevant - “beauty is in the eye of the beholder,” as the saying goes, and one need not have a depraved mind to know that an individual can still become pleased by the sight of someone less than attractive. Miss Nordahl likewise writes: “the focus is generally placed more on the acts engaged in and on the physical and emotional interactions between the participants.” That’s wonderful that the two actors are in love - what does that say about the viewer itself? The viewer still views the pornographic material for personal pleasure and gain. Whether or not the actress is attractive or not-so-attractive, or the man and woman love each other or do not, is irrelevant to the overall point - the main stars will still be objects for the viewer’s pleasure, hence it is all objectification. Miss Nordahl’s argument is probably what the writer of Proverbs had in mind when he wrote about “a gold ring in a pig's snout” (Prov 11:22).

Sixthly, in regards to my demonstration that a claim of “anti-semitism” being “non-existent” was the product of either a lying mouth or a deluded brain, Miss Nordahl did little else but to repeat the claim, and add that her country does not “accept that there is such a thing as a set and unchanging human nature. Human behaviour is a product of certain conditions and it is these conditions we must chance if we want to build a better world.” Oh! How happy and jolly it must be in Europaland, then! For on every city, every neighborhood, every street corner, and in every home, conditions are just perfect to raise people in such a way that no prejudice enters their hearts! Again, I repeat what I said at the beginning of this paragraph: such statements only come from lying mouths and deluded brains, and Miss Nordahl must come to grips about which she is exhibiting.

Seventhly, Miss Nordahl responded to my criticism of her party’s goals regarding renewable energy by stating “since around 60% of our energy is already generated through renewable sources I hardly see it as impossible that we can reach 100%.” Here I must be blunt: Miss Nordahl must present evidence in the form of raw data that her nation has such high level of renewable energy within Europaland, and explain how it has managed to do so and how her country functions with such a high level of renewable energy. Otherwise, she must cease making such arrogant claims in public, and no one should consider her claims as anything other than hot air.

Eighthly and finally, Miss Nordahl responds to my criticism of Saidi Nasri’s attitude with: “it is typical of the right-wing establishment to take far greater offence at the use of supposedly disrespectful diplomatic language than at what a country actually does on the international stage.” This, however, is a classic red herring fallacy, in which Miss Nordahl believes that distracting us from Saidi Nasri’s attitude by jumping to another topic is going to somehow going to make us forget that her foreign minister behaves like a six-year-old when dealing with foreign powers. That we are a “right-wing establishment” shows a great deal of ignorance on Miss Nordahl’s part in regards to Potenza’s recent political history: Grand Duke Eldizio I is criticized by some as being a left-leaning monarch, and until 2011 Potenza’s Chamber of Ministers was recently being ruled by a left-leaning political party enacting reforms that Miss Nordahl would probably be comfortable with. That a right-leaning party is now in power Miss Nordahl has no one else to blame but the Potenzan people, who voted them in during democratic elections. Of course, once again reminding ourselves of precedence, chances are that Miss Nordahl’s government would reject the 2011 elections as being true elections, as only they are permitted to decide what is and is not a true democracy, and what is and is not a true election. The greatest sign of socialist madness is the claim that you support democracy when, in actuality, all you support is a democracy where you get your way 100% of the time.

Now we must note, foremost above all else, that nowhere did President Nordahl truly address the main thesis of my article, which was that her government has virtually no accountability on the international scene. This was only affirmed by her response to me.

It is therefore that I must now write a personal message to Madame President: Miss Nordahl, if you read this, I must wholeheartedly thank you for your response to me. In fact, I must humbly admit that you are far more skillful than I am, for you see, you have written a piece that does far more damage to yourself than either my last article or this article has done and will do. Your unstable ranting and raving about right-wing, conservative governments seeking to oppress people, and your call for all people across the world to rise up, turns you from a respectable world leader into the magical socialist bogeyman for which those “right-wing, conservative, capitalist” governments you hate so much have been searching. Your government has revealed itself time and time again to be unable to display rational thought, and your suicidal support of insurgent groups worldwide shows that you do not love liberty or democracy, but your brand of socialism which your government upholds the same way some Muslims uphold the Quran.

Is it truly any wonder that you must spread this ideology by funding insurgent groups that must prop it up forcefully? Is it any wonder that, upon begging to enter the RDTO, you attempted to transform it from a defensive alliance to an offensive one? Is it any wonder now that Europaland is flexing her military muscle at sea, to the criticism of many world governments? Despite all the claims you make about the people being the deciding factor, it is clear, from examples around the world, that the people as a whole do not desire your brand of socialism, and if they do it is but for a fleeting moment before they realize the errors of their ways and repent. This is why your stance is an entirely offensive one in regards to spreading democracy. Your intent is not to spread democracy at all, but rather to spread your brand of it. It is not, however, a brand that grows from the heart of a man, but rather the barrel of a gun. It is an odious scent in the nostrils of Fortune. I would sooner have the black plague sweep through all my nation’s cities than have a single breadth of your doctrine step foot upon our soil.

Contrary to the claims of my enemies, I am not fond of repeating myself, but I believe what I said at the end of my last article bears some repeating here. Europaland is a ticking time bomb, and the government of President Nordahl and her flock of screeching seagulls is set to fly either into an oblivion of destruction or to find their own nest crumbling down at the first sign of weakness. The nations of the world had best heed these warnings. A ship that sinks will sink heavily, and is known to drag into the water and drown those who are too near. When Europaland’s government finally sinks, how close will her allies be to her?

 

[Europaland]

Although I have better things to do than to respond to yet more slanders against my country and government I will do so purely because I consider this exchange a useful way to highlight to the people of Europe where the difference lies between our two countries and points of view.

Firstly that Europaland is one of Europe's leading democracies is not just a matter of opinion, it is an indisputable fact. While the 'Freedom Index' is highly subjective in every possible sense, rejecting multi-party democracy in favour of post-delegationism and being influenced by capitalist perspectives of economic freedom, it does still give Europaland one of the best rankings in Europe with its political freedom rating above that of Potenza. Anyone who has lived in Europaland or who even follows ERT occasionally will know that we have an extremely vibrant democracy and free press and have extended to every citizen the right to influence their life to a far greater than that which is ever permitted for the vast majority of people under capitalism.

FLTM never claimed to be anything other than a left-leaning, republican organisation and as such does not claim to represent the entire population of Montelimar in every sense. As an organisation interested in a free and democratic future for Montelimar it is however deemed worthy of assistance through our Freedom Fund in its efforts to ensure free access to information among the local population. It is important to democracy that the ordinary citizen has access to a wide range of information sources so as to be able to make an informed judgement about a certain situation. To refer to this as terrorism defies belief. I repeat that Europaland never has and never will be involved in the sponsoring of terrorism under the commonly understood definition of the term.

When it comes to our economy we need no foreign analyst to tell us that we have achieved, for all of our citizens, living standards of a level which few other nations have ever been able to surpass. Europaland's economic success would clearly not be possible were it the case that all of our workers are inefficient and contribute nothing useful to society. Although the public sector, which employs around a quarter of Europalandian workers, can appear inflated to some overseas this does not mean that the workers sit around doing nothing, rather it means we have the staff required to ensure Europaland's hospitals, schools and universities are among the best in the region.

While I won't try to convince a conservative, religious country like Potenza of the irrelevance of marriage I must make clear that in Europaland marriage is seen by most people as an outdated and unnecessary institution. Religious organisations, while openly advocating monogamy within relationships, generally do not see the need to impose marriage on their followers. While not being religious myself I see no reason why someone cannot be religious and reject marriage at the same time. Just as society can adapt to changing realities so can religion. What has clearly not adapted is the attitudes of the Potenzan ruling class who continue to rant about ”moral depravity” in an attempt to shame people for their sexual choices.

I hardly see what right Potenza has to preach feminism to Europe's most gender equal country but with regards to my stance on pornography I feel that many of the concerns over objectification can be overcome and that a society embracing the values of sexual liberation must recognise the right of its citizens to view and participate in erotic material of a respectful and non-exploitative nature. It must also be remembered that our country's internet users have long been faced with a tide of violence and misogyny emanating from overseas porn sites. Since censoring the internet on a mass scale is not an option it seems better to focus on countering this misogyny through a pornography of our own sympathetic to feminist goals and ideals.

With regards to Anti-Semitism I would like Niccolo di Grimaldi to explain for what reasons he believes it inherent to human nature. It is perhaps the case that Potenzans are brought up in such a way as to see Jews as the enemy but that is certainly not the case in Europaland. As for renewable energy we have reached the high levels we have through a number of ambitious schemes. Europalandians for example are encouraged to equip their homes with highly subsidised solar panels and these usually come standard on all new buildings. The mountainous terrain in parts of the country provides ideal conditions for hydro-electricity and we also have large numbers of wind farms across the country. It is my hope that in the near future 100% of all electricity can be generated using such sources.

Foreign Minister Saida Nasri, I feel, has done an excellent job at representing Europaland overseas and I will not see her demonised for telling things like they are. I understand some European countries may not be used to such direct diplomatic language but as I said this is nothing other than a distraction at a time when a large percentage of the world's population live in conditions of misery, poverty and fear. I would again like to ask why Potenza has done nothing to condemn the genocidal crimes of Engellex in Montelimar. Europaland recognises that Potenza's right-wing government was elected democratically under the bourgeois understanding of the term but that does not stop us from criticising its actions in supporting the crimes of the Engellexic regime.

To state, as I did near the end of my response, that right-wing autocrats seek to oppress and exploit the vast majority of the population is not exactly controversial with such views shared by progressive and working class movements everywhere. The liberation of humanity from all forms of tyranny, exploitation and oppression is clearly impossible for as long as right-wing, capitalist, anti-democratic regimes remain in power across Europe. As a nation founded upon libertarian, democratic and humanitarian principles it is clearly in Europaland's interests to stand side-by-side with its allies, ordinary women and men across Europe, as they struggle to free themselves from tyranny in all its forms and build a new world in which the old hierarchies, inequalities and power structures cease to exist.

The ruling classes across Europe naturally do not want Europaland and its allies to succeed in this goal. They lie about us, ridicule us, attempt to silence us. But in our hearts we know that their days on this earth are numbered, that as every new day dawns we are moving closer to our goals of liberation, equality and social justice for all. While I cannot speak for the RDTO Europaland considers itself to have a role in this struggle and will not stand idly by as our comrades face the batons, prisons and firing squads of their oppressors. Neither will we allow ourselves to be intimidated by states such as Engellex hell-bent on protecting the status-quo at all costs. Thankfully history has shown that the oppressors can only hold on to power for so long before they will be swept away by the tide of resentment and anger they have built up among their own people.

Elin Nordahl,
President of Europaland

 

[Potenza]

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Anti-Reinstatement Protests Gather in Turin
​

An estimated 20,000 people have gathered in Turin's central square in protest of the decision by the Chamber of Nobles to reinstate the historical duchies. Many of them are students and faculty from the University of Turin, as well as the University of Cremona. Many more are members of the Democratic Party and various other left-leaning parties within the Grand Duchy, many of whom have helped to organize events taking place at the protests themselves. These include speeches from prominent political parties, as well as various Potenzan interest groups. The main demand of the protests is to revoke the reinstatement, which they believe would undermine democracy within the grand duchy.

Carabinieri, many of them on duty for the prime minister's Operation Reconquista, have taken up strategic positions around the areas where protestors have gathered. Aside from a few arrests made for "intoxicated agitation" and lewd display, no further conflicts have been reported. Law Enforcement Minister Mariastella Gelmini told journalists earlier today that the Carabinieri were simply there to maintain order, both to prevent the protests from getting out of hand, and to protect the right of the protestors to speak their mind.

There has been no sign from the Chamber of Nobles for a consideration of a reversal, and Prime Minister Merlino, along with his party continues to openly support the move. The five ducal families are set to official take command of their duchies today. The House of Grimaldi will be running the Duchy of Turin, which takes up most of the land where the strongest level of dissent against the reinstatement exists.

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[Potenza]

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Protest Leaders Announce Hunger Strike
​

Leaders among the various groups that have been protesting the reinstatement of duchies have announced that, starting today, the movement will be performing a hunger strike in response to "perceived Chamber apathy." They referred to Prime Minister Gaetano Merlino's open support of the Chamber of Nobles's reinstatement of the historical duchies, as well as his apparent willful ignoring of the protests happening in major parts of what is now the Duchy of Turin. The hunger strike will be mainly focused on those who are attending the main protests in the Turin city square, although protest leaders encouraged others to take part "if it was in their strength to do so."

Organizers say the hunger strike will end if the following conditions are met:

• The Prime Minister personally meets with or sends a representative to meet with organizers
• The Prime Minister issues a response to the organizers within twenty four hours of having heard their complaints
• As part of the previous condition, the Prime Minister must agree to bring the reinstatement to the floor of the Chamber of Ministers at the next meeting.

Some analysts say the move is to keep the momentum of the protests growing. After a remarkable start, numbers have stopped growing to about 25,000 visible protesters altogether, and many are afraid that, unless inspiration is maintained, the protests will dwindle out.

The Ministry of Law Enforcement have doubled police numbers in the past day, following internet posts at protest forums saying "killing a Carabinieri or two would be a good idea." At this moment, only a handful of arrests have been made, none of them directly related to the protests themselves. This morning a young couple was arrested for attempting to copulate right in the middle of the city square, and last night a few protesters were arrested, but on charges of public drunkenness and attempting to damage public property.

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[Potenza]

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Carabinieri Shot; Turin Protests Dispersed
​

Chaos erupted in the streets of Turin earlier today after a member of the anti-reinstatement protests fired shots into the police line, hitting a Carabinieri in the head. Details are still coming in, but eyewitness accounts are being gathered, as well as initial reports from the Ministry of Law Enforcement.

The hunger strike had been declared a failure from the more aggressive wing of university students when the prime minister failed to respond to the protest leaders' demand, and the deadline for the ultimatum had passed. Police numbers had swelled after online threats promised to kill a Carabinieri, and after the recorded number of violent incidents had been reported from the city square. Around 2:15 PM this afternoon, protests were growing particularly agitated when shots were fired from an unknown number of persons within the anti-reinstatement body. They were fired in the direction of the police line, and one Carabinieri was struck in the temple by a bullet. They were not reported fatal, but the Ministry of Law Enforcement is withholding the Carabinieri's name until his family is notified.

After the Carabinieri was struck, the officer in command of the line immediately ordered the firing of tear gas, and ordered the protests to be dispersed. The police line swarmed into the crowd. The vast majority of those in the city square departed, but many turned violent against police forces, with a few Carabinieri being beaten. Some Molotov cocktails were thrown, which the Carabinieri responded to by firing cork-bullets into the crowd and those who were continuing violence.

Over 2,000 people, including many of the protest leaders, have been arrested. Thousands more are in the hospital, a dozen of them Carabinieri. Several storefronts have been damaged. Protests are still continuing in other Potenzan cities, including San Salvo and Cremona, but the protests in Turin, which were by far the largest, have come to a complete halt. The mayor of Turin has asked for calm, while Duke Silvestro di Grimaldi, the Duke of Turin, has offered to assist in the reconstruction of damaged property. Some online protest forums have called for further Carabinieri to be shot, causing the government to urge caution to police. Many have already said this is the worst catastrophe to strike the city since the Turin Insurrection.

Mariastella Gelmini, Minister of Law Enforcement, ordered an emergency press conference not too long ago to give the little information the ministry could offer. The minister announced at the end of the meeting that she was launching a formal inquiry into what happened that would be performed in the public eye. Several officers in the Turin branch of the law enforcement ministry have already been suspended until after the inquiry.

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[Tulus and Biminis]

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For the safety of our citizens a general travel warning has been issued for Potenza. Karakhstani citizens are advised only to travel to Potenza if absolutely necessary.

The Republic of Karakhstan deplores the acts of violence in Turin and hopes for the return of the rule of law.

 

[Potenza]

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Prime Minister holds press conference
​

Prime Minister Gaetano Merlino held his first major press conference since the crisis in Turin a few days ago. It was held with various Potenzan news agencies invited, and with Law Enforcement Minister Mariastella Gelmini in attendance. He opened up a formal report, and then permitted open questions afterward.

Some corrections were made regarding initial reports. The initial report of thousands arrested was actually exaggerated, and only seventy were arrested after Carabinieri broke up protests, with only a hundred in the hospital (rather than the previously reported thousand). The protest leaders were initially arrested, but have all since been released without charges pressed, save for one who has been connected with online threats against Carabinieri. Prime Minister Merlino wanted to assure those outside Potenza that the Grand Duchy had not fallen into chaos - Carabinieri were in greater numbers in Turin only as part of Operation Reconquista, and order in the city has been restored. He assured reporters and anyone listening "our country is running as smoothly as possible before the crisis." He discouraged anyone from rethinking investments in Potenza, or trips to the country. He also assured citizens that the infrastructure was not falling apart in any way.

The Carabinieri who was wounded has been identified as Officer Leonardo Di Paola. He has been reported as being in stable condition, though still recovering in the hospital in an induced coma. Of the bullets fired, one hit him in the head, missing the vital parts of the brain by sheer chance. The officer who gave the order to disperse the protests following the shots was Lieutenant Giampaolo Gallitelli, who, along with various other officers, has been suspended of duty until after the hearing investigating the events. Minister Gelmini assured journalists that the hearing would happen before the weekend, and said that everyone would have access to the proceedings, as well as the findings.

Opposition leaders in the Chamber of Ministers have been very harsh to the prime minister over the past few days, many of them even demanding he resign. Many of them had openly backed the protests - some even going to rallies to speak - and at least two parliamentary ministers were arrested following the dispersion. The prime minister stated that he would hold a special session of the Chamber following the law enforcement ministry's hearing.

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[Potenza]

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Excerpts: Ministry of Law Enforcement Hearing
​

The following are excerpts from the special hearing regarding the Turin protest crisis. The full transcript is available in .pdf format at the ministry website.

Ministry Official: Could you please state your rank, name and branch.

Gallitelli: Lieutenant Giampaolo Gallitelli, Turin Branch of the Ministry of Law Enforcement.

Ministry Official: Were you present at the city square on February 16 of this year?

Gallitelli: Yes, I was in charge of the Carabinieri force present there.

Ministry Official: Had the Carabinieri numbers risen since the previous day?

Gallitelli: Yes, although that was not my decision. There had been online threats against Carabinieri - specifically, encouragement to kill one. Our numbers were increased to deter random acts of violence.

Ministry Official: Did you perceive any initial threat from the protestors?

Gallitelli: There were some derogatory shouts, but otherwise, the protests were for the most part peaceful.

Ministry Official: Was there an attack against the Carabinieri?

Gallitelli: Yes. A handgun was fired from the crowd towards our line. It was then that Officer Leonardo di Paola was struck down.

Ministry Official: Explain how you reacted.

Gallitelli: At that time, it was uncertain what the state of Officer di Paola was. I heard the shots and saw a bustle from the corner of my eye. I saw some of our other officers holding di Paola, whose body was limp with blood dripping from his helmet. I heard another gunshot, and perceived that the threat was still present. As the threat was coming from the crowd of protesters, I followed protocol, which is, once a threat is perceived to be present on the Carabinieri, for that threat to be removed as soon as possible. I therefore set out to remove the protestors from the city square, so that the unknown number of gunmen could not use them as a shield.

Ministry Official: Why didn't you simply pursue the gunman or gunmen themselves, within the crowd?

Gallitelli: At the time we were uncertain where the shots had come from, and it was perceived the shots were still being fired. I perceived that hesitation would only allow a chance for the men under my command to be under further danger.

Ministry Official: Was there any differentiation between protesters and gunmen?

Gallitelli: Our main goal was to clear the city square. I ordered that tear gas be fired so that people would disperse, and then my men into the crowd to arrest any who were turning violent, or demonstrating themselves to be violent. We weren't arresting people simply for protesting, only those we perceived to be threats to our safety.

Ministry Official: How did tear gas and cork bullets enter into the armament at the scene?

Gallitelli: This was another decision of my superiors, due to the online threats. Also, tear gas has been made more readily available to the branches of the ministry thanks to Operation Reconquista.

Ministry Official: When were you planning on ceasing the attack against the protests?

Gallitelli: I wouldn't say we were attacking the protests, merely emptying the city square to restore order. According to Law Enforcement protocol, Carabinieri are only permitted to cease attacking a threat when it is deemed, by those on the scene, no longer a threat.

The rest of the hearing's transcript can be found online.

 

[Potenza]

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Law Enforcement Ministry Releases Report​

The Ministry of Law Enforcement has released an official report regarding the Turin protest crisis, following the completion of the hearing by ministry officials. Some excerpts from the report:

The Ministry acknowledges that the protests were held under the rights owed to Potenzan citizens, whether of common or noble birth, and that the events do not suggest that the nation restricts or forbids the right of citizens to protest or gather together against the actions of her government...

The Ministry acknowledges that the protesters were, by and large, peaceful in both ideology, means and ends. However, the ministry must request the recognition that certain elements within the protests - however minor - were violent in nature and were actively seeking violent ends. This includes but is not limited to promises of attacks against Carabinieri and law enforcement ministry personnel...​

Several Carabinieri officers were "dismissed indefinitely." This includes Lieutenant Giampaolo Gallitelli, who was in charge of police forces when the protests were dispersed. The full report is available for the public to read online.

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[Thaumantica]

Commonwealth Basketball League

The CBL is confident that the kindness and sportsmanship that we have become accustomed to from Potenzan fans and athletes will persevere over these disparaging remarks reported by Il Ducato. May this upcoming Olympic Season also treat all Potenzans graciously, as is deserving of all world wide sports figures and associations.

In the year 2013, should the CBL seek to renew its contracts with stadium and arena venues in over 8 countries worldwide, we should like to consider creating the most fan friendly and entertaining sports experience in Potenza. Beyond the game, Commonwealth Basketball firmly promotes, as opposed to firmly rejects, community values and after school programs for at-risk youth around the world. No child should grow up in a society where the road to war or crime is their only optional career path, and for those reasons we hope that Il Ducato would join us in ensuring morally and athletically constructive options are available to all European children, especially those living in Potenza.

Regards,
Clinton Madrick,
CBL Commissioner

 

[Potenza]

Association of Potenzan Athletes

As I live and breathe, basketball will never be played within the borders of Potenza. It is the sport of ruffians and riff raffs, regardless of whatever the propaganda of foreign nations will proclaim. The Grand Duchy has plenty of athletic programs for her youth and elderly alike, and are in no dire need of adding to it. In any case, tradition exempts us from including basketball within any of our rosters, and from this I will not stir.

Pietro Aradori
President of the Association of Potenzan Athletes (APA)

 

[Thaumantica]

Commonwealth Basketball League

The

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is not at this time interested in pursuing contracts with or through the Association of Potenzan Athletes, though we still find the association's most queer exclusion of Cantigian rules Basketball to be within the borders of ignorance and neglect. We as an organization guarantee that by the end of this decade, a CBL Exhibition game will be played in Potenza, and within every nation surrounding it.

Regards,
Clinton Madrick,

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Commissioner

 

[Northern Cooperative Unions]

BOLIATURIAN CITIZEN'S CABINET EXTERNAL AFFAIRS
​

Boliatur has stated that it does not wish to see any blockading or violence between Potenza and Boliatur, and offers a gift of thirty barrels of oil to reassure that Boliatur wishes to remain peaceful with Potenza. Boliatur has also stated that it only blocks trade between Boliatur and Wasatch, not trade between other nations and Wasatch.​

 

[Potenza]

Commonwealth Basketball League

The

You must be registered for see links

is not at this time interested in pursuing contracts with or through the Association of Potenzan Athletes, though we still find the association's most queer exclusion of Cantigian rules Basketball to be within the borders of ignorance and neglect. We as an organization guarantee that by the end of this decade, a CBL Exhibition game will be played in Potenza, and within every nation surrounding it.

Regards,
Clinton Madrick,

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Commissioner

Association of Potenzan Athletes

All games within Potenza happen under the auspices of the APA, and therefore if you so desire to see a basketball game played, you shall have to get through us first.

Pietro Aradori
President of the Association of Potenzan Athletes (APA)

BOLIATURIAN CITIZEN'S CABINET EXTERNAL AFFAIRS
​

Boliatur has stated that it does not wish to see any blockading or violence between Potenza and Boliatur, and offers a gift of thirty barrels of oil to reassure that Boliatur wishes to remain peaceful with Potenza. Boliatur has also stated that it only blocks trade between Boliatur and Wasatch, not trade between other nations and Wasatch.​

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We thank the Boliatur government for her gesture. While we will respectfully decline the offer of thirty barrels of oil, we will heartily welcome the news regarding Boliatur's stance on Potenzan exports and imports. Our words were not meant as threats, but clarification.

Franco Frattini
Foreign Minister​

 

[Potenza]

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Torriani Duke Rushed to Hospital
​

Word has reached most media outlets that the Duke Martino of the della Torre royal family - and recently reinstated Duke of Venosa - was rushed to the hospital in downtown Venosa earlier today with reports of "life threatening conditions." Initial reports say that he became unconscious a few hours ago, regaining his senses only for a moment before entering another unconscious state. Doctors are reporting his heart and mind to still be functioning, although he has been rushed to an emergency care unit and is currently under surveillance and Carabinieri guard. Grand Duke Eldizio I himself has asked for the nation to pray for Duke Martino, and has already left San Salvo with a personal escort to visit the duke in the hospital.

The 62-year old duke has run the Torriani family for nearly forty years. In recent years it has been said that he has been showing signs of dementia and overall declining health. If he passes away, he will be succeeded by Count Guido della Torre, his eldest son and current Lord Speaker of the Chamber of Nobles.

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[Potenza]

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Breaking News: Duke Martino della Torre has passed away
​

The news reached media wires at 3:30 PM today: Duke Martino della Torre, the Duke of Venosa, has died. He passed away due to natural causes at the Venosa medical center shortly before the news was released.

Ceremonies are expected to be held at the Cathedral of the Annunciation in San Salvo at the end of the week, where Archbishop Ildebrandino Conti will be crowning Count Guido della Torre, the heir to the Torriani household. Before the Potenzan War of Unification, dukes would crown themselves at local cathedrals within their own duchies, but after the Convention of 1828 it was agreed that all new dukes would take control of their royal houses within San Salvo as a sign of fidelity to the nation as a whole. The funeral for Martino is expected to be held this Saturday, in Venosa itself.